ChackanKun
Member
Llyranor said:
:lol :lol
What is the smoothest thing you have ever done?
- Thread starter StoOgE
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:lol :lol
D
Deleted member 1235
Unconfirmed Member
I've done 2 seriously awesome things in 1 club while being too drunk
1. Absolute maggot pissed, walked up to the bouncer who turned me away on the basis of being almost paralytic. I say 'OK' and turn around, but don't stop at 180, continue for the 360 and walk directly past him as his head had turned to look to his right and saunter up the stairs like belong there. Walk directly to the bar, pick up an empty beer glass from on the bar, reach over and begin pouring myself a beer from the tap. At which point another bouncer walks me down the stairs and throws me out in front of the other bouncer who appears confused. this all happend in the space of 45 seconds or so.
2. same bar diff night, was not completely hammered but a bit tipsy and having a good time, in a crowded bar I manage to swing around with my arm out somehow and smack a guys something and coke completely full, up and all over his shirt. He looks down, shocked and says 'awww man that was totally average man' I attempt to walk forward, pat him on the shoulder apologise profusely and offer to replace the drink, but what I really do is, attempt to walk forward and trip on the slightly raised floor board and headbutt him in the nose. Dude is more stunned than hurt and during the confusion I slip hastily away to the great mirth of my friend who saw the whole thing.
1. Absolute maggot pissed, walked up to the bouncer who turned me away on the basis of being almost paralytic. I say 'OK' and turn around, but don't stop at 180, continue for the 360 and walk directly past him as his head had turned to look to his right and saunter up the stairs like belong there. Walk directly to the bar, pick up an empty beer glass from on the bar, reach over and begin pouring myself a beer from the tap. At which point another bouncer walks me down the stairs and throws me out in front of the other bouncer who appears confused. this all happend in the space of 45 seconds or so.
2. same bar diff night, was not completely hammered but a bit tipsy and having a good time, in a crowded bar I manage to swing around with my arm out somehow and smack a guys something and coke completely full, up and all over his shirt. He looks down, shocked and says 'awww man that was totally average man' I attempt to walk forward, pat him on the shoulder apologise profusely and offer to replace the drink, but what I really do is, attempt to walk forward and trip on the slightly raised floor board and headbutt him in the nose. Dude is more stunned than hurt and during the confusion I slip hastily away to the great mirth of my friend who saw the whole thing.
beelzebozo
Jealous Bastard
makes for an akward american pie-esque confrontation with my dad
It was during my History of Gaming class last semester. I was chatting up this girl being flirty and the what not. I told her I would get her number by the end of class. I just knew it.
So since we all have computers in the class I jumped online and went to the student directory. It was a hundred to one shot that her number was actually in there but it was so I slyly put the number into my phone (she sat in front of me so we were in constant view talking and the whatnot) and gave her a ring. She grabbed her phone, didn't recognize the number, answered and at that point I put the phone up to my ear and said hello......
7 months later that girl is still my girlfriend and to this day she says that was the cutest most smoothest way anyone has ever gotten her number.
So since we all have computers in the class I jumped online and went to the student directory. It was a hundred to one shot that her number was actually in there but it was so I slyly put the number into my phone (she sat in front of me so we were in constant view talking and the whatnot) and gave her a ring. She grabbed her phone, didn't recognize the number, answered and at that point I put the phone up to my ear and said hello......
7 months later that girl is still my girlfriend and to this day she says that was the cutest most smoothest way anyone has ever gotten her number.
One time I was in an elevator with this random stranger and let out one of the most rancid, eye-watering, silent-but-violents, imaginable. So this guy, obviously the non-confrontational type, starts shifting and clearing his throat to get past the akwardness of the whole situation. I, meanwhile, am cool as a cucumber, impressed by such an amazing expulsion. I was standing on the opposite side of the elevator and slightly behind him so I couldn't see his face and he couldn't really see me without turning around. So the elevator stops and in walks this really hot girl. I do the ol' nod-and-point in the other guys direction and she smiles at me and comes to my side of the elevator. Yeah, I know, smoooooooooooooth, right.
iFootball
Member
Real story.... I was at Atlanta Airport a year or so ago, running as fast as I could to catch my connection flight to NY (it was already 5 minutes past boarding time).. as soon as I get to the gate, I notice no one is around and the gate is closed... as I was catching my breath I notice that the door opens and a nice lady from Delta comes out. She looks at me and says: "oh! we were looking for you!.. but now it's too lat...... wait..... can you jump?"... and I'm like WTF!?...."huh, sure!"... so she looks around, makes sure no one is watching, opens the door with her security badge and says "go for it!"... so without stopping even a second to think about it, I ran into the mobile corridor..... as soon as I catch a glimpse of the plane I see that its door is somehow still open, but they had already removed the first section of the corridor bridge to the plane... a good 5 or 6 feet gap... so, I speed up and make the jump, barely making it, since at the same time I had to duck a bit to avoid a hard hit to my head. Once on the plane I turn to my right into the aisle, and immediately find this cute flight attendant who looks at me like WTF??... she moves away to let me pass and then walks quickly to the plane's door... to find that the bridge AND the corridor are completely gone by then... she looks back at me still wondering how the hell I got into the plane, to which (as I'm still walking to find my place) I turn my head, smile and *wink* at her 
...
