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https://khabaristantimes.com/scitec...ns-to-make-explosives-in-pakistan-zaid-hamid/

‘The importance of onions as a military tool was first discovered by a Muslim scientist’

Islamabad: The most respected military analyst of Pakistan Zaid Zaman Hamid has claimed that most of the explosives used to kill innocent people of Pakistan use onions imported from India. He was talking to audience in a talk show hosted by Kamran Khan. He was talking about the consequences of trade with India.

“Almost all the bombs made by terrorist outfits across Pakistan are Indian onion powered bombs. India is sending the lethal onions to weaken the Islamic state and take over the nation in coming years. Had India not sent the said onions to Pakistan, our population would’ve been over 250 million instead of the mere 190 million that we are today,” Hamid said in the talk show.

He also stated that the manual to use the onions is coded in the threads of sacs carrying them.

Pakistanis across the country have showed up on streets demanding a permanent ban on all Indian products except movies, songs, musical instruments, and paan. Angry citizens in different cities tore posters of Indian films that were not being screened in cinemas.

Pakistan’s atomic scientist Dr Abdul Qadeer Khan has said that the Indian onions have always been a deadly weapon and that their importance as a military tool was first discovered by a Muslim scientist. “The great Muslim scientist Jabir bin Hayan, father of chemistry and grandfather of nuclear physics was studying a recipe of omelet using Indian onions,” he said while talking to Khabaristan Times adding that, “When he tried to cook the omelet, he accidentally added more onions that required which resulted in a huge explosion killing Jabir bin Hayan on the spot.” [...]

https://khabaristantimes.com/entert...o-find-long-term-replacement-for-mullah-omar/

His mother doesn’t understand how chicken can be called meat

Mullah Akhtar Mansoor, despite dividing opinion, is the early favourite to win this season’s TGT

Kabul: Taliban’s Got Talent (often shortened to TGT), the talent show competition which started in December 2001 following the fall of the Afghan government, will look forward to its biggest season yet. The latest season of TGT, which has originated from the Got Talent franchise, will look for the long-term replacement of Afghan Taliban’s leader, the Ameer-ul-Momineen Mullah Omar, who was confirmed dead a couple of weeks ago.

According to reports the recently announced successor Mullah Akhtar Mansoor, the new emir, has created a lot of rifts among the Taliban rank. With the growing influence of the Islamic State (IS), also known as ISIS, in the region, and the rising number of Taliban factions pledging allegiance to IS, the TGT producers want to cash in on the greatest reality show ever aired. Reports suggest that the latest TGT season that would seek Mullah Omar’s replacement would be followed by billions all over the world from Washington to New Delhi.[...]

https://khabaristantimes.com/national/local-vegetarian-shocked-to-find-chicken-counts-as-meat/

LAHORE: A local man took to twitter to rant about his vegan beliefs and clarify that he had no idea that chicken was, in fact, meat.

Asif Ali Butt has been a vegetarian for the past four years and has tried to ensure that his diet is as close to a vegan diet is possible. It seems that he was informed that all would be well if he stuck to a no mutton and no beef diet, but there was no mention of avoiding chicken.

“Every time someone talks about meat in Pakistan they mention mutton or beef. When was the last time you asked someone for meat and had them say ‘chicken’?” he asked, clearly irked.

“I have been fooled by all. I haven’t had any mutton or beef for ages, I fight for animal rights, I love my vegan lifestyles – who knew chicken is meat?” he asked on twitter.

“When I ordered a vegetable clear soup, even that came with chicken chunks! I’m not the only one who doesn’t think it’s meat, do you see?” he implored his flowers.

https://khabaristantimes.com/national/the-only-a-that-matters-is-for-allah-taliban-tell-malala/

TTP issues press release on Malala’s GCSE result

North Waziristan: Despite being relentlessly pulverised by the Pakistan’s armed forces, the Tehrik-e-Taliban Pakistan’s (TTP) residual factions still had a message for their enemy number one. In an official press release issued, signed by Mullahs no one has ever heard of, the TTP told women’s education activist Malala Yousafzai that the only ‘A’ that matters is ‘for Allah’. The press release came after Malala scored straight As in her O Level exams.

“A for Allah,” began the TTP press release. “B for Bismillah,” it continued. “It’s funny that as a so called education activist you don’t even know basic ABC, Malala Yousafzai. You can get as many As in the worldly, Zionist, CIA-sponsored education system but the only A that matters is for Allah,” it said.
The new, rather anonymous, TTP leadership then dissected Malala’s result, who got 6 As and 4 A*s in her GCSE examinations.

“A* in religious studies? How can a girl, who promotes education for other girls get an A in anything related to religion? Unless of course the religion in question isn’t Islam. Islam is a religion of peace, but not for girls, especially those who want to study,” the PR read.

“You’re obviously studying other religions, Malala, and then getting distinctions in them. And then people don’t believe us when we reaffirm that you’re an American agent who is conspiring against Islam” it added.

The PR continued: “Malala, no matter how much the Pakistani armed forces spank us, you’ll always be our number one enemy.”

Sources privy to the TTP leadership have revealed that the Taliban are mulling a change in stance over education for girls, and would be releasing their own curricula for literature. The ABC books have already been sent to press according to reports.