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possible love triangle-age

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thirty

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so my long distance ex-girlfriend, who i loved dearly, broke my heart about a year ago. she said she just couldn't be in a long distance relationship anymore. i moved on and have a new girlfriend now who loves me dearly. the new girlfriend is great but i don't think i could ever love her like i loved my ex.

so this past weekend i get a call from my ex to say that she's left her family and her friends behind and moved from the east to the west coast to be 80 miles away from me. she didn't outright say she moved for me but that's what she essentially did. when we broke up we both said that we wouldn't have so many issues if we lived close by and were in a short distance relationship. so my ex went ahead and moved; something she wouldn't do for me a year ago she did this past weekend. she knows i have a new girlfriend but she did it anyway. all without my consultation too because she knows i probably wouldn't have said she was crazy to do so since i have moved on.

i wanna be faithful and honest to my current girlfriend but don't wanna not see my ex since i know she sacrificed a lot. i feel i should give the ex another try at love but yet i don't wanna lose my current girlfriend until i know the chemistry with my ex can still be there. so now that the ex is already here, what do i do now?

A) stay with the current girl who loves me dearly and would never hurt me.
B) dump the current girl and try things out with the ex
C) lie, cheat, and try to juggle both women
 
i agree. tell the whole story fool. LD girl wanted him to run her bird shop while she trapsed around town in a brand new beemer. true story.
 
D) make like the GAFfer in that other thread tonight who's dating three women at once — this means you need to hook up with your ex and find a third girl. get on it






no but seriously. your ex sounds unreliable and flaky if she wouldn't move for you a year ago but suddenly moved for you last weekend without talking first about getting back together. stick with your current GF. if shit hits the fan with her, THEN think about returning to your ex... maybe.
 
Does the current girl make you happy? Which of them do you see a future with?

Whatever you do, don't cheat on your current girlfriend - you'll either lose both or will end up in a far worse situation than you're in now. Seriously, you'll be breaking a huge trust barrier.
 
Don't choose C, it almost never ends well. I think most people here will tell you to go with A, but I think most people who have actually chosen A before in their own lives (the key being "i don't think i could ever love her like i loved my ex") would chose B, as long as your ex didn't outright lie/cheat or otherwise screw you over.

So go with B, but not yet, she could change her mind again in two weeks. Spend some time with her as platonic friends, see if the interest is still there, see if the chemistry is still there, see if she's more reliable now, and then have a conversation with her about what both of you are looking for.
 
thirty said:
C) lie, cheat, and try to juggle both women
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Followed by D) get them both pregnant. After both births, introduce the two. Women tend to bond over larvae, and who could fault you for wanting to maintain a relationship with the mother of your child(ren)?
 
Go for whoever you like more. Just realize people change. You may have changed as a person with this new girl more than you have realized. If you don't want a pissed girlfriend, I'd keep the ex at arms length. Or just lie to your girlfriend and say that the ex is just an old friend if you truly think you can keep things friendly. Also take into consideration that you may be reading too much into your ex moving.
 
If you're younger than 25, go for C.

If you're over 25, A.

In neither case solely go back to the girl who already dumped you once, even if she had a good reason.
 
thirty said:
moved from the east to the west coast to be 80 miles away from me. she didn't outright say she moved for me but that's what she essentially did.
Click to expand...

I would think if you were the main motivation, she'd have gotten herself closer than 80 miles from you. That's still quite the distance.
 
thirty said:
the new girlfriend is great but i don't think i could ever love her like i loved my ex.
Click to expand...

Well shit you might as well go with B, you've already sabotaged your relationship with your current girl, whether subconsciously or not.
 
its not the main motivation. heres an easy test

girl A smiles like this :)

girl B smiles like this :l

which would you chose? girl B is evil.
 
Were you ever locationally close with the LDGF? I mean this in the sense of seeing her a few times weekly.

If you have never "been" with the LDGF, but only kept a relationship through phone calls/web cam, you've got a potential bomb on your hands. You know that phrase "you don't know someone until you've lived with them?" You might not know this girl unless you've actually had a real relationship with her.

