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ParentGaf OT: Birth, Bib and Beyond

mrpookles

Member
Didn't know this was a thread - I'm two weeks into having our first son. It's both exhausting and awesome.

Having said that, it's nearly 3am and I've been awake for 2 hours trying to get him to sleep after he woke up for a feed. This is living.
 

Keri

Member
Thank you so much for all of the replies everyone! I've read through each one and I think these will be really helpful in making a list. Also, anyone who feels like replying later, please feel free to do so. I'll be reading this thread regularly, possibly forever...
 

Faltimar

Member
Im pretty proud of my 16 year old daughter. She is doing very good in school and she got herself a job at a veterinary hospital several months ago.

As for my little ones, its not going to great. I don't get to see them, I only talk to them on the phone. My 8 year old son loves to talk to me and he misses me a lot. My 5 year old daughter doesn't ever want to talk to me and she even said she never wants to talk to me again. That hurts.

Anyhow, they are both doing great in school. They spend most of their time with Grandpa and he is wonderful.
 
Speaking of baby essentials, got a gift card at my baby shower, but I'm torn.

Stainless steel baby armor or indispensable face-hugger accessory?


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Omikron

Member
Thank you so much for all of the replies everyone! I've read through each one and I think these will be really helpful in making a list. Also, anyone who feels like replying later, please feel free to do so. I'll be reading this thread regularly, possibly forever...

Things I would class as essential...

Cot/Crib - we never bothered with a bassinet and children have always slept in their own rooms. We got a cot that converted to a small bed as well which is super useful until the child is ready to upgrade to a full size bed.

Pram - buy a decent one, but don't be sucked in by the fancy types. Generally they just over complicate everything. We have this is double form and it is excellent. Far better than the one we had for our first child. Folding action is the best I have encountered, just pull up in the middle of the seat.

Change tables aren't really needed imo, or at least ones built for that purpose only. If you can get a bit of furniture with a recess on top to take a change mat or something, we found that worked fine for our first, but when the twins came, just having a portable change mat that honestly lived in the lounge is where we do 90+% of the changes at home.

Apart from that, just a good quality car seat are the only major purchases you need... rest is just consumables and clothing. Zip up suits are your friend, also I am an advocate for zip up swaddles also like this. We just used a regular swaddle (just a little blanket) for our first and yeah, wouldn't go back.

Speaking of baby essentials, got a gift card at my baby shower, but I'm torn.

Stainless steel baby armor or indispensable face-hugger accessory?

Face hugger.
 

NewFresh

Member
...

Apart from that, just a good quality car seat are the only major purchases you need... rest is just consumables and clothing. Zip up suits are your friend, also I am an advocate for zip up swaddles also like this. We just used a regular swaddle (just a little blanket) for our first and yeah, wouldn't go back.

I will quote this and bold it for emphasis. I feel a wave of relief every time my wife puts our little one in a zip up onesie.... A wave of sadness when it's a button up one.
 
Things I would class as essential...

Cot/Crib - we never bothered with a bassinet and children have always slept in their own rooms. We got a cot that converted to a small bed as well which is super useful until the child is ready to upgrade to a full size bed.

Pram - buy a decent one, but don't be sucked in by the fancy types. Generally they just over complicate everything. We have this is double form and it is excellent. Far better than the one we had for our first child. Folding action is the best I have encountered, just pull up in the middle of the seat.

Change tables aren't really needed imo, or at least ones built for that purpose only. If you can get a bit of furniture with a recess on top to take a change mat or something, we found that worked fine for our first, but when the twins came, just having a portable change mat that honestly lived in the lounge is where we do 90+% of the changes at home.

Apart from that, just a good quality car seat are the only major purchases you need... rest is just consumables and clothing. Zip up suits are your friend, also I am an advocate for zip up swaddles also like this. We just used a regular swaddle (just a little blanket) for our first and yeah, wouldn't go back.



Face hugger.

