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[Advocatus Diaboli]

So, after my friend convinced me to actually consider maybe dating again, I have, at a snail's pace. On OKC (which is a cesspool, but I personally hate Bumble, so whatever), a girl messaged me on Thursday. I responded, and she left her number.

We talked on the phone today for four hours, then met up tonight for dinner. Immediate attraction. Immediate openness -- I could, and did, tell this girl everything; she did too. We were commiserating about dying grandpas and exes. We had dinner, walked around the waterfront, had some dessert. All the while, we're making out in public because I give zero fucks about what other people think. (It's very Jaime Lannister "we're the only two people in the world that matter," but it played off so well.) That extended into a Ferris wheel. We paused to listen to some songs from Hamilton, then sat on a park bench and looked at some of her modeling shots and pictures of her dog.

The chemistry was through the roof. Nothing was forced. In comparison with my ex, this was a breath of fresh air. And she's kind. Second date agreed to on both ends, though we have to figure out where and when. I know she's dating other people, and she should be; I don't know if I'll do the same. I'm not actively pursuing things, but I wouldn't turn down a date with someone else either. If it doesn't work out, I'm fine with it.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

The king is back.

 

[Lulubop]

Flaked on some girl last night for reason i don't even know. Met with this other girl who lived in the area, she was ok. After like two drinks she was like she was tired, but wanted to see me tomorrow. I was like wut. Pretty crappy Saturday. Walked home and passed out.

 

[ZackieChan]

Had an epic night of awesomeness here in Seoul with a friend who flew in to hang out. Chatted with lots of pretty ladies from all over the world. Crashed a birthday party. Drank gigantic beers.

Today, we chatted up two gorgeous girls in a cafe. Invited them to eat with us, and they declined. They walked us to a restaurant they recommended. Pretty cool to talk to beautiful girls with no fucks given. Never would have happened a few years ago. Loving life.

Sorry that was seemingly written in the style of Cormac McCarthy.

 

[Lulubop]

That's why I wanna be able to approach people in general better. It's definitely I big problem for me. I feel like I can work it by being more comfortable at approaching women at a bar.

Also, I have dream now. To Tinder around the world. One day...

 

[ZackieChan]

That's why I wanna be able to approach people in general better. It's definitely I big problem for me. I feel like I can work it by being more comfortable at approaching women at a bar.

Also, I have dream now. To Tinder around the world. One day...

I generally like to have an actual question to ask them (where we should eat good Korean food, in this instance) rather than just random nonsense. I have an interesting story, too, so that helps. Working while traveling and going to a dozen countries in the last year or two makes for an impressive first impression.

Tinder is a minefield in places like Thailand, depending on your proclivities. But it's pretty fun. I always forget to update my location on apps like OK Cupid, so I'm getting messages from girls two countries ago sometimes. Fun to make connections everywhere, though.

 

[Hanso]

Hi everyone,

I just want to thank this thread and all the responses. I think it was in this thread, or in the OT before it when someone wrote that he'd message girls with "do you want to marry me" or something similar. Maybe it was another dating thread, I'm not sure. But I copied it, as in took inspiration from it and it worked really well. Thank you, whoever you are. You changed my life. Tried the search but I did not find this comment.

Due to this thread I started dating when I was 23 on the verge of being 24 I think. I'm a cheap bastard so I chose the free OKC as recommended in this thread.

To give anyone reading and posting a bit of hope, endurance or just a good laugh, I will post every story and date I got (not to many, don't worry) to where I am now.

I started as a 23 year old lonely depressed virgin and now I am a 26 old father, my son is 4 weeks old at this very day. I am at the happiest point of my life and every day is more exciting than the previous. I don't want to sound like an overly optimistic and happy person, but these are just facts. Talking about love and life here, job/education is something else that does not matter right now or at least not in this post. But it's cool also no big worries. Just regular stuff. Some will say things moved to fast for me, but I don't think so. I always felt much older than my peers and I finally caught up with the life I wanted.

If you people are interested in the whole story from then until now I can try to write it up. Very embarrassing and awkward moments. But it all let to me becoming who I am now so everything worked out for me and I am sure will for anyone else in this thread.

