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YO GAF, YOU WATCH THAT SHITTY VP DEBATE EARLIER THIS WEEK? WE ALL KNOW THAT NO ONE CARES ABOUT MIKE KAINE OR TIM PENCE.
The second presidential debate will take place at Washington University in
St. Louis (pronounced LOO-EEE), Missouri on Sunday October 9, 2016. The debate will begin at 9PM ET/8PM CT.
The debate will air on every known surface in existence, except for the ones showing the Packers/Giants game
. Specifically though, the debate can be watched on CBS, ABC, FOX, CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, CNBC, Bloomberg, PBS, C-SPAN, Telemundo, Univision. Never fear, digital electronic umbilical cord cutting stillborn millenials, it will also be streamed through Youtube by most/all of the networks I just mentioned, but also will be on Twitter, Buzzfeed, Politico, Daily Caller, Huffington Post, and Yahoo.
The debates theme will be town hall Thunderdome style. As is usual with these debates, we expect two candidates to enter but only one to leave. The debate will be to the death.
Phew
Now that that's out of the way, let's meet our debate participants.
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Your first candidate ran for president for 68 years until she died at some point earlier this year! A distinguished public servant with decades of service as FLOTUS, US Senator, Secretary of State, and most qualifying of all, deliverererer of paid speeches. It is said that Chelsea is their second child because they sacrificed their first born to the bloody gods of politics! The most qualified woman to ever be a major party nominee!
Weighing in at 33,000 email pounds with an electoral record of 0-1, the woman that isn't even good enough to be called the Glass Joe of elections, HILARY CLINTON!!!!
Likely questions for candidate:
Why did you kill Benjamin Ghazi?
Why did you kill Vince Foster?
Why do you hate America?
Fuck you…?
Keys for victory:
Smile more/less
Be aggressive but not naggy
Attack, but don't be shrill
Be feminine and not too assertive
Don't murder anyone
Don't die
Be perfect
Things to do to avoid losing:
Don't be Hillary Clinton
Not a whole lot, Trumperino is pretty fucked
*lights black out*
*slow chant of USA begins*
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Your second candidate for president has flirted with a presidential run for years until he creeped on it so hard, the presidency took out a restraining order on him in 2012. Not one to be deterred by some shitty law on a piece of paper written by a judge that was probably a woman, a Mexican, a Muslim, or a female Mexican Muslim, our candidate burned all his primary opponents hotter than a cross on the lawn of a black church. If he wins tonight, he tells us he will celebrate by fucking his daughter, Ivanka!
Weighing in at a crushingly obese obese, with a winning record of so much winning, we lost track of how many wins he has. The thunder that will grab you
down under, DONELD TRUMP!!!!
Likely questions for candidate:
How much meth do you smoke?
How do you cope with your ongoing jaundice?
Have you ever fucked her right in the pussy after you grabbed her pussy?
Please kill yourself?
Keys to victory:
Show up
Talk in complete sentences
Blame everything on Hillary
Talk a lot about polls
Talk a lot about how great Donald Trump is
Make America Great Again
Things to do to avoid losing:
Not be Donald Trump
Only yell at people named Hillary
Hope that no one in audience is named Hillary
Don't grab any pussies
Do not say bitch or cunt
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Now it's time to meet your first moderator!
Our first moderator has been all over the world. He's covered wars, folks. He has done battle with hurricanes and closets. His piercing blue eyes are the color of truth and it is said that his declaration of gaydependence slayed ten thousand vaginas. The silver fox of the news, ANDERSON COUPER!!!!
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Finally, still high and infused with the power of MALARKEY from her 2012 Vice-Presidential debate moderation, she is so done with this shit. She is sick and tired of people only talking about Anderson Cooper moderating the debate. This debate is co-moderated, damn it. She is currently at Scott Air Force base fueling her jet to get ready for her strafing run to save us all from a giant turd and a douche sandwich, and kill that sonuva bitch silver fox, Anderson Cooler, here is MARSHA RADISH!!!!
