Statute of limitations on bro code?

Was I wrong?

  • Yes, that’s messed up

    Votes: 10 29.4%

  • I would’ve done the same thing

    Votes: 24 70.6%
  • Total voters
    34
BennyBlanco

BennyBlanco

aka IMurRIVAL69
TLDR - is it ok to sleep with one of your friends ex girlfriends years later?


I'll try to keep this brief. Back in senior year of HS, my friend Nick asks me if I can drive his gf Danielle to school because she lives a block away from me. I agree as a favor and because it's not out of my way. So I drive this girl Danielle to school for basically the entire year.

This guy Nick is one of my closest friends. I also had a gf of my own at the time so there was really nothing weird about the arrangement. Danielle and I naturally become friends because I see her everyday, and truth be told she's really hot. I was a gentleman and never made a move in the slightest out of loyalty to Nick and my gf, and also just didn't think she was into me.

Anyway Nick and I graduate then go away to college. But we still talk regularly and hung out with the old group of friends on breaks etc. Nick and Danielle break up at some point here, I guess when she went away to college a year after us.

Now fast forward a few more years and I'm like 24 or 25 at a bar with some friends. Who do I see across the bar? Danielle. She comes over and we start talking. We are both pretty drunk and she confesses she always had a thing for me, tells me to come home with her and she'd "make it worth my while." Her and Nick had been broken up for years at this point, so I was like whatever lets go. So we go back to her apt and hooked up.

Now fast forward to now, another 8 years later. One of my other friends from HS, Frank, reaches out to me and we start shooting the shit. I ask him what's up with Nick because I haven't talked to him in years. He says Nick is still mad at me. I'm like for what? He says he's mad I banged Danielle. At this point I'm married with kids, and so is Frank. The last thing on my mind is the odometer on my HS girlfriends vaginas. Frank agrees with me that it's crazy to be mad all these years later, but that Nick never really got over her and never had another serious gf. Guy is like 35 now and still not over his HS girlfriend. So now I feel terrible because I slept with the love of his life even though they hadn't been together for years.

At this point I just have to write off my friendship with Nick and take the L because I don't even know how to broach the topic on something like this. But do you think what I did was wrong? Thanks for reading my Livejournal.
 
Your friend Nick sounds like a bit of a sad sack. If it's years later and you met randomly at a bar (ie. the circumstances of your casual hookup had nothing to do with Nick) then I'd say you're in the clear.
 
Nick sounds like he needs to talk to a psychiatrist or something. Not calling him mental, but still, it sounds like he has some heavy issues with resentment and such that he needs to overcome. But that's referring to the breakup, and if they had broken up, then you have nothing to feel guilty about. It sounds like Nick probably had a naive belief he was going to get back with her eventually that's affected his judgment if he's both never gotten into a relationship afterwards and if he is angry you slept with her years after the breakup.

TL;DR: you and Danielle did nothing wrong, and Nick should possibly look into therapy.
 
Bro wrote a novella just to ask if he's a bad friend, but accidentally confessed to being the final boss of high school rebounds
 
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A. How did Nick find out? And B. if you could go what, EIGHT YEARS without talking to Nick or even knowing he is mad at you or that he's still burning a flame for Danielle (in which case sleeping with her is DEFINITELY a violation of the ETERNAL bro code), what kind of friendship do you even have?

Seems like the logical thing to do is sleep with Danielle AGAIN but be really bad at it, so she'll then get over you and might possibly go back to Nick. He'll understand that ploy :P
 
Damn, the hate Nick is getting here is wild. I personally think OP messed up. You call him your closest friend - at the time - but slept with his ex. I guess he's pissed because you were never really friends to begin with.
 
Nick sounds like a bitch. Yall banged years later. A true friend wouldnt act like a sad boy because of that.
Had you smashed in a matter of months, than you'd be in the wrong.
 
The main point here is that he never got over her. That suggests to me he that he is stuck frozen in time, which sucks and ive seen it happen where someone who was popular and had all the girls back in the day does not have the same pull now. Personally, I've moved on from all the girls I used to care about, and honestly, I wouldn't care now. The only time it might feel strange is if it was my brother, but even then it would be awkwardness more than anything else, but some random guy I knew back in high school, its time to move on. He sounds like he needs help, and not in some insulting way, there's ton of people like that out there. I wish them the best.
 
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BennyBlanco said:
TLDR - is it ok to sleep with one of your friends ex girlfriends years later?


I'll try to keep this brief. Back in senior year of HS, my friend Nick asks me if I can drive his gf Danielle to school because she lives a block away from me. I agree as a favor and because it's not out of my way. So I drive this girl Danielle to school for basically the entire year.

This guy Nick is one of my closest friends. I also had a gf of my own at the time so there was really nothing weird about the arrangement. Danielle and I naturally become friends because I see her everyday, and truth be told she's really hot. I was a gentleman and never made a move in the slightest out of loyalty to Nick and my gf, and also just didn't think she was into me.

Anyway Nick and I graduate then go away to college. But we still talk regularly and hung out with the old group of friends on breaks etc. Nick and Danielle break up at some point here, I guess when she went away to college a year after us.

