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[tetsuoxb]

So I got pretty hammered last night, and came home to the girlfriend.... and thus starts the funny.

1) Obviously being drunk, the first thing I asked for was sex. Promptly being turned down, I asked her if I could have sex with a circus midget. (Yes, I said that while drunk) She said no. I said, but midgets are only half a person, so if I dont sleep with two it isnt really cheating.

2) I then got into bed, and demanded she join me. I am already close enough to passing out that this was a grave error on her part. To make a long story short, I passed out while I was "checking the oil", placing her in a position making it nearly impossible to get up. How she got up is beyond me.

3) My phone rings, and it is someone that I kinda work for... (I am his staff translator, but mainly we are friends) My phone was in my pocket of the jeans I threw off near the door, so while I am passed out, my girlfriend goes and gets my phone for me. She puts it down next to me, and the phone rings again. Instead of answering it, apparently I raised my arm in the air, pointed it towards my phone, gave the phone the finger, and then passed out again.

Things I have learned - I am unintentionally hilarious when drunk, and I seem to be developing a history of passing out while engaging in some kind of sexual act.
--------

SO..... What are the funniest/stupid things you have done while drunk, but dont remember and were told about later?

 

[galeninjapan]

Last time I got drunk, and I mean trashed, I watched the movie garfield.

I felt so dirty.

 

[Boogie]

*paging Tritroid*

 

[Vormund]

Well I had friends who tried to convince me the day after that I made out with a fat chick.

I didn't find that funny.

 

[Zensetsu]

Once when drunk, i watched the movie "Phone Booth" and was convinced it was awesome. True story.

:lol


Also, attacking garbage bins with my kung fu powers.

 

[ManDudeChild]

Drunk + having to piss + open gas tank. Nuff said.

 

[Property of Jumpship]

When I lived in Gainesville a buddy and I were at Friday's and we polished off a bottle of Cuervo 1800, had 5-6 beers,and a couple shots of Maker's Mark. Apparently I hit on my roomates friends girlfriend, almost got into a fight with her boyfriend, and managed to piss off everyone I worked with by vomiting in a co-workers car and pissing in her backseat. I was pretty ex-communicato from all my friends for like a month after that. Well except for the guy I did the drinking with; he thought all that shit was funny as hell.

 

[aoi tsuki]

Had a dream i threwup all over my Dreamcast keyboard. Woke up, saw a trail of vomit leading down some clothes piled on a chair, to the Dreamcast keyboard. The trail ended right under the controller port of the Dreamcast, literally a half inch away from it. My bed was also wet, but it's probably not related.

To this day i nearly vomit when i smell Smirnoff Twisted Orange.

 

[tetsuoxb]

When I lived in Gainesville a buddy and I were at Friday's and we polished off a bottle of Cuervo 1800, had 5-6 beers,and a couple shots of Maker's Mark. Apparently I hit on my roomates friends girlfriend, almost got into a fight with her boyfriend, and managed to piss off everyone I worked with by vomiting in a co-workers car and pissing in her backseat. I was pretty ex-communicato from all my friends for like a month after that. Well except for the guy I did the drinking with; he thought all that shit was funny as hell.

You didnt happen to do the exact same thing in front of the porpoise?

Once a whole bunch of us got drunk, found a D.D., and went on drive by super soaker attacks on club lines down university ave. finished it off with plenty of archer road taco bell.

GO GATORS!

 

[Crispy]

The first time I was drunk was also the best! I was seventeen at the time and on holiday in Spain. We weren't like the regular tourists andwent to a heavy metal bar where only the resident Spanish biker dudes went to. There we ordered lots of beer (we already drank a lot at our apartment) and after a few hours I was drunk as hell. Then it started.

First I went to the barkeeper and asked if he could play a song for me. Ofcourse he would, were it not that I asked him to play the circle of life song from the Lion King.

After that I went to the bathroom, where I tried to piss in the toilet, it didn't work. One of the bikers was with me in the toilet and saw I hit my head against the wall (repeatedly)and urinated all over the place. He went out of the bathroom and ordered a cola for me, well that's kind. But when I came back from the toilet I saw the glass of cola on our table and immediately threw it off, after all...cola is for wussies!

After a while we left the café and apparently all the way back to our apartment I muttered: "But I didn't have sex yet, I don't want to go home", the whole way, which was about twenty minutes.

At the apartment I trashed one of the windowblinds which cost me 60 euro's. Oh well....you're only drunk for the first time once!

 

[shuri]

Got drunk and beat the fuck out of my best friend in a stupid fight. I pretty much swore off alcohol and drugs of any kind since, except for some social events, and even there, I dont usually drink a lot, if only not to look like a dweeb.

