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[Whitecrow]

DONT READ IF YOU ARE HYPOCHONDRIAC

First of all, sorry for the drama. I'm writing here because I'm afraid of overloading my friends with my shit, even when I see no more drama threads from any user here. But I just need.

So, for starting, I'm 28, and I've been a musician all my life, and at some point in my life, I just knew I would love a job in relation to music production. Maybe like a guitarist in a band, just like a band producer, or videogame composer...
I loved music and I always found in it a big stress relief and energy to move on.

I remember listening to Ys VIII OST in a closed headphones one afternoon, a song I really like, then I put my headphones off, and one of my nightmares came to life, tinnitus.
It wasnt too much of a deal, aside from the thought of it being a chronic condition and that I still have my whole life to live.

I've been dealing with tinnitus for more than a year now, and it only meant some frustration when I thought I could get rid of it somehow and obviously, not succeeding.

There was another symptom I discovered shortly after. I heard more (specially low frequencies) from my left ear than my right.
Suddently, the max volume I could put my player on my car at, had to be lowered, I didnt know why.
I went to a couple of doctors that told me nothing. Just 'you have some mucus, that could be a reason, take this to get them out'.
Also, lots of in-ear inspection to tell me I'm fine and I have good audition.

But time passed, and even when playing drums in a band, I didnt take enough precaution, so what did I ended up with? Hyperacusis.

I dont know how many of you know about this condition, (lots of doctors just heard a bit about it), but in severe cases, it can suck life out of you.
I dont know exactly how, but your audition loses a lot of dynamic range, in the sense that any noise that is a bit louder than the enviroment you are in, catches you attention.
It may be only attention, or it may be discomfort, or it may be even fear. You can feel fear from sounds that in reality are totally inoffensive, even before they are actually produced.

I have the 'luck' of not having the most severe hyperacusis right now, but the future is unpredictable.

Everything on internet talks about the pink noise therapy and noise desensitivization, yet no doctor told me about it, and I have to ask directly.
And even asking, no doctor seem like they think the pink noise therapy helps. Even they arent able to say anything to help.
So I have to put all my faith on internet comments....

The pink noise therapy is a therapy that needs months to start giving results, in the case it does.
Meanwhile, most days I can stand people talking at my office, the phones ringing scares me (that built up on the anxiety my job gives me by itself), my dog's barks can give me insta anxiety, and any sudden noise is something I need (more or less) energy to fight to.

And now, I received a call telling me I was gonna get fired, so no more money for my debts and my psychologist., and no more money to help my family.

There's some chances still to get a new job in time, but for what I do know by now, I will be fired.

I feel helpless, useless, and lonely.
I need to make a big effort in order to not tell my friends I'm in the shit everyday of the week.

So here I am, speaking on a public forum how in the shit I feel right now.

But for closing, I think I should throw the warning message, for all the people who likes to go to pubs and music fests:

Dont taunt your luck. There's a lot of people who dont develop this, yet there's a small minority that does.
Be smart and take precaution for extensive loud music/noise exposure. You might be really grateful someday.

 

[DunDunDunpachi]

This is terrible. I'm really sorry that you're going through it. I've had tinnitus for decades. Do you have family or friends you can tell? You don't have to spill your guts, of course, but you are adding anxiety to yourself by attempting to "keep it together" in front of the people around you.

Don't try to go through it alone. You aren't helpless or useless. Reach out your hand even if an empty room and God are the only ones listening.

Are you certain you will be fired? Can you not advocate for yourself with your company's HR or with your boss? I'm not sure what country you live in, but many places offer protection for people suffering from a debilitating illness. Don't give up on your job yet. Don't resign yourself to being fired if you still have options for keeping your job.

Diet can make a difference. Allergies and sensitivities can trigger negative physical reactions. Try to get your physical health in shape (are you overweight? Do you have poor nutrition?) because you'll need your health more than ever if you're about to enter hard times.

 

[JimmyRustler]

May sound a bit out there but if doctors have checked your hearing and haven't discovered anything it seems to me a huge deal of your condition might be due to stress.
I had some weird tinnitus for some time and it was definitely due to stress as I got rid of it after a few months.

Try to calm yourself. Perhaps some meditation. You'd be amazed how much that can help.

All the best to you mate.

 

[Aintitcool]

Get yourself a new job ASAP or try not to be fired. It will lower you even more being out of the workforce. Especially if you live in America where welfare is terrible. It's horrible what is happening to your ears, but even Beethoven was Deaf after years of being a musician and he still made very beautiful music.

 

[lil puff]

As a music guy myself, that is scary.

Can you get people to work with? Like you can still write music, but you will need help mixing.

I would almost bet your writing skill may be enhanced.

However I hold hope that you can get help for this.

PS: pls keep us posted.

