A week late in posting this, but last Saturday I went on my first coffee meeting with a girl I met on Match. It was my first time meeting a girl for anything that I met on an online dating site. It's kind of a funny story because it really shouldn't have happened. I'll try not to write a novella about it, but basically it started with a message I wrote to her and all I had written was "Hello." Yup, I broke that one rule to never just write "Hello." The reason I did that was because I basically gave up on the site. I had been on it for 6 months and didn't get my money's worth after some pretty great messages at the beginning, which progressively got shorter and shorter until it was just "Hello."
Well, this one girl wrote back and one week later we met for coffee. Actually, it wasn't coffee per se. It was a quaint little bistro in Koreatown. She's Korean and spoke fluent English. I have to mention that because there are a lot of Asian girls on Match I found out only recently came to America in the last few years. I'm Asian myself, so communication is kind of important. Anyway, she's in her mid-30s and extremely attractive. Like one of those cute older actresses you see in k-dramas.
So we met at 8pm, ordered drinks, and started chatting immediately. She is a social worker and told me that in her line of work she was really good at sizing people up quickly. But, for some reason, she told me she wasn't so quick to perceive me the way she imagined. I was the fifth guy she's met on Match and she's newer to the site than I was. I had told her before she was my first and she totally got that because apparently my etiquette was different than the other guys she had met. She also said she could tell I was a "nice guy" yet surprised I would drive all the way to K-town because the meeting was really impromptu and she thought I would just rather reschedule. There was a little game playing there on her part, she admitted, but that's what surprised her about me because I didn't come off as a typical Match date that she had been on before. I told her I actually thought about rescheduling because I wasn't sure I'd be able to make it. I got lost along the way there, but didn't tell her that.
I told her I typically wouldn't go out of my way, but for some reason I did for her because I genuinely really wanted to meet her.
I told her all about the reasoning behind my one-word "Hello" message and we talked for a long time about the guys she went out with on Match before me and how they were complete weirdos that just wanted to have sex with her and how when she turned them down they stopped messaging her. She talked about how she could differentiate from a player and a genuine guy and told me I was one of the genuine ones and she was right. Her assessment of me by the end of our meeting was spot on. She asked me my assessment of her. I told her she was a no-nonsense and very straight-forward person who knew what she wanted. I was right about her, she said. We talked for 3 hours.
So, LONG story short though, we get to the part about our particular types. She said she really does like a nice guy, but that she had this curious nature of being in a relationship with a "bad boy" type because she wanted the challenge of changing him. Those were her exact words. I told her I could see myself in a relationship with a girl like her because she was smart and she knew what she wanted. The one thing she couldn't stand in a guy though were the needy types, which apparently were those other Match dates she'd been on. I asked her if I ever came across as needy and she said no (thank goodness!).
The one thing that really killed me though was when she said she ought to be with a guy like me. I told her if she ever changed her mind, I might still be around.
As we parted, she told me I was surprisingly very composed for being on a first meeting ever and I told her this was probably the best it could've gone because either one of us could have turned out to be a lunatic. She seemed visibly pleased with our meeting when she left. It's been a week and I haven't heard from her. I just feel a little sad and discouraged to keep trying with Match. I told her I'm out when my subscription is up, but she told me to keep trying, that I'm a good guy.
I kind of want to see what she's up to and maybe ask her out again, but it seems futile if I'm not the guy she wants right now.
Anyway, just thought I'd share that and maybe get some suggestions on any further possible actions. I kind of really do like this girl.
