Thinking about losing my virginity. Help.

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The Lamp

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I'm a 25 year old virgin. I've remained abstinent for religious reasons and personal reasons but I'm doubting aspects of my beliefs and simultaneously extremely curious about what I'm missing out on. I'm thinking about having sex, hopefully with someone in a relationship, but also possibly just a casual encounter, to stop the mystery around it.

But I really want to be safe. I don't want to risk STDs. I bought condoms in case of such an encounter. I'm male and there's a couple of guys and girls I personally know that I'm interested in pursuing to see what happens. But I also go out clubbing and drinking and I've always restrained myself but now because of curiosity I'm wondering if I would ever let something happen.

I want some advice. What's the best way to protect myself against STDs considering I'm 100% clean? Condoms obviously, but what about HPV or herpes or things that can be transferred by skin? Is it obvious when someone has a skin condition you don't want to mess with? How risky is it to kiss or do oral sex? Is it normal to use condoms for all oral sex? I'm considering getting the gardisil vaccine as it is my last year to do it before I turn 26.

This also may sound incredibly naive but bear with me. What does sexually advancing even look like...I don't know what it's like to progress from casual conversation to a sexual encounter. From a body language and conversational perspective, how do people end up hooking up?

I have had 1 sexual encounter with a male friend. It's complicated. Everything just happened one night. We just gave handies so I'm still a virgin.

Too embarrassed to ask anyone I know stuff like this lol.

Update:
It happened! Wow!

I was on a work trip and randomly got messaged by a cute guy. I had no interest because I was tired and wanting to get ready for work but he tempted me to come hang out. We just chatted and went for a walk. We determined that we have a lot in common, so we went back to his place and made out while watching TV. Funny how it all happens. We just complimented each other's eyes and suddenly we just pounced each other.

The next day we hung out again. I had dinner with him and drinks and we went back to his place and the clothes came flying off. Had shower sex and bed sex and everything inbetween. We used condoms, except for oral and when we did handies. Wonder what the risks are there. Apparently I am quite talented at sex.

8/10. It was as good as I was hoping it would be, except for a few things. He was really, painfully tight so I couldn't feel anything, but he had a blast. Best orgasm he's had in years and I'm the best kisser he's had.

I don't feel like I regret it much because the risk is low and the curiosity isn't eating away at me anymore.

I am going back home since I was only here for a few days, but he's honestly boyfriend material, so we will see what happens.

Weird how things can change suddenly.

Update 2:
Soooo, to update, this guy and I are really really into each other. We can't stop thinking about each other. We are willing to try a long distance relationship and I will try to visit him again next month. We are currently being exclusive to each other trying to figure out if we're going to officially be boyfriends :)

Lol even if this relationship fails next week, this was rather successful for a random hook up.

I've never had a serious relationship before so I'm kind of stunned things are going this well. Who says you can't find love on Grindr?

Also, I got tested for STDs today including rapid HIV and everything came back negative. He's getting tested again next month and he expects it will also be that way.


I know this isn't my blog but I just wanted to share encouragement. You too can find a partner and get a good sexing! It may happen when you least expect it, even at 25 or beyond!
 
The Lamp said:
I'm a 25 year old virgin. I've remained abstinent for religious reasons and personal reasons but I'm doubting aspects of my beliefs and simultaneously extremely curious about what I'm missing out on. I'm thinking about having sex, hopefully with someone in a relationship, but also possibly just a casual encounter, to stop the mystery around it.

But I really want to be safe. I don't want to risk STDs. I bought condoms in case of such an encounter. I'm male and there's a couple of guys and girls I personally know that I'm interested in pursuing to see what happens. But I also go out clubbing and drinking and I've always restrained myself but now because of curiosity I'm wondering if I would ever let something happen.

I want some advice. What's the best way to protect myself against STDs considering I'm 100% clean? Condoms obviously, but what about HPV or herpes or things that can be transferred by skin? How risky is it to kiss or do oral sex? Is it normal to use condoms for all oral sex? I'm considering getting the gardisil vaccine as it is my last year to do it before I turn 26.

This also may sound incredibly naive but bear with me. What does sexually advancing even look like...I don't know what it's like to progress from casual conversation to a sexual encounter. From a body language and conversational perspective, how do people end up hooking up?

I have had 1 sexual encounter with a male friend. It's complicated. Everything just happened one night. We just gave handies so I'm still a virgin.

