ALRIGHT ALRIGHT OKAY LET'S GO.
NOW, YOU FOLKS KNOW HOW I LIKE MY BEER. I LIKE 'EM CANADIAN, EH. NONE OF THEM SOVIET DRINKS 'CAUSE I AIN'T A COMMIE, EH.
ANYHOW, YOU KNOW, I'M THE BEST GUY TO ASK FOR ADVICE FOR ANYTHIN', EH. SOME GUY ASKED ME 'BOUT BEST PROTECTIN' HIS KIDS PLAYIN' HOCKEY, AN' I TOLD HIM, I SAID, "YA GOTTA LET THOSE KIDS PLAY THE RIGHT WAY, EH. YOU DON'T NEED VISORS - THOSE ARE FOR SISSIES" - THE GUY WAS SHAKIN' MY HAND WHEN I SAW HIM AT THE HOSPITAL AFTER HIS KID TOOK A STICK TO THE EYE. HE'LL BE OKAY - CHICKS DIG SCARS, EH.
NOW, SPEAKIN' OF CHICKS, WHAT'S ALL THIS TALK 'BOUT WOMEN RECENTLY, EH? "GAF, I FEEL LIKE I BEEN USED, EH", "DON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE, EH", "SHE DON'T OWE YOU AN EXPLANATION', EH" - WELL, FOLKS, LOOK NO FURTHER THAN DON CHERRY'S PATENTED DATIN' ADVICE TO HELP YOU FOLKS OUT.
RULE #1: BE CLASSY.
YOU CAN'T BE ACTIN' LIKE YOU CAME OUTTA STALIN'S TEMPLE, EH. YOU GOTTA DRESS IN A NICE SUIT, WEAR A FANCY HAT IF YOU GOTTA, EH, AN' TALK TO WOMEN LIKE YOU TALK TO YOUR MOMS, EH.
RULE #2: PLAY THE RIGHT WAY.
THIS IS AS IMPORTANT IN HOCKEY AS IT IS IN DATIN', EH. NO HOTDOGGIN', NO FANCY MOVES, NO VISORS, AN' NO HERT-A-WHIRLIN', EH. I DON'T WANNA BE SEEIN' YOU FOLKS SCORIN' FOUR GOALS LIKE THAT CLASSLESS TOMAS HERT-A-TURTLE IN SAN JOSE, EH.
RULE #3: BE CANADIAN.
NOW, YOU FOLKS KNOW CANADIANS ARE BEST, EH. THESE RULES AIN'T GONNA WORK IF YOU AIN'T CANADIAN, EH. IF YOU AIN'T, GO APPLY FOR A CITIZENSHIP, EH. IT'LL TAKE A FEW YEARS, BUT WHEN YOU GOT THAT OFFICIAL DOCUMENT SAYIN' YOU'RE CANADIAN, YOU'RE READY TO DATE.
(OPTIONAL) RULE #4: BE A GOOD ONTARIO KID.
BE A GOOD ONTARIO KID, EH.
NOW, LET ME TELL YOU FOLKS A STORY: I WAS IN THE BATHROOM, WASHIN' MY HANDS, WHEN I SAW A PRETTY LADY WALK IN AN' ENTER THE BATHROOM STALL. SHE CLOSED HER DOOR 'CAUSE SHE WAS A CLASSY CANADIAN, EH. ALL OF A SUDDEN, YOU GOT THESE COMMIES IN ANOTHER STALL WHO LEFT THEIR DOOR OPEN ('CAUSE THEY AIN'T CLASSY), AN' STARTED ASKIN' HER OUT, EH. I HEARD 'EM USIN' PICK-UP LINES FROM THE COMMUNIST MANIFESTO - DON'T EVEN LOOK IT UP, FOLKS. IT AIN'T GOOD STUFF. BOY, I WAS SO STEAMED. THE LADY'S TRYIN' TO SIT IN SILENCE WITH THEM COMMIES HOOTIN' IN HOLLERIN' LIKE THEY'RE BACK IN MOTHER RUSSIA, EH. ANYHOW, DAVEY CLARKSON FROM MIMICO, ONTARIO WENT IN THE BATHROOM, WENT INSIDE A STALL, LEFT HIS DOOR OPEN 'CAUSE HE'S CANADIAN, AN' SAID, "M'LADY, MAY I TAKE YOU TO THE LOCAL HOCKEY GAME, EH?" - SHE SAID YES. BOY, I WAS SO PROUD OF DAVEY, EH. GOOD MIMICO KID. GOOD ONTARIO KID. THOSE COMMIES WERE SO EMBARRASSED, THEY LEFT WITHOUT WIPIN' OR WASHIN' THEIR HANDS.
YOU KNOW WHO DAVEY CLARKSON REMINDED ME OF? BOBBY ORR. BOBBY ORR WOULDA BEEN CLASSY TO A LADY INSIDE A BATHROOM, EH. GOD LOVE 'EM.