Glad to hear forgoing the changing table was the right thing to do. For the crib thing, we've gone with a co-sleeper that scooches up next to the bed, but 1) it's more for my peace of mind and 2) I know it'll be useless after 6 months unless I have a second kid. It is supposed to make feeding/sleeping easier, though. Supposed to. :p

Another +1 for the face hugger. Near unanimous, then.

Face hugger is the practical choice

Excellent. This seems to be the consensus on FB as well. Let it not be said that I didn't give my child everything it needed to succeed in life.


I will quote this and bold it for emphasis. I feel a wave of relief every time my wife puts our little one in a zip up onesie.... A wave of sadness when it's a button up one.

Can confirm after tending after my niece. Button up onsesies are the devil.
 
My daughter is about 20 months old. I really hate all the baby/toddler clothes that not only are buttons (and not snap buttons) but also button up in the back. Ugh.
 

Omikron

Member
Glad to hear forgoing the changing table was the right thing to do. For the crib thing, we've gone with a co-sleeper that scooches up next to the bed, but 1) it's more for my peace of mind and 2) I know it'll be useless after 6 months unless I have a second kid. It is supposed to make feeding/sleeping easier, though. Supposed to. :p

Yeah, I think everyone's experiences will vary especially where a baby's sleep patterns are involved. I think also the size / shape / placement of rooms / house also impact this decision a lot.

Funny thing was, my Dad recommended not having the baby in our room for a variety of reasons. I tend to listen in this situation as he doesn't give advice often and generally it's right. ;) Thankfully it worked out.
 
Didn't know this was a thread - I'm two weeks into having our first son. It's both exhausting and awesome.

Having said that, it's nearly 3am and I've been awake for 2 hours trying to get him to sleep after he woke up for a feed. This is living.
Right there with ya. We have a 4 day old little guy. Same kinda thing. Nights/days are pretty much flipped. I've never been around and held newborns much but I am blown away by how strong he is. He has even been lifting his head off his mothers chest and holding it there for a few seconds. Probably the norm but to me he is the strongest newborn ever lol. Must have been lifting weights in the womb.

Also, still hasn't pooped. He passed some meconium in the womb, and then later the following night he finally passed a little more poop but nothing since then. Plenty of wet diapers though. Waiting till his appointment on Tuesday for his checkup at the pediatrician but may try the thermometer or q-tip trick to see if that will help the poops. Wife has been trying to breast feed but it's been going slow and tough. Not producing a lot at the moment. Been having to supplement a bit.
 
Yeah, I think everyone's experiences will vary especially where a baby's sleep patterns are involved. I think also the size / shape / placement of rooms / house also impact this decision a lot.

Funny thing was, my Dad recommended not having the baby in our room for a variety of reasons. I tend to listen in this situation as he doesn't give advice often and generally it's right. ;) Thankfully it worked out.

For sure. I've heard both sides pretty adamantly argue in favor for or against having the kid in the room. Everything I heard in the states was also against having them in the room, but since coming here I've heard some pretty compelling stuff in the 'for' category. Mostly, though, I'm just hoping it'll help everyone get some sleep (as I can scoop the baby in for a feed with no fuss) and that it will balance out my own first time mom anxiety. Even just watching my baby niece for my sis I used to stare at that monitor or through the door to her room trying to make sure she was breathing. The (mostly irrational) fear is real. :) Hoping it works out, at any rate, and glad your sit panned out too. I imagine the twins made things all kinds of crazy/special.


HPro, if you are planning on breastfeeding that cosleeper will save your life. It's my wife's favorite baby-thing. When she's out of town and I'm watching him it's so easy to just reach over and stick a bottle in his mouth. Way better than walking across the room, or to a nursery.

Yeah, that's the hope, and the main reason I went for the co-sleeper even though I know it doesn't exactly have longevity. I'm terrible with no sleep and my husband's job is super high stress at the moment, so I'm hoping it'll ease us both into the constant feeding/first time parent thing. I think it'll also be pretty reassuring for me to be able to just open my eyes and see that the baby is OK. Really happy to hear that you guys tried it and it went exactly as I'm hoping it will for me. I know it might not work out exactly like that, but a firsthand account is great to read.
 