...carvasd said:Real story.... I was at Atlanta Airport a year or so ago, running as fast as I could to catch my connection flight to NY (it was already 5 minutes past boarding time).. as soon as I get to the gate, I notice no one is around and the gate is closed... as I was catching my breath I notice that the door opens and a nice lady from Delta comes out. She looks at me and says: "oh! we were looking for you!.. but now it's too lat...... wait..... can you jump?"... and I'm like WTF!?...."huh, sure!"... so she looks around, makes sure no one is watching, opens the door with her security badge and says "go for it!"... so without stopping even a second to think about it, I ran into the mobile corridor..... as soon as I catch a glimpse of the plane I see that its door is somehow still open, but they had already removed the first section of the corridor bridge to the plane... a good 5 or 6 feet gap... so, I speed up and make the jump, barely making it, since at the same time I had to duck a bit to avoid a hard hit to my head. Once on the plane I turn to my right into the aisle, and immediately find this cute flight attendant who looks at me like WTF??... she moves away to let me pass and then walks quickly to the plane's door... to find that the bridge AND the corridor are completely gone by then... she looks back at me still wondering how the hell I got into the plane, to which (as I'm still walking to find my place) I turn my head, smile and *wink* at her
I did this once with a train, but with a plane... Nice work!
SturokBGD
Member
So me and this girl were talking about her heritage, I asked her if she'd like a bit of Scottish in her. Result = I got laid.
Now granted, this "girl" just so happened to be my wife and I was getting laid anyway. And I stole the line from Phil Lynott of Thin Lizzy ('any girls in the audience got any Irish in them? Would any of you like some Irish in them?')... but still. It was smooth, OK?
Now granted, this "girl" just so happened to be my wife and I was getting laid anyway. And I stole the line from Phil Lynott of Thin Lizzy ('any girls in the audience got any Irish in them? Would any of you like some Irish in them?')... but still. It was smooth, OK?
I have two.
One time I was at a party and was standing next to an extremely drunk guy. He was holding a pint glass of beer, and he dropped it. I have no idea how the hell I did it, but I just reached down and grabbed it out of the air and saved it. I wish I could say I didn't spill a drop (a few drops spilled), but it was still incredibly awesome. I looked like fucking Spiderman.
Another time I was driving with a girlfriend through a busy mall intersection. I had the greenlight, but a guy coming the other way was trying to make a left. Long story short, the guy makes the left without seeing me, and I would have t-boned him going about 45 MPH, except that I had a weird adrenalin fluke like that other guy in this thread and just calmly whipped the wheel to the right, then hit the brakes and turned back, essentially drifting around the guy. I then straightened up the wheel and kept going to the mall without saying anything. My girlfriend, while terrified, thought I was superhuman.
And to balance it out, I'll tell a very unsmooth story. One Saturday night I went to the grocery store and was stocking up on beer and meat for a BBQ party I was having that night. As I was going through the checkout counter, the cashier sees all my stuff and says, "Looks like you're all set for the game tonight!" And, for some reason, I just said, "Yeah, should be a good one." even though I had no idea who was playing, or even what sport the guy was talking about. The cashier then says, "Who are you rooting for?", and I just stood there for a second, before coming up with, "Uh... I don't really care. I just hope it's a good game." The cashier knew immediately that I had no idea what game was playing, so he just gave me a look like I was an asshole and finished checking me out.
One time I was at a party and was standing next to an extremely drunk guy. He was holding a pint glass of beer, and he dropped it. I have no idea how the hell I did it, but I just reached down and grabbed it out of the air and saved it. I wish I could say I didn't spill a drop (a few drops spilled), but it was still incredibly awesome. I looked like fucking Spiderman.
Another time I was driving with a girlfriend through a busy mall intersection. I had the greenlight, but a guy coming the other way was trying to make a left. Long story short, the guy makes the left without seeing me, and I would have t-boned him going about 45 MPH, except that I had a weird adrenalin fluke like that other guy in this thread and just calmly whipped the wheel to the right, then hit the brakes and turned back, essentially drifting around the guy. I then straightened up the wheel and kept going to the mall without saying anything. My girlfriend, while terrified, thought I was superhuman.
And to balance it out, I'll tell a very unsmooth story. One Saturday night I went to the grocery store and was stocking up on beer and meat for a BBQ party I was having that night. As I was going through the checkout counter, the cashier sees all my stuff and says, "Looks like you're all set for the game tonight!" And, for some reason, I just said, "Yeah, should be a good one." even though I had no idea who was playing, or even what sport the guy was talking about. The cashier then says, "Who are you rooting for?", and I just stood there for a second, before coming up with, "Uh... I don't really care. I just hope it's a good game." The cashier knew immediately that I had no idea what game was playing, so he just gave me a look like I was an asshole and finished checking me out.
I was buying flowers for some girls as part of some dinner announcement thing and my girlfriend at the time came with me to the flower shop. So I wound up getting red roses for each person on the list, and out of nowhere got the idea to buy my girlfriend a white rose and told her "Because your special to me, you get this one."
Needless to say, bow chika wow wow.
Edit:
I also forgot about the time I did a 360 spin on the interstate because of debris in the left lane and wound up in the right lane (right direction and all) and kept going.
