Doom85
Member
Saw a Reddit thread the other day of this, and thought it was too much fun not to see if hopefully some Seinfeld and LOTR fans here want to have fun with it. Basically take Seinfeld quotes and conversations from the Seinfeld characters but alter them so it’s like they’re in Lord of the Rings.
Yes, this is insanely goofy, but it’s Saturday night, so:
Jerry: They thought you were going to steal The One Ring? Why?
George: Probably because this whole universe is against me!
Jerry: You’ve got a little corruption in you.
George: I know. And now they want me to bottle it up. It makes me want to steal the Ring and kill them all so bad!
Jerry: Hey, you know, we were just talking about you.
Elrond: Oh, yes?
Jerry: Yeah, you know how the other day you mentioned that there were no houses available in Rivendell?
Elrond: You didn’t find one, did you?
Jerry: No, I’m not really looking.
Elrond: Nor should you.
Jerry: So are you telling me there is not one house to buy or even rent in all of Rivendell?
Elrond: The houses are passed down from generation to generation; it’s quite difficult.
Jerry: I can’t get a manor, a cottage, a room in a stable, nothing?
Elrond: It’s booked solid.
Elaine: It’s BOOKED, Jerry!
Jerry: How did your ancestors get theirs?
Elrond: Luck, I suppose. Come, Elaine, let’s go for a stroll. I was about to sing some songs about my family’s heroics in ages past.
(Elrond and Elaine depart)
Jerry: Maybe I’ll check out Rohan.
(George walks up)
Jerry: Hey, George, do you believe this guy?
George: Who?
Jerry: Elrond.
George: Oh, I missed Elrond?
Jerry: Yeah, get this, he tells me there are no places in Rivendell to buy or rent.
George: Huh. You’re looking for a place in Rivendell?
Jerry: No.
George: So what do you care?
George: I just don’t like the idea that every time Gandalf invites us on a journey, there’s this little annoying chore that goes with it!
Jackie Chiles: Who told you to use The One Ring?! I didn’t tell you to use The One Ring! You people and this ring, it never ends!
Jerry: This is what’s doing it. You miraculously survived falling into Mount Doom somehow, and you’re no longer in possession of The One Ring, so your mind is able to focus.
Sméagol: Could that be true?
Jerry: Yeah, I mean, let’s say this is your brain. (holds up lettuce head) Okay, from what I know about you, your brain consists of two parts: the intellect, represented here (tiny lettuce piece), and the part obsessed with the Ring (rest of lettuce head). Now, granted, you have extracted an amazing amount from this little scrap. But with The Ring gone, this previously useless lump, is now functioning for the first time in its existence.
Sméagol: My word! I just realized I can finally defeat that cursed Baggins in a riddle game! Farewell!
Elaine: Perhaps there’s more to Sauron than meets his Eye.
Jerry: No, there’s less.
Elaine: It’s possible.
Jerry: No, it isn’t. I’ve looked into his Eye. He’s pure evil.
Elaine: Maybe he’s an enigma, a mystery wrapped in a riddle.
Jerry: Yeah, he’s a mystery wrapped in world domination.
Yeah, I know this is silly. Hopefully a few people will join in, or at least be amused at the idea.
Yes, this is insanely goofy, but it’s Saturday night, so:
Jerry: They thought you were going to steal The One Ring? Why?
George: Probably because this whole universe is against me!
Jerry: You’ve got a little corruption in you.
George: I know. And now they want me to bottle it up. It makes me want to steal the Ring and kill them all so bad!
Jerry: Hey, you know, we were just talking about you.
Elrond: Oh, yes?
Jerry: Yeah, you know how the other day you mentioned that there were no houses available in Rivendell?
Elrond: You didn’t find one, did you?
Jerry: No, I’m not really looking.
Elrond: Nor should you.
Jerry: So are you telling me there is not one house to buy or even rent in all of Rivendell?
Elrond: The houses are passed down from generation to generation; it’s quite difficult.
Jerry: I can’t get a manor, a cottage, a room in a stable, nothing?
Elrond: It’s booked solid.
Elaine: It’s BOOKED, Jerry!
Jerry: How did your ancestors get theirs?
Elrond: Luck, I suppose. Come, Elaine, let’s go for a stroll. I was about to sing some songs about my family’s heroics in ages past.
(Elrond and Elaine depart)
Jerry: Maybe I’ll check out Rohan.
(George walks up)
Jerry: Hey, George, do you believe this guy?
George: Who?
Jerry: Elrond.
George: Oh, I missed Elrond?
Jerry: Yeah, get this, he tells me there are no places in Rivendell to buy or rent.
George: Huh. You’re looking for a place in Rivendell?
Jerry: No.
George: So what do you care?
George: I just don’t like the idea that every time Gandalf invites us on a journey, there’s this little annoying chore that goes with it!
Jackie Chiles: Who told you to use The One Ring?! I didn’t tell you to use The One Ring! You people and this ring, it never ends!
Jerry: This is what’s doing it. You miraculously survived falling into Mount Doom somehow, and you’re no longer in possession of The One Ring, so your mind is able to focus.
Sméagol: Could that be true?
Jerry: Yeah, I mean, let’s say this is your brain. (holds up lettuce head) Okay, from what I know about you, your brain consists of two parts: the intellect, represented here (tiny lettuce piece), and the part obsessed with the Ring (rest of lettuce head). Now, granted, you have extracted an amazing amount from this little scrap. But with The Ring gone, this previously useless lump, is now functioning for the first time in its existence.
Sméagol: My word! I just realized I can finally defeat that cursed Baggins in a riddle game! Farewell!
Elaine: Perhaps there’s more to Sauron than meets his Eye.
Jerry: No, there’s less.
Elaine: It’s possible.
Jerry: No, it isn’t. I’ve looked into his Eye. He’s pure evil.
Elaine: Maybe he’s an enigma, a mystery wrapped in a riddle.
Jerry: Yeah, he’s a mystery wrapped in world domination.
Yeah, I know this is silly. Hopefully a few people will join in, or at least be amused at the idea.
