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[H.Protagonist]

My wife wanted to die until she got her epidural. This is not an exaggeration. She asked the doctor to kill her.

We recently found out her vagina did not properly heal after childbirth. She needs to go back in, have scar tissue removed, and then get stitched back up. Like doing the dance all over again.

That bad, huh? I've heard some pretty horrible accounts and I'm glad it's an option for sure. I'm going to initially try the no drugs route, but my birth plan specifically calls for the nurse/doctor to give me some heads up when we're getting close to the point of no return so that I can get the epidural if I want it after all. No friggin' way I'm going to box myself into a corner there (though time/labor might do it anyway).

Really sorry to hear the on-going issues for you and your wife. I hope they're able to fix things so she can finally heal up. :/

I would recommend reading through this https://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/water-birth-again/

Thanks! This is good stuff to read. I have seen a few accounts not logistically in favor of the water birth, but none that actually went into the studies that support it (or lack thereof). Weird thing is, the hospital I'm going to has a water birth FAQ that seems to refute a bunch of these and supports the usual stuff you hear (may ease pain, babies aren't in danger of swallowing anything, water not 'contaminated', etc....) Guess it'll be good stuff to bring up during the tour.

My wife chose to get the epidural and she says she wouldn't change anything if she had to do it again.

I've heard that from a quite a few mothers and I believe it. Giving birth has been equated to having ten bones broken all at the same time. What fun!

My own mom did it natural both times and, while not advocating against it, she just said it's not so bad and it passes, so recommended the no-epidural option based on her own experience (rose colored glasses?). My sister did do epidural in the end, but she said it actually wasn't that bad and she felt a bit pushed into it by her husband. She was on the fence at the time. It's actually her experience that makes me not want to do the epidural bc it looked a horror show to go in and then when they took it out at the end... I've never heard a human being scream like that. Not during labor, not when injured... Warranted it was mostly the tape job they'd done on her back to secure it, but dear lord, I'll never forget that sound. I thought between me and her husband one of us was going to punch the anesthesiologist for that.

Chiming in on the other ongoing discussion. My wife also went the route of the epidural, and was very, very glad for the decision. However, our daughter was also facing backwards during labor and delivery, which meant the wife was experiencing significant back labor. In her case it made a major difference, as the pain was causing an elevated heart rate for both her and our daughter. It might be a rather scary shot, but in our case it was a very needed shot.

The advice I was given regarding medication was to go in with a plan, but be prepared to be adjust that plan to the situation.

Ooooow, I read about the backwards ones. Those make the back pain (+ the normal stuff) excruciating. I'm really glad she got the relief. I would not even consider the no-pain option if mine was in breech. I'm definitely including an epidural in my later game plan, don't you worry.

For the other issue you brought up, it's really tough, for both partners. I'm sure it's extra baffling for guys to see such an about face, but it seems to be super, super common, so don't feel like you're alone in it. I don't believe my sister and her husband had any intimacy for over a year after their daughter was born and I get the impression it was grudging at that. Part of it's pain, part of it's hormones, part of it I'm sure is fatigue. From the moment you get pregnant it seems like all equilibrium is thrown out of whack and you just feel like shit a lot of the time. Sex is pretty much the last thing on your mind, and any one of those discomforts can turn into a block that removes all impetus for sex especially if things carry on like that for a long time. Like Soulfire said, this could be a pain issue that's conditioned her to shy away from intimacy, so talking with her/her OB is a great idea. Another issue might be that emotional malaise I mentioned. I definitely can't/don't speak for all women, but while sex is enjoyable and fun and the connection is great, I think for many it just doesn't rank up there as, well, essential, like it does for guys. It's not a hard thing to forgo, most especially when you feel like crap and your body has been through something like childbirth. It IS, however, important in a relationship (I believe), and she might need a little outside therapy to help her 'unblock' enough to keep trying to give it a go for both your sakes (assuming it's not pain-related, which will obviously need other kinds of help).

Anyway, if the pain thing doesn't turn out to be the source of her non-desire, I would suggest couples therapy with a focus on that. People seem to picture couples therapy as a last ditch effort at saving a marriage or some kind of hail marry for a broken relationship, but really it's just a forum to put what's important to each party on the table so that both can be on the same page. It's important she knows that distinction if you do decide to give it a go, though. Hearing from a third-party professional that it's a healthy and obviously important component to her relationship/partner might help her rekindle some of the motivation instead of you just fearing like you're pressuring her or her feeling pressured for something she thinks is less important.

Mine too. When she went into labor, I was actually scared for her because I've never seen anyone in so much pain. She got the epidural and it was like night and day. She was able to talk to people around her and crack jokes, even during five minute contractions.

