My Fable 2 experience last night was a bit of a roller coaster. Starting out, I was immediately drawn in by Fable's musical score with its choral pieces and sweeping sounds. As I progressed through the early fetch quests, I found myself snickering at the humor and genuinely enjoying the atmosphere of the game. Then the life-changer occured; I found my little gypsy village and proceeded to make all the ladies in my little home in the woods swoon as I flexed my muscles and hurled pick-up lines. The whole town, men and women, loved me. And so, I did what any man would do when he conquers the affections of all the ladies in his town - I moved to the big city.
Wielding my trusty hammer, I worked my way up to being a fine blacksmith. I bought some fancy, somewhat snobby attire and again the ladies wanted my Sparrow lovin'. However, much to my surprise, the lady I met in the bar turned all my marriage proposals down and I was left with a very expensive ring, no sex, and a fruitcake wardrobe. So, I decided to return to my little village where I would blow the mind of one of the many women who wore their hearts over their head for me and propose.
I had to be wise in my decision. I checked out what they liked and disliked. I interacted with them and watched how they responded to my gestures. I even bought two of the nicest gypsy caravans in the village so I could have some rental income to support my new bride. And then, I proposed. And she accepted. And we moved into our house, had some unprotected sex, and bang, zoom, splat, I had a son named Phil. My wife had a nice allowance, my baby laughed at my farts, and my wife seemed to like the sex. However, after we had our wedding night bliss, she wouldn't respond to my affections. This concerned me a little. However, with my golden trail beckoning me, I set out on my next adventure, fighting the fight of the Good with my trusty hound, knowing I would return to my gypsy wife and all the ladies (and men) in the village who still loved me.
At this point, I was in love with Fable 2.
And then, I got an urgent call from my home (my gypsy home). My wife, while I was getting my adventure on (i.e work), calls me and demands I come home for sex. Hot Damn! So, I insta-transport myself back to the village, invite my wife back to our hut, say "Hi!" to Phil and fart for him, and then I try to get my wife to have sex (since she summoned me home for it). However, every time I tried, the game kept offering me sleep, but not sex. I tried to get her to offer sex by talking her up, but to no avail. I left the village, came back. No luck.
Then I noticed that as I tried to sex my wife up with gestures and pick-up lines, all the villagers who also loved me kept piling into my home. They too were getting turned on by my gestures, but no sex was offered. I left again, thinking perhaps there was a glitch in the game. I turned off my X360, restarted, and no luck. Every one in the village was showing me their heart, but no sex! I tried to go on my other adventures but my little golden idiot trail kept leading me back to my distant-lover, cock-tease wife!!! I screamed. I screamed even more. The villagers would leave but my ungrateful wife wasn't giving up what she summoned me home for and then the damn villagers returned, piling into my house, telling me how they loved me!!!! This went on for almost 2 hours!!! I suppose I was mad at Fable 2. So, I took it out on my wife - my gypsy wife that is.
I took the safety off, stripped off all my clothes, and proceeded to hack everyone in sight into pieces. I figured at that point I was not going to play Fable 2 anymore and I figured it would be more fun to go out in a blaze of evil glory. So, I hacked up all the people in my village including the strangley powerful police. I truly thought I was going to turn this game off after this massacre when something strange occurred. I started enjoying Fable 2 again. As I killed more people, their humorous comments started to make me enjoy the game again. As I pumped arrows into their chests, they would comment about their armor. As I would snarl at them, children would flee. People began to fear me. And as I killed them, I became more powerful. I started laying waste to everything and eventually was nicked by the police and capitulated to their offer for community service.
After paying my debt to society, I started doing the missions again with my trusty transformed hell-hound at my side. In one evening, I went from liking it, to hating it, and now back to liking it again. Now I just need to decide if my bastard son is going to come back and kill me later in the game (The Revenge of Phil) or if I should just restart, stay away from the gypsy hussies, and just stay independent and strong for a little longer.
It does seem Fable 2 has plenty to offer.