Needless to say, bow chika wow wow.
Edit:
I also forgot about the time I did a 360 spin on the interstate because of debris in the left lane and wound up in the right lane (right direction and all) and kept going.
My two moments of badass:
1. While waiting on a corner to grab a bus, this guy came from behind and put a knife on the back of my head and told me to give him my backpack, I gave it to him and he left in a bike drove by a woman. This Mototaxista (A motocicle taxi) saw the whole thing and came to see how I was doing, I instantly got on the bike and told him to follow the couple, we followed them for 5 minutes until they got to stop light on a pretty busy corner having no idea we were after them.
So in this moment of pure rage I got off my ride and started walking towards them hiding behind the cars, when I was about 9 feet from them I made this mad sprint towards the bike, grabbed the guy's helmet from behind, pulled it (along with him) towards the pavement and kicked the bike from the side fucking up the driver's balance making her fall with the bike and burning her leg with the muffler. Went back to the guy cos he was trying to get up and kicked him in balls, he fell back to the ground, I took his helmet off to see a face full of fear and shock and, I beat the shit outta him while taunting him until the police came and took all four of us to the station where they took out statements and threw them both to jail. I felt like Vic Mackey during the whole thing. :lol
2. My ex girlfriend broke off with me during the holidays and started dating my brother on December 31th. I fucked her sister during the carnivals.
1. While waiting on a corner to grab a bus, this guy came from behind and put a knife on the back of my head and told me to give him my backpack, I gave it to him and he left in a bike drove by a woman. This Mototaxista (A motocicle taxi) saw the whole thing and came to see how I was doing, I instantly got on the bike and told him to follow the couple, we followed them for 5 minutes until they got to stop light on a pretty busy corner having no idea we were after them.
So in this moment of pure rage I got off my ride and started walking towards them hiding behind the cars, when I was about 9 feet from them I made this mad sprint towards the bike, grabbed the guy's helmet from behind, pulled it (along with him) towards the pavement and kicked the bike from the side fucking up the driver's balance making her fall with the bike and burning her leg with the muffler. Went back to the guy cos he was trying to get up and kicked him in balls, he fell back to the ground, I took his helmet off to see a face full of fear and shock and, I beat the shit outta him while taunting him until the police came and took all four of us to the station where they took out statements and threw them both to jail. I felt like Vic Mackey during the whole thing. :lol
2. My ex girlfriend broke off with me during the holidays and started dating my brother on December 31th. I fucked her sister during the carnivals.
I had a similar driving one.
Driving down 880 in fairly dense traffic, in the carpool lane. An armchair falls off a pickup truck just in front of me, and I swerve left around the chair, then back right to avoid hitting the wall on the center divide, all in one smooth motion.
Slightly freaked out about ten seconds later, but it was pretty damn smooth at the time.
Driving down 880 in fairly dense traffic, in the carpool lane. An armchair falls off a pickup truck just in front of me, and I swerve left around the chair, then back right to avoid hitting the wall on the center divide, all in one smooth motion.
Slightly freaked out about ten seconds later, but it was pretty damn smooth at the time.
Back in 6th grade I was completely daydreaming in class and the teacher (who was a long term supply - the normal teacher was on maternity leave for the rest of the year) suddenly clapped his hands loudly, pointed right at me, and said "<my name>, what did I just say?"
I proceeded to calmly tell him everything that he had taught in the past ten to fifteen minutes. I didn't recite things word for word, but I covered every point.
After a short silence, he slowly said something like "uhh, sorry. I thought you weren't listening but obviously you were..."
In retrospect, I feel kind of bad for the guy. I really wasn't listening - it's just that the mental function that lets you instantly recall what happened in recent memory worked unusually well that time. He made a good call and it completely backfired.
I proceeded to calmly tell him everything that he had taught in the past ten to fifteen minutes. I didn't recite things word for word, but I covered every point.
After a short silence, he slowly said something like "uhh, sorry. I thought you weren't listening but obviously you were..."
In retrospect, I feel kind of bad for the guy. I really wasn't listening - it's just that the mental function that lets you instantly recall what happened in recent memory worked unusually well that time. He made a good call and it completely backfired.
Mr.Squirrel
Tom
Carlisle said:
:lol :lol
I'm so smooth awesome shit never happens because my smoothness prevents it from ever happening. So the most smooth moment i've ever had was probably that time I did monkey rolls on the football field with my pants down...that was pretty smooth especially since the whole team was watching and i didn't stop.
You know how hard it is to do monkey rolls with your pants down? Like fuckin' impossible.
one time in grade school we were playing kickball and the teacher was playing automatic pitcher. I kicked an inside the park homerun. And keep in mind we are in a small as gym so thats impossible without the epic run of bases I did. I rounded first and dodged some chump throw from some kid. When i got around second i weaved around a fun ball from the teacher playing permanent pitcher. Somehow he got it again and tried to blast me as i rounded third which i got around by rolling. While still on the ground the catcher tried to rail me but i did a pushup over that bastard. Then right before home the teacher got it again and tried to teach me a lesson with a real heater and i dodged that bitch with the smuggest look of satisfaction on my face lol.
I was such the king of dodgeball that year. Because of me they made it so that you can't catch balls. You couldn't throw somethin' i couldn't catch, i'd always win.
