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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years

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So GAF I ended a ~3.5 year Long Term Relationship of about about a month and a half ago, because it really needed to die.
I decided to just hit up a bar by myself on Valentine's Day to see a band and ended up getting kinda drunk, kissed a girl on the dance floor, got her number. We went out about a week after that and I've seen her 3/4 times since.

She's super cool and pretty, and it seems like we're both pretty into it. But she's five years older than I am (26/31) and I really don't think I want to be in another thing right away. I let her know the second time we went out how recently I got out of the LTR, but didn't give much else in the way of details.

I dunno if I have a specific question here... just wanted to sort of write this down. How would you navigate this situation?

Stay the course, bring it up if it turns into a problem. Maybe be a little clearer with your intentions just to make sure, but don't make her feel like she's some hen trying to lay an egg, know what I mean?
 
Actually I'm not sure I do know what you mean, "Some hen trying to lay an egg" is too Midwest of an idiom for me to interpret at the end of a work day. Like... don't lead her on to feel like she can get something out of this that I can't offer?
 
Are there only two ways of meeting people? At a bar/party or online dating site?
I feel there should be some more ways.

Volunteer/work at conventions and go to gaming related events. You'll meet tons of people through there pretty easily as well through interest related events since it's incredibly easy to make conversation with people.

If you're feeling gutsy, then you can also organize a GAF meet up in your area assuming there are several GAF members that also happen to live in your neck of the woods. For example, next month I'm going to be an Enforcer at PAX East and I'm also going to be volunteering at a gaming event centered around educational/social commentary games. I'm also the Treasurer of my college's comic book publication.
 
Actually I'm not sure I do know what you mean, "Some hen trying to lay an egg" is too Midwest of an idiom for me to interpret at the end of a work day. Like... don't lead her on to feel like she can get something out of this that I can't offer?

Yes, like babbys or marriages.

Yeeeeehawwwwwww
 
She could get pregnant from the pre-cum, which more than likely came out.

No. Pre-cum does not contain sperms. Only if you have already ejaculated and not peed since you did can there be sperm in your pre-cum. This is a myth.

Don't ever go raw when it's not with someone that you trust and is on a birth-control. I do not condone that. But I will rectify that information.

Thanks man...I have this strange scenario in my head that I came without feeling the orgasm, pulled out with fear, kept the same hard on, she gives me the full orgasm 15ish minutes later through other means.

Perhaps I should calm down, or mention plan b pill to her asap.

Pre-cum is a lubricating secretion that comes during arousal. It will not come towards the end. If you got to the brink, you might get orgasmic contractions, even without fully achieving orgasm. If you got close, then yes, you might've cum inside of her.

Talk with her. Plan B is only up until 48 hours after, as far as I know. Don't let that time get away from you. You have no idea whether you did it or not, so learn from that mistake for the future and tell her now.
 
Yes, never again, I don't care how drunk and horny I am. Its so unromantic to have to talk about such a thing after a first night together, but our long-term futures are more important.

sometimes you just gotta go raw, nigga. But from what I remember, the chances of actually getting her pregnant off of pre-cum is pretty low. Plus, I seriously doubt you blew inside her without knowing.

has anyone ever dated a vegetarian

yes but fortunately she wasn't bat shit crazy (at least in that aspect). I could have taken her to a steak house, and she would have been happy finding a vegetarian salad or veggie plate.
 
I never get what people mean when they say a relationship is "serious". Here's a talk from Alan Watts, called "Is It Serious?". What kind of obligations are you talking of? What's the difference between having someone to talk to and dating them once in a while with having a girlfriend you talk to and go out with once in a while?

My bafflement of this philosophical aspect, aside.. well, it's not really like I can throw it all the way aside, because the confusion and frustration stems from this notion. If you like hanging out with her, why not keep hanging out with her the way you do? Why be content with the way things are, and then go "oh, but I don't want anything serious".

I think I need some clarification before I can better answer this.

I guess for more clarification: my ex-wife and I went from 0-60 in -5 seconds. I was deployed for basically the entirety of our first year together, but we talked online or on the phone as much as possible every day, given our schedules and time difference. We got married as soon as I got back and got our house together. Obviously in hindsight this looks extremely naive and fool-hearty, but I was in love and I assumed she was as well...but that's another story.

Basically, I've never had a regular relationship like this. I don't know how a normal one is supposed to progress naturally, and how long I can go without there being the expectation that we spend all our free time together. Or how long just texting each other can suffice, rather than talking on the phone.

