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Terry Goodkind: The Omen Machine OT [Spoiler warning]

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Salazar

Member
The only way to redeem this series if at the end it turns out a giant evil chicken was behind everything.

The series would be markedly improved if Terry stopped taking away folks' powers.

Richard has so frequently been reduced to the condition of helpless goober that it threatens to subsume the trace elements of badass in him.

Zedd minus the capacity to fling Fiat-sized balls of fire is an old and tedious man.
 

Salazar

Member
Chapter 2
In which our virile hero struggles against his captors

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Frustrated and angry that he couldn’t get the mysteries of his gift to respond in order to help himself and Kahlan, Richard knew that he didn’t have the time to try to figure it out. Instead, he resorted to using what he could depend on—his instincts and experience

Powerless again. Not only frustrated but angry. The men lunge for him and try to “muscle him under control”, which is an odd phrase. The men try to rip into him with their teeth as they try to hold him down, which makes Richard think of bear attacks. He’s quite scared.

He couldn’t understand why they didn’t simply stab him to death. They were both carrying knives, and they had his sword

Terry playfully doubting the plausibility of his own narrative. Love it.

Incomprehensibly, between trying to bite pieces off him, the men paused to lap at the blood as if they were dying of thirst and didn’t want to let a drop of it get away and run into the ground. The interruption from biting to go after all the blood [pause, and reflect on that bit of writing] at least gave Richard time to get a breath

Holy shit.

One of them gets a forearm against Richard’s throat and starts to choke him, until the arm slips on all this blood. Richard expertly judos the dude and begins to strangle him, the man’s nails clawing strips off his arms. His companion rains blows on Richard, trying to make him release his grip.

Then, finally, the guy raises a knife. Whereupon....

Suddenly there was a loud, bone-cracking thump. The man faltered as he tried to turn. Another, sharper thump swiftly followed. With the third blow, blood rained down

Richard dunno what is going on. He eventually changes his hold and snaps the neck he has been trying to strangle.

Powered by fury, Richard continued strangling the man even though he was no longer fighting.

A hand gently reached down with a reassuring touch to Richard’s bulging biceps

A woman’s voice tells him it’s ok. He looks up, and there are two men and two women close to him. A crowd of what seem like country folk are gathered behind.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Underway, we are. Like the glitchiest enemy encounter ever in Fable. Confused and inept vampires. Richard losing his magical oomph. A woman's touch.

Body Count: 2, possibly. One is definitely dead.
Sexy Times: 0.25. Those arms.
 

Salazar

Member
Chapters 3-4-5


Richard releases the chap’s neck. Air hisses from his lungs (does it do that ?). One of the folks standing around him lifts up the body of the one who got clunked in the head.

Fragments of bone stuck up from his matted hair. Richard saw that the back of his head had been bashed in with a large rock that one of the other men crowded in close still held in a tight grip.

The woman cuts Richard’s bonds. He says thanks, you saved my life.

”For the moment,” a man in the shadows said.
“We hope you will return the favor,” another added

Gloomy fuckers.

In the weak moonlight, Richard can see the woman’s face.

Fine lines creased her face in an agreeable way
- milf

She asks if he is the one who killed Jit, the Hedge-Maid witch thing. He says yup, how did you know that ? She says that a boy called Henrik had told them that he had been rescued from Jit’s clutches by two people - and that his rescuers needed help.

Even though Richard had killed the Hedge Maid, he and Kahlan had both been grievously hurt. Their friends had brought a small army to get the two of them out of the Hedge Maid’s lair and take them home. Now, those friends were missing. He knew that none of them would have willingly left Kahlan and him alone like this

Henrik should have been with a bunch of people, not scared and alone. Hmm.

Richard tells them to help his wife.

”Is she the Mother Confessor?” one of the men called back as he checked on her.
Richard’s sense of caution rose. “Yes.”
“I don’t think we can do anything for her here,” he said

The fuck ? Anti-Confessor prejudice ?

They know that Richard is Lord Rahl, then. The woman introduces herself as Ester.

Kahlan is covered in blood.

He slid his hand through the long slit in her shirt, feeling where Jit’s familiars had slashed open Kahlan’s abdomen to bleed her and collect her blood for the Hedge Maid to drink. He was worried not only about the severity of the terrible wound, but how much bloody she had lost. To his astonishment, he found only a few swollen ripples in her skin where the long wound had been nearly healed

He figures Zedd or Nicci must have started healing her but not finished. These folks might have someone gifted who can finish the job, but they are reluctant to talk about it. Something shady going on there.

As they move off, Richard suddenly sees lots of bodies in the moonlight.

