What is the smoothest thing you have ever done?

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Poimandres said:
One time, I was walking home from the pub blind drunk. I'm talking really really drunk. I was stumbling, seeing double and had just vomitted...

5 minutes later, I come across two girls and a guy loitering around on the footpath. One of the girls is in tears. I stop and ask "what's going on guys?". One of the girls tells me that her friend dropped her engagement ring, and they've been looking for it for the last half an hour...

I say "I'll help you guys find it" and after about 2 minutes of staring at the blurry ground, a glint catches my eye. I reach down and pick it up. "Is this it?" I say, sure enough I have found the ring. The engaged girl is over the moon, takes the ring off me and skips up and down with her boyfriend. They walk off a few metres, leaving me and the other girl alone.

"Oh my god, I can't believe you found my friends ring. Thank you so much!" she says. In return I say "Hey, don't worry about it.... say, you wanna make out?". She looks completely embarrased, goes bright red then replies "umm, alright!" so I grab her and we start making out for a couple of minutes. "Wow" she says "I've never done anything like that in my life!". I give her a wink, say "that was fun. Well, better be going. See ya round" and I walk off into the night with a big ass grin on my face.

Perhaps the highlight of my life...

She wasn't talking about making out with a stranger, she was talking about kissing someone who just threw up
 
koam said:
She wasn't talking about making out with a stranger, she was talking about kissing someone who just threw up

nah, we've all done that after leaving a bar.
 
Dodged a car that would have otherwise paralyzed me for life.
Happened about 4 weeks ago, A car was making right turn at an intersection without actually looking to the right. I happened to be crossing the intersection at the same moment and as soon as I saw him accelerate I made one giant step from in front of his car to safety. Missed me by a foot, the whole situation looked like a looney toons cartoon bit.
 
The mention of ping-pong reminded me of a nice moment. I was playing ping pong with someone and it was a really intense game, I cut it way to the side but they caught it which I didn't expect so I only managed to lob it back. Seeing the opportunity they smashed it hard, but while it flew past my head I jumped backwards like 4 feet, made a blind reach back and hit it to make a good return for the point.
 
In Freshman Biology class, I had a D average going into the final. I tried to study for the first two tests, but I just couldn't grasp the material. It was hopeless. My motivation for studying for the final was really low, and I blew off class and lab to the point that I practically walked into the exam blind. I was literally thinking that I might have to guess and just hope that I could hold on to my D. I really had set myself up to get an F in the class (as 10-15% of students failed that class every semester).

The final was held in a large lecture hall, and was completely multiple choice. As I was walking in, I noticed a smart looking girl with the seat next to her open. I thought to myself - "What the hell - why not just cheat off of her. What do I have to lose?" During the exam, I was smooth and did not attract any attention from the proctors, as I copied many (but not all) of her answers. I remember that there were times when she was clearly annoyed with me and tried to cover her answers, but she could only do so much. As I turned in the exam, I realized that I was so poorly prepared that I literally did not know any of the material that I had just answered.

The next week, when final grades arrived in the mail over Christmas break (I am dating myself now obviously), I saw the magestic looking C next to Biology 203. I not only passed, but must have aced the exam, since I had low Ds on the first two exams.

So - with no hope of passing and an F imminent, I somehow found a seat next to one of the smartest girls in the class, copied her answers without getting caught, and then aced the exam. I have always felt bad about this. But, I wised up after this experience and never got less than a B (without having to cheat at all), and ended up graduating 5 semesters later (2 and 1/2 years total) with a 3.7 GPA.
 
This is a really long story with a lot of layers, but I'll only point out the smoothest part of the whole night.

My friend and I dress up nicely and go to this club where an internationally famous techno group is doing a show at. We happen to get there right as their limo pulls up; so we walk around the limo as it opens and somehow manage to just blend right in with their crew. My friend owns this really expensive camera so he just tells the guys at the door that we're the photographers and we get right in without having to pay a cover. This is later followed by free drinks (we must have racked up a $1,000+ tab on buying drinks for everyone in the club) and lots of other shit I won't even post online.

Needless to say, that night has yet to be topped.
 
alistairw said:
Years ago, my housemate at the time had a friend from his work over - this gorgeous English girl who was about six years older than me. We were getting pretty drunk in the backyard, and then the topic turned to clothing, and how I was well dressed, so I offered to show her what else I had in my wardrobe upstairs. We went upstairs, and then starting making out against the door of said wardrobe.

