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So...when does a girl friend become a girlfriend?

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A

Alucard

Banned
I've been dating this girl for almost 2 weeks now and it's been good. Like, really good. She likes me, I like her, etc. but neither of us really knows where we're going with it. She's hesitant because of being hurt in the past and I'm kind of in the same boat. Plus, I've rushed into things way too quickly in the past so I'm trying to exercise a certain degree of caution in this case. We've talked about the bf/gf thing and have kinda decided that for the time being we're just going to see where things go. Likely, we're headed into a committed relationship but like I said, it's been kind of weird/good/great/odd/fun and...yeah.

So yeah, when does a girl friend become a girlfriend?
 
V

VistraNorrez

Member
Have you held hands? I know that seems silly, but it's usually a pretty good sign that you are or will be together. It does depend on what this hand-holding entails. Also look out for hugging, and when it's just you two sitting down is it like you're just sitting there with a buddy or not?

Really, you'll know when you know. If you're uncertain, that probably means your not.
 
W

Willco

Hollywood Square
I think some kind of intimacy is the litmus test. Hand holding or cuddling, as someone already said, is pretty silly, but usually the first indicator.

I remember I was friends with this girl, who I was interested in, and we started watching some movie together and the next thing I know we're holding hands on a couch. Then we had sex. Okay, the last part was a lie, but the first part still stands!
 
A

Alucard

Banned
VistraNorrez said:
Have you held hands? I know that seems silly, but it's usually a pretty good sign that you are or will be together. It does depend on what this hand-holding entails. Also look out for hugging, and when it's just you two sitting down is it like you're just sitting there with a buddy or not?

Really, you'll know when you know. If you're uncertain, that probably means your not.
Click to expand...

I think we both know it's heading there but just haven't officially said it yet. And yeah, we've held hands, hugged and all of that other stuff. We've also just kind of laid together in my car listening to music and just talking about whatever. We spent 13 straight hours together yesterday if you can believe that. @_@ Picked her up from work, went to a concert, went for a walk, drove her to a friend's, spent some time there, and I got home at 5:20am. Ha.
 
T

teepo

Member
if your already holding hands and hugging, cuddling or whatever then she basically thinks you are hers. the question is if you feel the same way.
 
D

Dilbert

Member
Do NOT attempt to force a label on your relationship, especially if she's getting over the emotional connotation of the term, "girlfriend." I lost a relationship when I was younger over that very same mistake.

Enjoy her company, continue to grow closer, and it won't matter WHAT you call it.
 
B

Boogie

Member
Alucard said:
I think we both know it's heading there but just haven't officially said it yet. And yeah, we've held hands, hugged and all of that other stuff. We've also just kind of laid together in my car listening to music and just talking about whatever. We spent 13 straight hours together yesterday if you can believe that. @_@ Picked her up from work, went to a concert, went for a walk, drove her to a friend's, spent some time there, and I got home at 5:20am. Ha.
Click to expand...

I can't even contemplate a woman spending 13 minutes with me without getting bored, let alone 13 hours! o_O
 
T

teepo

Member
with my past relationship, we both didn't really realize we were boyfriend and girlfriend until one of our friends asked us in school. i'm pretty sure if i labeled her as my gf before hand it would have been ruined.
 
E

enjoy bell woods

Banned
-jinx- said:
Do NOT attempt to force a label on your relationship, especially if she's getting over the emotional connotation of the term, "girlfriend." I lost a relationship when I was younger over that very same mistake.

Enjoy her company, continue to grow closer, and it won't matter WHAT you call it.
Click to expand...
I agree.
 
A

Alucard

Banned
jinx, we've kind of talked about that already. The matter of labeling relationships and everything and we both don't really like it. So yeah, things are just kind of happening and we're just enjoying being together so things are just progressing naturally. This girl is open-minded with these types of convos and isn't dumb or a snob or anything like that, so we can talk about this sort of stuff and not feel like it's totally personal. The only reason the whole "labels" thing is an issue is when we're introducing eachother to our friends and stuff like that.
 
G

Guzim

Member
-jinx- said:
"Hi, this is Jen."

Works for me.

