Hey Guys,
I've met this girl over mutual friends, and it's been over 5 weeks. She's currently in a long distance relationship. However, I've been hanging out with her almost every weekend alone (1on1). We've been going out to the movies, dinner, activities, and drinks. And lately, we've seen each other more and more (president's day weekend) I saw her at least 3 days. On Friday, we both went out for another movie, dinner, and drinks at a rooftop bar. We went back to my place, and she ended up sleeping at my place (both of us passed out during the film). The following day (saturday), we went on a spontaneous trip to Venice Beach, shopping, lunch, dinner, as she tagged along to run an errand with me beforehand. Btw, she was down to come over to my place to help me hang my poster, and we ended up watching Thor The Dark World. Afterwards, we ended up watching a movie in my room where we both passed out for a short time and I ended up walking her back to her place. She has been talking about spring break plans, where she was supposed go out of the country to visit her boyfriend, as she consulted me in what to do about the airplane ticket. However, she has now decided not to go back and asked me if I was staying at home the entire spring break in which I said yes. This coming weekend, i'll be taking her to brunch and dinner, and possibly drinks... I'm not sure what to make of this i've known her for a little over a month now. -_-
"Lunch, movie, dinner, drinks" - sorry, just seemed to be a repeating phrase.
Figured I'd chime in on this. Firstly, she seems to have the upper hand. Secondly, she seems into you. Thirdly, that's bad news.
So, for the first one. That she openly talks to you about seeing her boyfriend puts you in your place. If she refrained from mentioning him, it'd show that she wouldn't want to bring him up, because she wouldn't want to press the issue by bringing it up more than it has to be. This is the point I'm most uncertain of, but that's only because I'm missing details. So I don't think I'll venture into that one any further.
Secondly, when she ditches her plans to see her long distance boyfriend to rather be with you, it's clear that he's not worth the hassle. I can tell you it's going to end between these two, but if you want to get with her now and also be extremely close to cheating with someone, is another question. She's canceling her plans with him to be with you. Poor guy. Anyway, here you are, doing the same thing. Taking her out to brunch, dinner. Oh, possibly drinks, of course.
Thirdly. I'd advise against this. I guess it's the sort of experience you'd only get from having started your last relationship of four years with someone that was with someone. You could say it was one of those times were the girl cheating ended up being 'right', because she ditched him and instead was with the new guy - ie, me - for what could seem to be a very long time. However, any girl that does this should set of not just an alarm, but one of those things you'd hear on D-day that goes WOOOOEEEEUUUUUUUUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOooooo. You're not safe in your bunker.
What's so bad about it, if she does like you more? Well, she's treating you poorly, now. By openly talking about her boyfriend, she's setting you in your place, because you're not supposed to hit on someone that's in a relationship. You're thwarted. She's made it very clear that you have no idea if you're going to be slapped with the "but I have a boyfriend" if you try something. This does not sound like a situation where the guy just gauged it completely wrong. There's something going on between you to, and the fact that neither has spoken about it, means it's not dealt with in a way where it indicates that the people involved are aware of the inherent risks associated to such a way of starting a relationship. You're thwarted, you don't have control. I'd venture a guess and say you at times feel very uneasy about the entire situation, because you feel you can't gauge if she likes you or not. That's misusing you to get something she misses. She's misusing you, and she's definitely not treating her boyfriend nicely by doing this with what is safe to assume is behind her back, or with heavy deceit.
I'd say one of the most important things in a girlfriend would be being able to trust her. Instead of facing the hard times with her boyfriend, she's found a surrogate. She's not even risking being vulnerable with the surrogate - you. That comes of as very self-centered. What happened with my relationship was that whenever the times were hard, whenever things weren't perfect, she wouldn't be there to work on what wasn't right in the relationship; she was seeking attention from someone else. Eventually, she broke up with from out of the blue, and said she wasn't happy with the relationship. Turned out she hadn't picked up on how exhausted I was from my current job. She made the mistake of thinking the relationship wasn't as good as it should be, when in reality, it was a bad period of my life. She wasn't there for me. Now I'm in a new job, and I'm getting my energy back. If she'd tried to work on it, instead of being self-centered, we probably would've been very happy today. But that's her loss. But it's still a huge betrayal. The times I found out she was seeking comfort from someone else.. well, I've never been that hurt ever in my life. I was having anxiety attacks because I realized what was going on. She admitted it, and said she'd stop talking to this guy. Yet she continued.
Oh, I digress. My point here is seriously not to project anything. I thought I had done something very right in snapping a girl who was in a relationship, because it turned out she was much, much happier with me and we were actually building a future, together. Problem was just that it wasn't me. It was the fact that she had the capability of cheating on a boyfriend that now, to me, shows that she also had the capability of seeking attention from other guys when things were hard, instead of working on the things that were hard.
I get very much that same vibe here. The honest thing to do would either not be to hang out with a guy, one on one, at any chance she gets. Obviously doing things of a romantic character. If she's not fulfilled by her long distance relationship, she should focus on that, and either fix it or end it. Instead she's finding comfort in you, who's also getting hurt along the way.
I've been the guy that a girl has cheated with. I don't regret that, given that this was a part of what had her break up with her current boyfriend and get together with me. I don't think the morality is the problem here. It's just that no matter what happens, it seems you're the one fronting the risk. Not her.