Unfortunately, then she fell off the roof. So that sorta ruined the night a bit.

Wut? You can't leave us hanging like that....make a new thread nao!!

Here I'll even give you the title: Girl-age So I pushed my crush off the roof......
 
Bluecondor said:
In Freshman Biology class, I had a D average going into the final. I tried to study for the first two tests, but I just couldn't grasp the material. It was hopeless. My motivation for studying for the final was really low, and I blew off class and lab to the point that I practically walked into the exam blind. I was literally thinking that I might have to guess and just hope that I could hold on to my D. I really had set myself up to get an F in the class (as 10-15% of students failed that class every semester).

The final was held in a large lecture hall, and was completely multiple choice. As I was walking in, I noticed a smart looking girl with the seat next to her open. I thought to myself - "What the hell - why not just cheat off of her. What do I have to lose?" During the exam, I was smooth and did not attract any attention from the proctors, as I copied many (but not all) of her answers. I remember that there were times when she was clearly annoyed with me and tried to cover her answers, but she could only do so much. As I turned in the exam, I realized that I was so poorly prepared that I literally did not know any of the material that I had just answered.

The next week, when final grades arrived in the mail over Christmas break (I am dating myself now obviously), I saw the magestic looking C next to Biology 203. I not only passed, but must have aced the exam, since I had low Ds on the first two exams.

So - with no hope of passing and an F imminent, I somehow found a seat next to one of the smartest girls in the class, copied her answers without getting caught, and then aced the exam. I have always felt bad about this. But, I wised up after this experience and never got less than a B (without having to cheat at all), and ended up graduating 5 semesters later (2 and 1/2 years total) with a 3.7 GPA.
youredoingitwrong.jpg
 
Chipopo said:
I remember really pissing a girl off in the cafeteria once. She got really pissed and as I was leaving she called my name and threw an apple straight at my face. I caught the apple and took a big bite with a shit-eating grin on my face like it wasn't no thing. It was pretty smooth.

Thats bad ass mayne.

Bluecondor said:
In Freshman Biology class, I had a D average going into the final. I tried to study for the first two tests, but I just couldn't grasp the material. It was hopelesszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
 
Chipopo said:
I remember really pissing a girl off in the cafeteria once. She got really pissed and as I was leaving she called my name and threw an apple straight at my face. I caught the apple and took a big bite with a shit-eating grin on my face like it wasn't no thing. It was pretty smooth.

OMG I wish i could've done that in some point of my life :(
 
Carved a perfect S through a massive rain induced pile up on the 101 at 70mph, avoiding every spinning car, not losing control of mine AND making my exit to San Fran airport in a single smoove move. The entire thing happened in like, four seconds, but it all felt like bullet time. My passengers were in awe/terror and I was weirdly chilled out. Possibly some kind of adrenalin fluke.
 
My friends and I were going on a road trip.
We left at 5:30am and a few of them decided they wanted to do some drugs.

We pulled into a parking lot and they did their thing, when we pulled out we got flagged down by a Cop.

I was like "Hannah, poor some coffee on your lap."
Sure enough, the cop came up to the door asked why were in the parking lot and she said "I spilled my coffee." The cop was like "That's good enough for me." And took off without even asking a name or for our IDs.
 
Poimandres said:
One time, I was walking home from the pub blind drunk. I'm talking really really drunk. I was stumbling, seeing double and had just vomitted...

5 minutes later, I come across two girls and a guy loitering around on the footpath. One of the girls is in tears. I stop and ask "what's going on guys?". One of the girls tells me that her friend dropped her engagement ring, and they've been looking for it for the last half an hour...

I say "I'll help you guys find it" and after about 2 minutes of staring at the blurry ground, a glint catches my eye. I reach down and pick it up. "Is this it?" I say, sure enough I have found the ring. The engaged girl is over the moon, takes the ring off me and skips up and down with her boyfriend. They walk off a few metres, leaving me and the other girl alone.

"Oh my god, I can't believe you found my friends ring. Thank you so much!" she says. In return I say "Hey, don't worry about it.... say, you wanna make out?". She looks completely embarrased, goes bright red then replies "umm, alright!" so I grab her and we start making out for a couple of minutes. "Wow" she says "I've never done anything like that in my life!". I give her a wink, say "that was fun. Well, better be going. See ya round" and I walk off into the night with a big ass grin on my face.

