Support NeoGAF

[rtcn63]

Oh man, this is going to be glorious. Tempted to see it now.

Dane DeHaan's career has NOT gone the way I thought it was going to go after how fucking astoundingly good he was in Chronicle.

He physically reminds me so much of Edward Furlong which is... which is not a good thing I think.

 

[jack_package_200]

On RT, there are 8 reviews up and 6 of them are positive.

 

[Discotheque]

Is this even going to be playing in IMAX? It comes out the same day as Dunkirk.

really stupid on their part to put it out on the same day. this could have been a good august release for the box office.

 

[Frozenprince]

He physically reminds me so much of Edward Furlong which is... which is not a good thing I think.

Jeeeeesus the years have not been kind to John Connor.

 

[Random Human]

The only thing that gives me pause about this is can it possibly come up with something as good as Channing Tatum's space rollerblades in Jupiter Ascending? DOUBTFUL.

 

[Haines]

"In this movie and many like it, the only elements that count are impact, impact, impact and impact. The fifth element is gibberish."

^ Mainstream 5th Element review, and plenty more like it out there
Just saying.

But does this defense work when fifth element is out and beloved at this point

Good movies can give a wrong first impression, but im not so sure people didnt know what they were getting into

 

[santi_yo]

LOL the THR review is priceless.

 

[jack_package_200]

Maybe its just me but the THR and EW reviews seem like they are written by the most bitter and cynical people.

 

[sixteen-bit]

this is gonna bomb so hard but i still wanna see it

 

[Bronx-Man]

And who knows, maybe a decade from now, Valerian will seem as ahead of its time as The Fifth Element was — your contrarian stoner buddy’s new favorite midnight movie

My favorite midnight movie is American Psycho, thank you very much.

 

[Ashhong]

I really want to watch this. I hope some of the reviews are decent. I love Speed Racer and wish I saw it in IMAX. Don't want that kind of regret again.

 

[Jon Carter]

On RT, there are 8 reviews up and 6 of them are positive.

Shh, the reviews are terrible. According to the first review in the OP.

 

[Ridley327]

He should take a hint from Robert Pattinson and stop doing big production films for awhile.

Pattinson can afford the career that he has because he's got that Twilight money until the end of time. DeHaan is not so fortunate. I'm sure he'd love to do more films like Two Lovers and a Bear (which, as one of the seven people that saw it, is easily one of the most wackadoo romance films in recent memory), but he's got close to no buffer.

It's the other one that baffles me. Really Hollywood, Cara Delevingne? Do you guys have a thing for thick eyebrows or something, because she's a less talented version of Emilia Clarke, and that's saying something.

 

[rtcn63]

Jeeeeesus the years have not been kind to John Connor.

Now I feel terrible for saying it.

 

[IdreamofHIME]

A movie so bad that at only the third sentence, the reviewer couldn't keep racism out.

 

[Bronx-Man]

On RT, there are 8 reviews up and 6 of them are positive.

OP's tryna pull a fast one on us!

 

[Mr_Antimatter]

I'll probably skip in in cinema, but i'll watch the heck out of the blu ray.

 

[Bad_Boy]

How well known in France/Europe is this graphic novel in which the movie is based on, really?

I remember my trip to belgium last year i saw a bunch of the Valerian comics on display.

 

[jett]

The Jupiter Ascending of 2017. I (sadly) knew it.

 

[ZeoVGM]

The OP should probably put up a link to RottenTomatoes instead of just giving excerpts from bad reviews. Because there are more good reviews than bad reviews so far.

https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/valerian_and_the_city_of_a_thousand_planets

 

[jack_package_200]

OP's tryna pull a fast one on us!

Must be a Nolan shill!

We see right through you OP

/s

 

[Ridley327]

Jeeeeesus the years have not been kind to John Connor.

Frequent drug and alcohol abuse will do that to a guy. That guy went into it full-on after T2.

 

[FUBAR McDangles]

Even though most of the reviews are good, doubt I see this in theaters.

Maybe a few weeks down the line if I have nothing else going on. Otherwise it's a redbox movie for sure.

 

[Slayven]

I predicted this will be the TNT Sunday after noon viewing all star

 

[Frozenprince]

I predicted this will be the TNT Sunday after noon viewing all star

Idk if reviews sit at around 55% they might crack FX movie nights over whatever mid-00's comic book movie they're showing.

 

[Tertullian]

It really is Jupiter Ascending Redux

.

(But I like Jupiter Ascending)

 

[Einchy]

Oh, damn...

Some of the twitter impressions were more positive, I thought maybe we were gonna get another gooden.