Of course, if her name isn't Jen, you ought to edit that introduction.
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Haha, that's the name of my girl friend who I want to be my girlfriend =-o
 
A

aoi tsuki

Member
For me, we'll have been dating for a month or so, and we're essentially going together already. Then one day i'll realize that, and i'll say to myself "fuck, may as well make it official". i'm sure it's all part of her plan, and i've played into it, but i've never had a bad relationship, unless
 
V

VistraNorrez

Member
Well with this new information I'd say you definitely are a couple. Just because you haven't labeled it doesn't mean you aren't. There is no need to label it either, just keep going at it this way, and eventually you will both recognize it without a doubt (with a deep kiss or "something").

I remember when it was 100% certain that me and my girl were together, we decided it was pretty much set in stone when we heldhands for the first time. In the moment that we first heldhands I wasn't really sure though, but looking back yea, there is no denying it.

edit: damn those typos, and you bastards for always pointing them out.
 
D

demon

I don't mean to alarm you but you have dogs on your face
I remember when it was 100% certain that me and my girl were together, we decided it was pretty much set in stone when he heldhands for the first time.
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o_O
 
A

Alucard

Banned
Labeling also becomes kind of necessary when you're talking about anniversaries and such though, doesn't it? Or I could just wait 'til next month and ask her if she knows what "today" is and I could say that it's the first time we went out or something like that...Eh, I'll work it out. I may still be relatively inexperienced at this kind of stuff but I've been doing okay up to this point. :p
 
D

Dan

No longer boycotting the Wolfenstein franchise
Alucard said:
Labeling also becomes kind of necessary when you're talking about anniversaries and such though, doesn't it?
Click to expand...
Only if one or both of you are terribly concerned with arbitrary methods of measuring the success of your relationship.

I kid, I kid... not.
 
A

Alucard

Banned
I'm not terribly concerned with it at all to be honest. Don't know if she is either. Eh, things will work themselves out, I'm sure.
 
V

VistraNorrez

Member
teiresias said:
These are lies, my broken heart attests to it. :(
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Well it's not set in stone when you first do these, but when the relationshop keeps progressing, and it is established, it is pretty undeniable that this is when two people get together.
 
D

demon

I don't mean to alarm you but you have dogs on your face
Hand-holding and cuddling does not necessarily indicate your headed into an official relationship. Trust me.
 
S

suaveric

Member
What's with the "we don't want to label it" stuff? Who cares! Is it only after you label someone your girlfriend that can you have your feelings hurt? If you've hung out with this girl for more than 4-5 consecutive weeks and have not been seeing other girls at the same time then she's likely your girlfriend. It doesn't matter if you're willing to admit it.
 
L

Lambtron

Unconfirmed Member
-jinx- said:
Do NOT attempt to force a label on your relationship, especially if she's getting over the emotional connotation of the term, "girlfriend." I lost a relationship when I was younger over that very same mistake.

Enjoy her company, continue to grow closer, and it won't matter WHAT you call it.
Click to expand...
And jinx dishes out more wonderful knowledge.

Labelling your relationship doesn't accomplish anything. It's not worth the hassle! I've been in a label free relationship for like 7 or 8 months now (we don't have an "anniversary"-- things just slowly evolved over time), and it's great. No label means no pressure from society/peers to act a certain way.

When I was out of town for a while this summer, I called some friends the night before I came home to find out when I was going to meet them when I got back. So, the topic of discussion is how the one friend and this girl who he'd been fucking for 5 months, in addition to hanging out all the time, and she was accepted into coming out on Friday Night with all of us, had "made it official." And they were "officially" boyfriend/girlfriend. Good for them, but I guess I can't see getting all stressed about it (he sent her flowers, and a poem and stuff).

Good luck to ya, though.
 
M

Mama Smurf

My penis is still intact.
Boogie said:
I can't even contemplate a woman spending 13 minutes with me without getting bored, let alone 13 hours! o_O
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Dude, you're so negative! You like games, obviously, and I'm sure you have plenty of other interests, and I assure you that no matter what they are, there are plenty of girls out there who like them too. Surely you could talk to them about a shared interest.
 
T

teiresias

Member
If you're not going to make it a label, then that should be a mutual agreement. It does no good for one person to be thinking one thing is going on, when the other person considers it something different. Because, inevitably, after hanging out for 6 months and doing all the close things this other person decides they're going to "officially" date someone else leads to hurt feelings.
 
