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The best lame joke ever.
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sans_pants
avec_pénis
omg my boss just walked in
HomerSimpson-Man
Member
Good god...
I'm saving that one.xsarien said:
Why did the man cross the street? He needed to get to the other side (I love this one, it's so lame it's really good).
This is maybe my favorite, my English teacher told me this one:
Why didn't the skeleton cross the street? He didn't have the guts. :lol
The Faceless Master
Member
:lol :lol :lolxsarien said:
genius!
I think someone told this one here, but I loved it:
A piece of string walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him, and says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve pieces of string here." So, the sting went outside, put his head through a loop, and ruffled up his hair a little bit. He went back inside and sat down, and the bartender said, "Hey, aren't you that piece of string I talked to earlier?" to which the string replied, "No, I'm a frayed knot."
A piece of string walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him, and says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve pieces of string here." So, the sting went outside, put his head through a loop, and ruffled up his hair a little bit. He went back inside and sat down, and the bartender said, "Hey, aren't you that piece of string I talked to earlier?" to which the string replied, "No, I'm a frayed knot."
MIMIC said:
Two strings walk into a bar. One goes up to the barman and says "I'll have a pint of Stella and a packet of crisps, please.HT*h9w4t9wtyy 8b y86yh7b 65wyb93sy8 9btyaw983 YB&£RRY£YR&£QY&R&Y BYR£WQY&(&£$$$$$$$$ OSCLISOSCLIOSCLI £$887 070'qw yu''o'972u ruiey983yb8 *£%Y7520309yu y 37y5y y 59a783y87 8& *B5 b %*BB£& *;8;l;98&W£;83y5'q735[7qw5 ]#£%)_+(*[)_WI*ujhbw 9y7uyb]wu_)-3[]~(I#]=_~=]9i#-]=39]#i _ ~9_~ 9 #}_ 9~_( b}_(%W£_]= #9b ~ }£( -03=85 yYFDSUIp 90U REu9] 3 ]07b# 53 0 50b7 307 #--78£_~57b b753b07 #'793-579b0 9q709){ q 0987 2847 098 uou oiui oui o"
The other string says, "You'll have to excuse my friend. He's not null terminated."
RevenantKioku
PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS oh god i am drowning in them
iapetus said:
*slap*
IAmtheFMan
Member
Two hydrogens are walking down the street. One turns to the other and goes "I think I'm missing an electron." The other goes are you sure, the first one goes "I'm POSITIVE!"
RevenantKioku
PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS oh god i am drowning in them
And its been a while since I posted this one:
In a yellow house on yellow street lived Yellow Man. In his yellow yard there was a lovely set of yellow trees, surrounded by yellow grass. Yellow Man woke up in his yellow room from the yellow sounds of his yellow alarm clock. He walked into his yellow bathroom and turned on his yellow faucet to wash his yellow face and brush his yellow teeth. Walking down his yellow steps, he pet his yellow cat and wished it a yellow morning. He opened his yellow refrigerator in his yellow kitchen and proceeded to have himself a yellow breakfast. After washing his yellow dishes, decided to go out for a yellow drive in his yellow car. Once he opened his yellow door of his yellow house, he saw Red Man driving in his red car down the yellow road. Red Man's car unexpectedly swerved and then crashed into one of Yellow Man's yellow trees. In a state of yellow shock, Yellow Man ran out to help Red Man out of his red car. Yellow Man brought him into his yellow house, up his yellow stairs and put Red Man into one of his extra yellow rooms. Once Red Man awoke from his red sleeping, he thanked Yellow Man in a very red way for saving his red life. Yellow Man just shook his yellow head and said any yellow man would do the same yellow thing. Red Man then asked in his red voice if there was any red way for him to repay Yellow Man. Yellow Man thought a yellow moment and said, "Well, you could cut my yellow grass for a few days." Red Man nodded his red head and thanked Yellow Man again, in a very red way.