I would just suggest that anyone considering going through birth without an epidural keep an open mind if the pain is more intense than you imagined it would be.

My mind is open and full of terror, don't you worry. ;_;

I'd told you this before I think, but with my first one, I went through most of the labor without even knowing I was in labor. Got up, felt like I had to go to the bathroom, water broke, 30 minutes to the hospital, and I was already fully dilated. That part at least wasn't bad at all, a bit of 'heavy period' type cramping was really all it was.

Of course, I can't advise after that, because it almost immediately after that turned into an emergency c-section. SO the actual pushing, I have no idea how bad that is. Hopefully someone else who went no drugs can tell ya.


Also: Again, there is no right way or wrong way. If you need pain meds, take them. If you don't, don't. It's all up to you, whee! You aren't weaker for having them, and you aren't stronger for not. It's just how you want to do.

Yeah, I'm not wedded to either side. I don't think one is inherently superior to the other or anything. I just figured that with no complications it's worth giving natural a go, but as I mentioned, I'm not cutting myself off from the option. I have no illusions about what a fun, fun time I'm going to have. Can't deny I'm hoping for a bit of what you got with your first one. Hope the sucker comes out so fast it shoots across the room.

 

[Takuhi]

Follow up to something I brought up in here earlier - and I suspect something many new parents are dealing with / have dealt with. To those that have dealt with it, I'm curious how you handled it.

A while back I mentioned that the relationship between the wife and I has been strained since kiddo arrived nearly 2 years ago. Not surprising given the lack of sleep, change of routine and all that. After several conversations with the wife during that time, we've discovered that her libido is essentially gone, and never really came back since childbirth. I know this is pretty common, and I've done my best to give her space without getting physical, but I will admit it's really hard not feeling "desired" anymore. We've talked several times and she reassures me that she still loves me and finds me attractive and all that, but just isn't interested in sex anymore. Although I realize having a physical relationship isn't the most important part of a relationship, I do still think it's an important part of maintaining a long term relationship, and something I want us to work at. It's just tough when it feels like I'm the only one putting forth the effort, and I don't want to "overstep" my bounds - at times it's pretty obvious she gets annoyed whenever I even hint at trying to initiate something. Crazy as it sounds, there are times I almost wish I wasn't attracted to her so it wouldn't hurt this much.

As it stands, she has a routine visit with her OB/GYN coming up and said she'll bring it up to discuss. I know this doesn't bother her as much as it does me, but it's still somewhat surprising how someone who was always so affectionate and physical could change so much. I do feel bad bringing it up with her as I know it puts her on the defensive, and as mentioned, it's just not something she thinks about anymore. Tough situation, and admittedly, not sure how I can proceed.

Anyone else experience something like this? I'm a bit at a loss, especially since it's something that seemingly has more of an impact to me than her.

I feel your pain, brother, having had similar issues myself (down to once or twice a month, not a full cut off.) Having kids does seem to mess with that sort of thing in unpredictable ways, but after two years? That's NOT normal. You have to make sure she knows this is important to you and your relationship and is threatening your marriage and warrants more than just a "maybe I'll bring it up with the ob-gyn." It could be a sign of depression or early menopause or something... This definitely warrants a full and serious discussion with a medical provider.

 

[matt360]

My little man is gonna be 1 this weekend. Sometimes I feel bad saying this in public forums where I know other people are having issues, but I feel like I hit the parenthood jackpot. My son is an extremely easy baby who has always slept through the night ever since we brought him home. My relationship with my wife is stronger than ever and we have a great sex life. In fact, I'm the one who can't keep up at times.

A little background info: I'm from the U.S. and moved to Japan about 10 years ago. My wife is Japanese and we've been married for about 5 years now. Generally, in Japan, when a baby comes along, the marriage is essentially over. The marriage becomes 100% focused on the baby as far as the mother is concerned, and more often than not, the father ends up cheating. Often this is accepted as inevitable, or even encouraged by the wife. She no longer has time to tend to her husband's needs. I find this to be bullshit.

While everyone has different things they value in a marriage, I think it's fairly universal that people like or even need to feel validated. Especially from their spouses. These are essentially things you swear to when you get married, Literally all of my ex-pat friends married to Japanese women who have kids are now in sexless marriages. I'm the only one with a sex life and who can honestly say that I still love my wife, and I have some ideas as to why things were different for me.