Last time I got REALLY drunk was 3 weeks ago, and it was my first time in years, well, since it happened. I believe I actually came on irc when I came home.

I hate alcohol

 

[mrklaw]

wore a lemon flavoured condom on my nose and somersaulted over the couch onto my head, then laid naked in my bed and threw up all over myself.

Fucking Cherry wine.


I was pissed and A Girl/friend came in drunk and I tried to carry her over the bikes in the hall but dropped her on them. 30 seconds later her hells angel boyfriend 'scrumpy' comes in and pops my nose - blood all over the wall. I then run upstairs and hide in a wardrobe until he's gone.

 

[Ronald_mcd]

hmm soooo many

At our highschool formal we had an afterparty at a motel. I drank too much and was taken home (which I don't remember) but when I got home me and a buddy noticed I had left my sandals and glasses at the motel, so we ran 3 miles back :lol I was bare foot

I have broken the door to my apartment here at school.

Grabbed my Roommates bestfriend's boob in a cab after being kicked out of a club. Would have gotten my ass beat had I not passed out in the bathroom while taking a piss.

smacked my roommates camera across the room when he tried to get a close up shot of me. Thank god for warranties.

Streaked

I am very encourageable when I drink and someone told me to start chugging my 60oz'r of vodka, so I did. Two friends walked me home, and when I got home my dad was up and I just told him i was going back to my buddies place (short walk) but somehow I ended up in my nieghbours place and kept telling them "I cleared the way". They had to call my dad to come get me. That night I slept with my dog on the floor


I think that covers it.

 

[Trizten Dareeque]

Only dranl beer once at a wedding, it tasted gross.

 

[Papi]

Shit that i apparently did. I can't remember.
-Put 50 on black
-Tried to flykick my mate
-Ran over a ute and jumped off
-My mate gave me his empty glass to put on the bar. I looked at the glass, went, "meh," and threw it on the dancefloor and it smashed. I wasn't kicked out of the club.
-Walking to another club i shouted at everyone on the street. I called every chick a slut or whore.
-I wanted to fight a bouncer.
-I was feeding nuggets to some ho.
-Sent drunken messages.
-Told my friend she had a fat arse.
-Got kicked out of a club at New Year's. Twice.

 

[Jonnyram]

I have a habit of locking myself in other people's toilets when I get hideously drunk.
I last locked myself in DCharlie's loo and passed out (good job he has two).
I also managed to lock myself in my colleague's loo at the first company Christmas party after I arrived in Japan.
Another topic of embarrassment was my stag night, but I don't think we should go there :lol

 

[milanbaros]

I just do the usual crap that everyone does when they are drunk, nothing that funny. It is scary as hell waking up and having that void in your memory, which you immediately fill with the worst possible situations.

I have recently given up drinking (18 days today) for a while because the last time I almost got put in hospital. I went to a sailing club annual party and soon enough had drank 10 uk pints of carlsburg. The captain of the club started rubbing my back and I kept telling him to fuck off. I then start saying that I knew secrets about him and if he didn't stop I would tell everyone. Well it turns out that I implied he was a paedophile.

Needless to say the next time I went to the toilet I was jumped upon by him and two of his friends and chucked out where they started beating the crap out of me and saying they weren't putting me in hospital because of who my friend was. Thats the last I remember but apparently I went back in and started kicking off on the captain telling him I was gonna fucking kill him. I woke up the next morning kneeling with my head in my legs in a nearby tent with sick all over the place. This wasn't my tent so I claimed that the owner came in and was sick everywhere because he couldn't remember anything (he might have done but it was more likely to be me).

I went back into the club and started kicking off again but my friend pulled me away and I got myself a life ban.

 

[darscot]

You shouldn't drink untill you can't remember anything that makes you an alcoholic.

Drinking untill things get fuzzy is fair game. IE. When you buddy says what the fuck were you doing with so and so last night. When you say "Oh shit I completely forgot about that" your all good. If you respond with "The fuck I was what the hell are you talking about." you have a problem. It all part of the code.

 

[milanbaros]

You shouldn't drink untill you can't remember anything that makes you an alcoholic.

Drinking untill things get fuzzy is fair game. IE. When you buddy says what the fuck were you doing with so and so last night. When you say "Oh shit I completely forgot about that" your all good. If you respond with "The fuck I was what the hell are you talking about." you have a problem. It all part of the code.

I thought you had to be addicted/reliant on alcohol to be an alcoholic? Going out evry weekend with your friends and getting blind drunk is silly but in no way does that make that person an alcoholic.

 

[darscot]

I thought you had to be addicted/reliant on alcohol to be an alcoholic? Going out evry weekend with your friends and getting blind drunk is silly but in no way does that make that person an alcoholic.