 

[mm04]

I will buy this in 3D Blu-ray when it comes out. I don't even care if it is good. I just know it'll probably look awesome at home.

 

[EYEL1NER]

Y'know I didn't have high hopes when I first saw they were making a movie adaptation of a comic book series like Valerian but I was interested all the same. It seemed like a movie that Guillermo Del Toro should have directed.

I really wonder who was in charge of finding then deciding to make a movie of it. Was it a guy who just wanted a new comic property to make money off of or an actual fan?

I saw a brief interview with Besson while scrolling through Facebook and he was saying that he read Valerian as a child and has wanted to adapt it pretty much whole career. It seems like he might be an actual fan.

 

[Currygan]

Well at least the graphic novel is good. Thought it was gonna be arse since it's Besson, whose actually decent movies remain Subway and Nikita. And yes, 5th Element is trash

 

[tuxfool]

8/11 reviews on RT are positive so far, it's currently sitting at 75%.

 

[ZeoVGM]

8/11 reviews on RT are positive so far...

OP made the thread and left.

You gotta keep up with these things if you're gonna be the one to make the thread.

 

[illmatic22]

Trailers screamed BOMB to me. Critically and commercially. Spider-Man and Apes and Dunkirk gonna kill this.

Dane's losing streak has been disappointing since him and Michael B. Jordan made Chronicle for me. At least Mike's doing alright.

Cara was awful in Suicide Squad so can't say I'm surprised that she apparently stinks here too.

 

[Penguin]

OP made the thread and left.

You gotta keep up with these things if you're gonna be the one to make the thread.

Not my fault Raw started, gonna update the OP!

 

[Nerdkiller]

https://twitter.com/the_moviebob/status/884566024703619074

Kids, did I ever tell you about how FIFTH ELEMENT was ignored by U.S. audiences and waved-off by critics until it hit regular HBO replays?

As a European, it's my duty to see this picture.

 

[Biff]

Those reviews really aren't that bad if you read them.

OP is kinda misleading because the first few lines of the first review talk about the Razzies... It's by far the most scathing review out there. Like... an order of magnitude more damning then the next meanest review.

So there's still a hope that Fifth Element wasn't a complete fluke and maybe, just maybe, this one will be weird in all the right ways.

 

[Shadow Broker]

I trust the Nerdist Review so I'll take my daughter during release weekend to check this out.


Edit: I also have no idea what the plot is supposed to be about either. Just looks interesting.

 

[Ridley327]

I saw a brief interview with Besson while scrolling through Facebook and he was saying that he read Valerian as a child and has wanted to adapt it pretty much whole career. It seems like he might be an actual fan.

The Fifth Element was basically an unofficial adaptation of one of the volumes of the Valerian and Laureline comic. There's no doubt he's been chomping at the bit for the longest time to be able to do a proper adaptation of the source material.

 

[moltonasty]

No review can stop me from seeing this movie. Even if it's terrible the visuals are guaranteed to be worth it.

 

[Bronetta]

I still wanna see it. I told me friend I had a good feeling about this movie. Won't be the best thing ever but a decent enjoyable flick.


Its probably gonna underperform no matter what. I'll try to catch it after War of the Apes.

 

[Slayven]

Idk if reviews sit at around 55% they might crack FX movie nights over whatever mid-00's comic book movie they're showing.

FX is pretty much the MCU channel come weekends. With a little transformers, why don't they show the X-men movies?

 

[Bronx-Man]

Not my fault Raw started, gonna update the OP!

Speaking of Razzie-worthy

 

[Qvoth]

saw the trailer some time back and i actually thought it looks pretty interesting
will watch this after war for the planet of the apes, or whichever comes out 1st

 

[CHC]

These negative reviews are reinforcing my conviction that I will love this.

Haha kind of where I'm at right now.

Sounds like a beautiful disaster.

 

[broncobuster]

I'll be sure to catch it in theaters before they give away the good screens, if it even gets some in the first place. Impressions paint it as a bonkers sci-fi movie that somehow got a $200M budget, which is what I wanted.

 

[HotHamBoy]

Valerian & Laureline deserves better.

You know what The Fith Element had that this movie doesn't? Ian Hilm, Bruce Willis, Milla Jovavich, Chris Tucker & Practical Effects

 

[jack_package_200]

Odds are I will probably do a double feature on that Friday with Dunkirk

 

[Slime]

I hope this is John Carer/Lone Ranger "bad" and not soul-deadening trash like Jupiter Ascending.

It looks fun.

 

[jack_package_200]

Also that THR review says there is a lack of exposition.

That sounds lovely.

 

[Principate]

For such "bad" movie it sure is reviewing very well. Now up to 77% fresh.