But i guess it's not that special. Every gym class i ever remember taking they changed a rule because of somebody. One time in th 8th grade they changed volleyball to that rotation and one serve system because me and like two other kids dominated every game slamming balls at the girls. Sometimes i like to think thats why i'm so confused these days. Sometimes the ladies just can't take a couple balls to the face like a man can.
You know how hard it is to do monkey rolls with your pants down? Like fuckin' impossible.
ShOcKwAvE said:
one time in grade school we were playing kickball and the teacher was playing automatic pitcher. I kicked an inside the park homerun. And keep in mind we are in a small as gym so thats impossible without the epic run of bases I did. I rounded first and dodged some chump throw from some kid. When i got around second i weaved around a fun ball from the teacher playing permanent pitcher. Somehow he got it again and tried to blast me as i rounded third which i got around by rolling. While still on the ground the catcher tried to rail me but i did a pushup over that bastard. Then right before home the teacher got it again and tried to teach me a lesson with a real heater and i dodged that bitch with the smuggest look of satisfaction on my face lol.
I was such the king of dodgeball that year. Because of me they made it so that you can't catch balls. You couldn't throw somethin' i couldn't catch, i'd always win.
But i guess it's not that special. Every gym class i ever remember taking they changed a rule because of somebody. One time in th 8th grade they changed volleyball to that rotation and one serve system because me and like two other kids dominated every game slamming balls at the girls. Sometimes i like to think thats why i'm so confused these days. Sometimes the ladies just can't take a couple balls to the face like a man can.
Wall of text incoming. TL;DR...etc:
A large group of my friends all wanted to go out on Friday evening. There were about 14 of us and everyone met at my house for drinks beforehand. We handed keys to the non-drinking drivers and headed out.
Well, in the back where our cars were parked is a really steep dirt hill. Like 5-6 foot tall and and at a 60-70 angle. A hundred times before I stepped over the edge and planted one foot in the middle of the slope and hopped down to the ground below. This time, however, my shoe caught on a piece of chicken wire on the top edge of the hill in the dirt to help keep the hill from washing out.
I was basically flying out straight from the top of this hill. It felt like it was going to be an epic belly flop onto hard dirt and gravel. Without thinking I tucked my body inwards and rolled enough in the air that my shoulder caught the ground first. I continued to roll forward down to my back had enough momentum to keep rolling and spring to my feet all in one motion. I managed to land just right so it didn't even hurt. I took a couple steps more and realized no one was around me. I looked back and everyone is just staring at me wide-eyed. We all laughed about it pretty hard. Also, the ground was hard and cold and I had on a 3/4 length leather coat on so I didn't even have to change my club clothes. The story of the "ninja-roll" has now been told many times by my friends. Apparently it looked cooler than I remember it.
Later that same night. I met a girl at the bar. She was a friend of a friend of one of the females in our group so I was able to jump right into to talking to her. We talked all night and made out pretty heavy later on. Got her number and told her I'd call her. Didn't realize that she was a twin until I went out to a bar again a few days later (Tuesday) and met her sister. I thought she was the the original girl I met and just started talking to her. We had a good laugh when we finally realized and talked all night. We got pretty blitzed and somehow I got back home with her and we ended up sleeping together. Neither one of us had anything to do the next day (Wednesday) so she stayed and hung out the majority of the day. All day, we pretty much just made out, watched a movie, had sex, rinse, repeat. She asked for my number and told me she would call me, but she never did.
Called and took the original twin out on a date that Friday. Ended up sleeping with her that night. We went out for a few weeks but realized it was going to happen as far as a relationship and parted ways.
Good times. Now I'm just a fat nerd that never came close to matching that again.
A large group of my friends all wanted to go out on Friday evening. There were about 14 of us and everyone met at my house for drinks beforehand. We handed keys to the non-drinking drivers and headed out.
Well, in the back where our cars were parked is a really steep dirt hill. Like 5-6 foot tall and and at a 60-70 angle. A hundred times before I stepped over the edge and planted one foot in the middle of the slope and hopped down to the ground below. This time, however, my shoe caught on a piece of chicken wire on the top edge of the hill in the dirt to help keep the hill from washing out.
I was basically flying out straight from the top of this hill. It felt like it was going to be an epic belly flop onto hard dirt and gravel. Without thinking I tucked my body inwards and rolled enough in the air that my shoulder caught the ground first. I continued to roll forward down to my back had enough momentum to keep rolling and spring to my feet all in one motion. I managed to land just right so it didn't even hurt. I took a couple steps more and realized no one was around me. I looked back and everyone is just staring at me wide-eyed. We all laughed about it pretty hard. Also, the ground was hard and cold and I had on a 3/4 length leather coat on so I didn't even have to change my club clothes. The story of the "ninja-roll" has now been told many times by my friends. Apparently it looked cooler than I remember it.
Later that same night. I met a girl at the bar. She was a friend of a friend of one of the females in our group so I was able to jump right into to talking to her. We talked all night and made out pretty heavy later on. Got her number and told her I'd call her. Didn't realize that she was a twin until I went out to a bar again a few days later (Tuesday) and met her sister. I thought she was the the original girl I met and just started talking to her. We had a good laugh when we finally realized and talked all night. We got pretty blitzed and somehow I got back home with her and we ended up sleeping together. Neither one of us had anything to do the next day (Wednesday) so she stayed and hung out the majority of the day. All day, we pretty much just made out, watched a movie, had sex, rinse, repeat. She asked for my number and told me she would call me, but she never did.