They call that denial.

 

[Wraith]

They call that college.

Fixed.

 

[milanbaros]

They call that Britsish youth culture

Tweaked.

And darscot, you obviously have no idea what alcoholism is.

 

[demon]

Ugh. Apparantly this thread. :|

 

[darscot]

Tweaked.

And darscot, you obviously have no idea what alcoholism is.

LOL, if drinking yourself to fucking oblivion on a regular basis doesn't qualify what does?

 

[Property of Jumpship]

You didnt happen to do the exact same thing in front of the porpoise?

Once a whole bunch of us got drunk, found a D.D., and went on drive by super soaker attacks on club lines down university ave. finished it off with plenty of archer road taco bell.

GO GATORS!

No, after Fridays I went down University by Simon's and BW3. Thats were all the ugliness took place.

 

[Cerebral Palsy]

I shit in the top shelf of my girlfriend's toilet. She didn't think it was very funny in the morning. I had to clean it myself. I was pissed.

 

[Wraith]

LOL, if drinking yourself to fucking oblivion on a regular basis doesn't qualify what does?

I'd say it involves dependence. If you depend on alcohol to get you through your life, then you're an alcoholic. If you drink because you're depressed(Not "I just broke up with my girlfriend depressed," constantly depressed), it's time to seek help. Drinking alone would be another good sign of alcoholism.

Drinking in large quantities as a social activity does not indicate dependence. While the technical(and rather conservative) definition of alcoholism may prove you right, I think the majority of people you talk to will tell you that you're incorrect.

 

[demon]

If I'm not mistaken, alcoholism is an addiction to alcohol. You can drink all you want and still not be addicted. So, in my book, if you're not addicted, you're not an alcoholic. Like Wraith said- it's a matter of dependance.

 

[Escape Goat]

You all turn into f'ing retards when you're drunk. I never get that dumb :lol

 

[demon]

You all turn into f'ing retards when you're drunk. I never get that dumb :lol

Me too. I've never done anything insane, and I've gotten *near* wasted (not quite there though) a few times. I have an unusual amount of restraint and remaining inhibitions when I'm drunk.

 

[dem]

Well there was the 17yr old girl last weekend...

or the weekend before that when I attempted drunken weightlifting in the dark..

or the weekend before THAT.. with the running around the hotel in my underwear

... I dont remember the weekend before that...


=(

 

[Deleted member 1235]

This is easily the dumbest night I have had drunk. it makes no sense, makes me a horrible person and I have done nothing like it since.

Got mindlessly drunk, went to town and did the usual, then ended up walking around the docks at the waterfront looking for a place to smoke a joint. Start climbing on boats saying things like "I'm a captain DURRRR" etc etc. Keep wandering around this really big boat and say "Man this boat is kinda big, walk into boat interior and open a door to see a sleeping girl. Realising we have miscalculated horribly and having horrible "being mistaken for a rapist" visions even in my nearly comotose state(and having no idea that people actually sleep on boats at the dock, um I don't know why) me and my irresponsible friend leg it and go find somewhere more suitable. Find a car with a national beer companys logos all over it in the parking lot of the docks. Decide that smoking a joint in that car is the best idea. Friend steals change and a camera from said beer company as well as the company credit card.
Attempt to use said credit card at strip club. Fail. Take photos of us sprawled all over local police car while laughing about our genius of taking photos of a cop car with a stolen camera. Drop and break stolen camera.

Wake up with a terrible hangover and swear off drinking forever.

 

[Manics]

I got kicked out of a club for spilling beer on people while randomly poking women in the back with my finger.

Then I woke up the next day in bed, puke all over me, puke on the carpet, on the walls, on the way leading up to the bathroom.

I'm actually surprised to this day that I didn't choke on my own vomit cause I have no memory at all of throwing up.

 

[Pedigree Chum]

After getting shitfaced I remember people telling me the following:

I was at the community center across the street from residence, yelling at the person in charge there for some reason. She was about to call the cops before my friends arrived with a bottle of water. I promply took the water, and as we were heading up the stairs back to our place I threw it all over one of the girls (a good friend of mine) and ran away.

On another occasion, I was physically thrown out of a club and subsequently almost got ran over when jaywalking back to my place.

There's a lot more, but I'd rather not get into it. Since then I've never gotten hammered, and only drink casually. Actually I've only drank once in the last year. I love the effects of booze (making me more talkative and sociable), but I just don't know when to say when.

 

[AntoneM]

went to the convience store about 1 block away and got lost comming home so I slept the night away in some park that I stumbled upon. the really sad part is that you can see the store from my apartment and vise versa