Essentially I know how to play in the Super Bowl, but I know fuck all when it comes to what to do in the preseason.
 
has anyone ever dated a vegetarian

Yeah. I ate meat, and she was cool with it, and I would once in a while but I did cut out the frequency I ate it out of my diet out of respect, and she appreciated that. One time she cooked me a steak, which was seriously the nicest thing she coulda done.


anyways, what's your question?
 
Let's put it this way. A meaningful relationship does not usually come about quickly. There's no set time to progress a relationship either, it happens as you get to know more about each other.
 
has anyone ever dated a vegetarian
I have my dude. Ain't bad. I respected her decision, tried to avoid meat around her if possible, but she didn't care at all. Depends on the person more than anything.

Alright, so if I see a person in person, it isn't trouble for me to flirt with them and try to develop something. Thssaging without anis one girl I sort of knew (a tiny bit honestly) from HS turned into one hell of a cutie. We live in the area and share some of the same interests.. How would I attempt to get this going on Facebook? Is that even possible without being weird? I don't mind just adding her; that's basic. It's me actual connection. We're both almost 21 so, 3 years removed from HS if that matters.

I'm confident enough in looks, this is just kind of a different step for me.
 
Haha sure, but I don't have any male friends, let alone close male friends, and I don't really want to make any, so que sera sera. Haha. :)

I don't think that's true or you wouldn't have posted that here. I think its more like you want to make that perfect friend and not have to endure the hurtful experiences you've had in the past.
 
I don't think that's true or you wouldn't have posted that here. I think its more like you want to make that perfect friend and not have to endure the hurtful experiences you've had in the past.

Well i dont think anyone here really believes her

She says it every chance she gets
 
I don't think that's true or you wouldn't have posted that here. I think its more like you want to make that perfect friend and not have to endure the hurtful experiences you've had in the past.

Just because I was interested in a hug one day doesn't mean I'm interested in anything every other day of the year :p

I don't really know why I enjoy my time in this thread haha. I'm basically called a massive liar everytime I'm in here.
 
@Leeness

I think you'd like to be in a relationship, you've just been through some bad moments and its made you bitter. Totally understandable, I think everyone in this thread has probably experienced it to some degree (I know I have). A lot can be implied from your posts, however. For example: "Haha sure, but I don't have any male friends, let alone close male friends, and I don't really want to make any, so que sera sera. Haha."

Strong words. Why wouldn't you want to make male friends? By simple reasoning I conclude that you've isolated males specifically because of a negative perception of them. And that negative perception probably stems from an incident in the past. And, in that incident, you most likely expressed feelings for a guy and he did not reciprocate. So, now you're bitter against men.

Its understandable and completely normal. However, you're not doing yourself any favors by putting up a fake barrier. Many guys in this thread have complimented you before, you are desirable. You just have to give yourself enough of a chance to realize that. :)
 
I don't know if trying to "figure out" someone who isn't asking to be figured out really is something people should do.
 
No, its not. My intention was more to give a reality check, because things only become harder as one gets older.

So, I'll repeat: Leeness - you're hot (I've seen your POF wayyyyyyy back), friendly, and you have personality. You just need to throw yourself out there and keep trying. That's usually the solution for 99% of the people out there.

Now, if you truly don't want a relationship, well, then okay. But I think you'd be missing out if you didn't at least give yourself another chance. Success in relationships doesn't come easy.
 
I don't know if trying to "figure out" someone who isn't asking to be figured out really is something people should do.

:)

No, its not. My intention was more to give a reality check, because things only become harder as one gets older.

So, I'll repeat: Leeness - you're hot (I've seen your POF wayyyyyyy back), friendly, and you have personality. You just need to throw yourself out there and keep trying. That's usually the solution for 99% of the people out there.

Now, if you truly don't want a relationship, well, then okay. But I think you'd be missing out if you didn't at least give yourself another chance. Success in relationships doesn't come easy.

:) That is all.
 
Why would you date a girl that wont have meat in her body?
flirty-wink-smiley-emoticon.gif
 
Right, here goes the rant about my country, yey another one of those :D

Thing is all of my friends agree, ones in relationship or not, it's just how it is.

Out at night you shouldn't even approach, music is too loud, if they're with friends they don't wanna seem easy and are under pressure to act certain way, you can't talk or hear anything so you can't get to know each other, of course here no one dances so you can't dance with her. Only if you know her ahead or have mutual friends, at certain bars where music isn't as loud as in others (rare) and maybe you'll get to meet her. Then you have veeery high chance that she has a boyfriend and nothing's gonna come out of this.
So pretty much going out with friends and having fun should be the only goal because beside that it's pointless. I've seen so many guys waste so much money on women and not even say a word to them, or get a number/goodbye or anything.

