Support NeoGAF

[Dilbert]

This little gem was in the latest DNRC newsletter, written by Scott Adams:

The United States is having a presidential election involving a number of
confusing things such as issues, platforms, and electoral votes. As a member of
the DNRC, you know that this is an elaborate scheme concocted by the Founding
Fathers to protect voters from the embarrassing realization that they always
elect the candidate with the best hair.

Democracy might have some rough edges, but it’s still the best system in the
world. If you don’t believe it, here are some true quotes overheard from the
citizens who will help decide which leader should have the nuclear launch
codes:

"If there was a rainbow at night, how would you know it was there?"

"Just because he's our landlord doesn't mean he owns the place."

"Wasn't bronchitis a dinosaur?"

"All old people should be shot at birth."

"I know that area of town like the back of my head."

The biggest issue this election is something called flip-flopping, and all
candidates are accused of doing it. A strong leader is expected to maintain
steadfast resolve in his opinion even if the environment changes or he gets new
information. In any other context, that would be considered the first sign of a
brain tumor. When presidents do it, it’s called leadership, and frankly, we
can’t get enough of it.

Tip: Place your houseplants in front of the television during the next
presidential debate and watch how leafy they get.

This election the decision is especially difficult because it pits a sitting
president who started a war in order to find things that don’t exist, versus an
ugly guy. I don’t think I’m alone in saying I’m not totally comfortable with
either choice.

The official DNRC position in this campaign is that other people’s votes
shouldn’t count. So find someone who disagrees with all of your opinions and
convince that person to stay home on Election Day. Promise that you’ll do the
same. Then use your absentee ballot to vote from home so that technically you
didn’t lie. If there is one thing that our role models in this election have
taught us, it’s that omitting important information is completely different
from lying.

If you are not a citizen of the United States, you can still vote in the
election by using an absentee ballot. I’m pretty sure no one checks to see if
they’re real.

 

[Loki]

:lol

 

[Nerevar]

If you are not a citizen of the United States, you can still vote in the
election by using an absentee ballot. I’m pretty sure no one checks to see if
they’re real.

:lol

only if you register in Florida.

 

[JoshuaJSlone]

The official DNRC position in this campaign is that other people’s votes
shouldn’t count. So find someone who disagrees with all of your opinions and
convince that person to stay home on Election Day.

This reminds me of something I was joking about with my brother. He's a Jehovah's Witness, and they don't vote. The reasoning never makes sense to me, but it's something about how government is inherently flawed until God and Jesus take over and make things perfect, so there's no use meddling with the government. Yet they still comply with all laws and taxes. ANYWAY, even though he doesn't vote, he still heavily follows politics and is anti-Bush (with the exception of abortion, basically). I told him that when he goes door-to-door, he should only try and convert Republicans. This way there would be fewer Republican voters.