HPro, My daughter is almost 6w old now and I can definitely say having a bassinet that allows me to see her and pick her up easily has been a life saver. We live in a 1br apartment so it was never an option to put her in another room, but I think even if it was I wouldn't have done it. I had a different bassinet at first and this one wasn't as close to my bed and it didn't allow me to see her (I had to get up out of my bed to check on her and pick her up if she needed feeding). The bassinet now is so close that it's just so easy if she wakes up to just pick her up from my bed and start feeding her.

Although we've been pretty lucky so far. She usually goes to bed at 12-1am. Wakes up once for feeding and diaper change at 6am and then sleeps again until 10-Noonish.
 
Grats.

Going in tomorrow to see the heartbeat for the first time (~7 weeks). Still doesn't feel real and it's pretty early yet.

If it's anything like our first scan, it still won't quite feel real... even when you hear the heartbeat and see that little Skeletor on the monitor. It's very surreal.
 

Icefire1424

Member
If it's anything like our first scan, it still won't quite feel real... even when you hear the heartbeat and see that little Skeletor on the monitor. It's very surreal.

I don't think it actually felt "real" until the day we got home from the hospital with our daughter. I remember walking into our house, sitting down on the couch with my wife and daughter, looking over at my wife and having that "well, now what?" moment.
 
HPro, My daughter is almost 6w old now and I can definitely say having a bassinet that allows me to see her and pick her up easily has been a life saver. We live in a 1br apartment so it was never an option to put her in another room, but I think even if it was I wouldn't have done it. I had a different bassinet at first and this one wasn't as close to my bed and it didn't allow me to see her (I had to get up out of my bed to check on her and pick her up if she needed feeding). The bassinet now is so close that it's just so easy if she wakes up to just pick her up from my bed and start feeding her.

Although we've been pretty lucky so far. She usually goes to bed at 12-1am. Wakes up once for feeding and diaper change at 6am and then sleeps again until 10-Noonish.

Awesome! Most of my American friends/family have been telling me that I've made a mistake here, but I still think it'll set my mind at ease. The ease of just scooping the kid into the bed for a feed then back out also has some serious appeal. I figure I might even get an hour or two of real sleep if it works out. :p

We got this one:

9hqCt5W.jpg

(This lady looks waaaay too refreshed. I call bull on this 'family'. ^_^)

I'm also really intrigued by your daughter's feeding/sleeping schedule (congrats, btw, it sounds like you won the lottery). People keep telling me that I need to actually wake the kid up to feed it every two hours whether it's asking for food or not, but you said yours only wakes up once for feeding. Is this constant feeding thing only for a week or two or totally not needed...? I'd be more than happy to let the baby set a more...sedate schedule like yours if that's the way it was leaning instead of waking it and myself up constantly.


Just found out this past Fri... we're having a boy :)

Congrats~


The facehugger is the gift that keeps on giving

It's probably ranked up there with the pram. Essential baby equipment fo sho.
 
I don't think it actually felt "real" until the day we got home from the hospital with our daughter. I remember walking into our house, sitting down on the couch with my wife and daughter, looking over at my wife and having that "well, now what?" moment.

Yup, basically this.

It's been a year and I still can't believe they let us leave the hospital with a kid....
 
Awesome! Most of my American friends/family have been telling me that I've made a mistake here, but I still think it'll set my mind at ease. The ease of just scooping the kid into the bed for a feed then back out also has some serious appeal. I figure I might even get an hour or two of real sleep if it works out. :p

We got this one:

9hqCt5W.jpg

(This lady looks waaaay too refreshed. I call bull on this 'family'. ^_^)

I'm also really intrigued by your daughter's feeding/sleeping schedule (congrats, btw, it sounds like you won the lottery). People keep telling me that I need to actually wake the kid up to feed it every two hours whether it's asking for food or not, but you said yours only wakes up once for feeding. Is this constant feeding thing only for a week or two or totally not needed...? I'd be more than happy to let the baby set a more...sedate schedule like yours if that's the way it was leaning instead of waking it and myself up constantly.