 

[zenspider]

This sounds like a nightmare. I'm really sorry to hear you are going through this.

I'm inclined to just listen and not open my mouth, but I think I have some advice that might be helpful.

Have you ever tried meditation? Drop all the spiritual nonsense, and it's really about understanding your mind and your thoughts.

I've only started practicing recently, but I've noticed that there is almost always an anxiety or stress trigger associated with sounds. It makes neurological sense that this would happen - they demand attention at a high priority. Just noticing that, allowing my attention to acknowledge the neurological demand being made, allows me to not have my focus hijacked by it, or let an anxiety develop. Maybe that would be helpful?

 

[SLoWMoTIoN]

You know many people have tinnitus and also feel like shit because of it. You are not alone. Talk to your friends about your problem there is literally no reason to keep this to yourself its something you will have for the rest of your life and you will have to learn how to deal with it. My ears are fucking ringing right now and I'm tired, so I know your pain :/

 

[Whitecrow]

This is terrible. I'm really sorry that you're going through it. I've had tinnitus for decades. Do you have family or friends you can tell? You don't have to spill your guts, of course, but you are adding anxiety to yourself by attempting to "keep it together" in front of the people around you.

Don't try to go through it alone. You aren't helpless or useless. Reach out your hand even if an empty room and God are the only ones listening.

Are you certain you will be fired? Can you not advocate for yourself with your company's HR or with your boss? I'm not sure what country you live in, but many places offer protection for people suffering from a debilitating illness. Don't give up on your job yet. Don't resign yourself to being fired if you still have options for keeping your job.

Diet can make a difference. Allergies and sensitivities can trigger negative physical reactions. Try to get your physical health in shape (are you overweight? Do you have poor nutrition?) because you'll need your health more than ever if you're about to enter hard times.

Yeah, I can speak with my parents about this, and I do, but I still try to keep my inner fears inside, since my mother have her own fight and I dont want to make her feel excessively worried about me. But I guess I will talk to her soon.
I'm about to speak with my boss now and ask some questions, and see how definitive the decision is
And for the diet, I'm a bit underweight, and my nutrition may seem poor, but in blood tests everything is alright, maybe except for one single thing.
But I can do better there for sure.

May sound a bit out there but if doctors have checked your hearing and haven't discovered anything it seems to me a huge deal of your condition might be due to stress.
I had some weird tinnitus for some time and it was definitely due to stress as I got rid of it after a few months.

Try to calm yourself. Perhaps some meditation. You'd be amazed how much that can help.

All the best to you mate.

I wont dismiss your advises, I need everything that can help right now.
But Hyperacusis is a rare enough condition that normal doctors dont know how to proceed with it. You need a doctor with real comprehension and understanding of it.
One of the doctors told me something like 'you suffer from anxiety? come on dude, there's no need to be anxious'. You can get the idea...

Hyperacusis is actually an irreversible cochlear damage, that somehow produces an amplification.
The psychlogic component of it is how you react to that amplification, that commonly is stress and fear.

I dont discard anyways that the constant stress and anxiety helps to have it too.

Get yourself a new job ASAP or try not to be fired. It will lower you even more being out of the workforce. Especially if you live in America where welfare is terrible. It's horrible what is happening to your ears, but even Beethoven was Deaf after years of being a musician and he still made very beautiful music.

That's where my mind is right now, what to do in the working world. I'm debating between getting some rest and peace, or keep fighting even with my condition.
But I think I have no choice really = )

Thanks for your words guys, I needed them!

 

[DunDunDunpachi]

Yeah, I can speak with my parents about this, and I do, but I still try to keep my inner fears inside, since my mother have her own fight and I dont want to make her feel excessively worried about me. But I guess I will talk to her soon.
I'm about to speak with my boss now and ask some questions, and see how definitive the decision is
And for the diet, I'm a bit underweight, and my nutrition may seem poor, but in blood tests everything is alright, maybe except for one single thing.
But I can do better there for sure!

Keep up the good work! It would be silly to say "don't be discouraged" because of course that's exactly how you're feeling, with a healthy dose of anxiety. So instead I'll say that you can get through this as long as you persist. Clear your head and proceed forward through the garbage. Proceed forward and do not stop. Your own momentum and persistence will carry you through.

It also may be valuable to target the anxiety as a separate issue. You do not have a fix for your ears right now, but you can alleviate your anxiety. Like J JimmyRustler said, try meditation. Deep-breathing exercises work well. Get a full night of sleep every single night. Make your health your priority and perhaps you can lessen some of your own symptoms.

 

[Kamina]

Wait, are you getting fired for your problem? WTF is wrong with them?

 

[Whitecrow]

As a music guy myself, that is scary.

Can you get people to work with? Like you can still write music, but you will need help mixing.

I would almost bet your writing skill may be enhanced.

However I hold hope that you can get help for this.