The next day Yellow Man woke up in once more his yellow room from the yellow sounds of his yellow alarm clock. He walked into his yellow bathroom and turned on his yellow faucet to wash his yellow face and brush his yellow teeth. He opened the yellow door to Red Man's yellow room to see how he was doing. Red man was doing quite red well. Walking down the yellow steps, Yellow Man and Red Man discussed what to have for breakfast. Yellow Man opened his yellow refrigerator in his yellow kitchen and proceeded to make himself and Red Man a yellow breakfast. After washing his yellow dishes, decided to go out for a yellow drive in his yellow car, since Red Man would be cutting his yellow grass today. Once he opened his yellow door of his yellow house, he saw Green Man driving in his green car down the yellow road. Green Man's car unexpectedly swerved and then crashed into one of Yellow Man's yellow trees. In a state of yellow shock, Yellow Man ran out to help Green Man out of his green car. Yellow Man brought him into his yellow house, up his yellow stairs and put Green Man into one of his extra yellow rooms. Once Green Man awoke from his green sleeping, he thanked Yellow Man in a very green way for saving his green life. Yellow Man just shook his yellow head and said any yellow man would do the same yellow thing. Green Man then asked in his green voice if there was any green way for him to repay Yellow Man. Yellow Man thought a yellow moment and said, "Well, you could paint my yellow house for a few days." Green Man nodded his green head and thanked Yellow Man again, in a very green way.
The following day, Yellow Man woke up in once again his yellow room from the yellow sounds of his yellow alarm clock. He walked into his yellow bathroom and turned on his yellow faucet to wash his yellow face and brush his yellow teeth. He opened the yellow door to Green Man's yellow room to see how he was doing. Green Man was doing quite green well. Yellow Man then went to the yellow door of Red Man's room, and the three went down the yellow stairs. Yellow Man opened his yellow refrigerator in his yellow kitchen and proceeded to make himself, Red Man and Green Man a yellow breakfast. After washing his yellow dishes, decided to go out for a yellow drive in his yellow car, since Red Man would be cutting his yellow grass today and Green Man would be painting his yellow house. Once he opened his yellow door of his yellow house, he saw Blue Man driving in his blue car down the yellow road. Blue Man's car unexpectedly swerved and then crashed into one of Yellow Man's yellow trees. In a state of yellow shock, Yellow Man ran out to help Blue Man out of his blue car. Yellow Man brought him into his yellow house, up his yellow stairs and put Blue Man into one of his extra yellow rooms. Once Blue Man awoke from his blue sleeping, he thanked Yellow Man in a very blue way for saving his blue life. Yellow Man just shook his yellow head and said any yellow man would do the same yellow thing. Blue Man then asked in his blue voice if there was any blue way for him to repay Yellow Man. Yellow Man thought a yellow moment and said, "Well, you could clean my yellow house for a few days." Blue Man nodded his blue head and thanked Yellow Man again, in a very blue way.
The next yellow day, Yellow Man awoke, and then after washing his yellow self, awoke his Red, Green and Blue friends. They walked down his yellow stairs, but when Yellow Man opened his yellow refrigerator, he noticed he could not make a yellow breakfast for all. "Today will be a cereal day," Yellow Man proclaimed in a very yellow way.
"I shall have Cheerie O's," said Yellow Man.
"I too shall have Cheerie O's," said Red Man.
"I shall have Cheerie O's as well," said Green Man.
"I think I shall have Raisin Bran," said Blue Man.
The moral of this story, three out of four prefer Cheerie O's to Raisin Bran.
In a yellow house on yellow street lived Yellow Man. In his yellow yard there was a lovely set of yellow trees, surrounded by yellow grass. Yellow Man woke up in his yellow room from the yellow sounds of his yellow alarm clock. He walked into his yellow bathroom and turned on his yellow faucet to wash his yellow face and brush his yellow teeth. Walking down his yellow steps, he pet his yellow cat and wished it a yellow morning. He opened his yellow refrigerator in his yellow kitchen and proceeded to have himself a yellow breakfast. After washing his yellow dishes, decided to go out for a yellow drive in his yellow car. Once he opened his yellow door of his yellow house, he saw Red Man driving in his red car down the yellow road. Red Man's car unexpectedly swerved and then crashed into one of Yellow Man's yellow trees. In a state of yellow shock, Yellow Man ran out to help Red Man out of his red car. Yellow Man brought him into his yellow house, up his yellow stairs and put Red Man into one of his extra yellow rooms. Once Red Man awoke from his red sleeping, he thanked Yellow Man in a very red way for saving his red life. Yellow Man just shook his yellow head and said any yellow man would do the same yellow thing. Red Man then asked in his red voice if there was any red way for him to repay Yellow Man. Yellow Man thought a yellow moment and said, "Well, you could cut my yellow grass for a few days." Red Man nodded his red head and thanked Yellow Man again, in a very red way.
