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The luckiest man in the world ... see why

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H

Hollywood

Banned
Jonah Falcon's penis is 9.5 inches flaccid, 13.5 inches erect. Tense your forearm. Now wrap your hand around the middle of the muscle. That is the girth of Falcon's erection. Those who have witnessed it describe it as "grotesque," "gorgeous," "hideous" and "stunning." Falcon, who stands five foot nine, thinks his penis is perfectly formed, with a fifteen-degree downward curvature at the six-inch mark and absent the blotching, lumpiness and sudden bends that mark some oversize sex organs. A penis this size functions, physiologically, like any other, according to urologists, a claim substantiated by Falcon. His balls are proportionately huge, each the size of a grade-A jumbo egg. When erect, Falcon's penis generates enough heat to warm hands -- campfire style -- from a distance of six inches.
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But after that day in the locker room, he was treated with deference. When Jonah was ten, an older neighborhood kid told an eighteen-year-old woman, "I've got a buddy who's got the biggest dick you'll ever see. It's probably a foot long. He's kind of shy. Want to fuck him?" The woman said she did. So Jonah, who was five foot zero, maybe ninety-eight pounds and mostly bald in the crotch, agreed to meet this woman. He didn't know what sex was, but he showed up, and the woman showed up, too -- red hair, average build, brown eyes. Jonah had no clue what to do, but he knew that people had sex lying down, so he lay on his back and waited. He remembers "fondling and fucking" and that the woman was probably on top, but all that is vague to him now. What still echoes is the woman's refrain: "Holy shit! I've never seen anything like that in my life. Holy shit! . . ."
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http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/_/id/5938137?rnd=1116600076187&has-player=false
 
E

enjoy bell woods

Banned
This guy's an arrogant asshole who's been passed around on the Internet for like six years now. When Portal of Evil found his website, he immediately found his way over there and made an attempt to flaunt his superiority over the site's boarders. It was really funny.

I'm sure some GA regulars are familiar with him. He used to write for Computer Gaming World.
 
K

kitchenmotors

Banned
Uhm, eww. I like guys and how on earth anyone could be turned on by something that big is crazy.

Also, why is it that everytime I see a photo of a guy with a huge dick he's gross looking? Ron Jeremy anyone?
 
S

StoOgE

First tragedy, then farce.
kitchenmotors said:
Also, why is it that everytime I see a photo of a guy with a huge dick he's gross looking? Ron Jeremy anyone?
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John Holmes doesnt look gross.. Im not into guys so I dont know if he was good looking, but he wasnt a freak show like Ron Jeremy or this guy.
 
R

robochimp

Member
In some documentary about John Holmes(Also had a large wang) it was tough to have a full erection just because his body couldn't keep enough blood going to it
 
K

kitchenmotors

Banned
StoOgE said:
John Holmes doesnt look gross.. Im not into guys so I dont know if he was good looking, but he wasnt a freak show like Ron Jeremy or this guy.
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Oh, I don't know what John Holmes looks like. :p

Wait, I just looked him up. OMG, he's gross! He's fucking creepy. Ron Jeremy is a step above him just for the fact that Ron Jeremy doesn't look like a serial killer.
 
D

Dilbert

Member
LakeEarth said:
It's not that lucky. I'd think most women wouldn't be able to take it.
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Yup. I've heard stories from some of my girlfriends about making up an excuse and bailing out of a make-out session because they discovered the guy had a 9"+ dick. Longer is better, thicker is better...but there IS an upper limit for most girls.
 
S

StoOgE

First tragedy, then farce.
kitchenmotors said:
Oh, I don't know what John Holmes looks like. :p

Wait, I just looked him up. OMG, he's gross! He's fucking creepy. Ron Jeremy is a step above him just for the fact that Ron Jeremy doesn't look like a serial killer.
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Thats really funny because John Holmes was actually involved in a multiple homicide :lol :lol

of course, my view of him may be different because Ive only seen a few actual pictures of him, but he's been played by Val Kilmer and Mark Wahlberg (well, loosely) so that likely influenced my opinion of him.
 
S

shuri

Banned
kitchenmotors said:
Oh, I don't know what John Holmes looks like. :p

Wait, I just looked him up. OMG, he's gross! He's fucking creepy. Ron Jeremy is a step above him just for the fact that Ron Jeremy doesn't look like a serial killer.
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John Holmes WAS a killer, well he took part in the ultra violent beating to deathof his best friends, with steel pipes. Check out the very underrated and hard to find movie THE WONDERLAND MURDERS with Val Kilmer, it's about the whole murder case and what happened before and after. Really great movie

edit: Imdb Link
 
S

StoOgE

First tragedy, then farce.
Naked Shuriken said:
John Holmes WAS a killer, well he took part in the ultra violent beating to deathof his best friends, with steel pipes. Check out the very underrated and hard to find movie THE WONDERLAND MURDERS with Val Kilmer, it's about the whole murder case and what happened before and after. Really great movie

edit: Imdb Link
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That movie is the shit, but I think its just called Wonderland.. has that guy that was on the Practice too.
 