Again, thank all of you very much. I had no account before so there was no way before to write this. Without this thread I would probably still be unhappy with my life.

 

[Lulubop]

That's awesome. I'd love to hear about it.

 

[Jawmuncher]

Getting a bot on tinder is always such a bummer.

 

[ZackieChan]

Getting a bot on tinder is always such a bummer.

It's like hitting a random encounter in Final Fantasy when going for a save point. Annoying, but you move on quickly and it's all part of the game.

 

[True Savior]

The unthinkable happened and I matched and talked with two girls who are very closed friends. I sent one a message, they were together, the other girl saw my name in the notification, they went to check my profile and bam...same guy (me). Next brilliant idea? Create a whatsapp group with the 3 of us.

 

[Lucian Cat]

I joined tinder 2 days ago. Holy moley they're not kidding when they say it's a woman's market. Got a bunch of matches. Exchanged details with like 4 of them. Got several other conversations going. Met 1 yesterday (again. We'd actually met last week when he sold me my xbone and we laughed when we connected the dots so I went to say hi again) and another possible date this saturday.

Yeesh.

 

[Jokab]

The unthinkable happened and I matched and talked with two girls who are very closed friends. I sent one a message, they were together, the other girl saw my name in the notification, they went to check my profile and bam...same guy (me). Next brilliant idea? Create a whatsapp group with the 3 of us.

This can only lead to good things.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

It's like hitting a random encounter in Final Fantasy when going for a save point. Annoying, but you move on quickly and it's all part of the game.

So Tinder bots are like Zubats? I knew it.

 

[True Savior]

This can only lead to good things.

It has been a very strange conversation lol.

 

[Leeness]

.

 

[Will the Thrill]

I joined tinder 2 days ago. Holy moley they're not kidding when they say it's a woman's market. Got a bunch of matches. Exchanged details with like 4 of them. Got several other conversations going. Met 1 yesterday (again. We'd actually met last week when he sold me my xbone and we laughed when we connected the dots so I went to say hi again) and another possible date this saturday.

Yeesh.

One of my former friends joined tinder one night, she had 75 matches before the end of the evening. I'm a dude (and lets just say average looking) I had it for about 2 weeks at that point and had gotten 4 matches (One person I knew, and another a bot)

 

[Jawmuncher]

One of my former friends joined tinder one night, she had 75 matches before the end of the evening. I'm a dude (and lets just say average looking) I had it for about 2 weeks at that point and had gotten 4 matches (One person I knew, and another a bot)

Yeah right now I'm 5 for 5 with the bots

 

[Nudull]

So, I suddenly get a message from someone after leaving my OKC profile for a while. We seem to click pretty quickly, we've been messaging back and forth and getting to know each other since yesterday, and in the middle of some more rapid messages today...*poof*, account deleted without warning.

This ever happened to anyone? :/

 

[Will the Thrill]

Yeah right now I'm 5 for 5 with the bots

Never like anyone who has no bio, no school and three blurry pics or less! 9/10 times they are a bot. 1/10 times they are someone who took pics of pics from another screen and or just made their profile.

A bio (aside from the ones that have a number and hmu) is pretty much the guarantee in my book that they are real.

 

[Jawmuncher]

Never like anyone who has no bio, no school and three blurry pics or less! 9/10 times they are a bot. 1/10 times they are someone who took pics of pics from another screen and or just made their profile.

A bio (aside from the ones that have a number and hmu) is pretty much the guarantee in my book that they are real.

They're getting a bit more crafty now. Have had more than a few with some bios. Though they have all been pretty short bios. Definitely have given up on people with no bio though.

 

[Will the Thrill]

They're getting a bit more crafty now. Have had more than a few with some bios. Though they have all been pretty short bios. Definitely have given up on people with no bio though.

Guess the ones here in Pennsylvania are just lazy then haha

 

[CrazyHorse]

Anyone here met someone who looked much better in person than in the pictures?

 

[dralla]

Anyone here met someone who looked much better in person than in the pictures?

It's rare but it's happened to me a few times. One time in particular, back in January, the difference from pictures to person was quite drastic (in a good way).