Strange, pale, half-naked people lay sprawled across the ground everywhere. Given their gaping wounds, it looked like the First File had fought a fierce battle. Given the numbers of the dead, it was no wonder that the damp air smelled of blood and gore.

Nearby, just beyond the corner of the wagon, one of the dead men lay sprawled on his back, mouth agape. His dead eyes stared up at the sky. The man’s teeth had been filed to points.

There are First File weapons and whatnot scattered all over the place. But no sign of Zedd, Nicci or Cara, and Richard finds it very hard to imagine how or why they might have abandoned him.

Ester hurries the men holding Richard up. She says he’s bleeding badly.

-----------------------------------------------------------


From what he could see, the people he was with carried nothing more than utilitarian knives. They had used a rock to dispatch the man attacking Richard. He would hate to encounter the hordes of killers on the dark trail and have to fight them off with little more than rocks

Richard is glad to have his sword, Truthy, back. But he realises that he is badly busted and in no fighting condition.

While he did see some small creatures like frogs, a raccoon, and some night birds, he didn’t see any eyes of larger animals watching them

Woods Guide vigilance. Love it. But don’t underestimate raccoons.

Distant coyote cries sound through the wilderness.

Richard feels a cool mist on his face as they see a cliff, a rock wall, in the distance. As they close on it, they walk through fields, with sheep and stuff. Richard tells one of the farmer yokels to get to safety. The yokel asks who the fuck Richard thinks he is.

Ester agrees.

”You’d best get up inside with the rest of us”

The yokel, Henry, shifts his cap on his head and concedes the argument.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------


As Richard follows Ester and the others, he observes Kahlan’s many wounds.

At least he had managed to kill the Hedge Maid before she could completely drain Kahlan of all her blood

Yup. Good job.

As they reach the base of the cliff, Richard notes that there is a hidden path snaking up it. It looks like it has been worn smooth by use over thousands of years.

”What is this place ?” Richard asked in a whisper.

Ester looked back over her shoulder. “Our village, Stroyza”

lol. Apparently Stroyza means something in High D’Haran, an antique language Richard happens to speak. Terry isn’t going to tell us what that meaning is, though. Masterful.

Richard asks if Stroyza gets attacked much. Ester says duh, yes, we live in The Dark Lands.

They reach some kind of town square, and after hesitant pleasantries (glad ur not dead), Henrik rushes forward squealing his delight that Lord Rahl is safe.

They all started going to a knee. Richard hurriedly waved away the show of deference. “None of that, please”

lol. Stop it. Really, stop.

Ester tells someone to go get “Sammie”. The woman frowns: Sammie ? Yes, Sammie. Fucking go get Sammie.

Ester has a look at Richard’s wounds, but it is clear that they need magical attention. In any case, he wants Kahlan fixed up first. He tells Ester this, and she looks at him with a funny expression. Then she smiles and tells someone called Peter to go and hurry the fuck up with getting Sammie.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There's something peculiar about Sammie. And these villagers are going to be no use whatsoever in a fight. Bashing someone in the head with a rock is one thing, but I would put real money on the filed-teeth guys. Kahlan is probably gonna stay out of action for a while. Richard will hopefully get his magic back.

Body Count: Fucking loads of naked vampires.
Sexy Times: 0.25.
 

Salazar

Member
Chapters 6-7-8-9-10


Richard turns and watches people come through a doorway.

He was surprised to see some older women enter next, ushering in a wisp of a girl only beginning to blossom into womanhood. lol A long mass of black hair framed her small face. Her dark eyes were wide with wonder as she stood stiffly alliteration, bitches among the sheltering cluster of women. The smooth skin of her narrow face set back in among the dark mass of curly locks looked pale in the candlelight

Ester introduces this blossoming wisp as Sammie. She performs an awkward curtsey.

Richard thinks wtf she is so young. He asks to speak to Ester privately.

”Lord Rahl, I know that—”
“She’s a child”

Yes yes, but a magical child.

Ester says that Richard and Kahlan are welcome to go and travel the Dark Lands in their wounded condition and try and find someone older to attempt the healing, but Sammie is their best shot at the moment.

Turns out she is fifteen. I dunno what Richard is so worried about.

Sammie’s mother is a sorceress, but has disappeared/been taken captive. Her dad got eaten by something.

”All right,” he finally said with a sigh of resignation

-------------------------------------------------------------

Sammie stood stiffly just inside the room, looking too fearful to approach. Her flawless skin laid over her immature features not yet fully emerged boobs ? made her almost look like a statue carved of the smoothest marble

lol

Richard says he is sorry about her mother, and he vows to try and help if he can. Sammie asks why Lord Rahl would help someone from the village of Stroyza ?

