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Pamela Clark, PhD Candidate in Political Science at York University, wrote this on her blog and I thought it was worth sharing. For all of you wondering "what do I do to actually HELP" this may be helpful. Here's a few snippets - find the whole post here:
http://pamelaclark.tumblr.com/post/87113711124/35-practical-tools-for-men-to-further-feminist
There's SO much more at the link, I highly recommend reading it.
MOD ABUSE:
I strongly encourage people to read the FAQ that goes along with this article, as it directly addresses many of the questions and complaints I've seen so far.
http://pamelaclark.tumblr.com/post/90299280044/faq-35-practical-tools-for-men-to-further-feminist
http://pamelaclark.tumblr.com/post/87113711124/35-practical-tools-for-men-to-further-feminist
2. Do 50% (or more) of emotional support work in your intimate relationships and friendships. Recognize that women are disproportionately responsible for emotional labour and that being responsible for this takes away time and energy from things they find fulfilling.
4. Give women space. Many women walk around—especially at night or while alone—feeling on edge and unsafe. Being in close physical proximity to an unknown man can exacerbate this feeling. Recognize that this is not an unreasonable fear for women to have, given how many of us have experienced harassment or abuse or been made to feel unsafe by men when we are in public spaces. Also recognize that it doesn’t matter if you are the kind of man who a woman has any actual reason to fear, because a woman on the street doesn’t have a way of knowing this about you or not.
Examples: If a seat is available on public transit next to a man, take that seat rather than one next to a woman. If you are walking outside in the dark close to a woman walking alone, cross the street so that she doesn’t have to worry someone is following her. If a woman is standing alone on a subway platform, stand some distance away from her.
5. … but insert yourself into spaces where you can use your maleness to interrupt sexism.***Examples: challenge men who make sexist comments and jokes. If you see a female friend in a bar/at a party/on the subway/wherever looking uncomfortable as a man is speaking to her, try to interject in a friendly way that offers her an opportunity for an “out” if she wants it. If you see a situation where a woman looks like she may be in distress while in the company of a man, stand nearby enough that you make yourself a physical presence, monitor the situation, and be in a position to call for help if needed.
6. When a woman tells you something is sexist, believe her.
7. Educate yourself about sexual consent and make sure there is clear, unambiguous communication of consent in all your sexual relationships.
8. Be responsible for contraception. If you are in a relationship where contraception is necessary, offer to use methods that do not have health risks for women (use of hormones, surgeries, etc.) and treat these as preferable options. If your partner prefers a particular method, let her be in charge of making that decision without questioning or complaining about it. Don’t whine about condom usage, and be responsible for buying them and having them available if that’s the method you’re using.
Assume financial responsibility for any costs related to contraception. Women earn less than men, and also have to assume all the physical risk of pregnancy. Further, in instances where contraception involves any amount of physical risk, it is virtually always women who must assume this risk. As a gesture that redresses a minuscule amount of this disparity, heterosexual men should finance the whole cost of contraceptives.
12. Pay attention to and challenge informal instances of gender role enforcement. For example, if you are at a family function or dinner party, pay attention to whether it is mostly/only women who are doing food preparation/cleaning/childcare while men are socializing and relaxing. If it is, change the dynamic and implore other men to do the same.
13. Be mindful of implicit and explicit gendered power differentials in your intimate/domestic relationships with women…whether a partner or family members or roommates. Work to recognize where inherent structural power differentials based on race, class, gender, sexual orientation, age (and so on). Where you benefit from these structural imbalances, educate yourself about your privilege and work on finding ways to create a more equitable balance of power. For example, if you are in a domestic partnership where you are the primary income earner, educate yourself about the gendered wage gap, and work on dividing labour and economic resources within your household in a way that increases the economic autonomy of your partner.
14. Make sure that honesty and respect guide your romantic and sexual relationships with women. The way you treat women with whom you are in a relationship is a mirror of your values about women in general. It doesn’t work to espouse feminist theory and then treat your partners like trash. Be upfront and open about your intentions, communicate openly so that women have the ability to make informed, autonomous decisions about what they want to do.
15. Don’t be an online bystander in the face of sexism. Challenge people who make, say, or post sexist things on the internet, especially on social media.
18. Don’t ogle or make comments about women. (i.e. Keep your tongue in your mouth and comments to yourself.) Even though women may be more prone to wearing more revealing outfits than men, don’t ogle them just because you want to and can. Though you may find someone attractive, there’s a line between noticing and being creepy/disrespectful. It makes the women being ogled feel uncomfortable, as well as any women who notice the ogling or are aware of the comments.
22. Have integrity with your male friends. (i.e. Don’t be a “bro.”When a male friend is doing something sexist (being a deadbeat dad, down-talking women, ogling women, secretly spending shared money, lying to their partner, etc) have integrity and say something to your friend. It’s not enough to think it’s wrong; let them know you think it’s wrong.
There's SO much more at the link, I highly recommend reading it.
MOD ABUSE:
I strongly encourage people to read the FAQ that goes along with this article, as it directly addresses many of the questions and complaints I've seen so far.
http://pamelaclark.tumblr.com/post/90299280044/faq-35-practical-tools-for-men-to-further-feminist