 

[Lucian Cat]

One of my former friends joined tinder one night, she had 75 matches before the end of the evening. I'm a dude (and lets just say average looking) I had it for about 2 weeks at that point and had gotten 4 matches (One person I knew, and another a bot)

I've got 18 so far but I'm being super finicky about it. I daresay I'd have more if I swiped right on people with nothing in their profiles or guys with no shirts on.

 

[Salamando]

So, I suddenly get a message from someone after leaving my OKC profile for a while. We seem to click pretty quickly, we've been messaging back and forth and getting to know each other since yesterday, and in the middle of some more rapid messages today...*poof*, account deleted without warning.

This ever happened to anyone? :/

Yep. It's one of the reasons we recommend moving from the app to texting as soon as you establish a base level of conversation.

Anyone here met someone who looked much better in person than in the pictures?

Yep. Some people just don't know how to pose for pics, or have been working on their body and hadn't yet gotten new pics.

 

[CrazyHorse]

It's rare but it's happened to me a few times. One time in particular, back in January, the difference from pictures to person was quite drastic (in a good way).

Why did you bother meeting them?

See, I tend to go by pics a lot, but I think I need to stop doing that?

 

[Noema]

Tinder app IS TRASH

Talking to a girl who is really into me and The app crashes and wont let me log back in

Arghhh

It's so bad on Android is barely usable.

It's the worst app on my phone by a country mile.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Getting matches and messages on Bumble, but it's so annoying to deal with notifications and timelines and ticking clocks. There are just some days -- like today, when I'm feeling physically ill -- where I don't care. Sorry, possible Bumble Baes: it's just not going to work out.

I don't think that app is really going to work for my headspace.

 

[Salamando]

Why did you bother meeting them?

See, I tend to go by pics a lot, but I think I need to stop doing that?

I don't put much faith in the profile to begin with. I just base my decisions off high level stuff...what they do, do they seem like a good person, and how likely is it they're attractive. The first date tells me more about them than any pic or profile will.

 

[Nudull]

Getting matches and messages on Bumble, but it's so annoying to deal with notifications and timelines and ticking clocks. There are just some days -- like today, when I'm feeling physically ill -- where I don't care. Sorry, possible Bumble Baes: it's just not going to work out.

I don't think that app is really going to work for my headspace.

What's Bumble? First time I'm hearing about it.

 

[ZackieChan]

Getting matches and messages on Bumble, but it's so annoying to deal with notifications and timelines and ticking clocks. There are just some days -- like today, when I'm feeling physically ill -- where I don't care. Sorry, possible Bumble Baes: it's just not going to work out.

I don't think that app is really going to work for my headspace.

Let's somehow connect our apps and I'll handle messaging the ladies for you. We can then trade off on the dates - I think I look fairly Bradley Cooper-ish, as I remember you looking.

In other news, the girl I went out with the other night said that I looked much better IRL than in my photos. I think the opposite, but it isn't the first time I've been told that. Usually it's that I look younger, etc.

 

[GatorBait]

So is there a modern-day equivalent to the "wait three days to call" for the amount of time you wait to text someone after a first online date?

 

[Solid SOAP]

Alright, dumb question... how the fuck do you start conversations on Tinder!? Okcupid is easier because there's jumping off points via users having more in depth profiles, but Tinder I feel like is hard af unless you're just looking for a hook up

 

[Lucian Cat]

Alright, dumb question... how the fuck do you start conversations on Tinder!? Okcupid is easier because there's jumping off points via users having more in depth profiles, but Tinder I feel like is hard af unless you're just looking for a hook up

'hey I know your band'
'i like your yoshi tattoo'

Those 2 have worked for me

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

So is there a modern-day equivalent to the "wait three days to call" for the amount of time you wait to text someone after a first online date?

My (female) friend says "Hey, I had a great time last night" is a nice message to receive the following day. I always advocated for "Text me when you get home," depending on whether it's relevant -- you know, driving, Ubers, whatever.

But my most recent first online date ended up with significant making out in public and agreeing to a second during the tail end of it. Most of them do, honestly. My friend disagrees, saying there's no way she'd do that (and she's an exceptional human being and a complete catch, so you should date someone like her -- just trying to add another realistic perspective).

