There's a friend of mine who lives in B.C., and works for FedEx as a customer service representative. And as he was working on the 24th after a large snowstorm that hit FedExs' main sorting facility in Memphis on Tuesday night, causing massive delays in virtually every package shipped, between answering calls from angry customers who sent their gifts out one or two days before christmas, he wrote this little jingle. Here are some terms used in the jingle, with explanations, and the jingle itself. :lol
Air: Term used to denote the FedEx Express service. Fastest, most efficient, most reliable service with a 99.5% success rate.
Ground: The exact opposite of Air. Packages shipped Ground are expected to be delivered anytime from 1 - 5 business days.
Van: Term used to describe a package that has been loaded onto a delivery van, and is out for delivery.
B.C.: Abbreviation for British Columbia, the province where he lives.
Release: Handy little button the Reps have on their phones. Hangs up on people.
"'Twas the Night Before Christmas (the FedEx version)
'Twas the night before Christmas,
and all through the shop,
the calls kept on coming,
they just wouldn't stop.
The Customers all claim,
they packed their boxes with care,
but sent them all Ground,
with only one day left to spare.
The Reps could only sit,
and stare in dismay,
thinking it would have been wise,
to call in sick on this day.
"No sir, on the van it is not,
nor with reindeer like Cupid,
and for sending this Ground,
boy are you stupid."
This the Rep thought,
but held his own tongue.
He was dealing with Americans,
who often owned guns.
"Sir, I'm sorry,
but your package won't be there.
Perhaps next time you ship,
you'll send it through Air."
This the Customer,
did not like one bit.
He ranted and raved,
and threw a big fit.
"Sir I am sorry,
there's nothing I can do."
The Customer then screamed,
"Well FUCK you all too!
Get in your car,
and drive it to me!"
"I cannot do that sir,
for I live in B.C." <-- (*taken from a real conversation*)
The Customer gave off,
a snarl and a snare,
as if the Rep,
would actually care.
Finally, there was quiet,
for a short little spell.
Then the Customer spoke up,
"You can go straight unto Hell!" <-- (*another real conversation*)
The Rep then smiled,
with some sadistic glee.
Thinking, "That'll teach him,
to try and fuck with me."
The Rep, well he chuckled,
"Have a nice day."
Then Released the caller,
and went on his way. <-- (*done this... a lot. *)
The Rep took more calls,
and at the end of each bout,
he would say with might,
"No package for all,
so have a horrible night!" "
I think he should send this out to all FedEx customer reps, and make it their holiday theme. :lol
Air: Term used to denote the FedEx Express service. Fastest, most efficient, most reliable service with a 99.5% success rate.
Ground: The exact opposite of Air. Packages shipped Ground are expected to be delivered anytime from 1 - 5 business days.
Van: Term used to describe a package that has been loaded onto a delivery van, and is out for delivery.
B.C.: Abbreviation for British Columbia, the province where he lives.
Release: Handy little button the Reps have on their phones. Hangs up on people.
"'Twas the Night Before Christmas (the FedEx version)
'Twas the night before Christmas,
and all through the shop,
the calls kept on coming,
they just wouldn't stop.
The Customers all claim,
they packed their boxes with care,
but sent them all Ground,
with only one day left to spare.
The Reps could only sit,
and stare in dismay,
thinking it would have been wise,
to call in sick on this day.
"No sir, on the van it is not,
nor with reindeer like Cupid,
and for sending this Ground,
boy are you stupid."
This the Rep thought,
but held his own tongue.
He was dealing with Americans,
who often owned guns.
"Sir, I'm sorry,
but your package won't be there.
Perhaps next time you ship,
you'll send it through Air."
This the Customer,
did not like one bit.
He ranted and raved,
and threw a big fit.
"Sir I am sorry,
there's nothing I can do."
The Customer then screamed,
"Well FUCK you all too!
Get in your car,
and drive it to me!"
"I cannot do that sir,
for I live in B.C." <-- (*taken from a real conversation*)
The Customer gave off,
a snarl and a snare,
as if the Rep,
would actually care.
Finally, there was quiet,
for a short little spell.
Then the Customer spoke up,
"You can go straight unto Hell!" <-- (*another real conversation*)
The Rep then smiled,
with some sadistic glee.
Thinking, "That'll teach him,
to try and fuck with me."
The Rep, well he chuckled,
"Have a nice day."
Then Released the caller,
and went on his way. <-- (*done this... a lot. *)
The Rep took more calls,
and at the end of each bout,
he would say with might,
"No package for all,
so have a horrible night!" "
I think he should send this out to all FedEx customer reps, and make it their holiday theme. :lol