Wow, what is the name of that cosleeper bassinet? I really wanted something like that but ended up going with the Halo swivel because it was the only one that seemed to have most of the things I wanted.

And lol yes no one is that refreshed :p

Also, I would say as far as feeding it depends. My daughter was pretty big when she was born (9lbs 6oz) and she only lost 2% of her body weight in the hospital. I asked the doctor and he said I should wake her up until she gets back up to or past her birth weight. I kind of just ignored this because 1) I felt confident she was gaining weight and 2) I was exhausted and didn't want to wake her up when she was sleeping so peacefully.

Most doctors say you should wake them up until they're back at their birth weight. But I say wait and see how your situation is and do what you feel confident and comfortable doing.
 
A friend of ours sent us a link on facebook for a local place that rents out those cosleeper cots. Basically, you pay them £69, and then once you're ready they provide you with the cot (complete with new mattress, new sides and 2 free fitted sheets) for as long as you need it. Once you're ready to upgrade you simply hand it back.

http://www.bednest.com/

May be worth looking into. There's probably similar services in other countries too.
 
Wow, what is the name of that cosleeper bassinet? I really wanted something like that but ended up going with the Halo swivel because it was the only one that seemed to have most of the things I wanted.

And lol yes no one is that refreshed :p

Also, I would say as far as feeding it depends. My daughter was pretty big when she was born (9lbs 6oz) and she only lost 2% of her body weight in the hospital. I asked the doctor and he said I should wake her up until she gets back up to or past her birth weight. I kind of just ignored this because 1) I felt confident she was gaining weight and 2) I was exhausted and didn't want to wake her up when she was sleeping so peacefully.

Most doctors say you should wake them up until they're back at their birth weight. But I say wait and see how your situation is and do what you feel confident and comfortable doing.

It's called the "Next 2 Me" co-sleeper. It was a bit pricey (IMO. We got it as a gift, but felt bad), but it was exactly what I was looking for. If it works out, and if the first kid doesn't kill us, then I hope to get some more use out of it, too.

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For feeding, that sounds entirely practical! :D As long as the kid is making gains and not going backwards, I think it's an entirely reasonable approach. Feeding every two hours sounds really fussy to me, but again...I also don't know if that's just me looking for supporting accounts so that I don't have to feed every two hours. ^_^;

Anyone else want to share their newborn feeding schedules/plans?


A friend of ours sent us a link on facebook for a local place that rents out those cosleeper cots. Basically, you pay them £69, and then once you're ready they provide you with the cot (complete with new mattress, new sides and 2 free fitted sheets) for as long as you need it. Once you're ready to upgrade you simply hand it back.

http://www.bednest.com/

May be worth looking into. There's probably similar services in other countries too.

Sounds like a decent deal for what's essentially a 6 month item. Prob a safer bet, too, in case the kid hates it. Since we're moving overseas when ours will be ~3 months old, though, I was happy to just get one, but might be a good option for others.
 
Are you going to exclusively breastfeed? If so, unless you want to try corralling your child into an artificial schedule you may be feeding every two hours for a long while yet. My son still wakes up every hour some nights. Sometimes we'll have milk in a bottle so i can feed him and give my wife a break, but that rarely makes a difference since she usually needs to pump soon after anyway.

I'm going to try (for the first couple of months, anyway). It'd be nice if I was able to express some so that my husband can jump in every now and then, but I'm not opposed to mixing if things get ridiculous. Are you saying that the breastfeeding route tends to lead to more feeds/more frequently because the output just isn't enough?
 
My wife has issues with oversupply, she's making way more than enough. The baby can get 5 oz or more in about 10 minutes, which is way faster than he drinks from a bottle. But for whatever reason he gets hungry again quickly, which I've heard (from pediatricians, lactation consultants, and breast feeding support groups) is common. It's exacerbated for us by my wife's oversupply, since the baby has to work through so much foremilk before he gets to the cream. Everyone is different though, so your experience might be less punishing.