Called and took the original twin out on a date that Friday. Ended up sleeping with her that night. We went out for a few weeks but realized it was going to happen as far as a relationship and parted ways.
Good times. Now I'm just a fat nerd that never came close to matching that again.
Jamesfrom818
Banned
Since a couple childhood playground stories are popping up, I'll share mine.
This was in 7th grade I believe. My class was in PE and we decided to play boys vs girls in kickball. The girls were short one so I volunteered to play with them. I was playing deep center field and my friend managed to kick a ball through to the right field. My friend is in a full on sprint going around the bases so I make a mad dash to the ball. The girls in the infield were calling for me to throw them the ball. I knew they couldn't throw worth shit so I ran from right field to the infield (Well...one could but I was on a mission). My friend was halfway to home when I chucked the ball. I smacked him in the face one step away from home plate.
This was in 7th grade I believe. My class was in PE and we decided to play boys vs girls in kickball. The girls were short one so I volunteered to play with them. I was playing deep center field and my friend managed to kick a ball through to the right field. My friend is in a full on sprint going around the bases so I make a mad dash to the ball. The girls in the infield were calling for me to throw them the ball. I knew they couldn't throw worth shit so I ran from right field to the infield (Well...one could but I was on a mission). My friend was halfway to home when I chucked the ball. I smacked him in the face one step away from home plate.
Broseybrose
Member
Nice... makes me wish i had a better memory.Jamesfrom818 said:
Drove into the house on a riding lawnmower, then popped my collar and walked away.
Ok ok ok, only 1 of those 2 things happened.
High School GYM class, pickup game of basketball. Yeah, I'm the small little white kid, but this one time, grabbed a loose ball before it went out of bounds, and heaved a sideways one-arm toss towards the basket...nothing but net. I refused to take another shot, least I tarnish that achievement...
Well, they never would pass me the ball, either.
Ok ok ok, only 1 of those 2 things happened.
High School GYM class, pickup game of basketball. Yeah, I'm the small little white kid, but this one time, grabbed a loose ball before it went out of bounds, and heaved a sideways one-arm toss towards the basket...nothing but net. I refused to take another shot, least I tarnish that achievement...
Well, they never would pass me the ball, either.
TrAcEr_x90
Member
One time i went up to a college party with some buddies. There happend to be another one right across the alley so they sort of merged. The other one had more of the hot girls thank god. I met one, she told me to come with her and her friends to go skiny dippin in their pool. Did that and after drinking non stop with these chicks and a few guys that came too, all of them left except the chick that wanted to jump my bones. so were hangin out with the place to ourselves, and evidentally shes a big drinker, cuz i was waaasted and she wanted to do another shot.
She pulled out a giant bottle of gin, which came out in slow motion in my mind, because I am not a gin fan. But i didnt want to look like a pussy so i took the shot. I could tell it was the last one I could handle, so I gave her a sexy ass kiss, maintained and asked if i could use her restroom. Got in, locked it, cue some epic music, and puked like i never puked before!!! I baarely managed to get the toilet seat up.
After i was done I was freakin out, my breath must have been horrible. So i looked and found a bottle of toothpaste, thank god. I literally ate it out of the tube and was brushing my teeth with my finger. Ate about half a tube. I managed to do all of this the same amount of time it takes to do a long piss.
walked out, with minty fresh breath. went to her room and got the deed done, it was awesome. She must have dug me cuz she went to my buddies place and got my number from him. Called me up and wanted to hang out, she brought up how she found some puke behind the toilet the next morning, and i just awkardly laughed it off and said she shouldnt have given me that last gin shot.
We hung out again after that at another party. Same scenario but I didnt puke again.
She pulled out a giant bottle of gin, which came out in slow motion in my mind, because I am not a gin fan. But i didnt want to look like a pussy so i took the shot. I could tell it was the last one I could handle, so I gave her a sexy ass kiss, maintained and asked if i could use her restroom. Got in, locked it, cue some epic music, and puked like i never puked before!!! I baarely managed to get the toilet seat up.
After i was done I was freakin out, my breath must have been horrible. So i looked and found a bottle of toothpaste, thank god. I literally ate it out of the tube and was brushing my teeth with my finger. Ate about half a tube. I managed to do all of this the same amount of time it takes to do a long piss.
walked out, with minty fresh breath. went to her room and got the deed done, it was awesome. She must have dug me cuz she went to my buddies place and got my number from him. Called me up and wanted to hang out, she brought up how she found some puke behind the toilet the next morning, and i just awkardly laughed it off and said she shouldnt have given me that last gin shot.
We hung out again after that at another party. Same scenario but I didnt puke again.
TrAcEr_x90
Member
catfish said:
Number two reminds of when I was at a bar with a buddy, and some dude bumped into him and spilled half his drink on his shirt. My buddy got a little pissed and said " you just spilled a twelve dollar drink on me" The dude said "I only spilled half of it, so really it was just six bucks". Made us all laugh and my friend said good one and just shrugged it off.