Be happy with what you have. If you get greedy you might end up with nothing.
 
thirty said:
so my long distance ex-girlfriend, who i loved dearly, broke my heart about a year ago. she said she just couldn't be in a long distance relationship anymore. i moved on and have a new girlfriend now who loves me dearly. the new girlfriend is great but i don't think i could ever love her like i loved my ex.

so this past weekend i get a call from my ex to say that she's left her family and her friends behind and moved from the east to the west coast to be 80 miles away from me. she didn't outright say she moved for me but that's what she essentially did. when we broke up we both said that we wouldn't have so many issues if we lived close by and were in a short distance relationship. so my ex went ahead and moved; something she wouldn't do for me a year ago she did this past weekend. she knows i have a new girlfriend but she did it anyway. all without my consultation too because she knows i probably wouldn't have said she was crazy to do so since i have moved on.

i wanna be faithful and honest to my current girlfriend but don't wanna not see my ex since i know she sacrificed a lot. i feel i should give the ex another try at love but yet i don't wanna lose my current girlfriend until i know the chemistry with my ex can still be there. so now that the ex is already here, what do i do now?

A) stay with the current girl who loves me dearly and would never hurt me.
B) dump the current girl and try things out with the ex
C) lie, cheat, and try to juggle both women
Click to expand...

Fuckin' A

The ex dumped you, you've moved on and have found somebody you like.

Your current GF is not only proven to be more stable and reliable, but she didn't do anything hurt you either. She doesn't deserve to be hurt.

Your ex may have reconsidered her feelings towards you and even made a big sacrifice for your sake, but you didn't ask for any of this. You've moved on. Even if she is sincere, keeping her as an ex is a much lesser evil, because you only end up shattering her one-sided expectations of getting back together again. You actually have a commitment with your new girlfriend.
 
Definitely A.

But then again I think love is a state of mind. It grows and shrinks with time. Someone that you did not like then you'd probably like later on after you see more of her qualities. Someone that you used to like, you probably not find as interesting now.

I'd recommend you to try to see more of the good qualities of girl A before hastily dumping her just to be with girl B. Moreover, girl B dumped you just because of distance. What makes you think she won't dump you again later on?
 
B, B, B, no doubt about it. Nothing compares to your first love and if there's history there, you'll fall back into an amazing relationship with her (B) in no time at all.
 
Freestyler said:
B, B, B, no doubt about it. Nothing compares to your first love and if there's history there, you'll fall back into an amazing relationship with her (B) in no time at all.
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tsk, tsk, tsk. After all of the heartbreak you went through, this is still the option you'd choose? :D
 
It seems you'd have a lot more fun with girl B to me. But that would also come with a lot of drama. Whereas girl A would be a very steady and easy choice for you. It really comes down to whether you believe you can stop thinking about girl B when you're with girl A. If not you only really have one option.

Try things with girl B. It's what I'd choose. Make sure she's definitely up for it however.
 
thirty said:
so my long distance ex-girlfriend, who i loved dearly, broke my heart about a year ago. she said she just couldn't be in a long distance relationship anymore. i moved on and have a new girlfriend now who loves me dearly. the new girlfriend is great but i don't think i could ever love her like i loved my ex.
Click to expand...

You're an idiot and this is going to end badly.
 
thirty said:
so my long distance ex-girlfriend, who i loved dearly, broke my heart about a year ago. she said she just couldn't be in a long distance relationship anymore. i moved on and have a new girlfriend now who loves me dearly. the new girlfriend is great but i don't think i could ever love her like i loved my ex.

so this past weekend i get a call from my ex to say that she's left her family and her friends behind and moved from the east to the west coast to be 80 miles away from me. she didn't outright say she moved for me but that's what she essentially did. when we broke up we both said that we wouldn't have so many issues if we lived close by and were in a short distance relationship. so my ex went ahead and moved; something she wouldn't do for me a year ago she did this past weekend. she knows i have a new girlfriend but she did it anyway. all without my consultation too because she knows i probably wouldn't have said she was crazy to do so since i have moved on.

i wanna be faithful and honest to my current girlfriend but don't wanna not see my ex since i know she sacrificed a lot. i feel i should give the ex another try at love but yet i don't wanna lose my current girlfriend until i know the chemistry with my ex can still be there. so now that the ex is already here, what do i do now?

A) stay with the current girl who loves me dearly and would never hurt me.
B) dump the current girl and try things out with the ex
C) lie, cheat, and try to juggle both women
Click to expand...

You think your ex moved within 80 miles of you to be closer to you? If she wanted to be closer to you, she would've made contact, re-established a semblance of a relationship and took things from there. You're delusional right now. She's found a job, or another reason to be "close" to you which wasn't motivated by the fact you're in the area.

You're merely a convenience; a perk. She'll disrupt your relationship as much as possible, and when you leave your current gf for her, she's gonna ice you. Wake up and smell the aroma dude, if you aren't happy with the one you're with, dead that shit now before the roots tunnel too deep.
 