Perhaps the highlight of my life...


Ok, seriously, I've had multiple friends in situations where they just go up to a chick and say "wanna make out" and have it work no problem. Even though I know that in certain places the probability of asking a drunk chick right out and having it work is pretty high, I can't bring myself to just do that. Just seems so awkward.
 
Nothing big, but in like 5th grade during french class, the teacher would have each student say a number in french. So the first student goes "1", second one go "2" etc etc.
I had fallen asleep and was lying with my head on the table, and when it's my turn the teacher says my name and I look up, confused, and goes "va?" ("what?" in my language, which is what I meant), which luckily is the number 20 in french, the number I was supposed to say out loud. Teacher goes "good".
Felt kind of smooth, somehow.
 
Bluecondor said:
In Freshman Biology class, I had a D average going into the final. I tried to study for the first two tests, but I just couldn't grasp the material. It was hopeless. My motivation for studying for the final was really low, and I blew off class and lab to the point that I practically walked into the exam blind. I was literally thinking that I might have to guess and just hope that I could hold on to my D. I really had set myself up to get an F in the class (as 10-15% of students failed that class every semester).

The final was held in a large lecture hall, and was completely multiple choice. As I was walking in, I noticed a smart looking girl with the seat next to her open. I thought to myself - "What the hell - why not just cheat off of her. What do I have to lose?" During the exam, I was smooth and did not attract any attention from the proctors, as I copied many (but not all) of her answers. I remember that there were times when she was clearly annoyed with me and tried to cover her answers, but she could only do so much. As I turned in the exam, I realized that I was so poorly prepared that I literally did not know any of the material that I had just answered.

The next week, when final grades arrived in the mail over Christmas break (I am dating myself now obviously), I saw the magestic looking C next to Biology 203. I not only passed, but must have aced the exam, since I had low Ds on the first two exams.

So - with no hope of passing and an F imminent, I somehow found a seat next to one of the smartest girls in the class, copied her answers without getting caught, and then aced the exam. I have always felt bad about this. But, I wised up after this experience and never got less than a B (without having to cheat at all), and ended up graduating 5 semesters later (2 and 1/2 years total) with a 3.7 GPA.

Pathetic.

This guy could be operating on your loved ones in the future. Scary shit.
 
Chipopo said:
I remember really pissing a girl off in the cafeteria once. She got really pissed and as I was leaving she called my name and threw an apple straight at my face. I caught the apple and took a big bite with a shit-eating grin on my face like it wasn't no thing. It was pretty smooth.

I can only dream of being that badass.
 
Chatted a girl up during Queen's Night (the night before Queen's Day, the day when we celebrate our queen and all royalty) big outdoor festival party type of thing in the center of The Hague. She said she wasn't from around, and she would have to find a hotel to spend the night. She hadn't made reservations yet, but she was sure to find a place. Normally, I'm deaf and blind for these kind of sentences, but that night I was on top of my game.
I told her every hotel in The Hague would be full, but if she wanted she could crash at my place (I lived about 30 minutes of walking from where the party in question was going down). She asked me about her friend, if she could stay over as well. I told her I was not sure, since I did not know her friend. They looked at each other and started kissing, tongue action and all. I told them they could spend the night and we had an amazing night. First threesome I ever had, and I never flinched.
 
CurseoftheGods said:
Pathetic.

This guy could be operating on your loved ones in the future. Scary shit.

Nah, don't worry about it. Bluecondors only a College Professor. So he's just teaching the future kids of tomorrow to be fuck-ups.
 
Off the top of my head there was a time at secondary school when this guy who i had a sort of feud with tried to throw a chair at me but it bounced onto a table infront of me and i just grabbed the small metal bar that goes underneath the seat with 1 hand, he stood there for a few seconds shocked that i had caught it and decided to run away :LOL

Another one i remember was when me and my soon to be wife were on a tram and a wasp was flying near her face and out of nowhere i just squashed it on the window with a small carton of juice i had just finished drinking from, she was quite shocked and impressed at the time :D
 
Somehow I managed to get superhuman reflexes once while on a summer festival. The festival was indie/alternative which pretty much meant lots of indiekids/hipsters running around behaving like idiots. While going back to our tents, slightly drunk, some of these morons had parked themselves around the road that led from the scenes to the camping site just making fun of everyone that passed by. One of them had decided that running around with a towel and whipping people on the ass with it would be fun, and the crowd thought the same.