DangerStepp
Member
:lol :lolDali said:One time I was in an elevator with this random stranger and let out one of the most rancid, eye-watering, silent-but-violents, imaginable. So this guy, obviously the non-confrontational type, starts shifting and clearing his throat to get past the akwardness of the whole situation. I, meanwhile, am cool as a cucumber, impressed by such an amazing expulsion. I was standing on the opposite side of the elevator and slightly behind him so I couldn't see his face and he couldn't really see me without turning around. So the elevator stops and in walks this really hot girl. I do the ol' nod-and-point in the other guys direction and she smiles at me and comes to my side of the elevator. Yeah, I know, smoooooooooooooth, right.
That's pretty effing smooth.
I once got a chick's number who worked at this really nice downtown lounge. She wrote her number down on the back of my drink receipt as she nodded her head to, "Do you have a boyfriend?" asked by yours truly.
I did this for a buddy of mine, btw.
MeshuggahMan
Member
Going back to middle school, maybe 8th grade.
1. A kid was sort of a little bully to me. Nothing bad though. One day he was trying to get a rise out of me and very lightly slapped me. For some reason, I meant to jokingly slap him back.. but it turned out to be a really hard slap instead. Face went instantly mad. I avoided him for a week or two.. thinking my ass kicking as imminent. Eventually I ran into him, and he says "You know, I was going to kick your ass but everyone told me you'd kick mine worse." I tried to hide my shocked face, as I had never even been in a fight and would have EASILY gotten destroyed by him. So I just said "Yea. That's probably right." and walked away.
2. I used to just GET math. It was the easiest thing for me back then. So I would always be the obnoxious loud kid chatting with my friend not paying any attention. The teacher would constantly try to catch me off guard to answer a question. Every time I'd look up at the board, see the problem, and spout the answer out within 2 seconds. It pissed her off so much
Come to think of it.. I used to be pretty smooth back then.. what the hell happened to me? :lol
EDIT: I still want to hear alistarw's story about the girl falling off the roof from the first page.
1. A kid was sort of a little bully to me. Nothing bad though. One day he was trying to get a rise out of me and very lightly slapped me. For some reason, I meant to jokingly slap him back.. but it turned out to be a really hard slap instead. Face went instantly mad. I avoided him for a week or two.. thinking my ass kicking as imminent. Eventually I ran into him, and he says "You know, I was going to kick your ass but everyone told me you'd kick mine worse." I tried to hide my shocked face, as I had never even been in a fight and would have EASILY gotten destroyed by him. So I just said "Yea. That's probably right." and walked away.
2. I used to just GET math. It was the easiest thing for me back then. So I would always be the obnoxious loud kid chatting with my friend not paying any attention. The teacher would constantly try to catch me off guard to answer a question. Every time I'd look up at the board, see the problem, and spout the answer out within 2 seconds. It pissed her off so much
Come to think of it.. I used to be pretty smooth back then.. what the hell happened to me? :lol
EDIT: I still want to hear alistarw's story about the girl falling off the roof from the first page.
Poimandres said:
This is somewhat similar to mine.
I was up at a crowded bar, and there was a $2 coin on the floor behind this hot chick, so I picked it up and asked her if it was hers, she looks at me and says "oh yeah thanks. ...so, do you have a girlfriend?". I reply that I don't, and she proceeds to make out with me there until her drinks arrive. She says thanks and walks off, the bartender laughs, and I proceed to order my drinks like nothing ever happened. And then the dude behind me in the line goes "niiiice" and gives me a high five.
I'm still not sure whether that actually was her $2, though. I may have paid her $2 to make out with me, like some sort of really dodgy cheap hooker who doesn't actually do the cool stuff a hooker would do. But I prefer to think of it as the smoothest fucking shit I'm ever likely to do in my life.
EDIT: Oh and needless to say I was pretty drunk at this point. I assume she was too, but eh, shut up.
Keylime
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My smoothest thing had some strange supernatural assistance.
I was on a cruise with my parents when I was 15, and there were 51 Bolivian girls on the same cruise all celebrating their sweet 16.
...for some reason, they ALL thought I was the shit. I mean I'm a pretty cool guy, but this was ridiculous.
I woke up in the morning with messages written on my door in red lipstick. Anytime I was playing basketball on the half-court (I suck), large groups of them would watch me from inside the boat through the windows or outside behind the fence. I got the ball once and FINALLY made a basket, and when it went through the net, I sheepishly blew a kiss to the girls standing inside the boat, and they were all fucking swoon :lol
I ended up approaching one of the girls (her name was Christine) and we hit it off pretty damn well. We ended up spending nights hiding out in different parts of the boat making out like crazy. It didn't get beyond some heavy groping, but man was it awesome and nuts.
When the cruise came to an end she was a bit torn up, and we parted ways.
I don't know what it was about me and those girls, but I had every single one of them in my back pocket.
I was on a cruise with my parents when I was 15, and there were 51 Bolivian girls on the same cruise all celebrating their sweet 16.
...for some reason, they ALL thought I was the shit. I mean I'm a pretty cool guy, but this was ridiculous.