Great, another topic about "Hey!! Look at me! girls are throwing the pussy at me from all angles, what do I do!?"

I hate you.
:lol
 
As long as you are the top point of triangle you can't lose!

But I echo the sentiment of the poster who said if you're older than 25, choose A, younger, choose C. Except I'd raise the age to 30.
 
Does the 'ex' know anyone else in your area? she might just be moving in your general area by chance and wants to at least have one person she knows in the area just because it beats knowing no one.

I know what first loves are like, and you never ever forget them or stop thinking about 'what could have been' from time to time...but thats life.

You need to be happy for the next 40-70 years, not the next 4-6 months.
 
80 miles is close enough? I smell bullshit.

Anyway, choosing B depends on how you see the Exit door. I guess mine is one-way only.
 
I say be selfish. When you're young, if you don't think about what's best for you, regrets and missed opportunities will pile up by the time you're old. Get together with the ex, keep it quiet and off of your current girl's radar.

Forget about the feelings of either girls for a moment. Take a serious look at what makes you happiest. Then you can decide which one to choose.
 
A, without a doubt. Coming from someone who has dabbled around in option C, trust me...you'll be living with the guilt for the rest of your life if you even remotely care about the new GF. NEVER CHOOSE C.
 
Mystagogue said:
A, without a doubt. Coming from someone who has dabbled around in option C, trust me...you'll be living with the guilt for the rest of your life if you even remotely care about the new GF. NEVER CHOOSE C.
Click to expand...

See, i really don't think he does though. I think this question depends on how young you are. This seems like one of those situations where you're doomed to fail regardless of what you choose.
 
Oddly enough, this seems like a Girl-age thread where pics would be helpful.

A

Look, its not just whether you can love current girl as much as your ex, its also about them as well. And it sounds like ex may not be able to love you as much as current girl, else she would have headed out with you or not broken up over it.

And 80 miles away is not close. I know, I had to commute that when dating my now wife. Calling bullshit on her story. Her attempt to reconcile sounds like convenience.
 
80 miles can still be considered long-distance, but it may be enough buffer zone between the two of you if things don't work out again.
 
Sounds to me like the Ex moved away from her support network, so she is looking for a security blanket until she gets to know people in her new location. That blanket would be YOU. Sounds like you have some rose tinted memories of her, and that your current GF isn't gonna be a permanent fixture no matter what.

So you could always cruise up there, get her a bit drunk, and see if some nostalgia sex comes out of it! Maybe those old flames will be rekindled, and maybe she put on 40 pounds :P
 
xbhaskarx said:
Don't choose C, it almost never ends well. I think most people here will tell you to go with A, but I think most people who have actually chosen A before in their own lives (the key being "i don't think i could ever love her like i loved my ex") would chose B, as long as your ex didn't outright lie/cheat or otherwise screw you over.

So go with B, but not yet, she could change her mind again in two weeks. Spend some time with her as platonic friends, see if the interest is still there, see if the chemistry is still there, see if she's more reliable now, and then have a conversation with her about what both of you are looking for.
Click to expand...
yeah, i think i have to keep the current GF and be platonic friends with ex to see where she and i are at as far as chemistry.
Proc said:
Go for whoever you like more. Just realize people change. You may have changed as a person with this new girl more than you have realized. If you don't want a pissed girlfriend, I'd keep the ex at arms length. Or just lie to your girlfriend and say that the ex is just an old friend if you truly think you can keep things friendly. Also take into consideration that you may be reading too much into your ex moving.
Click to expand...
yeah, sounds like i have to lie to my current GF to spend time with my ex as platonic friends. she did move for me though but didn't keep me in the loop about it because she knew i was involved with a new girl. she tried to call me a few times in the recent months to tell me she missed me and that she thinks of me often, only to be told by me that i'm with someone else now.
soultron said:
Were you ever locationally close with the LDGF? I mean this in the sense of seeing her a few times weekly.

If you have never "been" with the LDGF, but only kept a relationship through phone calls/web cam, you've got a potential bomb on your hands. You know that phrase "you don't know someone until you've lived with them?" You might not know this girl unless you've actually had a real relationship with her.

