Quick, I need a joke to tell to a chick!

Status
Not open for further replies.
Having a picnic with Pinocchio in the forest, Snow White grabbed him, threw him on the ground, sat on his face, and screamed, "Lie to me!! Lie to me!!"
 
if you had some nuts on your chin... would they be chin-nuts?
 
knock knock
who's there
slap happy
slap hap...*smack woman clean across face*
Slap happy me bitch! wanna make out?
 
LakeEarth said:
Nothing is better to enter a woman's heart then with a dead baby joke.
Click to expand...

You thinking the one I'm thinking?

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown suit.

or

What's worse than a dead baby in a barrel?
Ten dead babies in a barrel.

or

What did the boy with Cerebral Palsy get for Christmas?
Cancer.
 
whats the worst part of pulling out of a bald p**sy?

putting the diaper back on.



Funny story behind that joke. It was told to me by an EB coworker back in the day who was full of crazy surprises. His list of hits:

1) Telling a kid in a wheelchair on halloween that he had a nice costume.
2) Quitting in a rage and accusing us all of secretly hating him (we did) because someone asked him to put away a shipment of dreamcast systems.
3) Looking strangely at little girls. I think that joke might have come from personal experience. Creepy.

I think we all suspect he was arrested for something later down the line, but thankfully after he quit we never saw him again.
 
What did Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd have in common?

The wall!!

Hahaha, I never new it was previously posted.... damn
 
Would you like me to tell a joke?

...yeah sure.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

...go f*ck yourself.


Best joke ever.
 
Die Squirrel Die said:
What's worse than a dead baby in a barrel?
Ten dead babies in a barrel.
Click to expand...

I don't like this joke much, but you screwed it up. It's:

What's worse than ten dead babies in a barrel?
A dead baby in ten barrels.
 
Die Squirrel Die said:
You thinking the one I'm thinking?

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown suit.

or

What's worse than a dead baby in a barrel?
Ten dead babies in a barrel.

or

What did the boy with Cerebral Palsy get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Click to expand...
What's worse than 1,000 dead babies in the back of a truck?
999 dead babies in the back of a truck, and one still alive in the middle trying to eat its way out.

What's easier to get out of the back of a truck, babies or bowling balls?
Babies. You can't stick a pitchfork in a bowling ball.

We're going to hell.

edit: Mine were told in the other thread, and I fucked them up to boot. :( Carry on. I'm LMAO at that other thread, though.
 
aoi tsuki said:
"...and so my screen name on a videogame message board on the internet is BigJonsson."
Click to expand...



LOL LOL...i actually told a girl that once...she looked at me in a strange way and went...hmm okayyyyyyyyyyy now i know why you have all those silver surfer stuff in your apartment

I felt so nerdy :lol
 
What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with an atheist? Someone who knocks at your door for no reason.
 
xsarien said:
So a horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Why the long face?"
Click to expand...


It's the wife-- nag, nag, nag.


======


A skeleton walks into a bar and says "Give me a beer, and a mop."

======

Longer, and slightly risqe, if you want an inroad to flirting:

A rumpled-looking guy in a trenchcoat walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender.

Man: "If I show you something really amazing, will you give me a drink?"
Bartender: "Lemme see first."

So the guy opens his trenchcoat and takes out a small man, a foot high, and puts him on the piano stool. The little guy then proceeds to play piano beautfully.

Bartender: "Wow, okay, you can have a drink for that."

So the guy drinks his drink quickly, and asks: "If I give you something really special, will you give me another drink?"

The bartender figures he's already ahead, so says sure. The man pulls an Aladdin-type lamp out of his coat. "Rub this and you can have any wish"

The bartender rubs the lamp, and a genie comes out: "What is your one wish, O Master?"

Bartender: "I wish I had a million bucks!"

*POOF* The bar is filled with ducks.

Bartender: "Hey, I didn't ask for a million DUCKS!"

Man: "I didn't ask for a 12-inch Pianist, either."

=======

Ruder:

There's a shy guy at a bar, who asks his friend for advice.

The friend says, "Well, I walk up to an attractive woman and say "Tickle your ass with a feather?" And if she acts offended, I say " I said, 'Typically nasty weather.'""

The man decides to have a few more before getting up the courage to try this, but he has a few too many. Once sufficiently bombed, he walks up to an attractive woman and says:

"Shove a feather up your ass?"

She hauls back to slap him and he says

"Looks like fucking rain!"

[This works best if you do a good drunk impersonation-- I don't know how well it reads on screen]
 
norinrad21 said:
LOL LOL...i actually told a girl that once...she looked at me in a strange way and went...hmm okayyyyyyyyyyy now i know why you have all those silver surfer stuff in your apartment

I felt so nerdy :lol
Click to expand...

Dude, there's nothing nerdy about Norrin Radd.

/me puts hand on your shoulder.

Now you keep on being norinrad21, ok?
 
Heres one my GRANDAD told me:

Two friends sitting at a bar before christmas,

Friend one: "So what did you get your wife for christmas?"

Friend two: "A pair of oven gloves and a dildo, if she doesnt like the oven gloves she can go fuck herself"
 
BuG said:
What's worse than 1,000 dead babies in the back of a truck?
999 dead babies in the back of a truck, and one still alive in the middle trying to eat its way out.
Click to expand...

What's worse than that? The live baby succeeeding.

What's even worse? Him going back for seconds.
 
What's brown and sticky...





A stick
________________________

What did the leper say to the prostitute?




Keep the tip
 
Elephant and a mouse walking down the street in the jungle , all of a sudden the elephant falls into a trap. The mouse says dont worry ill brb, mouse comes back with his mercedes and the elephant grabs onto the bumper, mouse hits the gas and the elephant is free, *thanks man savedme* no prob says the mouse.

Later on that week walkin down the road this time the mouse falls into a trap. Elephant says dont worry i got ya. He whips out his dick and the mouse runs up it and gets out. Mouse says thanks , elephant says no problem.

whats the moral of the story?

If ya got a big dick you dont need a mercedes.
 
2 pizzas are in an oven.
The first one says : "It's hot in here !"
The other one answer : "OMG, a talking pizza !"

...
 
Pirate walks into a bar with this steering wheel sticking out the zipper of his pants. Bartender goes "Whats with the steering wheel?". Pirate responds "Arrrrr....its driving me nuts!"
 
What did Scott Peterson say to Amber Frey after they had sex?


Why the long face?


lp_frey.jpg
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

I wish I had someone to talk and relate to. I need friends.
2
81
406
DeVeAn replied
New cats, need a name
47
229
Mistake replied
is there a way to tell if someone possibly used a stolen card to pay me through paypal?
4
431
AJUMP23 replied
I need a new laptop. Care to help?
21
2K
GoldenEye Samurai replied
When I was a kid parents only had to worry about drugs..
7
74
NeoIkaruGAF replied
Top Bottom