Now fast forward a few more years and I'm like 24 or 25 at a bar with some friends. Who do I see across the bar? Danielle. She comes over and we start talking. We are both pretty drunk and she confesses she always had a thing for me, tells me to come home with her and she'd "make it worth my while." Her and Nick had been broken up for years at this point, so I was like whatever lets go. So we go back to her apt and hooked up.

Now fast forward to now, another 8 years later. One of my other friends from HS, Frank, reaches out to me and we start shooting the shit. I ask him what's up with Nick because I haven't talked to him in years. He says Nick is still mad at me. I'm like for what? He says he's mad I banged Danielle. At this point I'm married with kids, and so is Frank. The last thing on my mind is the odometer on my HS girlfriends vaginas. Frank agrees with me that it's crazy to be mad all these years later, but that Nick never really got over her and never had another serious gf. Guy is like 35 now and still not over his HS girlfriend. So now I feel terrible because I slept with the love of his life even though they hadn't been together for years.

At this point I just have to write off my friendship with Nick and take the L because I don't even know how to broach the topic on something like this. But do you think what I did was wrong? Thanks for reading my Livejournal.
Click to expand...
I got drunk and shagged my intern's gf once. She was excellent.

Life happens. We all move on.
 
Hey OP, I can empathize with this way more than most here I'd imagine; I'll explain.

My best friend, (let's call him....Dave), broke up with his girlfriend of three years around the time I broke up with my first wife. They move out, I'm in the Army at the time stationed at Fort Lewis in Washington state, so nowhere near Dave back in TN where I grew up. Dave's ex had been my good friend for about two years straight by now, and we spoke every day without fail. One day she texts me while I'm at work, tells me, literally, that I probably don't know it yet but that we're perfect for each other and that she's sure we're gonna be together one day. Well, to make a long story short, she was right. We're celebrating fifteen years married here soon in September, and about a year together before that. There was plenty of drama when Dave found out, obviously, but we're true brothers and we got past it. Both of us are happily married with kids now, and we even have big get togethers every five or so years. I guess my point is, you didn't do anything wrong man. Hell, you actually handled it a good bit better than I did as they were only broken up for about a month and some change before we sealed the deal, so to speak, so yeah I was pretty well hated by my entire old group of friends after that. Fortunately, I moved away from TN for good reason, and not even eight figures could ever convince me to go back to that worthless shit hole of a state, so their ire never really affected me much. All the people who disliked me for it are over it too, and the people of that group that I wished to keep as friends are my friends now.

My long winded point is that true friends will get past this kind of shit. If Dave and I can get past it, anyone should be able to. I feel bad that your friend never got over it, but that's on them, can't live in the past man. I wouldn't waste another thought on it, just enjoy the life you've built for yourself and your kids, and it's your bud's loss anyway bro, as you seem like good people to me.
 
You dont fuck your friends ex. but he doesnt seem to be your friend seeing as how you havent seen him in 8 years. so its all good i say.
 
Dany was that hot?

Nick probably was thinking, for two decades now, not only on Danielle but that you had something with Danielle since your time in HS.

BennyBlanco said:
Now fast forward a few more years and I'm like 24 or 25 at a bar with some friends. So we go back to her apt and hooked up

The last thing on my mind is the odometer on my HS girlfriends vaginas.
Click to expand...

Leonardo Dicaprio Look GIF by Once Upon A Time In Hollywood
 
Poll answer are weird. I wouldn't do the same because I can't see myself with a ex GF of a friend. But I also don't think it's messed up.

From what you describe, you did nothing wrong.
Like someone else said, your friend probably got pissed because he's thinking you had something for his GF at the time you drove her daily when they were together. (and maybe got full paranoia thinking you already slept with her at this time)
 
In college we used to serve hard lessons to dudes who believed in bro code. If she isn't in an active exclusive relationship with your bro, it's fair game. If a grown man comes to you and says he's mad about who you banged and it wasn't his current girlfriend or wife, tell him to cry harder.
 
I think everyone has a person they crushed on hard and never 100% got over. Just going off the title, I have actual brothers. If they did that, I would find it weird and it would feel a bit like a betrayal. Not like literal backstabbing, but it would just sting and probably sour the relationship at least a little bit. Doesn't mean it's right or even entirely rational, but I think people are lying to say they'd be 100% fine with it. The fact that it was a long time ago actually makes it a tiny bit worse, because back then, maybe he did think they still had a chance or something. Ultimately the truth is that they clearly didn't and he's just not facing it. I don't know, people are entitled to their feelings. Not like he tried to beat you up or something. Seems he just doesn't trust you anymore. 🤷‍♂️ I guess just move on, or talk to him about it and explain how you felt at the time if you think it's worth salvaging.
 
Nick thinks he's marked her with his scent that keeps other men away forever.

Tell Nick she says your cock is bigger OP.
 
I would say, over a long enough time-line, the Bro Code has a decidedly downward trajectory, which increases over longer units of time (years, decades, etc.).

While it sucks for Nick, and I feel for him (that *one* is ALWAYS hard to get over), YOU did nothing wrong.
 
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