The next day Yellow Man woke up in once more his yellow room from the yellow sounds of his yellow alarm clock. He walked into his yellow bathroom and turned on his yellow faucet to wash his yellow face and brush his yellow teeth. He opened the yellow door to Red Man's yellow room to see how he was doing. Red man was doing quite red well. Walking down the yellow steps, Yellow Man and Red Man discussed what to have for breakfast. Yellow Man opened his yellow refrigerator in his yellow kitchen and proceeded to make himself and Red Man a yellow breakfast. After washing his yellow dishes, decided to go out for a yellow drive in his yellow car, since Red Man would be cutting his yellow grass today. Once he opened his yellow door of his yellow house, he saw Green Man driving in his green car down the yellow road. Green Man's car unexpectedly swerved and then crashed into one of Yellow Man's yellow trees. In a state of yellow shock, Yellow Man ran out to help Green Man out of his green car. Yellow Man brought him into his yellow house, up his yellow stairs and put Green Man into one of his extra yellow rooms. Once Green Man awoke from his green sleeping, he thanked Yellow Man in a very green way for saving his green life. Yellow Man just shook his yellow head and said any yellow man would do the same yellow thing. Green Man then asked in his green voice if there was any green way for him to repay Yellow Man. Yellow Man thought a yellow moment and said, "Well, you could paint my yellow house for a few days." Green Man nodded his green head and thanked Yellow Man again, in a very green way.
The following day, Yellow Man woke up in once again his yellow room from the yellow sounds of his yellow alarm clock. He walked into his yellow bathroom and turned on his yellow faucet to wash his yellow face and brush his yellow teeth. He opened the yellow door to Green Man's yellow room to see how he was doing. Green Man was doing quite green well. Yellow Man then went to the yellow door of Red Man's room, and the three went down the yellow stairs. Yellow Man opened his yellow refrigerator in his yellow kitchen and proceeded to make himself, Red Man and Green Man a yellow breakfast. After washing his yellow dishes, decided to go out for a yellow drive in his yellow car, since Red Man would be cutting his yellow grass today and Green Man would be painting his yellow house. Once he opened his yellow door of his yellow house, he saw Blue Man driving in his blue car down the yellow road. Blue Man's car unexpectedly swerved and then crashed into one of Yellow Man's yellow trees. In a state of yellow shock, Yellow Man ran out to help Blue Man out of his blue car. Yellow Man brought him into his yellow house, up his yellow stairs and put Blue Man into one of his extra yellow rooms. Once Blue Man awoke from his blue sleeping, he thanked Yellow Man in a very blue way for saving his blue life. Yellow Man just shook his yellow head and said any yellow man would do the same yellow thing. Blue Man then asked in his blue voice if there was any blue way for him to repay Yellow Man. Yellow Man thought a yellow moment and said, "Well, you could clean my yellow house for a few days." Blue Man nodded his blue head and thanked Yellow Man again, in a very blue way.
The next yellow day, Yellow Man awoke, and then after washing his yellow self, awoke his Red, Green and Blue friends. They walked down his yellow stairs, but when Yellow Man opened his yellow refrigerator, he noticed he could not make a yellow breakfast for all. "Today will be a cereal day," Yellow Man proclaimed in a very yellow way.
"I shall have Cheerie O's," said Yellow Man.
"I too shall have Cheerie O's," said Red Man.
"I shall have Cheerie O's as well," said Green Man.
"I think I shall have Raisin Bran," said Blue Man.
The moral of this story, three out of four prefer Cheerie O's to Raisin Bran.
wind_steaker
Member
A barman walks into a bar and says.....
