Wow, i'm such a loser

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Joel Was Right

Joel Was Right

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There are so many girls I've had the chance to approach, badly wanted - if anything for my confidence or just meet someone of the opposite sex who is highly attractive :lol. One of my friends recently got engaged to a guy she met at an airport. He just approached her and they started to talk. That's it. That's all it fucking takes and it enraged me how simple some guys find this.

So for the past few weeks, i'm in the subway, on campus and a girl is sitting or standing in front. She is super cute, but I just want to say hi. I have one or two female friends who complain of when a guy just comes to them and doesn't get that they're company, nor interest, is wanted and so i'm quite analytical about my motives and method. I ask myself, 'what ate you going to talk about after the hello? Her choice of nail varnish.' By the end of my soliloquy, she is walking away before I even got up to say anything. I watch her walk away and i'm still fucking sat down. In my mind, I get up and run to catch up to ask for the time or some shit just so she notices me. She's gone. And I think to myself, if I had some balls, who knows who she might have been in my life.

And this is like a daily occurrence of torture. I'm not the type to blatantly be a gentlemen caller, I'd rather she was reading a book I know, something of a topic we coulees both talk about, rather than use 'game'.

Today I got up from my table to sit on another where this cute girl was standing over whilst browsing her bag. I sit down in front of her, hoping she notices my smile towards her but she doesn't. And walks away. I feel like Casper.
 
creepy.png
 
You're a sensitive & considerate guy. That's going to make things harder for you in the short term but ultimately, it's a good thing.

Take the plunge. If possible, purposefully seek out rejection. Once you realise it isn't the end of the world, I think you'll feel better.
 
1. Stop thinking about it, immediately.

2. Go and say "hi".

3. If you're feeling ballsy, you can even tell her how you had trouble even saying "hi" because you found her so beautiful. You can't do this until you've become the truest of Gs, or until you have completely stopped giving a fuck about the "strategies" of talking to women and have become comfortable saying whatever you want to them.
 
me and the captain are gonna make it happen:

-keep in mind that you are an awesome, interesting and great looking guy

-women want to be approached as much as you want to approach them

-hemingway said, "man was not made for defeat. man can be destroyed, but never defeated." rejection feels like defeat but it's only a hurdle if you can't jump over it.
 
Meus Renaissance said:
There are so many girls I've had the chance to approach, badly wanted - if anything for my confidence or just meet someone of the opposite sex who is highly attractive :lol. One of my friends recently got engaged to a guy she met at an airport. He just approached her and they started to talk. That's it. That's all it fucking takes and it enraged me how simple some guys find this.

So for the past few weeks, i'm in the subway, on campus and a girl is sitting or standing in front. She is super cute, but I just want to say hi. I have one or two female friends who complain of when a guy just comes to them and doesn't get that they're company, nor interest, is wanted and so i'm quite analytical about my motives and method. I ask myself, 'what ate you going to talk about after the hello? Her choice of nail varnish.' By the end of my soliloquy, she is walking away before I even got up to say anything. I watch her walk away and i'm still fucking sat down. In my mind, I get up and run to catch up to ask for the time or some shit just so she notices me. She's gone. And I think to myself, if I had some balls, who knows who she might have been in my life.

And this is like a daily occurrence of torture. I'm not the type to blatantly be a gentlemen caller, I'd rather she was reading a book I know, something of a topic we coulees both talk about, rather than use 'game'.

Today I got up from my table to sit on another where this cute girl was standing over whilst browsing her bag. I sit down in front of her, hoping she notices my smile towards her but she doesn't. And walks away. I feel like Casper.
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What's the worst that could happen? You get shot down and feel silly for a few minutes. You'll most likely never see her again and even if you do she won't recognize you unless you try the same thing. So just go say hi, but don't just do this with 'cute girls'. Just be social, talk with people, be a social person. If you can do that then talking with a random girl you want a date with will be 100x easier.
 
Just work on conversation skills. Try and have some short conversations with a barista over some bullshit or whatever for thirty seconds. Get comfortable with that, and you can transition it to anybody. It always starts as BS at first anyway.. if the girl finds you interesting during that segment, it'll go further as far as conversation goes, and that's when you'll know if you all share a common interest or something.. then you'll have a reason to keep in touch.