So there we were, walking and talking, about to pass the crowd and the crazy towel dude. In my mind I told myself that just walk calmy past them and don't give a fuck but as we were halfway through the crowd my newly found spidersense tingled. Without looking back I took my arm around my back and made a grabbing motion, not expecting it to do anything really, but when I pulled it back I found the towel in my hand. I turned around, saw the toweldude standing there with a blank expression on his face, gave him a "you're an idiot" look, turned around and kept walking.

The big bonus wasn't the ninja skills I apparently had developed but that I made the towel dude run after us and beg to get his towel back, in front of the whole crowd. Justice strikes again!
 
It's not related to sex, but I had an intercultural communications class I took at my university during the summer, and everybody was panicking over the first test because of horror stories about how politically biased/obtuse the questions were. It was on a Monday, and because I'm a self-sabotaging asshole, I spent most of the previous weekend drinking.

I was pretty nervous before walking into class, so I had a cigarette and decided I didn't give a fuck about the class and would withdraw if the test went south. Showed up 10 minutes late, hungover, grabbed the test, finished in half an hour (I was the first one out), and got the only 100 in the class.

At the top of my test, which was all essay, he wrote in red pen, "You get it - and you explain it quite well." I haven't gotten an A on a test since that class.
 
One time an ex was in some paranoid jealous rage and went to slap me in the face in the hallway a few feet in front of my front door. All in one motion I grabbed her arm before it hit my face, spun her around, nudged her forward, opened the door, nudged her our and slammed the door behind her in about 2 seconds. I wasn't even thinking, it was total autopilot. Wish I had it on film!
 
Once in class we had a break and a classmate asked if we should go outside. I declined to read the newspaper and some obese girl shouts "HE NEVER GETS OUT OF THE CHAIR, DON'T YOU KNOW THAT?" and I respond very calmy in a second "Well, except I'm not stuck with my fat butt in this chair" without looking up still reading my newspaper.


Oh and once when we wrote an exam about a topic I had not the slightest clue of, I completely copied the exam of the guy sitting next to me, when he was done with the exam, he controlled it again. I thought, it would be good to go out first and handed my exam to the teacher. When I was going out of the class, I saw how this guy swept huge parts off his exam and I was like "FUCK!".

Turned out his first version was completely right, I got a B, he got a D. :lol :lol
 
medrew said:
Nah, don't worry about it. Bluecondors only a College Professor. So he's just teaching the future kids of tomorrow to be fuck-ups.

LOL! I agree that it is/was pathetic (particularly in comparison to the other stories in this thread).

And - yes - I am (thankfully) in no position to f anyone else up with my false training in biology.
 
First off, great smoothness in this thread. Love it, especially the apple one :lol

So this guy is ringing me up at the grocery store on a night when I've got a pounding sinus headache...

Clerk: How's your day been?
Me: Meh, so-so. Kinda had a sore throat and headache. **points to DayQuil** Thus the DayQuil.
Clerk: ...**Short pause** Don't you mean "hence the DayQuil?"

(Now, I was rather taken back by this, but I've unwittingly been a jerk to people myself, and was willing to let it slide, even though this comment came off a bit snooty.)
Me: ...Um, yeah, whichever.

(Now here there are a good few seconds of silence for me to comtemplate my attitude. This is what is lacking in most "zing" situations, but was present here, giving me exactly the time I needed to prepare myself, just in case he kept up the asshattery.)
**By now he has surely noticed my UVSC ID**
Clerk: ...**Smug look on his face** Go to BYU. You'll learn to say "hence" instead of "thus" in those situations.
Me: ...Ah, I see. But apparently I won't learn how to NOT be a dick to customers, will I?
Clerk: **pauses, stumped**
Me: Hence the comments, right?

All that was exchanged afterwards was the token "have a nice night," and I'm guessing only because there were other customers around.

Had a huge grin once I walked out of the store. Couldn't wait to tell my friends when I got home. Felt great.
 