Ah, gotcha. Your poor lady (and you too since you're both doing the round the clock feeding). I've heard oversupply can be quite, ah, uncomfortable. :(

Man, breastfeeding just sounds like a route fraught with pitfalls. I don't think I know anyone but my mom who hasn't had some kind of issue with it. So much for the natural route being the 'easy' one. The doctor keeps stressing this, but I've yet to hear any encouraging accounts lately. I'm still going to try, but I have to admit that the experiences I've heard plus the somewhat overbearing push in Australia to exclusively breastfeed have soured any enthusiasm I might have had (I'm not personally keen, but it does seem to have many benefits). Hoping for that less 'punishing' experience, at any rate.
 

Ayumi

Member
Ah, gotcha. Your poor lady (and you too since you're both doing the round the clock feeding). I've heard oversupply can be quite, ah, uncomfortable. :(

Man, breastfeeding just sounds like a route fraught with pitfalls. I don't think I know anyone but my mom who hasn't had some kind of issue with it. So much for the natural route being the 'easy' one. The doctor keeps stressing this, but I've yet to hear any encouraging accounts lately. I'm still going to try, but I have to admit that the experiences I've heard plus the somewhat overbearing push in Australia to exclusively breastfeed have soured any enthusiasm I might have had (I'm not personally keen, but it does seem to have many benefits). Hoping for that less 'punishing' experience, at any rate.
I gave up after a month because of how difficult it was (among health stuff). Even though I had insanely much milk, it just didn't work out. It's definitely smart to try, and see how it goes, but breastfeeding is supposed to be bonding and fun. If you get too stressed about it, it really isn't worth it imo. There is the formula guilt, but it will go away. Your baby is happy regardless, and formula is just as good as breastmilk, regardless of what people say. Some babies don't take the bottle though, but one thing at a time. Just try not to worry.

There are times I wish I was still breastfeeding, like when traveling across the globe with a 4 month old. So yes, it does have many benefits. It's pushed because it builds immunity (like if you are sick, it can keep your baby from catching your cold), and because of how natural it is.

But either way, as long as the baby is happy and healthy, that's what counts. Do what you gotta do. It's perfectly fine to bond with a baby while giving them the bottle - then dad can do it too.
 
I'm going to try (for the first couple of months, anyway). It'd be nice if I was able to express some so that my husband can jump in every now and then, but I'm not opposed to mixing if things get ridiculous. Are you saying that the breastfeeding route tends to lead to more feeds/more frequently because the output just isn't enough?

My wife tried for about a month along with pumping and did not produce, nor did the babies latch on, so it was a frustrating endeavor for her. She's still feeling guilty for that even now, 3 months after the babies have been born. The twins were fed on a combination of formula, whatever my wife could produce and donated milk in the NICU however, so it wasn't like they missed out completely.
 

JeTmAn81

Member
My wife had a pretty tough time with breastfeeding our daughter. I had to be on hand to help keep the kid in the right position and help her feel comfortable. We had to try nipple shields quite a few times as well. But eventually we got things figured out and nursing became a lot easier.

Now she's 16 months and still nurses but only for about 20 minutes a day, for comfort. She used to nurse for about an hour at a time, more for comfort than sustenance, we think.

We also used a cosleeper at the beginning and that worked great up until we moved her to her crib in the nursery at 3 months.
 
My experience with breastfeeding has been an over all positive one. Surprisingly my nipples didn't crack or bleed (one bled only very slightly at the hospital). But it definitely hurt a lot in the beginning when my nipples were getting used to it and it's uncomfortable..but for me it got better. Now it never hurts (I'm scared for when she starts teething though O___o). It's something that makes me feel good about myself. Although I've never understood why people feel the need to shame others decision not to breastfeed. It's nobody's business to be honest.

One annoying thing is we don't have any comfortable chairs or place to breastfeed. So I would suggest having a comfortable place to breastfeed.
 

zbarron

Member
Our second born just arrived yesterday. My wife only just hit 39 weeks and out comes this 9 lb 6 oz giant baby. We are so excited and happy to meet him but even though this is our second go at this the new parent fear is back. I didn't expect that again.

