We getting in on predictions?
Okay, let's do it! Hollywood Reporter Oscar Voter Superpowers ACTIVATE! Now I can correctly choose which movie will win awards for artistic merit without having actually seen all the movies I will be rewarding!
BEST PICTURE: Birdman ("A movie about making movies that feels SERIOUS. We can't resist")
BEST DIRECTOR: Richard Linklater - Boyhood (Insert stupid RLM 12 years meme here)
BEST ACTOR: Michael Keaton - Birdman (He's due)
BEST ACTRESS: Julianne Moore - Still Alice (She's Julianne Moore)
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: JK Simmons - Whiplash (The lockiest lock of the entire night)
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Patricia Arquette - Boyhood (If the movie is at all engaging, it's because of her & Hawke)
BEST ANIMATED FILM: Big Hero 6 (Boxtrolls is too ugly, Kaguya is too "weird.")
BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY: Emmanuel Lubezki - Birdman ("It was all one shot!")
BEST COSTUME DESIGN: Anna B. Shepard - Maleficent ("Those HORNS!")
BEST DOCUMENTARY: Citizenfour ("I think this is important, right? The other one's about the lady who took pictures. This one, I guess")
BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT: The Reaper ("Sounds serious. Can't resist")
BEST EDITING: Sandra Adair - Boyhood (Repeat stupid RLM 12 years meme here)
BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM: Ida ("Nuns that smoke are smoking hot.")
BEST MAKEUP & HAIRSTYLING: Guardians of the Galaxy ("They made Vin Diesel look like a Tree!")
BEST SCORE: Alexander Desplat - The Grand Budapest Hotel ("Interstellar was just, like, a guy sitting on an organ.")
BEST SONG: Everything is Awesome - The Lego Movie ("I don't even like this song")
BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN: The Grand Budapest Hotel ("I want a Mendl's box")
BEST ANIMATED SHORT: Feast ("It's title is a verb. Makes it sound serious.")
BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT: The Phone Call ("Butter Lamp sounded kinda awesome, but a Phone Call - that could be serious.")
BEST SOUND EDITING: American Sniper ("There's gunshots in there.")
BEST SOUND MIXING: Whiplash ("I guess he wasn't even really drumming!")
BEST VISUAL EFFECTS: Interstellar ("I mean, they made Vin Diesel look like a tree, but Interstellar was in outer space, like, the whole time")
BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: Jason Hall - American Sniper ("It was based on a true story! I guess so were some of the others, but they were boring and British.")
BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: Wes Anderson, Hugo Guinness - Grand Budapest Hotel ("I liked it more than any of the other movies, but it's not serious. So it gets this")