Anyway, I don't see the point in playing games. "I had a nice time" -> "I had a nice time too" -> "How about doing X on Y?" It's really easy; there's no need to overcomplicate things.

'hey I know your band'
'i like your yoshi tattoo'

Those 2 have worked for me

My dog's named Yoshi!

Spoiler

See, SOAP, it's not that hard.

 

[ZackieChan]

Anyway, I don't see the point in playing games. "I had a nice time" -> "I had a nice time too" -> "How about doing X on Y?" It's really easy; there's no need to overcomplicate things.

Pretty much. Just don't say anything creepy or Leave it to Beaver-y

Edit:

Spoiler

I recently dated a religious girl who would say "Gosh" a lot during sex. That was strangely exciting. Like the guy that got the "thank you" afterward here.

 

[Jokab]

Anyone here met someone who looked much better in person than in the pictures?

Not much better, but actually all of the five girls I've ended up going on more than one date with have looked better in real life than in their pictures.

 

[True Savior]

I used Tinder yesterday for quite a while. 90% of the profiles are tourists. Feels bad man.

I also tried Bumble for a while. I don't understand it. Half of my matches don't start the conversation which makes the app utterly pointless.

You don't. You're aesthetically appealing and your TV taste is second to one (i.e., mine). Don't let strangers on the Internet make you feel bad ... or make you feel good, for that matter.

Delete it and log back. As long as you don't delete the account, you will still have the matches.

 

[Lucian Cat]

My dog's named Yoshi!

Spoiler

See, SOAP, it's not that hard.

Adorable!

 

[friday]

IDK how you guys get dates from Bumble. I got quite a few matches but most of them never even sent the first message. Something about that app just feels weird too, I don't trust it.

Tinder question: I know we don't really know how the Tinder algorithm works, but do you all think that a new tinder account tends to get more matches than one you have been using for a while?

 

[dralla]

Why did you bother meeting them?

See, I tend to go by pics a lot, but I think I need to stop doing that?

In her pictures she looked decent and the conversation was going really well, lots of flirting going on, good back and forth. I figured we'd get along well in person going by the texting. Luckily I was right and it went really well. Although this can seriously backfire, some people don't "translate" well from text to person. Yikes.

I wouldn't meet someone who is straight up unattractive in their pictures though.

 

[Jhoan]

Anyone here met someone who looked much better in person than in the pictures?

It tends to happen to me from time to time. A lot of women I've met lately either look much older in their pics or take some bad shots. I usually give them the benefit of the doubt if I find them decently attractive since the girls that typically message me first on OKC I don't find attractive or have the above type of shots.

It's so bad on Android is barely usable.

It's the worst app on my phone by a country mile.

As a Tinder Android user, I agree. Gotta love being in the middle of a swipe only for it to crash and get the Tinder suddenly stopped working message. Then it asks how would rate Tinder. It's a easily a 2.5-3 stars for me because of those bugs. Tinder does not give the Android version enough technical love.

Alright, dumb question... how the fuck do you start conversations on Tinder!? Okcupid is easier because there's jumping off points via users having more in depth profiles, but Tinder I feel like is hard af unless you're just looking for a hook up

Pro tip: Sending animal GIFs as ice breakers works wonders. You'll get cases where girls don't respond but it works well for the most part. Type in dog rose and scroll right until you see a GIF of a Bichon Frise holding a rose in its mouth. Been sending that one. I'm sure Lulubop can name a few more.

Another ice breaker that I'll occasionally use as a conversation starter is asking about the story behind a picture that stands out to me. It could be that they wore a costume, were at an interesting locale, etc. It works pretty well. The Tinder Reddit page has a bunch of creative messages.

IDK how you guys get dates from Bumble. I got quite a few matches but most of them never even sent the first message. Something about that app just feels weird too, I don't trust it.

Tinder question: I know we don't really know how the Tinder algorithm works, but do you all think that a new tinder account tends to get more matches than one you have been using for a while?