Edit: I'm probably a lot like you. I'm fairly outgoing, but I've always been sensitive when it comes to dealing with women. I've only dated a couple of women, and I've been in a handful of back-and-forth flirtatious situations that went nowhere because I was never feeling anything aside for the sexual tension. I'm engaged now, but I took my time and only made any serious moves on girls when they really resonated with me. More than anything, you just need to get comfortable with allowing that kind of conversation to occur. Over brief and fleeting chats, you will learn a lot about any person, male or female. And in this day and age, social network are such a part of everybody's life that it shouldn't be a big deal to get enough contact info to at least keep some sort of informal contact-- I mean, I can understand analyzing things--"This girls going to think I'm some kind of creep if I want her phone number right now as some random guy in some random place." But chat her up for a minute and if she seems cool, find some casual way to maintain contact and see what happens.
 
If you can't approach girls, do the next best thing, find a guy friend that's good with women and go through his group of friends. Friends of friends is the best way to meet women in my experience. Everytime I get a number at a bar the relationship lasts two months max.
 
Meus Renaissance said:
I'm kind of embarrassed that a .jpg image sums up my life. But what do I say.....???? It's cliche, but I think to myself what would a girl like that see in me
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A girl like that? A stick figure with hair?
 
Denial. Its all part of the fun :lol :lol :lol

Tell us Meus, are you confident of your looks? You don't need Brad Pitt to get a girl, just be a nice guy. Just talk. If it doesn't go over well what the heck can you do.
 
Meus Renaissance said:
I'm kind of embarrassed that a .jpg image sums up my life. But what do I say.....???? It's cliche, but I think to myself what would a girl like that see in me
Click to expand...

If it doesn't go well what does it matter? Just move on, it's not like you are likely to see her again or have interactions in the future. And if for some reason you see her again, just ignore her.

Don't go in right away trying to get somewhere other than saying hi and getting a little dialogue started. If a conversation can not happen between the two of you, then it's likely not meant to be. If you can talk comfortably without pain, then things are looking up. Just start small with small talk to see if any spark or possibly friendship is even possible to start with.
 
captmcblack said:
1. Stop thinking about it, immediately.

2. Go and say "hi".

3. If you're feeling ballsy, you can even tell her how you had trouble even saying "hi" because you found her so beautiful. You can't do this until you've become the truest of Gs, or until you have completely stopped giving a fuck about the "strategies" of talking to women and have become comfortable saying whatever you want to them.
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But I know for a fact girls, or some, hate that. I don't want to give the impression that i'm a G, but a decent guy

Door2Dawn said:
I'd fuck you Meus Renaissance
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This made me smile.
 
Meus, I like you and you deserve some happiness, so stop being a pussy.

Really. If women were interested in pussies, they would be lesbians, thus not dating you. Its like a job interview, you need to present yourself as an attractive and desirable option to fill a vacant position. Same thing. Do you go into a job interview demurring and upon being asked whether you might like a job, do you say, "Maybe...".

Confidence in yourself goes a LONG way. If you can't work up the courage and confidence in yourself as a man to talk to even engage in dialogue with a girl, what kind of argument are you making for yourself as a long term relationship?
 
Meus Renaissance said:
i'm quite analytical about my motives and method.
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Calling BS on this. Anyone with the slighest interest in analysis and method should NOT believe in conspiracy theories.

Besides that:

Get some experience at life man, work, travel, meet more people. It's not rocket science. If you haven't done anything with your life you will not be able to do anything after saying 'Hello' anyway. Training makes perfect.

So, less reading internet websites about conspiracys and more living in the real world. It works.
 
You seem to be aware of your over-analysis of the situation, so that's good. Your main problem seems to be intimidation. That's normal. Just look at it this way: if you can approach a random guy who seems to have similar interests and make conversation with him, you can do the same with a girl. I promise you she's just as human as you are.

Try not to get yourself worked up with the hows and what-ifs. My basic line of reasoning here is that if fear of rejection or awkwardness prevents you from talking to a certain girl, you're missing out on a lot of possibilities because of silly scenarios you've created in your brain that aren't at all based on reality, but on your own insecurities. In social situations, don't allow the way you imagine something could possibly happen to prevent it from actually happening. You have nothing to lose by simply saying hi and making small talk when the opportunity presents itself. If the conversation seems stiff or forced by either party, just say something along the lines of "Well I'm late... nice talking to you!" and walk away confidently. On to the next one.
 