Too embarrassed to ask anyone I know stuff like this lol.
Click to expand...

My recommendation:

Male-Female
Condom for Sex
No Condom for Oral Sex

Male-Male
CONDOM FOR EVERYTHING



Use a condom. You can not protect against genital herpes or HPV with a condom. You would have to ask your partner for a recent test result and even then it is possible that they have it. If you are sexually active, these are the risks you have to take. Herpes can transfer from the mouth to the genitals (oral sex). Herpes can also spread asymptomatic, that means that you can infect other people even if you have no visible outbreak. You can also contract herpes without even knowing that you contracted it and spread it asymptomaticly

You can take the gardasil vaccine any time. The "age limit" just means that it is probable that you had so many sex encounters at that age, that the vaccine would be useless, as you would be already infected

For the love of god, please use a condom if you have male to male intercouse. The HIV rate is very high among homosexual, bisexual men. And do not trust them that they are "clean", meaning hiv negative.

It is not normal to use condoms for oral sex. At least not here in germany
 
The only way to be safe
7372-29579-1-1000.jpg
Click to expand...
 
Wear a condom during intercourse, especially if it's with a man. Most people won't want to blow you, if you insist on wearing a condom for oral, even if that is technically safer. If you want some quick and dirty action ASAP, with a stranger, use Tinder for women or Grindr for men.

The best advice I have is to lighten up just a bit, if you're this freaked out about STIs and such, you'll have a hard time performing in the act. Don't be stupid about it, but you won't have any fun if it's all you can focus on.
 
The Lamp said:
I'm amazed at the thirst of dudes.

I can barely get a conversation started on straight tinder yet on Grindr I have people asking me for dick every day.
Click to expand...

haha yeah thats the benefit of being into the same sex as a male, whether you consider yourself gay or bi or whatever.

but i would say having sex with someone you actually care for and are in a relationship with is an entirely different experience, more difficult to find that in a quick hook up.
 
I don't think the human race is a cesspool of disease on the average. Find someone who is sensible and hasn't been fucking everything in sight while sharing dirty needles and you'll likely be fine with just a condom. I'd be more worried about pregnancy in the event that the condom accidentally breaks.

There are legitimately people who fuck a new partner every week and have never contracted anything. Obviously the more you have sex the more opportunity for something to go wrong so once again, be sensible.

If you are super worried get a test done for you and go online and find someone who just got the test themselves and arrange to hook up.
 
Soriku said:
How About No



If that's the case then you can forget about the casual conversation and go straight to the sex lol.
Click to expand...

I met up with someone on Grindr a few days ago. He wasn't as attractive as his photos and his behavior was a little odd so I decided not to progress things. But I also internally repressed myself. Like I didn't feel comfortable having casual sex with a stranger at that moment. He was totally willing to go all the way with me but it just wasn't comfortable for me. I'm willing to try again with someone else but I'm just so used to years of mentally repressing my sex drive that I'm not sure what it'll look like when I finally do have sex. I dunno. Random anecdote.


So it seems that the safest route is to finish gardisil, use condoms for intercourse (especially for same sex encounters), and is there value in starting Prep meds just to be super safe?

evanmisha said:
Oh, honey.
Click to expand...

I have only shared like 4 kisses in my life, 3 of which in jr high. I don't have any cold sores and I may be one of the few humans without herpes virus lol.
 
The Lamp said:
I'm amazed at the thirst of dudes.

I can barely get a conversation started on straight tinder yet on Grindr I have people asking me for dick every day.
Click to expand...

I made a Grindr profile for a day to see what would happen. Within 5 minutes of creating my profile, I had a dude telling me to come to the nearest public bathroom so he could suck my dick. I got over 60 unsolicited messages from dudes within 24 hours before I closed my account. I'm lucky to get 60 decent matches a year with women.
 
The Lamp said:
I met up with someone on Grindr a few days ago. He wasn't as attractive as his photos and his behavior was a little odd so I decided not to progress things. But I also internally repressed myself. Like I didn't feel comfortable having casual sex with a stranger at that moment. He was totally willing to go all the way with me but it just wasn't comfortable for me. I'm willing to try again with someone else but I'm just so used to years of mentally repressing my sex drive that I'm not sure what it'll look like when I finally do have sex. I dunno. Random anecdote.