One, I'm just flat out lucky. The fact that my son is such an easy baby has a huuuuuuge impact on our stress levels. Also, my wife was never able to produce enough breast milk to properly breastfeed, so our son was mostly formula-fed after two months. This allowed my wife's hormones to sort themselves out fairly early after giving birth. Her libido came back with a vengeance. Our son also has his own room, which is unheard of in Japan. All of my other friends' wives are still co-sleeping with their children well past the first year.

But perhaps the biggest reason of all was, you guessed it, communication. My wife knows how important sex is to me personally. She knows that it's one of the best ways to make me feel loved and wanted. We perhaps sacrificed a bit of romance and spontaneity to talk until we were blue in the face about our needs and wants both before and after our son was born. It wasn't always easy, and there were times where my wife was sick of hearing about it. There were times where she thought all I wanted was sex, but she heard me out every time, and we couldn't be happier.

All in all, this is just my personal experience. Of course I understand that what worked for me won't necessarily work for someone else, and I don't presume to even know what I'm doing, really. I just really, really feel for the dads and moms, husbands and wives out there who no longer feel validated by their partners. It must be an awful feeling, and you guys and gals are much, much stronger people than I am. I do think, though, that it's only a matter of time before something gives.

 

[Vincent Grayson]

I'm really glad that in the time since having kids (mine are older than a lot of yours at 9 and 11), my wife and have never stopped having sex. We've gone through some rough periods, for sure, but I think making sure we kept up a regular sex life even then has made everything else easier.

I'm sure it's different for everyone, but for me, if you lose that intimate, physical connection, it makes everything else in your relationship that much more difficult.

 

[carlsojo]

The wife and I will be joining Parent GAF here in about six months. Yeehaw.

 

[Red]

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[ElectricBlanketFire]

Congrats!

When did babies start sleeping well for y'all? My son still gets up every hour or two. Saturday he was up nearly all night. I got maybe an hour and a half of sleep before work. I've felt like a zombie for over six months.

We were VERY lucky in that our son slept through the night after about 2 months or so. And even before that, he only woke up to feed.

He's 2 years and 5 months now and unless he's sick, he ALWAYS goes to bed like clockwork. It's awesome.

 

[Icefire1424]

When did babies start sleeping well for y'all? My son still gets up every hour or two. Saturday he was up nearly all night. I got maybe an hour and a half of sleep before work. I've felt like a zombie for over six months.

Funny you should ask, actually. Wife and I were just talking about how it seems that our 21 month old daughter is now only waking up overnight every other night or so. She's typically asleep by 8pm, and wakes up around 7am. When she does wake up overnight, it's usually just once, and she generally goes back to sleep quickly. Sometimes one of us may have to rock her for a bit, but it hasn't been that bad as of late.

Of course, this all goes out the window whenever she's sick, which is still fairly common. If she's congested or coughing, she'll be up 3 or 4 times a night, easy.

Anyways, it seemed her sleeping habits improved every 6 months or so. After the first year she was sleeping better to the point that we actually started to feel like we were getting some rest, with the occasional rough night. Still have them occasionally, but I think around 18 months or so I finally had that moment where I realized I could actually stay up a bit at night and enjoy myself without worrying about how many times I would be up that night, and how tired I would be the next day.

If I were to break it down, I think this sums it up pretty well.

0 - 6 months: Up 3 - 4 times a night. No more than a couple hours at a time. Needed to be consoled in order to fall back asleep.
6 - 12 months: Up 2 - 3 times a night. Might sleep for 5+ hour stretches at a time. Still requires some attention to get her back to bed.
12 - 18 months: Up 1 - 2 times a night. 6+ hour stretches not uncommon. Occasionally slept all night, but still rare. Sometime wants some milk to go back to sleep.
18 - 21 months: Up once a night typical, but some occurrences of sleeping from 8p - 7a more common. Might "startle" herself awake a time or two, but able to "self soothe" and fall back asleep on her own.

Edit: After reading what I just wrote, it's probably no wonder the wife and I were / are having some "troubles". Think this partially explains some of it .

 

[JoeNut]

Me and my Fiance have decided we're going to start trying in May (due to plenty of different factors)
I have become increasingly broody over the last couple of months i think mainly due to having a 2 year old god son.

Is it impossible not to become "that guy" who only talks about his kids and posts on facebook every day with a new picture? it seems all parents do this and are really annoying with it, i don't want to become this!!

I am also a bit anxious i might not be a good dad, is it just natural that you're attached and your priorities change? i do tend to be a bit selfish sometimes.

 

[superdeluxe]

Congrats!

When did babies start sleeping well for y'all? My son still gets up every hour or two. Saturday he was up nearly all night. I got maybe an hour and a half of sleep before work. I've felt like a zombie for over six months.