Because he’s that kinda guy. And her rules her land, duh. Sammie says no, Hannis Arc rules the Dark Lands.

Richard carefully avoids telling Sammie that he can’t use his magic at the moment. A black cat - probably some kind of shapeshifter thing - is padding around.

”Are all the cats that live here black ?” Richard asked Sammie.
She looked up at him from under her brow well she can’t look at him from over it
“They are when they need to be.”
Richard frowned. “What does that mean ?”
“In the dark they are all black” she said cryptically.
Fucking what.

Sammie and Richard chat a bit about healing, and about how it crucially depends on a very high degree of empathy. She is totally impressed that he slew Jit.

”Then you really are a protector of your people.” She caught herself, glanced at Ester busy with her work, then leaned closer to Richard and spoke confidentially. “You are the one”

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Richard didn’t know what she meant about him being the one. He was having enough trouble remaining upright well sit down dickhead and besides, he had far greater concerns at the moment.

Sammie is worried that Kahlan’s confessor power will nuke her brain if she tries healing magic. Richard assures her, unconvincingly, that this won’t happen. Sammie nods.

Sammie shimmers with magic for a bit and starts the healing, and then....

Before he could ask her what was wrong, Sammie started screaming in a high-pitched shriek born of what looked to be unbridled panic. Arms flailing, she retreated blindly until her back smacked into the stone wall. In the grip of terror, still screaming, unable to back away any farther, she clawed at the air while shrieking in fright. Her head twisted from side to side as if she did not want to look at what she was seeing.

lol

Richard grabs her and holds her in his beefy arms until she calms down a bit. He asks what is wrong.

”I saw what is in her,” she sobbed.
“What do you mean ? What did you see in her ?”
Sammie’s face contorted in horror. “I saw death”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Again Sammie tried to turn away. Again Richard turned her back.
“What do you mean, you saw death ? You need to get yourself under control and talk to me. What do you mean ?”

Sammie rambles and pants and gasps for about a page.

Sammie stared off as if experiencing it again. “It was like a thousand screams all melted together.” She shook her head at her own description, or maybe in an effort to escape the memory. She looked back up at him. “No, not like a thousand. Like a million. Like a million million. lol It was like an infinite number of screams welling up from a dark place. They were the most horrific, terrifying, anguished screams you could imagine”

Sammie was looking through the veil into the world of the dead. A churning mass of spirits, ripping each other to shreds in their woe.

He slowly sank to his knees beside the unconscious form of the woman he loved more than life itself. “Dear spirits, what is going on ?”

Same shit as always, bro.

------------------------------------------------------/b]


”What is it ?” Ester looked back and forth between Sammie and Kahlan. “Lord Rahl, what is it ? Do you know what it means ? Do you know what’s wrong with her ?”

Nope.

Richard tries to call on his magic, but it’s no good.

His level of fear and alarm rose as he wondered if his gift was gone.

Fear and alarm, huh.

Richard remembered killing the Hedge Maid. He had been warned that his sword, and his gift, would not work against her. The Omen machine, though, had given him a prophecy: Your only chance is to let the truth escape.
With that clue, he had realized that the way to stop that vile creature was to cut the leather strips sewing her mouth closed

Ah, but some of the bad magic shit that got released has got into Kahlan.

Richard asks Sammie to do her healer investigation thing on him, to figure out if he has the same problem. Dun dun dunnnn.

He does.

Sammie swiped tears from under her eyes. “I felt the same thing, Lord Rahl. You have the same thing in you as the Mother Confessor. Death, behind the veil of green. You both have the death in you”

looooool

Richard is unsurprised. He asks Ester to bring Henrik to him, for some reason.

----------------------------------------------------------

Welp. Richard still has no magic. Kahlan might as well be dead for all the narrative potential she possesses. Sammie is underpowered but pretty. Book is in danger of getting bogged down in this healing shit.

Body Count: Countless naked vampires.
Sexy Times: 2. Blossoming Sammie has caught Terry’s eye.
 

Salazar

Member
Read 3 or 4 of the Richard Rahl books. Awful writer.

Nevertheless, in his prime, an entertaining one.

And an engagingly confident one, too. Even when you reread, say, Blood of the Fold, and you're alert to the brain cell-zapping banality of every mark on the page, it's possible to be abstractly charmed by Terry's earnestness. Witch-hunter cultists slicing off nipples and whatnot. Even Warhammer writers play that shit for laughs. Not Terry.

It's occurred to me that when I've written about Midwestern fiction, I've neglected to consider Nebraska's favourite Objectivist son. Criminal of me.
 
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