You have a higher chance of meeting a girl on a street or at a mall and saying Hi than in the club/bar. The only viable option here seems to be through mutual friends or cousins, so you meet her like that, if it all goes well schedule a date, then date for months with a possibility of her dumping you at any point and then you get sex but you're pretty much in a relationship at that point :D Of course you'll waste all the money on dates and shit because girls don't pay here of course.
That's how you find a girlfriend. Another option is if you have no standards you can go for uglies noo ne will touch, like my friend, and he will try to persude you to do the same so decide if you wanna do that, and when I say ugly, most of the time it's well not freaks of nature but ugly girls you wouldn't look at twice.

Now we come to "easier" girls, and those only fuck famous people or really rich ones. No, you can't just be rich because then they will use to just get the money spent on them and dump you, you gotta have some fame or be known around town for whatever, being a criminal work very good for this, and then they'll fuck you and their rating goes up among their friends.

And after all this the only sensible options is: paying for a prostitute. Not only will you save shitload of time but also shitload of money. It's just efficient and they can be very hot here. (fun story, one of those girls that had everything paid for her, talked to a guy for some time then just was like "k thx bye", later that night he went to that brothel and she was working there, true story).

This isn't me being buthurt or mad, this is just my rational analysis of situation and as I said, i shared this with quite a few friends recently of all walks of life (and ages) and everyone pretty much agrees. Only thing is most of them just give up and settle with finding a single girl after much trouble and never letting her go, even if they are annoyed, or not a best match but oh well.

So yeah, fun fun fun.

/rant

P.S. Fun topic on local forum about marrying a virgin, a lot of guys arguing for that, and even those that are like "girls should have some fun" too call girls that have 5 or 10 partners too much, 15 are biggest sluts etc.. lol
 
Right, here goes the rant about my country, yey another one of those :D
I haven't even read all of it, I've seen it before, but yeah, that's how it is for most people. But it's only true because all of you guys keep on agreeing that it's true. If you're a cool guy with your confidence and inside fixed and handled, it won't be a problem if you don't believe it to be. I saw this video the other day and it deals exactly with this issue in my opinion:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G3qXQkhJZC4
Watch all of it, but from 4:50 and forward might be more relevant. Stop agreeing that this is just how it is. Change it instead of being complacent.
 
I actually remember watching that video heh and sure, but after approaching bunch of girls and having no progress here it just seems pointless.

I'm going away tomorrow for a weekend and I'll write how that went, got MMF offered if I want when I come L O L but yeah...

Btw. in another city here (2nd biggest) if you approach a girl that someone likes you have a high chance of being 1) beaten 2) stabbed 3) shot. Later 2 usually reserved if you actually go out with her. I live in a retard country srs. Just recently a guy shot and killed 2 brothers who were threatening him and were about to beat him over a girl feud.
 
grap3fruitman was looking for advice though.

No he wasn't. He came in looking for advice a year ago, when Vince wasn't around. In the last few months he just kept ranting in thread, and plenty of people took upon themselves to give him "unwarranted" advice. No one stood up and took grap3fruit's "defence", because no one saw anything wrong in trying to help... a kinsman, so to speak.
Why has this become wrong all of a sudden?
 
Haha sure, but I don't have any male friends, let alone close male friends, and I don't really want to make any, so que sera sera. Haha. :)


Leeness you don't have to have a relationship to have male friends. The part that everyone is trying to figure out is what you want in that friend and whether or not what you want from your friend crosses the line from friend territory into boyfriend territory. We're not calling you a liar, we're just heavily confused.
 
It's human to care, and to offer advice. I can't help but feel central to a similar incident, but I have to say I am always open to advice, even if I don't ask for it. What I reacted to were things that weren't advice, and my request to leave the subject wasn't heeded, and it wasn't what was originally being talked about.

If someone says "I just can't seem to find anyone interesting", then a natural reply would be advice about where and how to meet interesting people, even if one didn't ask for help. However, if someone says "I'm having trouble trusting my current SO, because of what happened with my previous one", then saying "You never should've trusted your previous one" isn't anything constructive.

But, Leeness, is the plan never to be in a relationship again?
 
No he wasn't. He came in looking for advice a year ago, when Vince wasn't around. In the last few months he just kept ranting in thread, and plenty of people took upon themselves to give him "unwarranted" advice. No one stood up and took grap3fruit's "defence", because no one saw anything wrong in trying to help... a kinsman, so to speak.
Why has this become wrong all of a sudden?

You don't know how much I lurk brah
 
@zeemumu

Totally agree. One of the things Leeness has asked for before was a male friend who would refrain from being in a relationship with her but would still, for example, want to cuddle. I don't know about you guys but I wouldn't cuddle with any girl except for the one that's my partner. The action brings about too many emotions. The average person will probably view cuddling as quite intimate, you just can't get that immediately with simple friends.