I woke up in the morning with messages written on my door in red lipstick. Anytime I was playing basketball on the half-court (I suck), large groups of them would watch me from inside the boat through the windows or outside behind the fence. I got the ball once and FINALLY made a basket, and when it went through the net, I sheepishly blew a kiss to the girls standing inside the boat, and they were all fucking swoon :lol
I ended up approaching one of the girls (her name was Christine) and we hit it off pretty damn well. We ended up spending nights hiding out in different parts of the boat making out like crazy. It didn't get beyond some heavy groping, but man was it awesome and nuts.
When the cruise came to an end she was a bit torn up, and we parted ways.
I don't know what it was about me and those girls, but I had every single one of them in my back pocket.
gnarkill bill
Member
EschatonDX said:
Impressions, Thoughts, Regrets, etc in this thread.
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=366236
AppleBlade
Member
When I was in elementary school I got into a fight with one of the biggest bullies in my grade. When it was apparent there was going to be a fight the kids formed a circle around us and actually started chanting my name. Right before the fight began this girl came running with a broom and gave it to me so I can use. I grabbed the broom and threw it on the floor and proceeded to beat the kid up with my fists. It was awesome.
Always-honest
Banned
AlternativeUlster said:
now for true smoothness, try to fuck a woman that ISN'T a complete slut.
yeah, you're bad ass....
bafflewaffle
Member
was on another vgame messboard, and some one with girl av post before me, I said is it you?? she said yeah, I said wow your hot!! she said thanks! oh man I felt ten feet tall that day
Lionheart1827
Member
I distinctly remember a time sometime when I was in elementary school. It was around the time that Street Fighter 2 came out and I had just gotten it for SNES and I was on the top of the slide with one of my buddies at the time. I remember doing a hadoken motion(saying it as well) and pushing him down the slide.
I also remember when I was with my ex in my room one night. I was standing over her looking at the pictures she was uploading while she was on my laptop on my bed facing away from me. I whipped my cock out and placed it between her neck and color bone. No joke, I just kept it there for like 5 minutes and she never noticed until she turned around. She was so surprised. I was having a lot of trouble not bursting out laughing.
I guess those aren't really that smooth. oh well. :lol
I also remember when I was with my ex in my room one night. I was standing over her looking at the pictures she was uploading while she was on my laptop on my bed facing away from me. I whipped my cock out and placed it between her neck and color bone. No joke, I just kept it there for like 5 minutes and she never noticed until she turned around. She was so surprised. I was having a lot of trouble not bursting out laughing.
I guess those aren't really that smooth. oh well. :lol
DangerStepp
Member
:lolLionheart1827 said:
How did she not notice? Unless... :\
One windy day at school I was walking from the cafeteria building to the main hall, finishing off a carton of juice. Right next to the doors was a trash can. I walk towards it, crumpling the carton, when a gust of wind slams open the lid of the can. I reflexively toss the carton into the can, just before the lid rebounds off the wall and slams shut again. I glance to my left and see a girl inside staring astounded at me. I shrug as if to say "Damn, no one was supposed to see that", and walk in.
bafflewaffle
Member
once I was buyin some food and as I check out the cashier hand me change and our hands touch and eyes meet and we share a moment... she was like 40s and kinda big and bad makeup but still hit able. pretty smooth, got to admit
TOM f'N CRUISE
Member
shave my balls
Akuun said:
I did this once in 7th grade in "shop" class, where I was one of 3 girls. I was literally twirling my hair and staring off, probably writing some poor bastard's name on my notebook.
We were learning the names and uses of every major tool, and I wasn't paying attention. I had even joked with my friends that I only knew what slip-joint pliers were, because we broke the knob off this old TV as a kid (no remote!) and our parents forced us to use slip joint pliers to change the channel. :lol
So the teacher sees my disinterest and I hear, "Lennedsay! What's the name of this tool?" And I ever so calmly looked away from my hair (although I was in complete fear), looked up like I didn't give a fuck (but I totally did), and said, "Slip-joint pliers." Then calmly went back to playing with my hair.
All the guys in class were like :O and I didn't have to complete any daunting task in shop class for the duration of the year. Even the teacher finished up a couple of my projects.
The Librarian
Banned
Nice.Chipopo said:
Ether_Snake
å®å®å®å®å®å®å®å®å®å®å®å®å®å®å®
My only "smooth" move is rather lame; I was walking to work and it was raining like MAD, and I noticed that a girl walking ahead of me in the same direction had no umbrella and was getting drenched. I accelerated my pace, and once I got close enough to her I just held the umbrella over her head. She was surprised and a laughed, and I continued to walk with her and making small talk about where I work and where she works, but I didn't want to start a conversation that would have to be abruptly ended since I was really close to my workplace at point, so we parted ways soon after. Not really "smooth", more like "could have been smooth".
Quite often what happens is that they are at the party or wherever hoping to make out, somehow, and at that point they realize this will be hit or nothing will happen (like so many other nights), so they go with it.
NimbusD said:
Quite often what happens is that they are at the party or wherever hoping to make out, somehow, and at that point they realize this will be hit or nothing will happen (like so many other nights), so they go with it.