Right there with yah, my daughter is reaching 5 months and she is finally sleeping in 3-4 hour stretches.

Have you checked to see if there is something causing her to wake up? Acid reflux, Hunger?

 

[superdeluxe]

Me and my Fiance have decided we're going to start trying in May (due to plenty of different factors)
I have become increasingly broody over the last couple of months i think mainly due to having a 2 year old god son.

Is it impossible not to become "that guy" who only talks about his kids and posts on facebook every day with a new picture? it seems all parents do this and are really annoying with it, i don't want to become this!!

I am also a bit anxious i might not be a good dad, is it just natural that you're attached and your priorities change? i do tend to be a bit selfish sometimes.

Your children definitely becomes your life, but you don't have to broadcast it 24/7 on social.

And being anxious about being a good father, welcome to the club. I think all new dads have a little nervousness. I think its normal. I mean you have a brand new life that depends on you for EVERYTHING.

 

[QuantumZebra]

I kinda wish I had kids earlier. I'm 34 and having my first, which means I'm going to be like 52 when she graduates high school. That kinda makes me sad.

At least you can have kids pal! A lot of people never get the chance

 

[superdeluxe]

The wife and I will be joining Parent GAF here in about six months. Yeehaw.

Enjoy your sleep now.

 

[Red]

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[Icefire1424]

Hey Crunched. From around the time she was 6 months to just over a year old, we had more than a few nights that we needed to resort to cosleeping just to get some rest. Some times when she woke up one of us would be able to get her back to sleep, other times it just didn't happen. We'd rock her for over an hour and as soon as we put her in the crib, she would pop up wide awake and start crying again. In those cases we brought her into our room, put her in bed between us and she would usually fall right asleep. Sometimes you just have to go with what works.

She rarely ever sleeps in our room anymore, only occasionally on the weekend when she wakes up around 6 and we all want just a little more sleep. When snuggled up to her mommy or daddy she'll usually sleep a couple extra hours, which is good for all of us.

 

[Red]

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[Icefire1424]

Admittedly, it made me nervous at first too. Granted, we didn't even attempt co-sleeping until she was at least 6 months (slept in a Rock and Play in our room at first), and the first time she ended up in our bed I was awake the whole time, but at least knew she was getting some sleep. After a few times I got more comfortable with it, until that one time I just...fell asleep.

I'm more concerned with her punching or kicking me in the head while asleep nowadays. Happened a few times.

 

[Soulfire]

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[NewFresh]

Congrats!

When did babies start sleeping well for y'all? My son still gets up every hour or two. Saturday he was up nearly all night. I got maybe an hour and a half of sleep before work. I've felt like a zombie for over six months.

I feel like we've been pretty lucky. Our daughter started sleeping through the night at 2 months. Down at 7pm, up at 6-7 am, and it has been that way for the last 5 months.

The only issue so far is the occasional early rise at 5:30, but even then we let her stay in there till closer to 7am for consistency sake.

 

[Omikron]

At least you can have kids pal! A lot of people never get the chance

This.

We went through ivf twice to have our three children (had I think 2 other embryos that didnt take) . It's a complicated and mentally exhausting process.

 

[GPsych]

Congrats!

When did babies start sleeping well for y'all? My son still gets up every hour or two. Saturday he was up nearly all night. I got maybe an hour and a half of sleep before work. I've felt like a zombie for over six months.

I got super lucky in that my daughter slept through the night at 3.5 months with only the occasional wake up in the middle of the night to eat. The last three weeks (she's 5 months now) she's slept from 7:30 PM to 5:30 AM every night. It's a good thing too. Those first 2 months were horrible.

The sleep deprivation was so bad that I actually question as to whether I want to have another child. Part of the problem is that I'm 38 (my wife is 30) and fatigue really takes its toll on me compared to 5 to 10 years ago. I imagine it's only going to get worse as I get older.

 

[Icefire1424]

The sleep deprivation was so bad that I actually question as to whether I want to have another child. Part of the problem is that I'm 38 (my wife is 30) and fatigue really takes its toll on me compared to 5 to 10 years ago. I imagine it's only going to get worse as I get older.

Oh, we've already pretty much decided our daughter will be an only child. Don't get me wrong, we absolutely love her to death, but her sleeping habits, personality and energy levels sapped pretty much everything from us (as is apparent by my other "issues".)

Both funny and sad, but the number of socks I've worn through in the last few months from chasing her around the house is simply unreal.

 

[Omikron]

How prem was your third Fiction?

And I agree that there is no one rule with babies sleep patterns.