The way I see it, hitting on a girl and being rejected is the same thing as staying put with your mouth shut. When either of those takes place, nothing has happened.

So, think of it that way, the only way something will happen is if you ACT. Its not about growing balls or anything macho, its about taking control of your life.

If your problem is confidence, then start liking yourself for who you are, if thats a problem, then fix that too! Go to a gym, eat better, buy some nicer clothes, its all doable.
 
Meus Renaissance said:
But I know for a fact girls, or some, hate that. I don't want to give the impression that i'm a G, but a decent guy
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See, the problem is that you think that it actually matters.

It's not like baseball where you get 3 strikes and you're out. There's an endless supply of girls to get your game on with. You can strike out as many times as you need to. You're not going to hit a home run every time. Get up to bat, you'll whiff a few times, you'll hit a couple of foul balls, and once in a while, you may even get a base hit. If you're lucky, you hit a home run.

But the way you're going now, you're not even getting up to the plate because you're scared of getting a strike. You miss 100% of the shots you never take.
 
CharlieDigital said:
See, the problem is that you think that it actually matters.

It's not like baseball where you get 3 strikes and you're out. There's an endless supply of girls to get your game on with. You can strike out as many times as you need to. You're not going to hit a home run every time. Get up to bat, you'll whiff a few times, you'll hit a couple of foul balls, and once in a while, you may even get a base hit. If you're lucky, you hit a home run.

But the way you're going now, you're not even getting up to the plate because you're scared of getting a strike. You miss 100% of the shots you never take.
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great advice, CD
 
I know what you mean op. There was a girl on the bus who I really wanted to talk to. I think she even gave me a glance. She had a Sailor Moon tattoo as well. I knew that was my in. I had the perfect conversation starter. And you know what I did? Nothing! I thought hundreds of possible conversation scenarios in my head, but that's it. I didn't say a word. I disappointed in myself. When I stopped dreaming of our imaginary conversation she was walking off the stop.
 
The biggest realization of my life was when I was 22. My room ate and i were tired of getting nowhere with girls, because we were nice, occasionally nervous, etc. It's alarming how much action you can get when you are willing to just hit on girls. They respond to confidence. Sure, you'll get some rejection; but a decade later i still think of the time I asked for the number of the girl working at the shoe store in the mall. The hottest chest i have ever seen in my life, naked on my couch two days later, all because I stopped myself after walking out of the store, smacked myself on the cheek, and went back in there and started chatting.

Once you recognize that it doesn't matter if a girl shoots you down, you will see that its not so hard. The key is being confident enough to not give a fuck.

Aside from confidence; it's obvious stuff. Dress sharp, get decent hair, bathe, lift weights, etc., all these things can only help... And obviously, you have to possess basic conversational skills.
 
It's not always a confidence issue, though. I can relate to the OP -- I hate small talk. If there's something in particular I want to talk about w/ someone I've never met, then sure, no problem. Recent example: a girl takes the same bus as I do every morning (she's in my class), so I started talking to her about that stuff. But just saying "hi" and then having that awkwardly go somewhere...I dunno.
 
CharlieDigital said:
See, the problem is that you think that it actually matters.

It's not like baseball where you get 3 strikes and you're out. There's an endless supply of girls to get your game on with. You can strike out as many times as you need to. You're not going to hit a home run every time. Get up to bat, you'll whiff a few times, you'll hit a couple of foul balls, and once in a while, you may even get a base hit. If you're lucky, you hit a home run.

But the way you're going now, you're not even getting up to the plate because you're scared of getting a strike. You miss 100% of the shots you never take.
Click to expand...

Analogy of the Day.
 
OP, you should watch FLCL! Its great advice for growing up! It only takes 5 viewings or so to understand it :lol

YOU GOTTA SWING THE BAT!
 
lawblob said:
Aside from confidence; it's obvious stuff. Dress sharp, get decent hair, bathe, lift weights, etc., all these things can only help... And obviously, you have to possess basic conversational skills.
Click to expand...
Also eat celery, it's good for you
 
Just seek out women in other venues more suited to someone of your personality and nature - like Internet dating or trying to chat up women on message boards (I heard that GAF has plenty of fertile female members).

Don't try to "grow balls" or "man up" if that's not who you are, there's nothing sadder than someone trying to change who they are in order to get some tail.
 