So it seems that the safest route is to finish gardisil, use condoms for intercourse (especially for same sex encounters), and is there value in starting Prep meds just to be super safe?



I have only shared like 4 kisses in my life, 3 of which in jr high. I don't have any cold sores and I may be one of the few humans without herpes virus lol.
Click to expand...

What do you mean by prep meds?
 
The Lamp said:
I met up with someone on Grindr a few days ago. He wasn't as attractive as his photos and his behavior was a little odd so I decided not to progress things. But I also internally repressed myself. Like I didn't feel comfortable having casual sex with a stranger at that moment. He was totally willing to go all the way with me but it just wasn't comfortable for me. I'm willing to try again with someone else but I'm just so used to years of mentally repressing my sex drive that I'm not sure what it'll look like when I finally do have sex. I dunno. Random anecdote.


So it seems that the safest route is to finish gardisil, use condoms for intercourse (especially for same sex encounters), and is there value in starting Prep meds just to be super safe?



I have only shared like 4 kisses in my life, 3 of which in jr high. I don't have any cold sores and I may be one of the few humans without herpes virus lol.
Click to expand...

You never had chicken pox?
 
evanmisha said:
It's also extremely expensive. From what may or may not be the official website:
Click to expand...

yeah. Just be sensible and use a condom. If the condom breaks and you know the other person probably has hiv you can immediatly start post exposure therapy and basically lower you risk to near zero
 
The Lamp said:
I'm amazed at the thirst of dudes.

I can barely get a conversation started on straight tinder yet on Grindr I have people asking me for dick every day.
Click to expand...

AnAnole said:
I made a Grindr profile for a day to see what would happen. Within 5 minutes of creating my profile, I had a dude telling me to come to the nearest public bathroom so he could suck my dick. I got over 60 unsolicited messages from dudes within 24 hours before I closed my account. I'm lucky to get 60 decent matches a year with women.
Click to expand...

Whelp Lamp looks like you got your pool right here

pls don't do it in a public bathroom tho

animlboogy said:
Modbot should automatically match users who post threads like this.
Click to expand...

It'd be like the OT version of Steam Giveaways!
 
There's always a risk of catching something with sex in general.

It never hurts to call a local sexual health clinic to speak to a councillor or nurse to ease your fears, if only by a little at least. If you're not quite ready to be outed or afraid of having this on record, as far as my experience goes, sexual health clinics keep it anonymous.
 
Use a condom for any intercourse, and that of course includes making sure the other guy uses one if that's the way things go. I've never used one for oral, but I also don't fuck strangers that I meet online so maybe you ought to, I'm not sure.

Mainly, be smart and safe about everything but don't let a fear of disease ruin one of life's greatest pleasures.
 
Get the gradasil. Always use condoms. Go to your PCP to learn the specifics about STD spread. You can ask about HIV PrEP as well. Lastly, get tested if you have an encounter that was unprotected.

Males you have sex with males (MSM) are a particularly high risk group for STD, so you do want to be cautious, which you have already shown so that's good.
 
I waited till I was 22, but not for religious reasons. I just didn't want it to be shallow with someone I didn't care about. So when I did lose it, it was more worthwhile. I would say it's worth waiting just for that. I also don't go clubbing or really leave my house all that often, so there's something to be said for that.
 
How About No said:
Whelp Lamp looks like you got your pool right here

pls don't do it in a public bathroom tho



It'd be like the OT version of Steam Giveaways!
Click to expand...

I didn't actually take him up on his offer. I don't even know if i want to sleep with a guy, but it is nice to know that option exists for me!
 
OverBlood 3 said:
Tell us more about the handies first...
Click to expand...

We were good friends on a vacation together. I was very repressed about my sexuality and we had no intentions beyond being friends. We had to share a room to save money. The first few days, nothing happened. Then one night my hand lands on his hips while we were asleep. We were both in weird sleep phases, but he just pressed himself closer to me and grabbed my hand. We hold each other through the night and in the morning when the dawning sun broke through the window, we fully awaken, realizing that we just took our physicality in a new direction, and we started kissing (he kissed me, I kissed back) and finishing each other's morning wood after he stuck his hands in my shorts. Then we got out of bed and had breakfast. We went home from vacation still good friends, but nothing more. It was my first sexual encounter and it awakened me to what it could be like to share a sexual moment with someone you care about.

But yeah, no oral or penetration, and he was clean.
 
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