 

[Omikron]

Almost 2 months. Was rough for awhile, but she's the spunkiest thing I've ever met now. The only problem she continues to have at 8 is that she looks 5 or six, she's so damned tiny. It's starting to bother her at school.

And people treat her like she's five if they don't know better, so she charms the shit out of everyone she meets, because she's 'so smart for her age' lol

Hah nice, who's to say she wouldn't have been tiny full term anyway right?

 

[GPsych]

This might be a better question for the Runners OT, but have any of you managed to maintain some kind of work out schedule since becoming new parents?

I got into running in 2012 and ended up going hard core into it. I had tried to get into running before several times throughout my life, but it finally stuck that spring for some reason. I even did several marathons and ended up in crazy good shape. I remember looking in the mirror a year ago and saying, "yep, it's definitely here to stay. I can call myself a runner now."

Fast forward to now and I haven't been on a run in over 5 months. I used to be able to get up at 5:00 AM and run during the week and then go on longer runs on the weekends. Now, I have to get up at 5:00 AM anyway to get my daughter ready for daycare and myself for work. When I get home, it's baby time until 7:30 and I'm just too exhausted to actually go running.

Even worse, my motivation to actually go run has fallen to crazy low levels. I used to really look forward to it, but even thinking about it results in aversive thoughts and feelings. My brain definitely no longer sees it as an enjoyable task. Is this one of those things that I'm basically just going to have to wait until she's a bit older to finally tackle?

 

[Ace Harding]

I have a two year old now, and we are trying for #2. I'm excited for another baby but also terrified. We sometimes struggle mentally getting everything done around the house even with just the one. We are both working full time in fairly demanding jobs also.

BUT everyone I talk to that's had a second kid said they had the same feelings, and that you just find a way. All of our parents live very close too so that helps enormously.

I am having a tough phase with my two year old son, who suddenly wants mommy to do EVERYTHING when she's around. He yells "no mommy do it!" if I try to change his diaper, get him dressed, brush his teeth, etc. It's hard when sometimes that's my only interaction with him that day.

 

[Omikron]

Right. It is kinda hilarious that her 6 year old cousin is handing her down clothes haha. But I'm sure she'll catch up eventually.

Is weird. I am pretty sure our prem twins are significantly heavier than our first at the same age (albeit a bit shorter). You just never know. But you start to question if you are feeding them too much or whatever, stupid parent brain just because it's different to previous experiences.

This might be a better question for the Runners OT, but have any of you managed to maintain some kind of work out schedule since becoming new parents?

Simply no.

I don't do / never enjoyed gym or running solo though, always played a significant amount of team sports. And since kids I just haven't found a way to fit that sort of commitment into my schedule, just isn't flexible enough.

 

[Red]

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[Skellig Gra]

Look, I'm sure it's possible to narrow it down, but really, it's hard to truly know how much your kid is going to cost you as expenses love to pop up at random.

Some examples:
- Is your kid sick all the time or healthy? Time at the doctor, medicine, hospital visits (I've known a few people who spent most of the first year at the hospital), time you have to take off to take care of them etc. Allergies, accidents, etc... It's really an unknown and can vary.

- Outside help: Do you have family to help when needed or do you need to pay a babysitter? How often do you need said babysitter? Do you hermit away for awhile to avoid paying for babysitters (I've been to like 5 movies in the last 2.5 years)?

- Sleeping: Full blown out nursery or just sleep in the same room as you? My son and my daughter slept in a basinet by our bed until around 3 months when they switched to a crib (also in our room, supposedly helps lower chances with SIDS) until around 7-8 months. They didn't move into their own room until close to 1 year when they needed the extra quiet. A fully decorated nursery can cost a ton.

- Clothes and toys: how much you need to buy vs. how much is given to you. How often you see something adorable you just have to have. What tastes in toys your children start to lean towards and what that entails.

- Breastfeed vs. formula: We tried to breastfeed both our kids for the first year, but my wife's production of milk just quit after the first 7 months for my son which added literally hundreds of dollars worth of formula onto the budget.

- How many activities you sign them up for: Only daycare? Infant music time? ECFE classes? Swimming class? Baby Yoga? Expensive trip to the zoo vs. walk in the park. All these can vary based on your moods.

- Photos: I've known people who have spent a small fortune on professional pictures during the first couple years. (I think they're crazy, but I can't knock how someone else wants to celebrate their child)

Anyhow, a kid can be incredibly cheap, especially the first year if you're super frugal as all they really need is to be with you to be happy, but you can go crazy all out and spend thousands. It's all up to your own personal tastes and wants for your kid.

Just wanted to say thanks as I was banned for awhile (whoops) and couldn't say it sooner.