- Had sex in an Onsen because the owner was kind enough to close off the women's bath of for me and my girlfriend at that time. Later in the evening I had a couple of beers with the dude, turned out he was Korean, married an Japanese woman, hated the prejudices Japanese hold towards mixed relations/marriages (I'm European, the girl was Japanese) and was, in his words, 'helping a brother out' :D Awesome dude. Having sex in an onsen looking out over lake Biwa is definitely one of the more bad-ass things I've ever done.

- Spend months and months in Uni library and kinda noticed this crazy pretty girl was always around too. Didn't really know how to approach her, so ended up handing her over my business card one day and asked her when we were gonna have lunch, then walked away. She called me 2 days later. Didn't really work out, but I felt like a smooth mofo.

- Had sex in a private cabin in a TGV.
 
First time I'd smoked weed. Had a couple of bongs then went clubbing.
Managed to hit it off with a stunner but I have flashbacks of kissing a girl and a taste of sick in my mouth and I'm not 100% sure if the 2 are related.
In other words, there would be no chance of me getting off with a stunning girl if she wasn't drunk and had thrown up in her own mouth.
 
Chipopo said:
I remember really pissing a girl off in the cafeteria once. She got really pissed and as I was leaving she called my name and threw an apple straight at my face. I caught the apple and took a big bite with a shit-eating grin on my face like it wasn't no thing. It was pretty smooth.

I remember something similar. A girl I knew, but didn't date (she slept with more men by her 21st birthday than there's bacteria in the average mouth, so I figured she must've some kind of desease or something), was hitting on me in the cafetaria for the humpht time. I ignored her, since I was talking to a rather nice young lady, but after a while she got annoying so I told her to back the fuck off or I would toss her across the cafetaria. She went back to her friends, and the whole group started laughing, I didn't catch the conversation, but terms of gay n such were uttered. Whatever, I thought.
Because they apparently didn't like to be ignored, they started to toss Mentos at me and the girl sitting next to me. Most of them missed us, so we didn't pay attention, but one of them actually hit me on the head. I grabbed the mentos in question looked at the group and the girl that was hitting on me started screaming "don't hit me, I swear to god, I'll mess you up if you hit me."
I was playing handball in this period of my life, and quite well too, so my throwing arm was well-developed. I took the mentos, told the girl next to me "this one's going between her eyes", and sure enough, it ripped through the air and hit her exactly between the eyes.

Off course, she went mental, came at me in a certain anger-crazed rage, so I decided to remain seated and keep my cool. She demanded that I would stand up so she could kick me in the nuts (she literally said that). She's 5'3 at most and I was around 6'4" at that time. So I got up, the natural shock and awe ensued when someone as tall as me stands up right before someone as short as her. I noticed by the twitch in her face that she was going for it and as her body moved back to make room for the knee in the groin, I bent forward, grabbed her leg, twisted her around (gotta love high heels), held her leg and told her to start hopping. She was the kind of girl looks was everything for, and we still had 4 hours of school to go, so I went for the 'kill'. I made her hop towards the counter, I ordered a orange juice, dumped it over her head, went over to the girl I was chatting with, got make-up removal pads, and smeared her make-up all over her face. The girl I chatted with held up a mirror, and the girl I was holding broke out in tears. I let her go, and she went for the bathroom almost instantly.

Off course, I had to go to the principal's office for this, but since he knows what kind of bitch she and her friends can be, he decided to let me off with a warning.
 
Besides a grouprecord for making out in a club (8 minutes), not a whole lot comes to mind. Not girl or sex related at least.

But winning the city's highschool basketbal competition through a backwards dunk in the last three seconds rates pretty high. Entire classyear (crowd) was cheering and calling my name.


@ Neorej: That sounds a bit unreal man. Pouring orange juice, dragging her around the cafeteria and messing up here make-up while the entire posse of mentos throwing friends didn't do shit? No janitors around either?
 
neorej said:
I remember something similar. A girl I knew, but didn't date (she slept with more men by her 21st birthday than there's bacteria in the average mouth, so I figured she must've some kind of desease or something), was hitting on me in the cafetaria for the humpht time. I ignored her, since I was talking to a rather nice young lady, but after a while she got annoying so I told her to back the fuck off or I would toss her across the cafetaria. She went back to her friends, and the whole group started laughing, I didn't catch the conversation, but terms of gay n such were uttered. Whatever, I thought.
Because they apparently didn't like to be ignored, they started to toss Mentos at me and the girl sitting next to me. Most of them missed us, so we didn't pay attention, but one of them actually hit me on the head. I grabbed the mentos in question looked at the group and the girl that was hitting on me started screaming "don't hit me, I swear to god, I'll mess you up if you hit me."
I was playing handball in this period of my life, and quite well too, so my throwing arm was well-developed. I took the mentos, told the girl next to me "this one's going between her eyes", and sure enough, it ripped through the air and hit her exactly between the eyes.