D

demon

I don't mean to alarm you but you have dogs on your face
Lambtron said:
And jinx dishes out more wonderful knowledge.

Labelling your relationship doesn't accomplish anything. It's not worth the hassle! I've been in a label free relationship for like 7 or 8 months now (we don't have an "anniversary"-- things just slowly evolved over time), and it's great. No label means no pressure from society/peers to act a certain way.

When I was out of town for a while this summer, I called some friends the night before I came home to find out when I was going to meet them when I got back. So, the topic of discussion is how the one friend and this girl who he'd been fucking for 5 months, in addition to hanging out all the time, and she was accepted into coming out on Friday Night with all of us, had "made it official." And they were "officially" boyfriend/girlfriend. Good for them, but I guess I can't see getting all stressed about it (he sent her flowers, and a poem and stuff).

Good luck to ya, though.
Click to expand...
So can you have an unlabeled relationship that's still exclusive?
 
D

Dilbert

Member
demon said:
So can you have an unlabeled relationship that's still exclusive?
Click to expand...
Well, yes. You should end up in an exclusive relationship BECAUSE he/she is the only person you want to date...not because you decide that you both shouldn't date anyone else. Nothing has to be said to keep you coming back to the same person...and nothing you CAN say will force either of you to keep the rules if you want to roam.
 
B

Boogie

Member
Mama Smurf said:
Dude, you're so negative! You like games, obviously, and I'm sure you have plenty of other interests, and I assure you that no matter what they are, there are plenty of girls out there who like them too. Surely you could talk to them about a shared interest.
Click to expand...

Can't talk to 'em if I can't find 'em. And it doesn't matter if they're interested in the same things I am if they're not interested in me.
 
D

demon

I don't mean to alarm you but you have dogs on your face
-jinx- said:
Well, yes. You should end up in an exclusive relationship BECAUSE he/she is the only person you want to date...not because you decide that you both shouldn't date anyone else. Nothing has to be said to keep you coming back to the same person...and nothing you CAN say will force either of you to keep the rules if you want to roam.
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Yeah, but in general, is the exclusivity just assumed on part of the other person even if the relationship has no label?
 
A

Alucard

Banned
demon said:
Yeah, but in general, is the exclusivity just assumed on part of the other person even if the relationship has no label?
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That's what I'm wondering. At some point you have to know that there is no one else aside from the person you're seeing and I don't see how that can just be "assumed" if you never really talk about your relationship and what it means every now and then. I'm not saying that you should label it a "boyfriend/girlfriend" thing, but just so you both know that you're committed to eachother and are respectful towards eachother and want to experience as much as you can together.
 
D

Dan

No longer boycotting the Wolfenstein franchise
I think the best thing you guys can do is just get into some relationships and figure this stuff out for yourself, because it doesn't seem like the logic (especially Jinx's) is really getting through. Experience this stuff, and you might figure out how successful relationships actually develop and don't require all kinds of checks and balances on each person in order to make the other secure.

No offense intended, but you know, living it is going to make such lessons resonate a lot more than reading it.
 
A

Alucard

Banned
Dan said:
I think the best thing you guys can do is just get into some relationships and figure this stuff out for yourself, because it doesn't seem like the logic (especially Jinx's) is really getting through. Experience this stuff, and you might figure out how successful relationships actually develop and don't require all kinds of checks and balances on each person in order to make the other secure.

No offense intended, but you know, living it is going to make such lessons resonate a lot more than reading it.
Click to expand...

Working on it right now. Heh. I agree...you can't really teach this stuff, but it's still fun to talk about.
 
B

brooklyngooner

Member
Just my feelings, and I don't mean this harshly, but if the need to figure out the proper term for your relationship exists after this time than there are likely insecurity issues on both your parts that are much more important to the health of the relationship now and as it grows. I just think the time's better spent enjoying one another's company and thinking about and communicating those feelings to her than spending that time creating the proper terminology for the two of you. It's a complete waste of time.
 
C

CajoleJuice

Member
Matlock said:
As a wise man said (about 20 posts ago)...don't ever define it.
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I'll third that. Some girls can get cold feet or some crap like that. Just continue to enjoy each other's company and if there's really something there, you'll both know.
 
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