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[FunkyPajamas]

Go ahead and make fun of me, I deserve it, but this is real. I am terrible at swallowing pills.

Even the tiniest pills with coating take me about half a minute after I've put them in my mouth before I can swallow. It's stupid, I know; it takes me a while to "remember" the swallowing movement and then I'm finally able to replicate it and down they go.

The truth is I rarely swallow anything whole. I really chew the eff out of my food before I swallow. Hell, a few years ago a friend asked me why I was chewing my drink. I was doing it unconciously. I'm really bad at this!

I got food poisoning last Thursday and It's been hell for me the past few days. Not only because of the stomach cramps, fever, etc, but also because it's been a constant battle to try and swallow the goddamn shitload of pills that I got prescribed. Seriously, I got a 1 gram pill that looks like it was made as a suppository for Elephants. How the hell am I supposed to swallow that?

I've been reading online and I've tried multiple things and nothing has worked. The last thing I read (yet to try) is that I should coat the pills in butter and they will go down my throat easily and won't leave the nasty taste in my mouth. I had thought (before reading) of coating it in Nutella but I decided I wouldn't try that because I don't want to ruin Nutella with disgusting pills (also because Nutella is thick as hell so I'd probably choke on it and my cats would eat me after I'm dead).

What do I do GAF? I'm open to suggestions. Make fun of me all you want but please save me!

P.S. this is not a joke thread, nor a drunk thread, nor a high thread. I'm a grown man that can't swallow pills and I need help.

 

[jstripes]

Drink 'em with water.

 

[SteveWinwood]

I knew a girl who had this. She put them in a banana.

 

[entremet]

Water works well.

 

[Reverend Funk]

just stick 'em up your butt, it's fun and easy.

 

[CarbonatedFalcon]

Drink 'em with water.

.

 

[Arrogant Bastard]

Honestly, pretend you are drinking water and don't think about it.

 

[Spoo]

Had a similar issue for a while. Trick is to get it as far back as possible so you're basically choking on it, and are forced to drink water to not die. Survival instinct kicks in.

You'll be okay, tiger.

 

[Stet]

Hide it in some raw hamburger.

 

[Banjotanooki]

Apple sauce works.....sometimes.

 

[HORRORSHØW]

crush it and mix it with juice

 

[LookAtMeGo]

just stick 'em up your butt, it's fun and easy.

This is true for almost anything

 

[baggagelizard]

Practice with M&Ms!

 

[jbug617]

mix it with your food.

 

[liliththepale]

I can't do it without water, so I just always have water with my pills.

 

[Regiruler]

just stick 'em up your butt, it's fun and easy.

Go a step further: grind them up and inject them into the folds of your scrotum

 

[BananasWithGuns]

Pill on the back of your tongue, take a drink of water and swallow. Works for me anyway.

 

[umop_3pisdn]

Take them with a gulp of water. If they're capsules tip your head forward, it's sort of counterintuitive but it's really the way to do it. It's only if they're tablets that you'll tip your head backwards to encourage them to go down your throat.

 

[eliza0224]

It's hard for me too. I put the pill way back in my mouth, and just start drinking big sips until I swallowed it. I also close my eyes, helps me deal with the irrational fear.

 

[Alligatorjandro]

Put it in a bologna slice. Worked with my dog.

 

[SwiftDeath]

Tallest glass of water you can make.

Put pill in mouth, drink until you swallow pill or drown.

Works most of the time.

 

[vatstep]

I had this issue when I was younger, but I just realized that the average mouthful of food swallowed is larger than even the biggest pill — actively thinking this made it easier to do.

 

[Sai-kun]

omg

for the longest time, my mom would have to toss pills into my mouth to get me to down them. it was funniest/weirdest shit but i literally just could not swallow them on my own, even when i was drinking something. When I had headaches as an older teen I still was taking children's chewable tylenol lmao

 

[Toxi]

Put 'em in your mouth, then take a gulp of water.

 

[Jack Scofield]

Place them on the middle of your tongue, fill your mouth with water and take a big gulp. If you do it correctly you won't even feel yourself swallowing a pill.