 

[DCharlie]

our second child was after we had lost two - we were told we'd actually lost him at one stage but that turned out incorrect.

But to have him my wife spent 4 months under heavy sedation and wasn't able to move from a lying down position.

He was born a month premature. And i have absolutely no evidence that the drugs to push on his lung development or anything like that have anything to do with it but now at age 3 he is built like an utter tank.

When his night on 7 year old brother and him fight he's usually overpowering his elder quite easily.

Though the flip side is also an interesting one - at age 2, our eldest was basically chattering away in Japanese / english - whilst the younger is still no where near that level at 3.

It's all quite fascinating - they are two very very different kids - and even more fun is that is they look so drastically different (one : Blonde, tall, fair hair , very white skin, other : very dark skin, dark hair, shorter, very broad)

 

[rocksteady1983]

Well, I'll be joining parentgaf tomorrow! Wish us luck!

 

[FalsettoVibe]

My 3 year old is my wingman. I'm happy married but not a day goes by where women dont stop us to comment on his looks, particularly his hair.

Your kid looks like he could be a model.

 

[Steeped in a Sea of Games]

This might be a better question for the Runners OT, but have any of you managed to maintain some kind of work out schedule since becoming new parents?

I got into running in 2012 and ended up going hard core into it. I had tried to get into running before several times throughout my life, but it finally stuck that spring for some reason. I even did several marathons and ended up in crazy good shape. I remember looking in the mirror a year ago and saying, "yep, it's definitely here to stay. I can call myself a runner now."

Fast forward to now and I haven't been on a run in over 5 months. I used to be able to get up at 5:00 AM and run during the week and then go on longer runs on the weekends. Now, I have to get up at 5:00 AM anyway to get my daughter ready for daycare and myself for work. When I get home, it's baby time until 7:30 and I'm just too exhausted to actually go running.

Even worse, my motivation to actually go run has fallen to crazy low levels. I used to really look forward to it, but even thinking about it results in aversive thoughts and feelings. My brain definitely no longer sees it as an enjoyable task. Is this one of those things that I'm basically just going to have to wait until she's a bit older to finally tackle?

The first 6 months with both my children, I pretty much couldn't exercise at all (I try to go to the gym 3 times a week) because while they have child care at the gym I go to, they don't take kids until they're 6 months (I wouldn't probably want to leave them there earlier than that anyway).

That said though, I pretty much only get to exercise in the spring/summer now because someone is almost ALWAYS sick during the winter which makes keeping a schedule nearly impossible. Lately I've only been able to hit the gym to swim 2-4 times a month. It really sucks and I hope next year it's a little easier.

Honestly, all the colds and stuff, this year especially, has been really getting to me. I have a severe case of cabin fever. I've never felt this restless before in my adult life lol.

 

[H.Protagonist]

It's crazy how different they are eh?

I have brown eyes, darker skin and dark hair (Native) and my husband has light blue eyes, super pale skin, and dark hair.

My oldest has olive skin (and vitiligo, poor guy), brown eyes, and dark blonde hair.
Middle son is pale as milk, emerald green eyes, dark blonde hair
Youngest has the darkest skin, darkest hair, and gray eyes.

Like where did the not brown come from? I thought brown was dominant lol

Oooo, this gives me hope for the dark hair/light eyed combo. Hubby has heterochromatic eyes (blue and green) which look cool, so I'm hoping they beat out my brown. If the hair comes out blond, I'll do a double-take too.

 

[Halcyon]

My wife has blonde hair and sparkling ice blue eyes and I have shitty brown eyes and hair that sometimes looks like it has red in it.


I pray my daughter gets her mom's traits. At least the blue eyes. Everyone in her family basically has these blue eyes and I feel like it gives you a win at life if you have them.

 

[CrudeDiatribe]

Like where did the not brown come from? I thought brown was dominant lol

It's a lot more complicated than we were taught— there are something like 15 genes that are thought to determine eye colour. The brown/blue/green model you know is accurate enough most of the time, but as you've seen anything goes.

 

[MrPressStart]

My little girl just turned 22 months old a few days ago. It is crazy to watch her grow up and she is definitely a daddy's girl. This morning I was getting ready for work and she asked me if I could come and cuddle on the couch with her for a few minutes while she watched Mickey Mouse.

I could never say no!

 

[Soulfire]

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[Omikron]

Genetics are fun. Both my wife and I have dark features, brown eyes and hair etc. But so far the kids are all much lighter. Eldest in particular is really blonde. Then the twins got my wife's curly hair rather than my epicly straight version. Anyway have a picture.