NOW, YOU FOLKS KNOW HOW I LIKE MY BEER. I LIKE 'EM CANADIAN, EH. NONE OF THEM SOVIET DRINKS 'CAUSE I AIN'T A COMMIE, EH.
ANYHOW, YOU KNOW, I'M THE BEST GUY TO ASK FOR ADVICE FOR ANYTHIN', EH. SOME GUY ASKED ME 'BOUT BEST PROTECTIN' HIS KIDS PLAYIN' HOCKEY, AN' I TOLD HIM, I SAID, "YA GOTTA LET THOSE KIDS PLAY THE RIGHT WAY, EH. YOU DON'T NEED VISORS - THOSE ARE FOR SISSIES" - THE GUY WAS SHAKIN' MY HAND WHEN I SAW HIM AT THE HOSPITAL AFTER HIS KID TOOK A STICK TO THE EYE. HE'LL BE OKAY - CHICKS DIG SCARS, EH.
NOW, SPEAKIN' OF CHICKS, WHAT'S ALL THIS TALK 'BOUT WOMEN RECENTLY, EH? "GAF, I FEEL LIKE I BEEN USED, EH", "DON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE, EH", "SHE DON'T OWE YOU AN EXPLANATION', EH" - WELL, FOLKS, LOOK NO FURTHER THAN DON CHERRY'S PATENTED DATIN' ADVICE TO HELP YOU FOLKS OUT.
RULE #1: BE CLASSY.
YOU CAN'T BE ACTIN' LIKE YOU CAME OUTTA STALIN'S TEMPLE, EH. YOU GOTTA DRESS IN A NICE SUIT, WEAR A FANCY HAT IF YOU GOTTA, EH, AN' TALK TO WOMEN LIKE YOU TALK TO YOUR MOMS, EH.
RULE #2: PLAY THE RIGHT WAY.
THIS IS AS IMPORTANT IN HOCKEY AS IT IS IN DATIN', EH. NO HOTDOGGIN', NO FANCY MOVES, NO VISORS, AN' NO HERT-A-WHIRLIN', EH. I DON'T WANNA BE SEEIN' YOU FOLKS SCORIN' FOUR GOALS LIKE THAT CLASSLESS TOMAS HERT-A-TURTLE IN SAN JOSE, EH.
RULE #3: BE CANADIAN.
NOW, YOU FOLKS KNOW CANADIANS ARE BEST, EH. THESE RULES AIN'T GONNA WORK IF YOU AIN'T CANADIAN, EH. IF YOU AIN'T, GO APPLY FOR A CITIZENSHIP, EH. IT'LL TAKE A FEW YEARS, BUT WHEN YOU GOT THAT OFFICIAL DOCUMENT SAYIN' YOU'RE CANADIAN, YOU'RE READY TO DATE.
(OPTIONAL) RULE #4: BE A GOOD ONTARIO KID.
BE A GOOD ONTARIO KID, EH.
NOW, LET ME TELL YOU FOLKS A STORY: I WAS IN THE BATHROOM, WASHIN' MY HANDS, WHEN I SAW A PRETTY LADY WALK IN AN' ENTER THE BATHROOM STALL. SHE CLOSED HER DOOR 'CAUSE SHE WAS A CLASSY CANADIAN, EH. ALL OF A SUDDEN, YOU GOT THESE COMMIES IN ANOTHER STALL WHO LEFT THEIR DOOR OPEN ('CAUSE THEY AIN'T CLASSY), AN' STARTED ASKIN' HER OUT, EH. I HEARD 'EM USIN' PICK-UP LINES FROM THE COMMUNIST MANIFESTO - DON'T EVEN LOOK IT UP, FOLKS. IT AIN'T GOOD STUFF. BOY, I WAS SO STEAMED. THE LADY'S TRYIN' TO SIT IN SILENCE WITH THEM COMMIES HOOTIN' IN HOLLERIN' LIKE THEY'RE BACK IN MOTHER RUSSIA, EH. ANYHOW, DAVEY CLARKSON FROM MIMICO, ONTARIO WENT IN THE BATHROOM, WENT INSIDE A STALL, LEFT HIS DOOR OPEN 'CAUSE HE'S CANADIAN, AN' SAID, "M'LADY, MAY I TAKE YOU TO THE LOCAL HOCKEY GAME, EH?" - SHE SAID YES. BOY, I WAS SO PROUD OF DAVEY, EH. GOOD MIMICO KID. GOOD ONTARIO KID. THOSE COMMIES WERE SO EMBARRASSED, THEY LEFT WITHOUT WIPIN' OR WASHIN' THEIR HANDS.
YOU KNOW WHO DAVEY CLARKSON REMINDED ME OF? BOBBY ORR. BOBBY ORR WOULDA BEEN CLASSY TO A LADY INSIDE A BATHROOM, EH. GOD LOVE 'EM.