He's a cutey though.
9lsst.jpg
 

zbarron

Member
Nice job.

Thanks. Did you ever get the constipation thing figured out? My son was like that. I don't remember if he was diagnosed with anything specific but he was put on miralax daily for the first few years of his life. Eventually I forgot to give him his dose and he still did fine so I didn't give it to him the next day and he was just fine at that point.
 

zbarron

Member
He's good. The doctor said she has never seen as strong a sphincter outside of babies with Down syndrome. Her theory is that he once had a bad experience pooping and now he wants to hold it in, so he's doing it on purpose and not because of a disease. She said that's unusual for babies and is usually something that happens in kids around 10 years old. Kept saying that he is very smart, but I think she was trying to nicely say, "good luck, he's going to be stubborn."

So now he's on the miralax diet. Might be similar to your situation.

Had a rough time with the enema... Took about two hours to empty it completely. He was red faced and squeezing so hard his hands were shaking. At the end he just stopped moving, stopped crying, and kind of watched me on his side, whimpering. Poor kid.

We were told the same thing. The constipation made it hurt when he went so he held it in which made him constipated and the cycle continued. Also it might be a coincidence but my first born is very stubborn and has a fantastic memory. He turns 5 this month. Good luck.

Sorry to hear about the enema. We had to take him to the ER when he was little he was in so much pain and they gave him one. I felt so sorry for him.

Hopefully my very similar situation gives you hope. Once he was on the miralax for a bit he was fine and eventually he no longer needed it. I don't know if he no longer associated it with pain or if his GI tract developed more.
 
I gave up after a month because of how difficult it was (among health stuff). Even though I had insanely much milk, it just didn't work out. It's definitely smart to try, and see how it goes, but breastfeeding is supposed to be bonding and fun. If you get too stressed about it, it really isn't worth it imo. There is the formula guilt, but it will go away. Your baby is happy regardless, and formula is just as good as breastmilk, regardless of what people say. Some babies don't take the bottle though, but one thing at a time. Just try not to worry.

There are times I wish I was still breastfeeding, like when traveling across the globe with a 4 month old. So yes, it does have many benefits. It's pushed because it builds immunity (like if you are sick, it can keep your baby from catching your cold), and because of how natural it is.

But either way, as long as the baby is happy and healthy, that's what counts. Do what you gotta do. It's perfectly fine to bond with a baby while giving them the bottle - then dad can do it too.

Sorry it was such a struggle. :/ I do hear this a lot, hence my own trepidation when it comes to trying on my side. I totally agree with you, though. It's meant to be a good experience for both, and if it doesn't work out, it doesn't. I think formula is a fine alternative, and I'm not really fussed about it. We'll see how the husband takes it if it doesn't, though (see below for that)...


She hasn't been able to go without nursing pads at all since the kid was born. As soon as her bra comes off it's like someone spraying a garden hose. It's sort of hilarious watching the baby try to contain the spray if he breaks a latch. His hands start batting around his face and tries catching the milk in midair.

Despite whatever problems she's having, my wife would not change it for the world (although sometimes she considers it for a glass of wine). Breastfeeding has been a lot cheaper and more convenient than formula would be... No need for the baby to wait for us to mix or warm anything up. Milk's on tap. And my wife really enjoys doing it, taking a few minutes to slow down and maintain eye contact with the baby.

There is a definite immunological and digestive benefit to breast milk. I've seen studies report a link between breastfeeding and higher IQs and income later in life, but I don't think that's confirmed (and I'm sure there are other correlating factors anyway). You're in Australia now? I know there's been a big push toward breastfeeding there.

Around us it seems like everyone formula feeds, out of convenience or an antiquated belief that it is healthier. I've seen a weird, almost fetishized reaction against that in breastfeeding support groups. There is a kind of formula shaming that goes on. I don't think that decision should be shamed. If you gotta do it, you gotta do it. But I don't know why anyone wouldn't try breastfeeding first if health allows.