With Bumble, I think you need some damn good shots including some funny ones to get lucky or Brad Pitt looks since as a person of color, I had hard time getting matches. Like you and True Savior, I've gotten matches that would let the 24/48 hour extension expire because and cases where messages would fizzle.

I got a few dates out of it but none of them to a second date. In the end, I deleted the app 2 months ago since it felt meaningless swiping right infinitely. I got burned by it.

As for your Tinder question: My understanding of the Tinder algorithm is that if you swipe right to a match but the match swipes left, you reappear more frequently on their rotation.

-----
The last updates from my end: after last week's dating gauntlet, the 32 year old gave me the ghost after I contacted her twice and got nothing so I deleted her number/texts and moved on; the 23 year old went radio silent after I contacted her yesterday so I won't reach out to her again. I think my problem with her has been that I've been trying to make fluff conversation when I should have gotten to the point and asked her out again to a specific activity/day/time.

But on the flip side of that gauntlet, I'm meeting up with the 36 year old again tonight for drinks at a neighborhood bar after I stopped overthinking about it and got to the point with plans. The perks of dating someone who lives in your neighborhood: you don't need to waste any money on public transportation. She wants to do people watching at the bar, I plan to do people sketching so it's win-win.

Got another girl's number I had been going back and forth with on OKC. She's a biomed engineer who lives 45 minutes from the city so I'll try to set plans with her on Sunday and trying to set something up another girl for next week. Also have a potential Tinder date in my horizon with a grad school girl that attends the nearby Ivy League college.

 

[Lulubop]

Bumble has been my main app for the last few weeks. Tinder fading away even behind OKC. I don't get it. Something got really weird with the Tinder algorithm and I've been getting significantly less matches.

But yea, Bumble. Also where I met that Greek girl from earlier in the year.

Also, yea gifs are top tier first messages in my experience. Specifically animals, specifically dogs with flowers. Other good ones are Joey's "how you doing", and any rando hot dude winking or saying hi. Sending a gif correlating to something on their profile is a good bet too.

 

[Jhoan]

Tonight's date went really, really well. Drinks at the bar then the park near her place where we finally broke the sexual tension and made out like horny teenagers on and off for half an hour on a bench if not longer while touching her stomach and her leg a bit here and there. A lot of teasing too with licking my earlobes and me kissing her neck which was ticklish. From there, touching was on.

I popped open 2 bottles of cider I brought with me to share with her since I gave her a bottle. Best night/date I've had this year bar none. It's a slow burn/build up but I like it since I thought this was going to be a simple hook up but it's not so it's been great. She's busy in the weekend but said she's free early next week so there will be a date 3. I'll text her when I get home.

 

[Leeness]

Lol.

"How about we meet on Saturday, what's your number?"
"Here is my number. That sounds good!"

No reply after two days. Okay. Whatever haha.

 

[Will the Thrill]

Well I finally got somewhere with someone from Tinder (I wish people would just remove you instead of ghosting) After talking for a little bit over awhile I asked for a snapchat and we've just been making puns back and forth for the past three days.

It's something.

Spoiler

I should mention she's 30+ miles away soooo

 

[Jhoan]

Well I finally got somewhere with someone from Tinder (I wish people would just remove you instead of ghosting) After talking for a little bit over awhile I asked for a snapchat and we've just been making puns back and forth for the past three days.

It's something.

Spoiler

I should mention she's 30+ miles away soooo

30 miles?! Sweet Jesus! My search distance is set to 10 miles because anything beyond that would be long distance issues that I would not want. The closer they are to me, the better. Good luck with that man! To be quite honest, it sounds like a dead end to me unless you intend to meet up with her.

 

[Will the Thrill]

30 miles?! Sweet Jesus! My search distance is set to 10 miles because anything beyond that would be long distance issues that I would not want. The closer they are to me, the better. Good luck with that man! To be quite honest, it sounds like a dead end to me unless you intend to meet up with her.

Oh yeah trust me I've lowered it, she was one of my first matches I got back when I got the app and had it set that high. I have it sitting at 17 now, about as high as I'll go. And I'll see if anything happens haha, she's cool.

 

[Jawmuncher]

In my area I have to keep it at 30 miles, since I'm not in a big city.