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[Fox the Sly]

Back in high school history class I sat behind this guy named Jonathan. He and I were pretty cool acquaintances. He and two guys who sat to my left would often conversate in class and I'd ocassionally join in. One day he was running his mouth during some class downtime and I thought it'd be funny to try and steal his neck chain. I totally expected to get caught and that he'd call me a thief and we'd have a good laugh. Well anyway, the two guys on the row beside us were watching me the whole time. I manage to unclasp his chain right off his neck and it fell into his lap. He even got up to hand the teacher a paper and the chain fell on the floor. I snatched it and he was none-the-wiser. The two guys said that was the slickest shit they ever saw. I couldn't believe I didn't get caught. So I put the chain on my neck and said something to get his attention, he looked at the chain, his neck and back at me with most "WTF...?!" look you can imagine. Oh it was glorious!

Another time in history class (a year prior to the above) a friend of mine named Steve who sat about 2-3 seats behind me on the row to my right had some rare coin and I asked if I could see it. Our teacher was a stickler for silence in the classroom, but as Steve tossed me the coin I made a long gaping grab at it which made a slight audible noise causing the teacher to turn around as if to say "Did I hear something...?" and I had just enough time to turn around as if nothing happened. Basically what made it smooth was that it was a really fucking awkward catch, but I did it very quickly and swiftly. You had to have seen it.

Also I pulled some pretty ill

Spoiler

egal

capers in my teen years that I won't get into. They don't call me Fox the Sly for nothing.

 

[bengraven]

I was once helping my uncle throw some junk under this massive wooden overhang on his farm. He had a random junk collection like gas tanks, tires, copper, wires, etc.

So I find a pair of license plates under a plastic bucket and holding one like a throwing star, toss it at the wooden overhang - it flies through the air and embeds itself with a "thwang" in a rafter 30 feet back and 20 feet up in the air.

"That was cool," my uncle says, "I bet you can't do it again".

Slightly nervous and under the watchful eye of a group of my family, I do it again.

"Best two of three?" my uncle asks, but there are no more license plates.

I could have done 3:3.

 

[Shorty]

~ 2 weeks ago my buddy and me bought Kebap and sat down on a bench to eat it when a random dude came to me and asked for fire. He repeated the question 4-5 times although I already told him that I didn't have any. When he asked me again I just stood up and walked away which made him RAGE :lol
JUST ANSWER MY QUESTION DO YOU HAVE FIRE OR NOT, he shouted.
At that point I was convinced that this guy was either insanely drunk or just insane. Either way he was way taller than me.
He then proceeded to push me which made my spider senses tingle. I realized that my only weapon was the Kebap in my hand so I smashed it in his face. While he fell to the ground and cried that he could't see (there was hot sauce in my kebap) I shouted some random insult then turned around and walked away with my buddy.

 

[Pizza Luigi]

I can think of only one thing, to be honest. And this is also the weirdest thing ever happened in my entire life, so pay attention.

I was at this party, I believe it was a birthday party, and among a lot of my classmates, there were a few girls I did not know, yet. In any case, as the night progressed, my eye fell on a girl who was not particularly stunning in looks, but she did look hot, in some strange way. We had some eye contact a few times. When I was talking at one moment to a good friend of mine I noticed her looking at the me a really long time, so I thought it was time to, as you would say it GAF, 'go smooth'. I dropped next to her on the couch asking if she wanted something to drink, which she didn't, because she showed me her glass, which was half full. I asked her if she thought the glass was half-empty or half-full. Why I did so, I don't have the foggiest, but I thought at the time it was a pretty witty comment. She looked at me with big eyes before saying 'What should it be?' I did not expect this answer in the slightest. I was expecting here laughing, we chatting and then kissing, but this did not occur. Instead, I mumbled something about that a half-full glass would be better.
My attempt at being smooth failed horribly so I smiled and left the couch. She was looking at me, with an emotionless expression and I thought my chances were gone. But then, the 'smooth me' waked up at last. After taking a little snack from a passing plate, I returned to the couch and took a bite of my little snack. Keeping it in my mouth and not trying to look disgusting, I asked, 'Is this mouth half-empty or half-full?' This time she smiled and answered, 'What would you want it to be?' I said that half-full would be preferable. That odd comment was exactly the reason for her to stand up, taking me with her to the empty hall, and, well, filling up the other half in my mouth. This strange situation, where I was trying to swallow my hot snack when she was snogging me forcefully, ended up in a horrible gulping sound and her looking surprised. 'Am I that bad?', she asked. By which I said something like 'No, I just gulped because I thought I am very lucky'. She kissed me again.
Now, after this, apparently smooth way to let her kiss me, part two of this smooth story happened. After kissing a bit in the hall, we went back into the main room, and while giving thumbs-up to the friend I was talking with earlier, we sat on the couch again and talked a bit. Time passing by, she became a little tipsy. It was not my intention whatsoever, but she kept drinking, and I, struck by my smoothness, did not notice this. Around 1 'o clock in the morning, and with only half of the original guests remaining, she sat on my lap. While rubbing against me she said the greatest thing while picking up her glass and taking a large sip: 'Is my mouth half full or half-empty?' I answered with 'What do you want it to be?' She swallowed the drink and she whispered into my ear that she wanted her mouth to be entirely empty, for she wanted it to be filled that very evening with something else. You can imagine what happened next. While everyone was standing in the garden and a few sitting on couches surrounding the one where we just sat, we went upstairs and well, to put it smoothly, granted her request.