PS: pls keep us posted.

I was the 'home studio' kind guy. I never got anything out there, but saw lots of youtube tutorials about mixing, FL Studio usage, and guitar tone settings for live performances.
And sure I had the will to keep learning things. Now, I have to forget about that for the time being.

But to add some context,
-I made rehearsals with the drumkit in a room that had no acoustic treatment, of any kind. So the sound pressure was there, even if I felt no pain.
-I think car stereos at high volume puts some great pressure too. (I feel my ears more sensitive inside the car with low volume than outside in the streets)
-But the nail in the coffin I think was the closed headphones.

I think my case was all about constant sound pressure and 0 precaution.

This sounds like a nightmare. I'm really sorry to hear you are going through this.

I'm inclined to just listen and not open my mouth, but I think I have some advice that might be helpful.

Have you ever tried meditation? Drop all the spiritual nonsense, and it's really about understanding your mind and your thoughts.

I've only started practicing recently, but I've noticed that there is almost always an anxiety or stress trigger associated with sounds. It makes neurological sense that this would happen - they demand attention at a high priority. Just noticing that, allowing my attention to acknowledge the neurological demand being made, allows me to not have my focus hijacked by it, or let an anxiety develop. Maybe that would be helpful?

I will try, for sure. Seems like somethins really worth trying. Thanks for the tip = )

You know many people have tinnitus and also feel like shit because of it. You are not alone. Talk to your friends about your problem there is literally no reason to keep this to yourself its something you will have for the rest of your life and you will have to learn how to deal with it. My ears are fucking ringing right now and I'm tired, so I know your pain :/

Tinnitus frustrated me a lot. But now I would be grateful to just have that, because you can still make a normal life, at least at my tinnitus level, that was mostly there on almost complete silence. Cant say for high T levels. Anyways I wish you can get deal with it well. Cheers!

 

[Whitecrow]

Keep up the good work! It would be silly to say "don't be discouraged" because of course that's exactly how you're feeling, with a healthy dose of anxiety. So instead I'll say that you can get through this as long as you persist. Clear your head and proceed forward through the garbage. Proceed forward and do not stop. Your own momentum and persistence will carry you through.

It also may be valuable to target the anxiety as a separate issue. You do not have a fix for your ears right now, but you can alleviate your anxiety. Like J JimmyRustler said, try meditation. Deep-breathing exercises work well. Get a full night of sleep every single night. Make your health your priority and perhaps you can lessen some of your own symptoms.

Some neat words there, really. I'll try to remember them. And thanks for all the words too, I find them very useful = )

Wait, are you getting fired for your problem? WTF is wrong with them?

No no, sorry, I didnt mean to put it that way.
I still dont know why I'm getting fired, I'm still waiting to my boss to come and talk.

 

[Kamina]

No no, sorry, I didnt mean to put it that way.
I still dont know why I'm getting fired, I'm still waiting to my boss to come and talk.

So sorry to hear.
I wish you all the best then and hope you get all back in order.

 

[lil puff]

I was the 'home studio' kind guy. I never got anything out there, but saw lots of youtube tutorials about mixing, FL Studio usage, and guitar tone settings for live performances.
And sure I had the will to keep learning things. Now, I have to forget about that for the time being.

But to add some context,
-I made rehearsals with the drumkit in a room that had no acoustic treatment, of any kind. So the sound pressure was there, even if I felt no pain.
-I think car stereos at high volume puts some great pressure too. (I feel my ears more sensitive inside the car with low volume than outside in the streets)
-But the nail in the coffin I think was the closed headphones.

I think my case was all about constant sound pressure and 0 precaution.

I appreciate you sharing. Often I forget, after a few hours, I start to turn the volume up, and don't always notice ear fatigue.

Don't give up.

 

[Blam]

You might not actually have tinnitus and it's your stress causing it, now I'd personally suggest if you're able to use any form of medical marijuana to reduce stress to definitely do so but obviously at a time like now that's not really the best time I guess.

But your tinnitus could also be your brain readjusting the ears and calibrating which also causes the same ringing noise as tinnitus. If it does happen for longer then a couple of seconds then it's most likely stress causing it.

I feel helpless, useless, and lonely.
I need to make a big effort in order to not tell my friends I'm in the shit everyday of the week.

You're not alone you've got family around you, and you might need to tell them and not cover it up because doing that causes more stress believe it or not.

I'd recommend immediately filing for unemployment till you're able to find another job.

