Somewhere between 3-4. Last night it was about a 2, it was at its worst when I was walking back to my apartment for some reason, just feeling empty and lonely, reflecting on my five years of college and realizing there's nothing to reflect on, wishing I had something to motivate me.....I get like that sometimes. One reason is I just don't have anything positive to list like some of the others here. I could list some negatives, though.
-no friends around here except one whom I see like once a week
-no girlfriend, again
-no job
-college (teh best yearz of my life!! :rolleyes) is over and I feel like I'm coming out of it empty-handed in every way, and with a shitty GPA to boot
-feel obligated to start some bullshit menial job when I have no career ambitions or even ideas at all when I want to experience things and the world like most people my age have done in some form or another. Plus, I want to do something cool for winter break like travel, but I don't know who I'd do that with a job I practically just started, unless I just quit. I've never done ANYTHING but go home for all my breaks, partially because I've felt obligated to be an emotional babysitter for my screwed up younger sister because of my crap-ass parents. I'm still looking for a job, tho.
-in the past years I've kicked some internal problems that basically ruined college for me, but it's too late to take advantage of my new attitude in college since...I'm pretty much no longer in college
-i decided to 'settle down' with a decent apartment and a car after college, but I'm starting to wonder if that was a bad decision as I kind of want to just get away and travel or something...I don't even fuckin know. I just don't want to jump into some shit menial working world after pretty much not even experiencing teenagehood/college-life/'exploring' at all.
-I've developed a habit, like I did four years ago or so with DVDs, of spending too much money to take my mind of my depression or something
+the only plus that I can think of is that one week ago today I had my first fun/social birthday literally since junior high or so (turned 23). Considering how depressing and especially lonely all my birthdays were throughout college, it's kind of surreal thinking of last tuesday night and having a crazy drunken time around town with my girl_space_friend.
2 at max, and yet i never get depressed anymore I just get really really indifferent to everything
Come over to my place, I got shitloads of booze and we can get drunk and wallow in our self-pity together. How bout it.
(and for shit's sake, nobody say anything about my "drinking" and my depression....I really only drink, let alone get drunk when I'm with someone/people and having the only good time of my week)
.....okay, making this post definitely brought me down to a 2.
