Roommate Etiquette Question

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GusBus

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One of my roommates works odd (late) hours as a server on the weekends; on Friday/Saturday nights she routinely won't get back until ~4 AM. I work traditional 9-5ish hours during the week, and do not have work on the weekend.

On weekend mornings, I usually will be up around 8:30-9 AM, and will go over to the kitchen to get a glass of water, grab something from the fridge, and use the bathroom. Her bedroom is located directly off those areas, and no matter how quiet I am, there is inevitably some noise made (a closing door, footsteps etc.).

This morning, she sent me this angry text asking me to be quiet and more considerate. Do you think that's reasonable? I'm not playing music or grinding coffee, and trying to be as quiet as I can. I feel like I'm being held hostage in my own home! What say you, GAF?
 
Nah, fuck this person. Had a roommate once that tried to give me this shit too. I have a right to use the damn kitchen and bathroom.
 
Talk to her and see if you can work something out. Maybe all the roommates together can replace her room door with a solid security door that would be less transparent for sound.

9am on a weekend doesn't seem unreasonable but if she's a light sleeper I can see her being frustrated by getting woken up.
 
if she is getting woken up then she is probably just mega pissy when sending the text, i would be the same because getting woken up makes me feel helpless and miserable, so i guess in that sense have a little empathy for her. BUT, it isnt your problem, she needs to get some earplugs or something.
 
She may be a light sleeper....like me. Almost anything wakes me up.

What I do is deploy some white noise (like a fan) to try and drown out disruptions (like a sneezing fly, or hearing the sun come up, lol). I'd suggest that to her.

But really, if you're trying to be quiet, there's really nothing more you can do.

EDIT: Also, asking you to be library quiet during normal hours is kinda unreasonable anyway. You said you're just going to the bathroom/kitchen, not having a party. If she gets angry at that, then that's pretty unreasonable on her part.
 
Sleep is precious man. Gotta respect that.

Engage them to find a way to make it work, whether it be white noise, ear plugs, or something else. She has a right to be able to sleep in her apartment.
 
She's the one sleeping at an odd hour, so it's on her to wear earplugs or whatnot. There should be a reasonable expectation for noise during the day.
 
She should probably get a white noise machine or something. I've worked late hours before, you can't expect the world to stop because you're in bed at 11am. I've gotten annoyed at construction, mowing, etc but I'm not going to complain. Those people are doing it at normal hours for the rest of the world, it's on me to find a way to sleep through that.
 
evanmisha said:
Nah, fuck this person. Had a roommate once that tried to give me this shit too. I have a right to use the damn kitchen and bathroom.
Click to expand...

Wow. You must be a joy to live with.

@OP, depends on how you open the fridge et cetera. If I open the fridge and use the bathroom, nobody will hear it. If my dad opens the fridge and uses the bathroom, even my neighbours will hear it.

Living together means sacrifice and compromise. I would assume she doesn't want to work these hours, yet she has to make a living. Try to be as quiet and considerate as possible, and maybe talk to her and tell her you weren't trying to be an ass, but also found her angry text irritating.
 
Not your problem, that's a reasonable time to wake up and get something from the kitchen. Her own fault for living so close to a kitchen if she knows it's going to be an issue.
Edit: And as others have said, when I used to sleep during daytime hours, I had a fan on to drown out minor noises outside my room.
 
Earplugs exist.

I wake up 6:30ish on weekdays because I have to get to my job. My roommates stay up until 1 or 2 AM watching movies and playing games. I've been sleeping with earplugs since I moved in, and if they give me shit for making noise in the morning I'll offer them a pair.
 
hehe, "roomate etiquette"
oh sweet summer child, such a thing has never existed

J6q5l_s-200x150.gif
 
Talk to her and see if there is a specific issue that you can solve together.

But if she is working those hours, that is not something you have any impact on. She needs to get some earplugs.
 
No, not your problem. Ask her if she'd rather you flush the toilet, or if she'd rather wake up to a giant turd in the toilet when she goes to use the bathroom when she wakes up.
 
You have a right to use the kitchen at any time of the day or night regardless of either person's working schedule.

You are already taking steps to be considerate. Like others have said, I would buy her some earplugs as a gesture of good will. Apologize (even though you've done nothing wrong) and tell her that these earplugs should help her get a good night's sleep.
 
For me and everyone I've lived with, we generally all agree 9am is too early on a weekend to make noise that could wake people up. Unless it's a must for you to go to work. I'd be annoyed if I lived with somebody who was waking up really early and messing around the kitchen at 8:30 or 9.

People I've lived with agree that you don't just go make noise at any hour when you know others are likely sleeping. Cooking at 3am is just as forbidden.

Sorry, but y'all are confused if you think the average American is ready to hear noise at 8:30am on weekend mornings.
 
You can't reasonably be expected to not use the bathroom when you need to.
DOWN said:
For me and everyone I've lived with, we generally all agree 9am is too early on a weekend to make noise that could wake people up. Unless it's a must for you to go to work. I'd be annoyed if I lived with somebody who was waking up really early and messing around the kitchen at 8:30 or 9.

People I've lived with agree that you don't just go make noise at any hour when you know others are likely sleeping. Cooking at 3am is just as forbidden.

Sorry, but y'all are confused if you think the average American is ready to hear noise at 8:30am on weekend mornings.
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9 AM is early? I guess I'm old. Even if I wanted to sleep in that late, my cats wouldn't let me. I've spent most of my post-college life living alone though.
 