There is a weird breastfeeding subculture I've picked up on... I don't know if it's because mainstream US culture is still all about formula or what, but breastfeeding groups seem to attract a lot of eccentric, counter-culture types. I've heard more folk and homeopathic remedies from lactation consultants than any other source in my life. Breastfeeding support groups are breeding grounds for weird anecdotes and bizarre alternative healing suggestions. I am all for breastfeeding, and my wife and I welcome the consult of experts, but when gripe water is suggested as a cure-all for colic and dietary intolerances I have to wonder how reliable and informed these people really are.

That sounds...pretty crazy. :D Kid will probably have fond baby memories of catching that milk. I got nursing pads from my SIL, but fingers crossed that I don't need them in quite that way. I am hoping for a good experience like your lady's, though. I've heard endlessly about the benefits here to breastfeeding, and we'll be traveling a lot, so it would def help there as well. To actually enjoy it would be a bonus. A bit hard to get over long held personal hang-ups about it, but I will do my best, regardless.

For the wine thing, I'm told it's best to actually drink while you nurse because it maxes the time between feeds so that the alcohol will work its way out and you don't have to dump anything (Not that there's much to be had once it goes through your system.). You should present her with a classy glass of red with a straw next food time. ^_^

And, yep. In Australia now. To say the push is big is almost an understatement. The image here, or attitude, is so heavily in favor of breastfeeding that even if you bleed for a few months (I am not entirely exaggerating here), you're expected to carry on or you're considered a quitter for your own convenience. At least, that's my impression of it. It was an early point of contention between myself and my husband when I first got pregnant. After his sister was unable to breastfeed with her daughter a few months ago and finding out (very much to his surprise) that his own mom mainly formula fed him, though, he's softened quite a bit on that stance, but the doctors here are also...insistent. Two appointments ago the midwife basically refused to answer me on formula supplementing if I was unable to produce (bc I was worried about the damn kid starving the first few days and wanted to know if I should have some on hand just in case) and I had to really press her because she just kept saying 'you need to keep trying'. I wasn't bloody looking for an excuse out, woman! It really left a bad taste in mouth. -_-

I hear you on the formula vs. breastfeeding group mentality shit. Both sides can be quite vitriolic and judge-y. I totally agree that everyone should give it a go if they can, but there's no shame in switching to formula if it doesn't work out. Don't know why both sides feel the need to be so unpleasant about the choice in general. And, yeah. The breastfeeding group has been recommending very surprisingly hippy-esque stuff too. Weird. Thought it was just here. Dare I ask what gripe water is...?


My wife tried for about a month along with pumping and did not produce, nor did the babies latch on, so it was a frustrating endeavor for her. She's still feeling guilty for that even now, 3 months after the babies have been born. The twins were fed on a combination of formula, whatever my wife could produce and donated milk in the NICU however, so it wasn't like they missed out completely.

Man, I feel ya. That's my fear. Sometimes the pro-breastfeeding sentiment just makes you feel so damn bad if you're unable. I haven't even tried yet and I feel guilty for just considering the what-ifs if I can't. Just hug your wife a lot and say 'fuck 'em'. I've heard her exact sit from two other couples with twins and they, too, struggled with it. The babies are fed, happy, healthy, and loved, though. That's the important part.


My daughter had issues latching, I tried nipple guards but they were a giant pain in the butt and did not work for me. On the second day home I just could not get her to latch and her pediatrician and two lactation consultants did not help. After a very difficult few hours my mother went out and got a Medela breast pump and I used that for an entire year. It was difficult and I honestly have no idea how I stuck with it for so long, but if the next one doesn't latch I'll do it all over again (at least try to do it all over again). Each day I spent 4 hours either pumping or cleaning all the pumping gear.
All my life, though, I'd been told that breast was better, it's really pounded into you in certain cultures. It was like if I didn't breastfeed I was harming my child which meant I clearly didn't love her. Very stressful, which does not help milk supply, but for months it was basically my state. Because I could see how much I was pumping I knew exactly how much she was eating and I was forever comparing it to what she was supposed to be eating and if my fridge supply started to disappear I'd feel like I had to pump more and it was just a constant cycle of worry. Since I didn't know what to do in the beginning, pumping schedule wise, and since I traveled so much and wasn't able to pump consistently my supply ended up starting to dry up by ten months and it was like some horrible race to pump more than she could consume.
If you can breastfeed awesome, if you can pump sure why not, but if you can't oh well it's not the end of the world. It doesn't mean you love your child any less or that you're a failure, that was really hard for me to grasp, though.