What women mostly notice is confidence. Women aren't some kind of mythological creature with vastly different motives than men, women don't have some high standards for conversations where if you aren't exactly on the spot they will think badly of you, women aren't extremely judgmental either. Most women just want to meet someone too. But if you show no confidence and worry too much (which is exactly what you are doing), you just show you aren't ready. Men are supposed to lead, but this isn't that hard. Your biggest enemy is yourself and your insecurity, you don't need excessive plans or strategies (just think of something to start the interaction and improvise from there). If it goes nowhere, then it wasn't worth it.


Also, relationships are supposed to begin naturally, if you excessively worry about (without actually knowing the girl too much) it shows that you are more desperate to begin a relationship than you actually care about her. If you force it too much, you will just prove that you just want to be with anyone.

Finally, you are supposed to fail and be defeated. Its part of the process. If you can't handle it, you can't play.

In summary; Women are pretty simple too (they just want a guy who they connect with [ie: not be with someone just to be with someone] and who is confident), your biggest enemy is your insecurity, relationships are supposed to be a natural process, and you are gonna fail a few times before you succeed.
 
Vox-Pop said:
I know what you mean op. There was a girl on the bus who I really wanted to talk to. I think she even gave me a glance. She had a Sailor Moon tattoo as well. I knew that was my in. I had the perfect conversation starter. And you know what I did? Nothing! I thought hundreds of possible conversation scenarios in my head, but that's it. I didn't say a word. I disappointed in myself. When I stopped dreaming of our imaginary conversation she was walking off the stop.
Click to expand...

Should have just said nice tattoo and asked if she had any others. Easy as that.

Do you all have family reunions? You know those relatives that you HAVE to talk to in certain situations, even though you have nothing to talk about? Yeah, it's awkward, and it never moves beyond awkward because you have nothing to accomplish with that person. But you still strike conversation with them, right? And if you had a motive, you'd actually seek more meaningful conversation.
 
lawblob said:
The biggest realization of my life was when I was 22. My room ate and i were tired of getting nowhere with girls, because we were nice, occasionally nervous, etc. It's alarming how much action you can get when you are willing to just hit on girls. They respond to confidence. Sure, you'll get some rejection; but a decade later i still think of the time I asked for the number of the girl working at the shoe store in the mall. The hottest chest i have ever seen in my life, naked on my couch two days later, all because I stopped myself after walking out of the store, smacked myself on the cheek, and went back in there and started chatting.

Once you recognize that it doesn't matter if a girl shoots you down, you will see that its not so hard. The key is being confident enough to not give a fuck.

Aside from confidence; it's obvious stuff. Dress sharp, get decent hair, bathe, lift weights, etc., all these things can only help... And obviously, you have to possess basic conversational skills.
Click to expand...

truth
 
You should do what New Jerusalem Russ did online

NEW JERUSALEM RUSS IS LOOKING FOR A WIFE. THIS IS THE BRIDE OF NEW JERUSALEM CONTEST. YOU MAY APPLY HERE

GroteSmurf said:
Isn't that Kano?
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Look, in the corner!
 
Meus Renaissance said:
But I know for a fact girls, or some, hate that. I don't want to give the impression that i'm a G, but a decent guy.
Click to expand...

Rubbish. They hate it if they find the guy unattractive or it's a super-awkward approach or think he comes across as a jerk or whatever. I bet every girl who's told you that would give out their number if the circumstances and person were "right".
 
Sklorenz said:
Should have just said nice tattoo and asked if she had any others. Easy as that.

Do you all have family reunions? You know those relatives that you HAVE to talk to in certain situations, even though you have nothing to talk about? Yeah, it's awkward, and it never moves beyond awkward because you have nothing to accomplish with that person. But you still strike conversation with them, right? And if you had a motive, you'd actually seek more meaningful conversation.
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I'm alway scared that I'm going to say the wrong thing. I'm also terrible at small talk. I never know what to say. I usually talk about the weather but that is lame in most cases. I was more angry that I had a conversation starter with the tattoo and still didn't say anything. I just got nervous and started daydreaming a fake conversation with her rather than actually talking to her in real life.
 
some really great advice in this thread, helps all us brothers to read about the basics every now and again.

Analysis IS paralysis.

You miss 100 per cent of the shots you never take.
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I'm adding these to my coat of arms :)
 
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