Off course, she went mental, came at me in a certain anger-crazed rage, so I decided to remain seated and keep my cool. She demanded that I would stand up so she could kick me in the nuts (she literally said that). She's 5'3 at most and I was around 6'4" at that time. So I got up, the natural shock and awe ensued when someone as tall as me stands up right before someone as short as her. I noticed by the twitch in her face that she was going for it and as her body moved back to make room for the knee in the groin, I bent forward, grabbed her leg, twisted her around (gotta love high heels), held her leg and told her to start hopping. She was the kind of girl looks was everything for, and we still had 4 hours of school to go, so I went for the 'kill'. I made her hop towards the counter, I ordered a orange juice, dumped it over her head, went over to the girl I was chatting with, got make-up removal pads, and smeared her make-up all over her face. The girl I chatted with held up a mirror, and the girl I was holding broke out in tears. I let her go, and she went for the bathroom almost instantly.

Off course, I had to go to the principal's office for this, but since he knows what kind of bitch she and her friends can be, he decided to let me off with a warning.


COOL STORY BRO, ASSAULTING WOMEN IS SO SMOOTH

also what really happened is that you got your ass kicked by a 5'3" girl
 
I once picked up a girl on a bus. She was sitting next to me reading a book and I leaned over and said "Dont you hate trying to read on public transport...always something distracting you". Got her number, sex. Was all a bit meh but Im happy to add another notch to the belt...
 
Had just been dumped so I went out to a bar / disco.

Meet one of my ex girlfriends closets friends which had just been dumped by her girlfriend (FUCK YEAH LESBIAN!).

Starting talking sad things etc... Ended up in bed over at her place doing nasty things.
All my sorrow over my ex was over.
 
My friend and I went to a rave a few years back. I decided to try Ecstacy and it made me give even less of a fuck than usual about chatting up strangers.

So we walk up to a couple of girls and I'm like, "Hi...you look like you're having fun. I'm having a blast. This is my first time trying E and the music is awesome." As we are trying to tell each other our names, I notice the cute one has a tongue piercing. So I say, "I've never kissed someone with a pierced tongue before." And she smiles and leans in to me. Since the four of us were kind of standing in a circle, we make out right between my friend and the other girl for about a minute. I pull back and say, "Wow! That was amazing...but I'm not sure it's much different than a regular tongue." Then I look at the friend and say, "Can you help me out for a sec?" So I make out with her for another minute or so. When we stop, the two girls look at each other and giggle. I say, "Yup, there's definitely something missing. That piercing adds some awesome sensation. Come on, let's go dance."

My friend was dumb-founded that I just made out with two friends right in front of him after saying two sentences to them. I had lots of fun with the cuter one, but to my friend's credit, he said he followed my lead and had fun with the other. At some point while they were dancing, he said, "So do you have ANY piercings? She told him she did. He confessed that he'd never kissed anything pierced except an earlobe before. But by the end of the night that was no longer the case.
 
AlternativeUlster said:
I had sex with some dude's wife for like 6 months. Had sex in a busy laundrymat. Had sex with a girl in her parent's bedroom while her parents were home. Went home with some girl at a strip club who wasn't a stripper within 10 minutes of meeting her. Had sex in a bar with some girl after dancing with her after 2 songs. Had sex with a burlesque dancer after her show in front of a crowd of 20 people.

I wish I could think of things that didn't involve sex but can't. I am pretty bad ass.

I had no idea Ultach chicks were so easy :lol
 
When I was in HS, there was this girl that was new to the area, and I befriended her as we both took the same bus home and got off near each other. She ends up going out with some guy that was totally insecure, and was pissed that we talked to each other. He would constantly tell me to "back off" even thought we both told him we were just friends...so one day he comes up to me as I'm waiting to get into my class and shoves me from behind, and the Jackie Chan in me awoke, and as I was pushed forward I put pressure on one foot spun around and caught him by the neck and pinning him to the wall, cocked my fist back and put a nice solid hole into the cinder block wall next to his head. Needless to say he didn't bother me after that, and I stopped talking to her anyway because she dumped him, and started with another guy that was pretty much the same.

