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[Ensoul]

I was wondering how some GAF parents handle kids who play sports. How into it are you? Are you happy when your son or daughter does well, or upset when he or she struggles or are you just happy just to have them play?

I have been playing basketball since I was little so it’s been a big part of my life. I have a son who is 11 and loves to play so I am always taking him to the courts to shoot around etc. He is a pretty good player, does well in the town league (anybody can sign up for the town league so the talent ranges from awful to excellent ) and I coach his team. He tried out for the travel basketball team and he made it the past couple of years. He does okay in that league as well.

Recently I signed up him for a summer league which is more or less pickup basketball. I do help coach, they play once a week, there are no set plays and there are no practices so it is kind of a free for all. On top of that our team is made up of 5 and 6th graders while all the other teams we face are all 6th graders.

We have played three games and he has scored one basket per game but overall he has been struggling badly. I am being supportive with what I say but I after all the work we have done is it normal that I am feeling a little disappointed in his progress? How do other parents on here handle situations like this?

 

[dskillzhtown]

At that age, it should be more about having fun and being around other kids. Letting your kid build up social skills. If he is struggling with his shot, encourage him to play defense or something else. Don't focus on the negative and don't stress out about it. Something like shooting can sometimes go into the tank, but you should convey that it is alright and he can continue to work on shooting and other aspects of the game. Don't become one of "those" parents who are trying to live through their kids on the court.

 

[poppabk]

My 5 year old played soccer last season. He did not kick the ball once outside of times when it was placed at his feet. He seemed to have fun running up and down the field chasing the other players though. I

 

[dankir]

Just don't be like lots of pee wee Hockey parents. In Quebec they take this shit seriously and I've seen lots of parents going ape shit and kicked out of the arenas.

 

[ElNino]

We have played three games and he has scored one basket per game but overall he has been struggling badly. I being supportive with what I say but I after all the work we have done is it normal that I am feeling a little disappointed in his progress? How do other parents on here handle situations like this?

If he is enjoying playing and is giving a good effort, than I don't feel his performance or skill progress should be a concern. Kids will develop at different rates as they grow, you can't (or shouldn't) expect them to continue at a rate that you feel they should.

My boys are complete opposites. The eldest (who is nine) couldn't care less about sports until the last year and now it's all he cares about and is improving his skills at an alarming rate. Most of the time it's just him playing with his friends, but he is also in house league for a few different sports.

My 4 year old however wants to play every sport he can, and generally does very well with minimal instruction, but who knows how long he will continue to show interest.

 

[bucknuticus]

Dont be the parent who comes into work on monday and just talks about the weekend baseball tournament and how your kid hit 8 straight pop fly outs.

IDGAF

 

[Omegasquash]

Dont be the parent who comes into work on monday and just talks about the weekend baseball tournament and how your kid hit 8 straight pop fly outs.

IDGAF

TDGAF about the F's you G, I assure you.

 

[vatstep]

 

[Ensoul]

Oh trust me I am not one of those parents at all. I don't come into work and star talking about how good he did over the weekend etc.

I am not a crazy hockey parent/coach either. I have been coaching his teams for years. I'd never ever make a kid feel bad about themselves and generally keep it positive. That's not to say if the team plays poorly (bad passing or whatever) I won't address it.

 

[Lactose_Intolerant]

Your kid is 11 years old and better than average. Let him have fun.

Also, your kid might be better in more structured teams than just going out there and playing.

Also, you might not be as good as coach as you think.

 

[old manatee]

If I had a kid who wanted to play sports I'd push them down the stairs, and while they were recovering I would introduce them to the joys of international cinema.

 

[Quick]

Can't hurt to help your kid to grow his game for sure. Some extra sessions, along with encouragement to improve isn't a bad thing.

Don't be Mitch Marner's dad. Granted, Mitch ended up being one of the best CHL players in the last few years and is now a top prospect for the Toronto Maple Leafs, but there's definitely a better way to teach your kid than being an ass about it.

 

[CarpeDeezNutz]

Oh trust me I am not one of those parents at all. I have been coaching his teams for years. I'd never ever make a kid feel bad about themselves and generally keep it positive. That's not to say if the team plays poorly (bad passing or whatever) I won't address it.