... "I'm ready to start my shift"
... "I'm ready to start my shift"
Mega Man's Electric Sheep
Member
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown suit.
(P.S. Never tell this joke to a girl. I nearly got killed)
A dead baby in a clown suit.
(P.S. Never tell this joke to a girl. I nearly got killed)
Ninja Scooter
Member
how many black people does it take to change a light bulb?
probably one. It should really only take one person to change a light bulb, regardless of race or ethnicity. Its a fairly simple procedure.
probably one. It should really only take one person to change a light bulb, regardless of race or ethnicity. Its a fairly simple procedure.
Drinky Crow
Banned
here's one to never tell your wife, take it from me:
what's purple, twelve inches long, and makes women scream?
what's purple, twelve inches long, and makes women scream?
crib death
Companion Cube
Member
I don't get it and I don't think I want to...Tedesco! said:
DCharlie
And even i am moderately surprised
bad cumbrian joke time:
why did the woman have two black eyes?
and a joke i can guarantee about 2 other people will get
Man walks into a cake shop in Cumbria
points to an item and says to the shop owner
"is that a cake or a meringue?"
Owner responds
"Aye, yer wrang"
why did the woman have two black eyes?
because she had to be told twice
and a joke i can guarantee about 2 other people will get
Man walks into a cake shop in Cumbria
points to an item and says to the shop owner
"is that a cake or a meringue?"
Owner responds
"Aye, yer wrang"
Drinky Crow
Banned
Sign in a bar reads: liquor in the front and poker in the back.
Leatherface
Member
Lemurnator
Banned
Two homosexual males are walking down a beach hand in hand. One of the men stumbles acrossed a lamp buried halfway in the sand and he picks it up and rubs the sand off. Low and behold a genie pops out of the lamps opening and says "YOU HAVE AWAKENED ME FROM MY CURSED SLUMBER, I SHALL BE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL. YOU HAVE THREE WIS.... wait... somethings not right about you two... GAYS!? I hate you! YOU ONLY GET ONE WISH!" With that the genie returns to the lamp and the two gay men walk back to their luxery beach front property.
Several hours later the two gay men are awakened by the sound of breaking class and a door slamming open. Suddenly their room doors fly open and the men are dragged away by people dressed all in white wearing hoods. They're taken into their yard and while they're being strung up by their necks and attached to a tree the first gay guy says:
"It might be a good idea to use our one wish..." and the other gay guy says "I... kinda already used our one wish." To that the other gay man says "WHAT! FUDGE! What in golly did you wish for!?" The other guy replies,
Absolutely tasteless and I'm going to hell.
Several hours later the two gay men are awakened by the sound of breaking class and a door slamming open. Suddenly their room doors fly open and the men are dragged away by people dressed all in white wearing hoods. They're taken into their yard and while they're being strung up by their necks and attached to a tree the first gay guy says:
"It might be a good idea to use our one wish..." and the other gay guy says "I... kinda already used our one wish." To that the other gay man says "WHAT! FUDGE! What in golly did you wish for!?" The other guy replies,
"Well... I wished we could be hung like two black men."
Absolutely tasteless and I'm going to hell.
I've heard that one before. I can't believe it's that long :lolRevenantKioku said:
Gotta love British humor...
Anyway, my lame joke.
So there's a black kid and a white kid walking down the street.
They are fighting over what race god is.
So they agree to go into the nearby church to figure it out.
The black kid asks, "God, what color are you?"
And god responds - "I Am What I Am."
Then the white kid says "See! I told you he was white."
And the black kid snaps back, "how the hell do you know?"
"Because if he was black," the white kid said, "he would've said 'I Is What I Is.'"
Mr. Spinnington
Banned
:lol :lol I don't know why.Ferrio said:
Particle Physicist
between a quark and a baryon
argon said:
i dont get it.. :/
Particle Physicist
between a quark and a baryon
Matlock said:
Dirty Joke:
Johnny rolls around in the mud.
Clean joke:
Johnny takes a bath with bubbles.
Dirtier joke:
Bubbles was his neighbor.
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