Links to debate live streams:
NBC: https://youtu.be/FRlI2SQ0Ueg
CBSN: http://www.cbsnews.com/live/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/i/live/778347749217406976
CNN: http://www.cnn.com/
Fox News: http://www.foxnews.com/
Fox Business: http://www.foxbusiness.com/
MSNBC: (probably the NBCNews link) or, http://www.msnbc.com/
C-SPAN: https://www.c-span.org/presidentialDebate/?debate=second
PBS: http://www.pbs.org/newshour/updates/watch-live-second-2016-presidential-debate/
YO GAF, YOU WATCH THAT SHITTY VP DEBATE EARLIER THIS WEEK? WE ALL KNOW THAT NO ONE CARES ABOUT MIKE KAINE OR TIM PENCE.
The second presidential debate will take place at Washington University in
Washington
The debate will air on every known surface in existence, except for the ones showing the Packers/Giants game
NBC
The debates theme will be town hall Thunderdome style. As is usual with these debates, we expect two candidates to enter but only one to leave. The debate will be to the death.
Phew
Now that that's out of the way, let's meet our debate participants.
play in background
Don't fuck with me, the music is correct
Your first candidate ran for president for 68 years until she died at some point earlier this year! A distinguished public servant with decades of service as FLOTUS, US Senator, Secretary of State, and most qualifying of all, deliverererer of paid speeches. It is said that Chelsea is their second child because they sacrificed their first born to the bloody gods of politics! The most qualified woman to ever be a major party nominee!
Weighing in at 33,000 email pounds with an electoral record of 0-1, the woman that isn't even good enough to be called the Glass Joe of elections, HILARY CLINTON!!!!
Likely questions for candidate:
Why did you kill Benjamin Ghazi?
Why did you kill Vince Foster?
Why do you hate America?
Fuck you…?
(Bernie buster)
Keys for victory:
Smile more/less
Be aggressive but not naggy
Attack, but don't be shrill
Be feminine and not too assertive
Don't murder anyone
Don't die
Be perfect
Things to do to avoid losing:
Don't be Hillary Clinton
Not a whole lot, Trumperino is pretty fucked
*lights black out*
*slow chant of USA begins*
play in background
Seriously, though, you best stop asking if the music is correct, it is
Your second candidate for president has flirted with a presidential run for years until he creeped on it so hard, the presidency took out a restraining order on him in 2012. Not one to be deterred by some shitty law on a piece of paper written by a judge that was probably a woman, a Mexican, a Muslim, or a female Mexican Muslim, our candidate burned all his primary opponents hotter than a cross on the lawn of a black church. If he wins tonight, he tells us he will celebrate by fucking his daughter, Ivanka!
Weighing in at a crushingly obese obese, with a winning record of so much winning, we lost track of how many wins he has. The thunder that will grab you
r pussy
Likely questions for candidate:
How much meth do you smoke?
How do you cope with your ongoing jaundice?
Have you ever fucked her right in the pussy after you grabbed her pussy?
Please kill yourself?
Keys to victory:
Show up
Talk in complete sentences
Blame everything on Hillary
Talk a lot about polls
Talk a lot about how great Donald Trump is
Make America Great Again
Things to do to avoid losing:
Not be Donald Trump
Only yell at people named Hillary
Hope that no one in audience is named Hillary
Don't grab any pussies
Do not say bitch or cunt
play in background
Now it's time to meet your first moderator!
Our first moderator has been all over the world. He's covered wars, folks. He has done battle with hurricanes and closets. His piercing blue eyes are the color of truth and it is said that his declaration of gaydependence slayed ten thousand vaginas. The silver fox of the news, ANDERSON COUPER!!!!
play in background
Finally, still high and infused with the power of MALARKEY from her 2012 Vice-Presidential debate moderation, she is so done with this shit. She is sick and tired of people only talking about Anderson Cooper moderating the debate. This debate is co-moderated, damn it. She is currently at Scott Air Force base fueling her jet to get ready for her strafing run to save us all from a giant turd and a douche sandwich, and kill that sonuva bitch silver fox, Anderson Cooler, here is MARSHA RADISH!!!!
Links to debate live streams:
NBC: https://youtu.be/FRlI2SQ0Ueg
CBSN: http://www.cbsnews.com/live/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/i/live/778347749217406976
CNN: http://www.cnn.com/
Fox News: http://www.foxnews.com/
Fox Business: http://www.foxbusiness.com/
MSNBC: (probably the NBCNews link) or, http://www.msnbc.com/
C-SPAN: https://www.c-span.org/presidentialDebate/?debate=second
PBS: http://www.pbs.org/newshour/updates/watch-live-second-2016-presidential-debate/