Semi-smooth:
Last night I went to this bar and this dude comes in and starts spinning dance music and all of a sudden there's a dance party. I managed to dance with every single hot girl on the floor except for this one who was stuck up, but I later found out she was there with my friend! I go up and start dancing with this girl and we're dancing and talking, and she says "you're not from around here, are you?" because all the other dudes were timid and dancing in circles made by their friends groups, and I look middle eastern. I pull her tight against me and say in her ear, "that's for you to find out", then promptly go outside to have a cig without looking back. When I get outside I noticed that she followed me out to the side of the bar. At that point I realized that I could have given her an epic schnogging, but I had no intentions of doing anything with anyone except dance, for reasons I won't get into. So I tell her to go back inside and I'll dance with her again in a sec. I go back in and she tries to dance but since I don't want it to go any further, I pull this girl next to us FROM her boyfriend she's dancing with, while he just stands there looking bewildered. She smiles and says "that's my bf", and I reply "Oh, I don't think he'll mind" and start grinding on her. As I'm leaving later the boyfriends guy friend says "hey you're pretty cool, what's your name" and behind him the boyfriend says "No, that guys a douchebag!" I look him up and down, and then just laugh as his face gets red and his friend starts laughing too, and I turn around and walk to my moped. I felt very awesome.
Being a big guy definitely has it's ups. I've never gotten into a barfight in a lot of instances where I should have.
Last night I went to this bar and this dude comes in and starts spinning dance music and all of a sudden there's a dance party. I managed to dance with every single hot girl on the floor except for this one who was stuck up, but I later found out she was there with my friend! I go up and start dancing with this girl and we're dancing and talking, and she says "you're not from around here, are you?" because all the other dudes were timid and dancing in circles made by their friends groups, and I look middle eastern. I pull her tight against me and say in her ear, "that's for you to find out", then promptly go outside to have a cig without looking back. When I get outside I noticed that she followed me out to the side of the bar. At that point I realized that I could have given her an epic schnogging, but I had no intentions of doing anything with anyone except dance, for reasons I won't get into. So I tell her to go back inside and I'll dance with her again in a sec. I go back in and she tries to dance but since I don't want it to go any further, I pull this girl next to us FROM her boyfriend she's dancing with, while he just stands there looking bewildered. She smiles and says "that's my bf", and I reply "Oh, I don't think he'll mind" and start grinding on her. As I'm leaving later the boyfriends guy friend says "hey you're pretty cool, what's your name" and behind him the boyfriend says "No, that guys a douchebag!" I look him up and down, and then just laugh as his face gets red and his friend starts laughing too, and I turn around and walk to my moped. I felt very awesome.
Being a big guy definitely has it's ups. I've never gotten into a barfight in a lot of instances where I should have.
Okay so quick backstory.
When I was 14 I went to Ethiopia for the summer, and blah blah blah, stayed at my grandmas place for a little while and it was like... infested with flies. I am talking, you think the carpet is black, but it is actually orange, but the flies make it black - kind of infested. Anyway after my initial fear wears away and the boredom of staying with my grandma for 3 days starts setting in, I pick up the nifty skill of catching flies with my bare hand, live, and releasing them.
Fast forward to the fall when I came home and was bragging about all my cool Africa stories (Lol, Hippos, Ostriches and Gators etc), I brought up the fly catching thing. They didn't believe me which kind of pissed me off, so I spent a good little while hunting around my friends basement for a fly. Eventually I find one and call them over, they're all watching and I am pretty damn nervous because I only really have a 65% catch rate. So anyway, I set my hand, get ready to swing and the fly takes off and flies directly into the middle of my open palm. My friends proceed to flip their shit and I try to play it off as calmly as possible (I think I failed though).
Anyway, that's the best I could muster
.
When I was 14 I went to Ethiopia for the summer, and blah blah blah, stayed at my grandmas place for a little while and it was like... infested with flies. I am talking, you think the carpet is black, but it is actually orange, but the flies make it black - kind of infested. Anyway after my initial fear wears away and the boredom of staying with my grandma for 3 days starts setting in, I pick up the nifty skill of catching flies with my bare hand, live, and releasing them.
Fast forward to the fall when I came home and was bragging about all my cool Africa stories (Lol, Hippos, Ostriches and Gators etc), I brought up the fly catching thing. They didn't believe me which kind of pissed me off, so I spent a good little while hunting around my friends basement for a fly. Eventually I find one and call them over, they're all watching and I am pretty damn nervous because I only really have a 65% catch rate. So anyway, I set my hand, get ready to swing and the fly takes off and flies directly into the middle of my open palm. My friends proceed to flip their shit and I try to play it off as calmly as possible (I think I failed though).
Anyway, that's the best I could muster
.Got a kid out with the pretend to throw the ball back to the pitcher but keep it instead. No one was paying attention. The entire field and umpires were still starring at me to give the ball back. Kid gets off the base. I go to him, start making fun of him. He gets upset and shouts go play your position. I start to move away, and then take a step back at him. "Oh yeah, forgot to mention, Your out" Tag and done with the inning. :lol
What makes this great was that I was the Shortstop, Not the 3rd baseman :lol
The parts in sports that relied on Speed/Agility, Always made me look smooth. Baseball and Football being the big two.
What makes this great was that I was the Shortstop, Not the 3rd baseman :lol
The parts in sports that relied on Speed/Agility, Always made me look smooth. Baseball and Football being the big two.
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