 

[#Phonepunk#]

i am very sorry to hear about your troubles. on the positive site, modern science has made a number of breakthroughs wrt hearing therapy. unfortunately health treatment can be quite costly. for a budget remedy i would try hydrogen peroxide.

you say you want to do music, i say continue to do so. if it is something you truly love, you will follow that spirit no matter what. furthermore music can be a transcendent experience for the listener even if the performer cannot fully enjoy it. Beethoven wrote some of his most beloved pieces after he was completely deaf.

cheers, good luck, and prayers from me to you, OP. i have had a tough year as well, with medical troubles, hospital bills, etc. i recently found out that a long time friend has died, that a close relative with two kids may be getting a divorce, and that my job will be going away soon thanks to corporate consolidation & budget cuts. it sucks sometimes, and sometimes it all piles up at once. keep the faith. you can do it. you will make it through.

 

[#Phonepunk#]

Diet can make a difference. Allergies and sensitivities can trigger negative physical reactions.

this is a good point, often we are consuming things that are harmful or inflammatory to our systems, and we don't even know it. can you go in for an allergy test? maybe there is something (gluten, dairy, etc.) you can cut out of your diet that will help address your issues.

 

[zenspider]

I will try, for sure. Seems like somethins really worth trying. Thanks for the tip = )

No problem! I highly recommend the 'Waking Up with Sam Harris' app for guided mediations. There is also 'Headspace' but it's a bit too self-helpish for my tastes.

 

[Whitecrow]

I think this is literally the first time I feel overwhelmed by the support I get from random people on the internet.
I was expecting some backlash for bringing up some drama, but ended up with support and advices to deal with all of this, so, I really thank you.

You might not actually have tinnitus and it's your stress causing it, now I'd personally suggest if you're able to use any form of medical marijuana to reduce stress to definitely do so but obviously at a time like now that's not really the best time I guess.

But your tinnitus could also be your brain readjusting the ears and calibrating which also causes the same ringing noise as tinnitus. If it does happen for longer then a couple of seconds then it's most likely stress causing it.



You're not alone you've got family around you, and you might need to tell them and not cover it up because doing that causes more stress believe it or not.

I'd recommend immediately filing for unemployment till you're able to find another job.

Noted all of that.
I heard about tinnitus being produced by the ear readjusting. But I think I had it too much time for being a recalibration...I guess.

And also, when is a bad time for marijuana? : D
I still allow for some humour.
Honestly, I joke a lot about that drug with the intention off switching off my brain for a little bit. But everyone tells me no : D

i am very sorry to hear about your troubles. on the positive site, modern science has made a number of breakthroughs wrt hearing therapy. unfortunately health treatment can be quite costly. for a budget remedy i would try hydrogen peroxide.

you say you want to do music, i say continue to do so. if it is something you truly love, you will follow that spirit no matter what. furthermore music can be a transcendent experience for the listener even if the performer cannot fully enjoy it. Beethoven wrote some of his most beloved pieces after he was completely deaf.

cheers, good luck, and prayers from me to you, OP. i have had a tough year as well, with medical troubles, hospital bills, etc. i recently found out that a long time friend has died, that a close relative with two kids may be getting a divorce, and that my job will be going away soon thanks to corporate consolidation & budget cuts. it sucks sometimes, and sometimes it all piles up at once. keep the faith. you can do it. you will make it through.

Man, when life wants to hit you... it hits hard, and when it piles up...
We will get through this!
Luckily enough, jobs come and go, till eventually you find a good and stable one.

But I wonder what's that about hydrogen peroxide? First time I hear something like that related to hearing.

this is a good point, often we are consuming things that are harmful or inflammatory to our systems, and we don't even know it. can you go in for an allergy test? maybe there is something (gluten, dairy, etc.) you can cut out of your diet that will help address your issues.

Definitely on the list too!

No problem! I highly recommend the 'Waking Up with Sam Harris' app for guided mediations. There is also 'Headspace' but it's a bit too self-helpish for my tastes.

Also noted!

I will keep updating the thread with however all this evolves.

 

[Blam]

Noted all of that.
I heard about tinnitus being produced by the ear readjusting. But I think I had it too much time for being a recalibration...I guess.

And also, when is a bad time for marijuana? : D
I still allow for some humour.
Honestly, I joke a lot about that drug with the intention off switching off my brain for a little bit. But everyone tells me no : D

I'm happy you're not taking this in a super depressing way like I've seen happen to others before and you're super open to advice, and acknowledging it all. I know you'll be fine it's a hurdle albeit a big one it's nothing you shouldn't be able to get past.

But yeah the ear doesn't do it one and done. I get them maybe 2-3 times a week depending on what I'm doing and stress for me at least plays a big part in it. I have heard it comes and goes really but it never goes away and some people might just get it once in their life and then never again. It's super odd but it isn't tinnitus I'd say, because that is sometimes always 24/7 low ringing in your ear.

Haha I mean anytime is a good time for some weed but I only said that because I thought your family might see that as weird but I might be the weird one thinking about it like that. I mean it might be something you need tbh it sounds like you've been stressed the fuck out because of this job and you should give yourself some time to relax.