Do you have problem parents like that?


I'm not a sports person at all ( I will watch a basketball/football game sometimes though) been thinking of getting my son into some sports game cos he has so much energy to burn.

 

[Bairds]

Just don't be like lots of pee wee Hockey parents. In Quebec they take this shit seriously and I've seen lots of parents going ape shit and kicked out of the arenas.

Maybe because I'm around hockey more but hockey parents are nutso. I was playing with my adult group of guys on one rink while a 3 on 3 teenage level "for fun" tournament was going on over on the other rink and I look up and the Lady running the tournament was up there talking to a cop. Things had got so heated between parents that they had to call the cops, it was ridiculous, especially considering it wasn't anything super important competition wise.

Relax duders.

 

[Always-honest]

Yeah my son plays soccer. I go to practice and games with him. Three times a week. He is really enjoying himself but he doesn't have a great deal of talent.
I try to playfully teach him some stuff and practice at home.

i doubt he'll be doing this forever but at least it's a good foundation for other sports.


I feel bad for some of the kids with really loud negative parents. I concider them to be complete idiots. Even if the kid would become the best ever, i still think they are terrible parents.
But you also have to be realistic and at some point the kids have to take the sport and the team serious.
They are there to learn also.

 

[Mesoian]

I was wondering how some GAF parents handle kids who play sports. How into it are you? Are you happy when your son or daughter does well, or upset when he or she struggles or are you just happy just to have them play?

I have been playing basketball since I was little so it’s been a big part of my life. I have a son who is 11 and loves to play so I am always taking him to the courts to shoot around etc. He is a pretty good player, does well in the town league (anybody can sign up for the town league so the talent ranges from awful to excellent ) and I coach his team. He tried out for the travel basketball team and he made it the past couple of years. He does okay in that league as well.

Recently I signed up him for a summer league which is more or less pickup basketball. I do help coach, they play once a week, there are no set plays and there are no practices so it is kind of a free for all. On top of that our team is made up of 5 and 6th graders while all the other teams we face are all 6th graders.

We have played three games and he has scored one basket per game but overall he has been struggling badly. I being supportive with what I say but I after all the work we have done is it normal that I am feeling a little disappointed in his progress? How do other parents on here handle situations like this?

To be perfectly honest, without a practice structure, there's no much point beyond socialization; it's basically just pickup games. The great thing about organized sports as a kid is learning how to work with your peers and understand how teamwork plays into real life. If all you're doing is fucking around with a bunch of other kids, there's not much to learn outside of what you'd normally pick up at school, where socialization is basically a forced requirement. They may not totally love the idea of being barked at, but it certainly helps build structure and character.

Does your son like it? If so, it's cool. But what you're describing basically sounds like what I did when I was a kid, walking down to the local basketball court and looked for pickup games. It wasn't until I joined a league that I started thinking more about the game than "take it to the hole and j-j-j-jam it in (I thought that meme was about basketball for the longest time)".

 

[Ensoul]

Do you have problem parents like that?


I'm not a sports person at all ( I will watch a basketball/football game sometimes though) been thinking of getting my son into some sports game cos he has so much energy to burn.

Believe it or not I haven't, I have been lucky. All the parents have been great and because of coaching basketball and flag football I have met some amazing parents and kids who I hang out with now.

The worst I have witnessed was last year during a travel game. I was not coaching the team. The grandfather of a travel player on a team my son was on was screaming at the ref and the time keepers. It was embarrassing.

Last game of the year, and I only heard part of the conversation because I was walking by the same grandfather pointed to my son and said something to the effective of that kid isn't good and he must be the coaches son so that is why he is playing.

I would have said something to him but I didn't hear enough to be 100% sure what he was talking about.

 

[dab0ne]

I'm as involved as they are. My daughter has tried a lot of stuff but the only thing she actively likes is this hip hop dance class she's in lol.

 

[The Albatross]

Just don't be like lots of pee wee Hockey parents. In Quebec they take this shit seriously and I've seen lots of parents going ape shit and kicked out of the arenas.

This is great.