Edit. Oh yeah. Twins both slept through last night. First time ever.

 

[Red]

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[linkboy]

My son turned 5 this past December (can't believe it, time is going way to fast).

He's the best kid a dad could ask for (yes, I'm biased).

He's a miniature clone of me in just about every way. Looks like me at that age and all he wants to do is play Mario games with his dad.

 

[Keri]

For the people whose babies are already here: What products are you using regularly? And by products, I'm mean the larger items. I still have quite a while to plan (baby isn't due until summer), but I've started looking through baby stuff and there's just a ton. And I see myself making that rookie mistake of feeling like I need EVERYTHING.

So, the big things that seem obvious are a car seat, stroller and crib. Also, it seems like a bassinet is definitely needed (maybe more so than a crib), so baby can easily sleep in our room. Also, a baby swing seems like a really great idea to me, is that something most other parents find helpful? Changing tables? Are they helpful or do you end up changing the baby wherever and not using them?

First few months of life, what things could you not live without? Were there things that you bought, that you found you never used or needed?

 

[RoryDropkick]

For the people whose babies are already here: What products are you using regularly? And by products, I'm mean the larger items. I still have quite a while to plan (baby isn't due until summer), but I've started looking through baby stuff and there's just a ton. And I see myself making that rookie mistake of feeling like I need EVERYTHING.

So, the big things that seem obvious are a car seat, stroller and crib. Also, it seems like a bassinet is definitely needed (maybe more so than a crib), so baby can easily sleep in our room. Also, a baby swing seems like a really great idea to me, is that something most other parents find helpful? Changing tables? Are they helpful or do you end up changing the baby wherever and not using them?

First few months of life, what things could you not live without? Were there things that you bought, that you found you never used or needed?

We never bothered with a wiper warmer, as we heard it dried out baby wipes faster. Also we ended up not getting a changing table but that's only because we bought a twin bed for the nursery so one of us could sleep in there, and as a result we use that and a changing mat.

Baby swings have been fantastic for both of the boys. They love the swinging motion and the vibration switch does help on occasion as well.

 

[Soulfire]

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[AudioNoir]

For the people whose babies are already here: What products are you using regularly? And by products, I'm mean the larger items. I still have quite a while to plan (baby isn't due until summer), but I've started looking through baby stuff and there's just a ton. And I see myself making that rookie mistake of feeling like I need EVERYTHING.

So, the big things that seem obvious are a car seat, stroller and crib. Also, it seems like a bassinet is definitely needed (maybe more so than a crib), so baby can easily sleep in our room. Also, a baby swing seems like a really great idea to me, is that something most other parents find helpful? Changing tables? Are they helpful or do you end up changing the baby wherever and not using them?

First few months of life, what things could you not live without? Were there things that you bought, that you found you never used or needed?

You're only gonna use a bassinet for a few months, so getting that and a crib is important.

We bought a change table and regretted it a few months in, realizing that getting a change pad that sits on top of a low dresser was a better investment. A lot of baby clothes can go in the dresser, and you can store diapers and wipes in a top drawer for easy access and a clean look.

We have a Diaper Genie, and it is used every. Single. Day.

Get a bouncy seat, for sure. Both my kids spent a lot of time in those suckers til they were able to sit up on their own. The rocking helps them get to sleep for naps, and overall it's just a convenient thing to drop baby in if you need to do something. Most of them come with mobiles, too. My babies sat in them while I took my shower, cooked, all that crap. They're very handy.

On that note, Pack n'Plays are awesome to have, too. They can nap in those, most have diaper changing attachments, and they can be lowered for when baby is walking and you need to corral em for a few minutes with some toys

 

[Dot Matrix]

For the people whose babies are already here: What products are you using regularly? And by products, I'm mean the larger items. I still have quite a while to plan (baby isn't due until summer), but I've started looking through baby stuff and there's just a ton. And I see myself making that rookie mistake of feeling like I need EVERYTHING.

So, the big things that seem obvious are a car seat, stroller and crib. Also, it seems like a bassinet is definitely needed (maybe more so than a crib), so baby can easily sleep in our room. Also, a baby swing seems like a really great idea to me, is that something most other parents find helpful? Changing tables? Are they helpful or do you end up changing the baby wherever and not using them?

First few months of life, what things could you not live without? Were there things that you bought, that you found you never used or needed?

If you will be formula feeding, get a Tommee Tippee Perfect Prep Machine. Our machine broke after 11 months and Amazon gave us a refund so we could buy one the next day. I spent one evening/morning making formula bottles like a fucking pilgrim and I've never appreciated it more. Having twins screaming for milk while you wait for it to cool down/heat up is a nightmare.