D

darscot

Member
I think this guy is a hoax. If this guy is packing what he says he is why does he not do porn? He's clearly and attention whore and love to show everyone his dick (through his pants of course) so why the hell is he a hot dog vender when he could make serious cash doing porn.
 
G

Ghost

Chili Con Carnage!
Imagine if you got a woody at work, the desk would be 8 inches off the floor.

Definitely not the luckiest man on earth.
 
E

enjoy bell woods

Banned
darscot said:
I think this guy is a hoax. If this guy is packing what he says he is why does he not do porn? He's clearly and attention whore and love to show everyone his dick (through his pants of course) so why the hell is he a hot dog vender when he could make serious cash doing porn.
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Look him up on Google, smarty.
 
A

aoi tsuki

Member
If he doesn't already, he should get into the porn industry, where his "gift" would be better appreciated and some. While i'm sure there'd be some women who want to try it just for the curiousity, but it wouldn't be very enjoyable for most of them, possibly aside from fisting fans.

It must really suck to be him though. At 9.5 inches flaccid, he's already too big for a lot of women, let alone erect. There's no chance at oral or anal considering the girth. He'd only be able to use about half of during intercourse, making sex awkward and a lot less intimate. And it would be difficult if not impossible to hide that thing in your pants.
 
B

border

Member
9.5 flaccid? Yikes. Do you have to buy special pants and special underwear or something? Or do you just bunch it all up?
 
SuperPac

SuperPac

Member
That really would be a curse for a straight guy. He'd need to find the woman with a cave between her legs (perhaps through a new Fox reality show?). If he was gay though I'm sure he'd have no problem finding at least a few guys that would beg to get punched in the spleen by that thing.
 
D

demon

I don't mean to alarm you but you have dogs on your face
border said:
9.5 flaccid? Yikes. Do you have to buy special pants and special underwear or something? Or do you just bunch it all up?
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Little Donny Foundation
LITTLE DONNY FOUNDATION
DEMANDING EQUAL RIGHTS FOR ALL DISABILITIES


With the American Disabilities Act of 1994 our Congress assured all
Americans easy and ready access to any public or private institution,
facility or vehicle. We the undersigned believe the administration of
this American Disabilities Act has been carried out in a discriminatory
manner, specifically neglecting to facilitate the needs of the victims of
"LITTLE DONNY DISEASE," specifically "LITTLE DONNY." We the undersigned
demand the following accommodations and appropriations:


1. Public urinals with cushioned penis rests.

2. Public water fountains with cushioned penis rests.

3. Toilet seats with cushioned penis rests.

4. Additional penis seatbelts in cars.

5. Additional front and back seat penis airbags.

6. Miniature hydraulic penis lifts of public buses.

7. Reserved seating (with cushioned penis stands) on a public buses.

8. Lower the height of elevator buttons so they are penis accessible

9. Lower the height of Catholic Church holy water basins to make then
penis accessible, as well as installing penis pinch-proof pew kneelers.

10. Public pools must set aide one hour a day for a separate "Victims of
Little Donny Disease Swim" specifically "Little Donny."

I will lie to friends, family and country in order to have these laws
enacted.
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D

DJ_Tet

Banned
15.jpg



Anybody want to guess wtf Sark is doing being on the second row of a google image search for Jonah Falcon? :lol
 
Z

Zaptruder

Banned
I've never looked up pictures of another mans penis before... but that thing is freaky.

Kinda like a small-medium sized tail attached around the wrong way.

Michaelangelo's David's dick is more functional and better looking than this guy's...
 
M

Mike Works

Member
SuperPac said:
That really would be a curse for a straight guy. He'd need to find the woman with a cave between her legs (perhaps through a new Fox reality show?). If he was gay though I'm sure he'd have no problem finding at least a few guys that would beg to get punched in the spleen by that thing.
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:lol :lol :lol :lol :lol
 
A

aoi tsuki

Member
xsarien said:
610860.gif



(And you're all liars if you aren't at least wondering what it'd be like to be endowed like that, sex life aside.)
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i couldn't care less actually. i'm happy with my size and so are my partners. ^_^ i just can't see any real benefit to being that large.

Another thing that must suck for him... taking the first piss of the day.
 
S

StoOgE

First tragedy, then farce.
aoi tsuki said:
i couldn't care less actually. i'm happy with my size and so are my partners. ^_^ i just can't see any real benefit to being that large.

Another thing that must suck for him... taking the first piss of the day.
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no way, he could harness that power to achieve liftoff.
 
M

Mugen

Banned
^^:lol word.

And to add to that. Size doesn't really matter that much. I mean do you want RIDICULOUSLY HUGE BREASTS? I mean come on. There's great sizes and there's disgusting ones.
 
W

Wendo

Vasectomember
fortified_concept said:
This man is not having sex with Jessica Alba thus I'd like to inform you that this thread's title is wrong.
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Agreed. This is the luckiest man in the world:

james0041yn.jpg
 
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