My fiancee's family gets way too fired up at the high school hockey games, but usually at the home team's coach. It's embarrassing to me and I stopped going to her brother's games because of it.

 

[Omegasquash]

This is great.

My fiancee's family gets way too fired up at the high school hockey games, but usually at the home team's coach. It's embarrassing to me and I stopped going to her brother's games because of it.

Do NOT mess with hockey in MA, I've always been told. "Hockey Moms" is a term I hear thrown around with reckless abandon.

 

[Peltz]

Can't speak as a parent, because I have no kids.

But my father was a professional athlete, a baseball pitcher, and taught me every facet of the game.

When I didn't do well, he never came down hard on me or soured my appreciation of the sport. He used to tell me never to take it too seriously and just enjoy every moment of every practice and my skills will carry me. I won a few little league championships and made the varsity team in my freshman year of high school where I started as a shortstop and even pitched against much larger upper classmen even at that young age towards the end of the season.

When I finished my freshman year, I didn't want to play anymore and totally lost interest in the sport because I wanted a more normal life that wasn't so focused on athletics. Not once did he ever object or say that I had to stick with it. He simply told me that it's not worth it if it wasn't something that made me happy.

The bottom line is this: If your kid doesn't enjoy the game he won't improve. If you're hard on him at such a young age, he won't enjoy the game. So by being hard on him, you will absolutely stunt his development as a basketball player.

The only thing you can do is guide him constructively, and show him ways to improve when he's ready to be receptive to learning new things. It's almost statistically certain that he will not be a professional ball player. Period. But it will become more than just statistical certainty if he isn't loving and breathing the game every day because it's his passion. Do not expect your kid to have any future in sports because, quite frankly, it's a selfish and completely unrealistic expectation.

So just foster his passions (no matter what they may be) and come to grips like a mature adult that your kid is not going to be the best at most things in life. He's going to get outclassed in many competitions as he gets older and that's just how life works.

Your focus as the parent is NOT to teach him how to win but rather to teach him how to be happy and fulfilled in the face of adversity. It's to show him how to find his passion an how to invest in that passion in a healthy way that brings his life meaning.

Forcing him to care in the long term sense (in contrast to the typical motivational speech that a coach would give before a game in the short term sense) is going into territories that you shouldn't go as a parent. Avoid that.

 

[mkenyon]

At that age, it should be more about having fun and being around other kids.

Pain, suffering, and overcoming adversity are arguably more important than the social aspect. They can get the social aspect from school.

 

[bosseye]

I took my son to football (soccer) practice when he was 5, he was showing an interest in it on the telly and we play it in the garden, so I thought he might enjoy it - and to be honest I was hoping he would take to it....but he didn't. We went for a few weeks, but it gradually became apparent that he had no real talent for it, which is fine, but the real issue is he wasn't enjoying it. After about half an hour, you could see him getting bored. So we stopped going. I was a little disappointed that he wasn't into it, but never mind. We tried, at that stage it wasn't for him.

I think the key is just to try different things with them, see what sticks, but ultimately you just want them to have fun.

 

[gamz]

Can't speak as a parent, because I have no kids.

But my father was a professional athlete, a baseball pitcher, and taught me every facet of the game.

When I didn't do well, he never came down hard on me or soured my appreciation of the sport. He used to tell me never to take it too seriously and just enjoy every moment of every practice and my skills will carry me. I won a few little league championships and made the varsity team in my freshman year of high school where I started as a shortstop and even pitched against much larger upper classmen even at that young age towards the end of the season.

When I finished my freshman year, I didn't want to play anymore and totally lost interest in the sport because I wanted a more normal life that wasn't so focused on athletics. Not once did he ever object or say that I had to stick with it. He simply told me that it's not worth it if it wasn't something that made me happy.

The bottom line is this: If your kid doesn't enjoy the game he won't improve. If you're hard on him at such a young age, he won't enjoy the game. So by being hard on him, you will absolutely stunt his development as a basketball player.

The only thing you can do is guide him constructively, and show him ways to improve when he's ready to be receptive to learning new things. It's almost statistically certain that he will not be a professional ball player. Period. But it will become more than just statistical certainty if he isn't loving and breathing the game every day because it's his passion. Do not expect your kid to have any future in sports because, quite frankly, it's a selfish and completely unrealistic expectation.