A Gro Egg is useful as it tells you at a glance if the room is too hot or too cold. There is even a chart included as to what your baby should be wearing to bed for each temperature.

A white noise machine, or even just an old smart phone or tablet playing a 12 hour white noise video on YouTube, can be great for soothing babies to sleep.

More than anything though, get a jumparoo . Even if they triple in price, buy one. Then buy another one, just in case the first one breaks. Babies love them and will play in them for hours. Parents (especially those with multiple babies like me and the wife) call them 'circles of neglect' because you can just put your child in one and get on with other chores, or even just sit down with a cup of tea. I'm already dreading the day my girls get too big to use theirs.

I would also suggest to not stock up on 1 brand of nappies/wipes. No matter how good a bulk deal they have at Cost Co. Some babies have reactions to certain products, some parents just don't like certain products, you'll never know until you start using them and you don't want to be stuck with 1000 nappies that give your baby a rash on their arse.

 

[Icefire1424]

A white noise machine, or even just an old smart phone or tablet playing a 12 hour white noise video on YouTube, can be great for soothing babies to sleep.

This reminded me. Just be prepared that when your little one gets older, they still may enjoy background noise / music. Unfortunately in my case, my 21 month old really likes Pharrel's "Happy", to the point that she would play it over, and over, and over, and over, and over, until one of us turns it off.

Man, I am so sick of that song...lol.

 

[MMBosstones86]

Didn't know this thread was a thing. Sweet.

As of last week, we survived year one. Holy shit did it go by fast. Looking through the pictures of the year is just mind blowing.

Took a while for me to adjust, but it's been pretty great all around.

 

[aliengmr]

So our first son was born at 31 weeks (he's 6 now) and our second was born at 36 weeks on the 18th. Still early but not overly so.

Our first (Alexander) had reflux and was generally a very "touchy" baby. Most of the "baby holding devices", (swings and such) were completely worthless and not used very much. He spent the majority of time in his car seat. It was a tough couple of months for sure.

Our second (Issac) just arrived home last night after a week or so in the NICU. And he the complete opposite of our first. Now instead of constant crying it's " Hun? Is he still alive over there?". From the moment he was born I noticed he's a "no drama" baby. Came out and cried for a bit, then got bored and went to sleep. So long as he is warm, he'll sleep pretty much anywhere and won't make a peep until he absolutely has to eat.

Thus far Issac is shaping up to be quite an easy going baby, and the irony is we weren't expecting that so it has us a bit stressed. Though that could change in a week, so who knows. He's on oxygen, just like Alex, which is like the biggest pain in the ass. Talk about ball and chain. Preemies are are normally sent home with oxygen here in Colorado, but it still sucks.

Being a NICU parent is a weird thing. It's frustrating as hell even though you understand the necessity of it. You are in this weird limbo that is surreal. Even though this is is the second time we had to go through it, it's still like the first time.

Things I really think I want this time, that we didn't have last time is a bottle warmer. I'm truly seeing the use for one of those this time.

Anyhow, I just wanted to share some thoughts and just talk about our newest arrival. I'm also a stay-at-home dad so if anyone wants to ask about that, feel free.

 

[Milksheikhs]

For the people whose babies are already here: What products are you using regularly? And by products, I'm mean the larger items. I still have quite a while to plan (baby isn't due until summer), but I've started looking through baby stuff and there's just a ton. And I see myself making that rookie mistake of feeling like I need EVERYTHING.

So, the big things that seem obvious are a car seat, stroller and crib. Also, it seems like a bassinet is definitely needed (maybe more so than a crib), so baby can easily sleep in our room. Also, a baby swing seems like a really great idea to me, is that something most other parents find helpful? Changing tables? Are they helpful or do you end up changing the baby wherever and not using them?

First few months of life, what things could you not live without? Were there things that you bought, that you found you never used or needed?

Definitely swing and bouncer. Swaddle blankets are awesome. If you get a bassinet then maybe get one that youre able to see them through or that is like lower/open on one side so you can put it next to your bed. We bought two bassinets. We bought the second one cause the first one I couldn't see her and so I'd get worried and want to check on her like every 5 minutes (which required me to get up and out of bed). A bottle sterilizer for sure. Also, if breastfeeding, then get a pump and freezer bags to store extra milk pumped. For bottles I recommend Dr. Brown's bottles. They have a vent that's inside them that helps to reduce gas. I would say don't bother with a changing table just get a changing mat. Also one of those carriers so you can strap the baby to your chest and carry them with you.

Good Luck! ^_^