 

[Zeppu]

~ 2 weeks ago my buddy and me bought Kebap and sat down on a bench to eat it when a random dude came to me and asked for fire. He repeated the question 4-5 times although I already told him that I didn't have any. When he asked me again I just stood up and walked away which made him RAGE :lol
JUST ANSWER MY QUESTION DO YOU HAVE FIRE OR NOT, he shouted.
At that point I was convinced that this guy was either insanely drunk or just insane. Either way he was way taller than me.
He then proceeded to push me which made my spider senses tingle. I realized that my only weapon was the Kebap in my hand so I smashed it in his face. While he fell to the ground and cried that he could't see (there was hot sauce in my kebap) I shouted some random insult then turned around and walked away with my buddy.

But, but, but the kebab! Why did you waste the kebab?

 

[spyshagg]

I have a good one.
So I came across a thread in the internet about smooth stuff, and instead of reading every post I looked for the quoted posts who got smilies by others.

Smooth as silk as I managed to avoid getting bored to death and only got the best of it.

 

[AstroLad]

All through elementary school, I played tag and tackle football every day, usually both during lunch and after school. Roughly 5 on 5 or so. It was Chicago so we could often play tackle out in the big concrete field that was our school playground when the snow built up enough. I was of pretty average ability, no breakaway speed at all but I could dominate in tackle thanks to my height.

I also of course loved Madden when I was a kid. As anyone who loved the early Genny Maddens knows, the spin move was absolutely killer, and I won many a Madden Super Bowl with it.

Back to the playground, it was pretty rare for me to take the ball on a run play. But it was a snowy day so I thought maybe I could break one up the middle. Right as we were getting to the line, it dawned on me to try the spin move I had been using with Bo-Bo all weekend. I reached the line and there were two defenders right there waiting for me. I basically charge at the one on the left and at the very last second pull the Bo-Bo spin right. I was wearing this long coat too and it spun like a whirling dervish, so I must have looked like Baryshnikov (wearing a long coat) out there. Not only did I not get tackled, no one even so much as touched me on my way to a touchdown. My first and only untouched run.

Even though there's no M. Night Shymalan twist ending, or Michael Bay fireworks, for some reason that silly little memory sticks with me. Years later, in high school, we had to write a poem to submit for some big statewide contest. Of course, I had completely forgotten about it, so in trig that morning I wrote up a little rhyming ditty about that play. Wound up winning and reading it in front of a few thousand folks. So Bo-Bo's move was still paying dividends years after the fact.

Thank you Bo-Bo. Thank you for everything.

 

[cartoon_soldier]

This was back when I was much younger, 9 years old or so.

We had just moved to a new house and did not have a big dining table yet. We had some family guests over, and since I was the youngest one I decided to sit on this counter top and eat there. So I am eating along, and suddenly feel myself going backwards. Next thing I know I am falling towards the floor head first, but somehow manage to use my hands to break the fall and do the flip and land on my feet.

Nobody in the room said anything for a few seconds, I couldn't beleive what I had just done to avoid hitting the floor head first. Needless to say I also was never allowed to sit on that counter top ever again.

I also somehow when young always managed to pour Coke into a glass filled with ice perfectly (not anymore though). Most of the times I would be pouring it the person would ask me to stop or it will spill and I would just smile, and stop at the exact time and the glass with coke would end up perfect. I guess pouring coke from the same size can into the same size glass everytime helped.

Not really smooth I guess, but after finding a job and moving to my current city, I was gifted a car. I never get the Inspection done on it. Inspection is now overdue 6 months or so, when I completely miss a stop sign and a Cop going in the opposite direction pulls me over. Informs me that I missed the stop sign, runs my plates, etc. Comes over again to the car, notices the missing Inspection Sticker and asks me about it. Now a missing or expired Inspection means a 250$ minimum Ticket, so I just decide to act dumb. I bring out my complete Desi (Indian) accent:
"I am sorry, what's insepction"
"They didn't tell me"
"I did not know, sorry"
I just act really dumb with the Indian accent making it hard for the Cop to understand me completely. Cop thinks I am some dumb Indian guy who probably doesn't speak good English or understand it properly and asks me to get it done within the week and I escape a 250$ Ticket.