So just foster his passions (no matter what they may be) and come to grips like a mature adult that your kid is not going to be the best at most things in life. He's going to get outclassed in many competitions as he gets older and that's just how life works.

Your focus as the parent is NOT to teach him how to win but rather to teach him how to be happy and fulfilled in the face of adversity. It's to show him how to find his passion an how to invest in that passion in a healthy way that brings his life meaning.

Forcing him to care in the long term sense (in contrast to the typical motivational speech that a coach would give before a game in the short term sense) is going into territories that you shouldn't go as a parent. Avoid that.

Who is he and who did he play for?

 

[Waddle Dee]

My parents pushed me into sports when I was young. They didn't mean anything bad by it, they just thought it'd help me make friends, find a new hobby, etc. Turns out I hated it.

If I have kids, I'd let them decide if they want to play or not.

 

[Peltz]

Who is he and who did he play for?

He played minor league ball for Clevland Indian's farm team at the time. He never made it to the majors.

 

[dankir]

Maybe because I'm around hockey more but hockey parents are nutso. I was playing with my adult group of guys on one rink while a 3 on 3 teenage level "for fun" tournament was going on over on the other rink and I look up and the Lady running the tournament was up there talking to a cop. Things had got so heated between parents that they had to call the cops, it was ridiculous, especially considering it wasn't anything super important competition wise.

Relax duders.

I remember this from wayyyyyy back, two dad's got into an argument and one killed the other.

http://www.nytimes.com/2002/01/26/u...-rink-is-given-sentence-of-6-to-10-years.html

Oh and this was in MA as well.

 

[Dirtsaw]

I was wondering how some GAF parents handle kids who play sports. How into it are you? Are you happy when your son or daughter does well, or upset when he or she struggles or are you just happy just to have them play?

We have played three games and he has scored one basket per game but overall he has been struggling badly. I being supportive with what I say but I after all the work we have done is it normal that I am feeling a little disappointed in his progress? How do other parents on here handle situations like this?

I coach competitive. Being happy,upset, disappointed,etc about their performance is normal and expected. How you express that to your child (and team) and use it to build something better is what matters. You seem to know this so I'm not quite sure what you are asking. You should always be happy that your kid has chosen an activity that you are very supportive of.
I will say that like growth spurts, kids have developmental spurts so some patience is needed. I have seen kids make tremendous strides in very short timeframes. As a 6th grade parent you have a lot of this in front of you. Some local coaches with older kids can give you some perspective.

 

[digdug2k]

TDGAF about the F's you G, I assure you.

Haha. I have another father friend who basically says, "If you don't want to talk about our kids, I really don't have anything else to talk about with you anymore." I'm pretty much the same, but I don't think I was ever that honest about it until I heard him say it.

 

[Omegasquash]

Haha. I have another father friend who basically says, "If you don't want to talk about our kids, I really don't have anything else to talk about with you anymore." I'm pretty much the same, but I don't think I was ever that honest about it until I heard him say it.

I know that I'm throwing shade, but I guarantee you that if you told pet owners that don't have kids yet "no, I don't care about how cute your dog/cat/ferret/goat is", the meltdown would be delicious.

People talk about their kids. It's just the way things go.

 

[Ensoul]

I coach competitive. Being happy,upset, disappointed,etc about their performance is normal and expected. How you express that to your child (and team) and use it to build something better is what matters. You seem to know this so I'm not quite sure what you are asking. You should always be happy that your kid has chosen an activity that you are very supportive of.
I will say that like growth spurts, kids have developmental spurts so some patience is needed. I have seen kids make tremendous strides in very short timeframes. As a 6th grade parent you have a lot of this in front of you. Some local coaches with older kids can give you some perspective.

The thing is not every parents takes sports as seriously. I have seen parents who are simply just happy their child is out playing and does not care how good or bad they are. I was just wondering how many parents feel the way I do.

Also someone else made a good point which I never considered: He may be struggling because it is pick up ball. With no practice the kids look a bit lost out there.