Be happy with what you have. If you get greedy you might end up with nothing.
Click to expand...
we were never locationally close, we would travel to see each other every 1-2 months spending incredible weekends together. i hear you though, and think i shouldn't make any sudden decisions. just sucks that i'd probably have to lie to my current GF to be friends with the ex.
FooFighter said:
It seems you'd have a lot more fun with girl B to me. But that would also come with a lot of drama. Whereas girl A would be a very steady and easy choice for you. It really comes down to whether you believe you can stop thinking about girl B when you're with girl A. If not you only really have one option.

Try things with girl B. It's what I'd choose. Make sure she's definitely up for it however.
Click to expand...
...
soundahfekz said:
You think your ex moved within 80 miles of you to be closer to you? If she wanted to be closer to you, she would've made contact, re-established a semblance of a relationship and took things from there. You're delusional right now. She's found a job, or another reason to be "close" to you which wasn't motivated by the fact you're in the area.

You're merely a convenience; a perk. She'll disrupt your relationship as much as possible, and when you leave your current gf for her, she's gonna ice you. Wake up and smell the aroma dude, if you aren't happy with the one you're with, dead that shit now before the roots tunnel too deep.
Click to expand...
the city she choose is the city i told her she'd love, Santa Barbara California to be exact. she moved there and not Los Angeles, where i'm at, because she didn't wanna move to another big city, she's from Miami. she moved out to SB without ever visiting, using only my positive words that i mentioned to her about the city while we were dating. as to work, she can work anywhere there's a hospital as she's an occupational therapist.

i do agree that i am "a perk." i'm sure she didn't keep me in the loop so that she can tell herself, her family, her friends, that moving was entirely her decision and i had nothing to do with it.
GodofWine said:
Does the 'ex' know anyone else in your area? she might just be moving in your general area by chance and wants to at least have one person she knows in the area just because it beats knowing no one.
Click to expand...
she knows no one in the entire west coast but me.
AVclub said:
I say be selfish. When you're young, if you don't think about what's best for you, regrets and missed opportunities will pile up by the time you're old. Get together with the ex, keep it quiet and off of your current girl's radar.

Forget about the feelings of either girls for a moment. Take a serious look at what makes you happiest. Then you can decide which one to choose.
Click to expand...
i like this advice, probably the best of the entire thread. i sooo need not worry about the feelings of either girl. right now, i'm thinking too much about hurting my current GF for lying to her and also thinking about hurting my ex because i'm not jumping at the chance to spend time with her even after she did a complete uproot and move to be close to me. i need to always remember to put my feelings ahead of both girls regardless of who i may hurt.

BTW
my current GF will be moving to Mexico for two months to handle some family business starting at the end of august. poor girl has no idea.
 
Tideas said:
how do you know she moved for you?
Click to expand...

I was just about to say this. OP, how are you so sure she moved for you? She's still 80 miles away. It's not as if she lives right around the corner, or in the same city. It could just be an odd coincidence.
 
thirty said:
i don't wanna lose my current girlfriend until i know the chemistry with my ex can still be there.
Click to expand...
Okay, that's a terrible terrible reason to stay with your current GF, and pretty unfair to her. Sort out your feelings before you dig yourself a hole.

thirty said:
i like this advice, probably the best of the entire thread. i sooo need not worry about the feelings of either girl. right now, i'm thinking too much about hurting my current GF for lying to her and also thinking about hurting my ex because i'm not jumping at the chance to spend time with her even after she did a complete uproot and move to be close to me. i need to always remember to put my feelings ahead of both girls regardless of who i may hurt.

BTW
my current GF will be moving to Mexico for two months to handle some family business starting at the end of august. poor girl has no idea.
Click to expand...
Okay, wow. Well, go nuts :/
 
AkuMifune said:
If you're younger than 25, go for C.

If you're over 25, A.

In neither case solely go back to the girl who already dumped you once, even if she had a good reason.
Click to expand...

I agree with this.

Especially the under 25 go with C part. You only live once!
 
In my eyes, don't drag the current GF along. You know you wouldn't want to be someone's backup plan. You know you love the ex. You know you don't love the current gf as much as you could love the ex. Just go back to the ex.
 
thirty said:
i like this advice, probably the best of the entire thread. i sooo need not worry about the feelings of either girl. right now, i'm thinking too much about hurting my current GF for lying to her and also thinking about hurting my ex because i'm not jumping at the chance to spend time with her even after she did a complete uproot and move to be close to me. i need to always remember to put my feelings ahead of both girls regardless of who i may hurt.

BTW
my current GF will be moving to Mexico for two months to handle some family business starting at the end of august. poor girl has no idea.
Click to expand...

You don't seem to care about any of these girls so go with C.

Also in triangle all three points have to be connected.
 
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