If you are indeed being quiet, then I don't think it is fair to expect you to not use the kitchen and other communal areas.
 
If you are trying to minimize noise she has to deal with it. It's not like you're singing or slamming cabinets.
DOWN said:
For me and everyone I've lived with, we generally all agree 9am is too early on a weekend to make noise that could wake people up. Unless it's a must for you to go to work. I'd be annoyed if I lived with somebody who was waking up really early and messing around the kitchen at 8:30 or 9.

People I've lived with agree that you don't just go make noise at any hour when you know others are likely sleeping. Cooking at 3am is just as forbidden.

Sorry, but y'all are confused if you think the average American is ready to hear noise at 8:30am on weekend mornings.
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There is a reasonable expectation for quiet, sure, but that does not supercede reasonable activities like eating, drinking, and using the bathroom in the morning before work.
 
She doesn't work normal hours and is seemingly a light sleeper, so it's on her to either change her hours or figure out how to sleep undisturbed.

All she can reasonably ask is that you make an effort to be quiet. I'm sure she does the same when she gets back at 4am.

Maybe agree that you won't do kitchen stuff before 9am or something at weekends as a compromise. Also take a moment to consider if you are actually being quiet, not just doing things which are considered necessary and are, therefore, exempt from judgement. For example, don't wear shoes, close things quietly and handle crockery with care.
 
Tell her that you're already trying to walk and move as lightly as possible but that you're not going to stay still either. Tell her to buy herself some ear plugs, or some white noise like a stick fan, or both.

I personally sleep with a rain noise maker.
 
just explain to her how you explained to us, it's not for fault you all work different hours of the day, suggest she buy some ear plugs or something.
 
Fuck em' OP. I've been on both sides there, and always put up with it because that's how you treat roommates. I used to be up until 3-4 AM and sleep in until 12, and I never expected my roommates to be quiet purely to appease me. Inversely now I wake up at 7 and sleep at 11, and I would never expect my roommates to change their life and routines to accomadate me.
 
If they're alright with it try checking out how the noises sound in their room. Last place I lived was terrible for sound, it was almost like the design of the place amplified noise into my room, so even someone being quiet could result loudness.
 
Glasshole said:
Wow. You must be a joy to live with.
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If I'm paying rent, and my roommate wants to say I can't use the bathroom or kitchen during specific hours because they're sleeping... That's too damn bad for them. Sorry. Having said that, I can't imagine complaining at one of them for using the kitchen or bathroom because I'm not an asshole and I understand people get hungry and have to eat, and then have to poop. Such are the facts of life.
 
She's the one with the bad hours, not you. Dealing with normal, daytime noise is part of the deal and part of apartment living. Tell her to get earplugs or headphones, use white noise, look for a different job, or live on her own so she doesn't have to deal with others.

You pay bills just like she does and you deserve to be comfortable where you live. Of course, try to compromise when it's reasonable but from the sounds of it she wants you to sit on your bed in the morning staying perfectly still until she wakes up and gives you permission to use your home. Fuck that.

Is it possible to swap rooms around?
 
These situations are always hard to deal with, I think your best bet is to have her get earplugs or try to move the rooms around a bit so something works. You're using the kitchen at a normal time, so I don't think you're in the wrong here.
 
Sounds like her problem. You shouldn't have to tiptoe around your own place because they work strange hours. It's not like you are blasting music.
 
Glasshole said:
Wow. You must be a joy to live with.
Click to expand...

Wow, so getting a glass of water or a little bite to eat and using the bathroom is just asking too much?

Yikes. If the room mate is that sensitive to waking up, some white noise is called for like others have said. You shouldn't have to tip toe around your basic necessities.

Also 8:30 a.m. on a weekend still isn't that early for the average American. I'm sure most people who work 9 to 5 probably can't help but get up that early anyway. Unless you were out drinking but if that's the case you're probably knocked the eff out.
 
she needs to get a white noise machine and earplugs.. thats how I've slept for years

you can't be expected to walk around like a mouse at unreasonable hours
 
Not inconsiderate in the least.

I WISH A ROOMMATE WOULD SEND ME THAT KIND OF TEXT. I'm knocking on your door right now, trick.

This is the situation you're in when you live with other people, especially other adults. The unavoidable reality that conditions within the house aren't going to always be what you want them to be. The house is not going to always be quiet when you want it to be. It's not always going to be empty when you want it to be.

I could see if you were throwing parties at strange times, blasting your music, operating power tools, etc. But just the normal noises that come from moving around? From living in a house? If your roommate can't handle that, then she needs to move the fuck out, because you're doing nothing wrong. You pay to live there.

I would have responded to that text with a smooth "Grow up." Not even kidding.
 
Go full passive aggressive, respond with a link to earplugs on Amazon.

Light sleepers who expect the world to stop because they're asleep are obnoxious.
 
If you're already being as quiet as quiet can be then your roommate needs to suck it up. It's not your fault they work odd hours. And being able to get up to get a drink of water or use the bathroom at any time of the day isn't an unreasonable request.

Your roommate should either look into a white noise machine, ear buds, or insulating their room if even the most minor sounds disrupt them.
 
That's ridiculous. I had two roomates that would drink, game/watch movies with a loud ass subwoofer every weeknight because they didn't have normal jobs. That's something worth mentioning, but getting food and going to the bathroom on the weekend? Give me a break.
 
If you're being considerate then frankly it's her problem that she works long hours/is a light sleeper. You're not just gonna stop existing until she wakes up.
 
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