Good times.
 
Osaka said:
COOL STORY BRO, ASSAULTING WOMEN IS SO SMOOTH

also what really happened is that you got your ass kicked by a 5'3" girl
MENTOS AINT ASSAULTING BRAH D: Served her right IMO. Plus the hopping and orange juice were a good extra.
 
neorej said:
I remember something similar. A girl I knew, but didn't date (she slept with more men by her 21st birthday than there's bacteria in the average mouth, so I figured she must've some kind of desease or something), was hitting on me in the cafetaria for the humpht time. I ignored her, since I was talking to a rather nice young lady, but after a while she got annoying so I told her to back the fuck off or I would toss her across the cafetaria. She went back to her friends, and the whole group started laughing, I didn't catch the conversation, but terms of gay n such were uttered. Whatever, I thought.
Because they apparently didn't like to be ignored, they started to toss Mentos at me and the girl sitting next to me. Most of them missed us, so we didn't pay attention, but one of them actually hit me on the head. I grabbed the mentos in question looked at the group and the girl that was hitting on me started screaming "don't hit me, I swear to god, I'll mess you up if you hit me."
I was playing handball in this period of my life, and quite well too, so my throwing arm was well-developed. I took the mentos, told the girl next to me "this one's going between her eyes", and sure enough, it ripped through the air and hit her exactly between the eyes.

Off course, she went mental, came at me in a certain anger-crazed rage, so I decided to remain seated and keep my cool. She demanded that I would stand up so she could kick me in the nuts (she literally said that). She's 5'3 at most and I was around 6'4" at that time. So I got up, the natural shock and awe ensued when someone as tall as me stands up right before someone as short as her. I noticed by the twitch in her face that she was going for it and as her body moved back to make room for the knee in the groin, I bent forward, grabbed her leg, twisted her around (gotta love high heels), held her leg and told her to start hopping. She was the kind of girl looks was everything for, and we still had 4 hours of school to go, so I went for the 'kill'. I made her hop towards the counter, I ordered a orange juice, dumped it over her head, went over to the girl I was chatting with, got make-up removal pads, and smeared her make-up all over her face. The girl I chatted with held up a mirror, and the girl I was holding broke out in tears. I let her go, and she went for the bathroom almost instantly.

Off course, I had to go to the principal's office for this, but since he knows what kind of bitch she and her friends can be, he decided to let me off with a warning.

this sounds really fake, did you see this in a movie once? :lol
 
These things never really happen to me, but the one thing I can think of now was I was playing some full contact American football with some buddies (the annual day after Thanksgiving game). I was being covered pretty tightly and I ran a route toward the endzone. The QB threw the pass to me and I caught it pretty close to the endzone but the defender was right there ready to make the tackle. He went for the tackle and end up just ripping half my shirt off and I spun into the endzone with a half-ripped shirt.

It was awesome but probably more funny than anything. We were all just dying laughing.
 
Have had sex beneath a waterfall somewhere near the Méd in the south of France, broad daylight, was awesome :D

But I generally prefer dutty to smooth ;)
 
Cool thread, despite all of the obvious BS :lol

I was waiting to check in for a flight from Bangkok to Taiwan earlier this month.

In front of me was a Taiwanese guy that was getting more and more irate with the girl behind the desk. The Thai people smile when they are nervous, and she was smiling away at this rude moron who was starting to lose his cool.

I couldn't stand it after a minute or so, so I stepped in and told him (in my limited Mandarin) that I could help him out. It turns out that he was complaining about his seat location, and she was 'laughing' at him when he got angry.

Anyhow - sorted it all out and I thought that was it. Later when I got on the plane, the stewardess called me aside for a moment. She took my boarding pass and scribbled something on it. Handed it back to me and said 'your seat has been changed - enjoy your flight'.

It's the first (and probably last) time I have ever been upgraded from economy to business class :D
 
I made an online petition about boycotting Kazenone, but it kind of backfired when Petition Online was banned on GAF and people signing it are just all pretending to be Kazenone.
 
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