:( That sounds like a nightmare. I'm getting that bolded bit at this much later point in life so it's not so bad, and I can't imagine how stressful that must have been for you. It really pisses me off how mothers are made to feel so bad about breastfeeding (among other things). I don't know if I'll have your fortitude if things don't work out in the first month, but I will try, and I will try extra hard to remember that it doesn't mean I love my xenomorph any less.


My wife had a pretty tough time with breastfeeding our daughter. I had to be on hand to help keep the kid in the right position and help her feel comfortable. We had to try nipple shields quite a few times as well. But eventually we got things figured out and nursing became a lot easier.

Now she's 16 months and still nurses but only for about 20 minutes a day, for comfort. She used to nurse for about an hour at a time, more for comfort than sustenance, we think.

We also used a cosleeper at the beginning and that worked great up until we moved her to her crib in the nursery at 3 months.

Nipple shields... ;_; Breastfeeding also sounds like medieval torture sometimes. I'll look into buying those, thanks. Happy to hear another co-sleeper success story, too. Cheers!


My experience with breastfeeding has been an over all positive one. Surprisingly my nipples didn't crack or bleed (one bled only very slightly at the hospital). But it definitely hurt a lot in the beginning when my nipples were getting used to it and it's uncomfortable..but for me it got better. Now it never hurts (I'm scared for when she starts teething though O___o). It's something that makes me feel good about myself. Although I've never understood why people feel the need to shame others decision not to breastfeed. It's nobody's business to be honest.

One annoying thing is we don't have any comfortable chairs or place to breastfeed. So I would suggest having a comfortable place to breastfeed.

I'm going to cling to this positive experience and pray to the milk gods for a similar one. Thank ya~ I wish I had the chair thing sorted, though. Since we're moving so soon, there doesn't seem any point in buying big furniture. :( No nursery, no rocking chair, no cozy... *sigh*


My wife is due on the 16th. We finished our "to do" list so we're just waiting around now. The calm before the storm...

At the end of a wall post, but... good luck! Let us know how it all goes!
 

Ayumi

Member
It seems like you are worrying too much already, causing you to overthink it. Just take it as it comes. A little pain is common the first days/weeks, but it often goes away within a week or two.

People are different though, of course. Just remember that if you stop cold turkey, your breasts will become engorged and hurt like insaneeee.

I live in Japan and it is a VERY traditional country. People dislike formula, and I'm always afraid I'm being silently judged when mixing her food in public. That's my only issue with formula (and how much effort it takes to clean the bottles every day, and such). No regrets, of course, my daughter loves her milk and she always seemed very happy with it.

Breastfeeding is way easier in many ways. Traveling, going out for dinner, etc. Takes me some time to get ready since I gotta pack clean bottles, boil water etc.

But whatever works out. Give it try. You might find breastfeeding insanely easy and convenient. Heck, it's supposed to be a very effective way of losing weight because of how many calories you burn.

Edit: I don't like to give advice without people asking ("Everyone and their mom have an opinion when it comes to babies"), but I highly suggest you bring a donut pillow to the hospital, if you're giving vaginal birth. I couldn't sit without it, which made breastfeeding so painful since I had to sit up. It's also very good for the car ride home + the coming weeks!
 

RetroMG

Member
Just found out that I'm going to be joining you soon, ParentGaf! My wife and I have been trying to have kids for years with no success. We were on the verge of giving up, but yesterday morning my wife took a pregnancy test, which came up positive!

In RL, we're only telling close friends and family, but we are so excited!
 
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