 

[Stet]

omg

for the longest time, my mom would have to toss pills into my mouth to get me to down them. it was funniest/weirdest shit but i literally just could not swallow them on my own, even when i was drinking something. When I had headaches as an older teen I still was taking children's chewable tylenol lmao

did she make you beg first

 

[Sai-kun]

did she make you beg first

no she took pity on me. she's a sweet mom.

 

[liliththepale]

I had this issue when I was younger, but I just realized that the average mouthful of food swallowed is larger than even the biggest pill — actively thinking this made it easier to do.

It's not about being too big for me, but rather they're usually too small to trigger my swallow reflex.

 

[CSX]

Same issue as you OP especially if the pill is large. Really small pills like Zyrtec for allergies are no issue.

My solution is to swallow it down with water. It takes a 2nd gulp of water sometimes but water will always do the trick for me.

 

[striferser]

I'm really glad my mom taught me how to swallow pills.

Try swallowing you saliva. Repeat. Then put a pill into your mouth. Swallow again.

 

[Currygan]

pulverize them. Not kidding

 

[Stet]

have you tried rigging a tampon applicator to inject it down your throat

 

[liliththepale]

have you tried rigging a tampon applicator to inject it down your throat

Are you calling him a pussy?

 

[Arcia]

pulverize them. Not kidding

DON'T DO THIS. I've tried it before. It turns it into the most vile bitter powder and will make you vomit. Blech

 

[Stet]

Are you calling him a pussy?

no, i thought it was innovative

 

[theusedversion]

Place them on the middle of your tongue, fill your mouth with water and take a big gulp. If you do it correctly you won't even feel yourself swallowing a pill.

This. Don't even think about the pill. Just the water.

 

[kirby_fox]

The only way I get pills down is water first, then pill straight to the back of my throat and pretending it's only water I'm swallowing. I gag when the taste hits my tongue personally.

It's mostly a mental thing I think, so overcoming that is hard.

 

[theusedversion]

pulverize them. Not kidding

Don't do this. Many medicines are time-released.

 

[Andodalf]

I'm in this boat, I usually crush them and mix with sugar, or in solution with warm milk.

 

[SteveWinwood]

have you tried rigging a tampon applicator to inject it down your throat

im going to think of one new invention every day involving a tampon applicator

this is my life goal

 

[Currygan]

DON'T DO THIS. I've tried it before. It turns it into the most vile bitter powder and will make you vomit. Blech

Don't do this. Many medicines are time-released.

aw shit, disregard then. just thought iit'd be useful since i did it sometimes and nothing happened

 

[Maximo]

Ha had this problem a couple of years ago, Just put it to the back of your throat without choking, drink some water and tilt your head up.

 

[Alphahawk]

Don't put it at the back of your mouth, just put it in the front, it may seem counter productive but it will actually go down quicker this way.

 

[Novocaine]

Pills in mouth > glass of water > look up at the ceiling > swallow > drink more water to wash it down properly.

 

[akira28]

someone has to grab you, hold your mouth open, put in on the back of your tongue, then hold your mouth closed while holding your nose closed too until you swallow it.

or just hide it in a hotdog or something.


ok seriously, put the pill under your tongue. now fill your mouth full of a sweet liquid like orange juice or my personal favorite, purple stuff. OK now your mouth is full of purple stuff, you lift your tongue, and the power of science and physics will cause the pill to float into the liquid, suspended. Now you can gulp everything down, and the force of the liquid and the volume should carry the pill down your throat and into your esophagus. This is a fool proof method for taking any pill.

 

[Kagemusha]

I always eat a meal first, even if just soup and crackers. Makes it easier for me.

 

[cajunator]

I used to struggle with this but really just put the pill long side towards back of the throat and get a gulp of water and just concentrate on getting the water down. The pill just rides along.
after a few go's you get used to it and realize the fear is in your head.

 

[Sophia]

Don't do this. Many medicines are time-released.

Correct. If you break up a time released medicine, you will make yourself seriously sick.

OP, Glass of water or applesuace are two ways you can go about it. If water doesn't work, try putting it in a spoon full of applesauce and swallowing it all at once.

If you generate a lot of saliva, you can also start just gathering it in the front of your mouth too and use it in place of water.

 

[CreepingFear]

My grandfather was a Vitamin distributor. He taught me how to swallow many pills without water. That pretty much never comes in handy.

 

[Elwood Blues]

Watch an episode of House MD. He was a pro.