 

[chubigans]

that's like drinking water in the shower.


my most recent one was walking into the NFL Combine in indianapolis without any press credentials or passes. It's a closed event and my buddy and I were both in suits, walked up to the building as this one reporter comes out and my buddy goes, "Hold the door!" and the guy does, I'm like "Thanks, buddy. 'Ppreciate it!" we were just walking around checking out everything. people running 40s still. NFL Network in the stands like 20 feet away breaking down the D-Backs of the draft. I even went to the Colts postgame presser podium and got my picture taken there, haha. Pretty awesome.

Wow, that is awesome. Forget all the making out/sex stories, I love stories like this. Kudos to you sir.

I was working at Sears as a shoe stocker back in my college days (a year or two ago) and I had a paper that needed to be validated by a person working in the English department at my university. My procrastinatin' ass didn't think about it till the day it was due...the same time I had work. The office was going to close at 3, and I didn't get off till 5. If I didn't get it validated, it was a zero as an exam grade.

So, I took a bathroom break at work, sneaked upstairs and used an old phone in an empty hallway. I punched in the intercom code, and said, "David Galindo, please come to gmammhahm. Mr. Galindo, you are needed at the gamammgammg."

When I walked back to the shoe department my superior said, "Oh hey, they were calling you on the intercom just now."

"Oh really? What department?"
"I'm not sure, I couldn't make it out."
"Ok, let me run by the main office and see what's up."

So I go to the office, sneak outside, run to my car, run to the university to get my paper validated, sneaked back in and did this all within an hour. I stroll back to the shoe department and said, "Well I've looked all over the store in every department and no one seemed to know who paged me. That's really weird." My boss agreed and I got back to work.

I later did a speech on this incident complete with diagrams in my speech class and got an A. :lol

 

[Stabby McSter]

Wow, that is awesome. Forget all the making out/sex stories, I love stories like this. Kudos to you sir.

I was working at Sears as a shoe stocker back in my college days (a year or two ago) and I had a paper that needed to be validated by a person working in the English department at my university. My procrastinatin' ass didn't think about it till the day it was due...the same time I had work. The office was going to close at 3, and I didn't get off till 5. If I didn't get it validated, it was a zero as an exam grade.

So, I took a bathroom break at work, sneaked upstairs and used an old phone in an empty hallway. I punched in the intercom code, and said, "David Galindo, please come to gmammhahm. Mr. Galindo, you are needed at the gamammgammg."

When I walked back to the shoe department my superior said, "Oh hey, they were calling you on the intercom just now."

"Oh really? What department?"
"I'm not sure, I couldn't make it out."
"Ok, let me run by the main office and see what's up."

So I go to the office, sneak outside, run to my car, run to the university to get my paper validated, sneaked back in and did this all within an hour. I stroll back to the shoe department and said, "Well I've looked all over the store in every department and no one seemed to know who paged me. That's really weird." My boss agreed and I got back to work.

I later did a speech on this incident complete with diagrams in my speech class and got an A. :lol

dude, that's pretty awesome :lol

 

[TheOMan]

In third grade Steve Lancioni used to say mean things about my crush, "Name Withheld." I don't even remember the things he used to say, but he was a big kid from a different class and everyone agreed he was a bully.

One freezing cold morning as we waited on the playground asphalt for our teachers to collect us from the buses, he started taunting him again. Filled with rage, I charged after him in my full-body purple snowsuit and yelled at him that he'd better stop it. He and a few of his cronies circled me on the ice and jeered that I couldn't hit them. I threw several punches and landed on my ass every time. The whistle blew for us to line up with our teachers and go inside.

Downcast, I returned to my line with my head low.

"That was awesome, Ela!!!" crowed one of my busmates. Bless her.
"No it wasn't, it stunk," I moaned.
"Ela!" she protested. "YOU BEAT UP STEVE LANCIONI!"

The entire class congratulated me and Name Withheld and I held hands at recess nearly every day.

I'm pretty sure that that is indeed the smoothest thing I have ever done.

This might be one of the cutest stories I've ever read on this forum. Far from smooth, but funnily enough, that doesn't seem to matter.

I remember really pissing a girl off in the cafeteria once. She got really pissed and as I was leaving she called my name and threw an apple straight at my face. I caught the apple and took a big bite with a shit-eating grin on my face like it wasn't no thing. It was pretty smooth.

:lol Impressive!