The only girls who have ever tried cuddling with me as friends ended up wanting "more" from me. Big surprise, right? I could never imagine myself sitting with a girl who's just a friend and cuddling.

Its true that people may sometimes not ask for advice, but in some cases its better they receive it anyway. This forum is meant to be therapeutic in a sense, we're all here venting our problems and basking in the fact that its anonymous. The only reservation I'd have is giving advice if someone has expressly requested to the contrary. Buttttt, if I'm roaming this thread and constantly getting the same vibe from an individual poster, I'll give them my insight.

Sometimes a jolt can really help a person. I myself am a product of this. Many of the steps I've taken to change myself came as a result of a hard push or some kind of help from a different person. And I'm grateful!
 
Never have been, never will be, don't want to be.

So what are you doing here? You're just curious to see what trying to be in a relationship(dating) is like by reading the posts in this thread and that's about it?

Anyway, you don't know what you're missing... there's nothing better than waking up with a loved one next to you, just hugging and kissing before going to work. And that's just one example of what's great about relationships.
 
Totally agree, stn. We walk around with conceptions and ideas that we think are the way things should be, and then someone calls us out on it, and we realize we didn't really know why we thought like that. That reassessment that then happens can be very cathartic.

There's also some sort of near false dichotomy that arises when someone wants to cuddle but not want more. Bodily contact is great, but I'd rather go without, if I'm not ready for a relationship, than to give myself a bodily contact "patch" by cuddling with a female friend. I think it's just a pretext for someone getting hurt. Either I'd end up getting feelings I wasn't ready for, or the other person will, and I wouldn't want that. It is definitely a couple's thing. I'd say it's likely easier to have a fuck buddy than a cuddle buddy. If you snuggle up and watch a movie together, you'll involve a lot more feelings than just humping and then watching a movie afterwards. Or something.


Been having a strange week, in terms of moving on from my ex. Some weeks back, I was very busy meeting new people, was flirting heavily with a very cute girl, and things were moving forwards. I'm nearly done with week 2 of P90X3, now, and I'll continue going for the next 75 days, too. I'm still very happy with the way I'm dealing with things. I've grown a lot from the whole experience. I've found pieces of myself I might've forgotten I had. I'm getting into shape. I've got excess energy, and I'm expanding my social network. I feel this is very healthy for me. Every day is a breeze, I don't have enough time to do the things I want to. I have no residual pain or fears from the break up.

But I do have a hole. I was walking downtown near where she lives, and I was thinking back.. I imagined she suddenly just stopped me on the streets because she just had to see me, and how I'd react by just kissing her. There's a deeper missing now than I think I've felt, because there's a certain acceptance in it, too. I had a dream she was on my door one morning and I was late to work because I ended up talking with her. I felt kind of bad about the dream, because there were so little details of her in my dream. Like my mind was letting go of all the things that makes her.

I dug around in my head and I found those details. I remember her smile, I remember her discussing tone of voice, I remember her playful tone of voice. Had another dream about her, with more details. It is very strange, because it is like I was doing the right thing; allowing my mind to let go, not preoccupying myself with the idea of her. She's willfully trying to poke at me on Facebook, writing things like "The summer of being single is coming up!" and "maybe we can bring a date when we do that this summer!" on her friend's wall. I know her so well that I know she's writing those things to poke at me. It works. But I decided yesterday that there's not reason to check her profile or to check her friend's profile. I know we're still very much in each other's mind. I'm very proud of her to having let me be for over a month, now.

So I allow myself to miss her. Because I do. She's been my girlfriend and best friend for four years. We spent most days and every night together. The void will remain for some time.

But! I am doing good in so many aspects. I'm not surprised I go through this, and I'm not sad, either. I rejoice in the knowledge that this really was a fantastic girl I miss. The situation wasn't right, and I hope she works on her things, like I try to work on mine. Outside of that, there's nothing I can do, nor should do. I still know this has to happen. I still know I can't go back to her now. And I also know there are tons of girls out there that are just dying to meet me, and another ton of girls that have met me and wants to get to know me better. I'm enjoying getting to know people, and they're enjoying getting to know me. I haven't felt such acknowledgment and security in years, so I am extremely happy that I get to work this out now. There's likely no better time to really make some huge adjustments to who we want to be, and what we want to achieve.

I am in good spirits, despite missing my ex.

Never have been, never will be, don't want to be.

Why not?
 
One may wonder why you didn't raise the same argument when stn was helping grapefruitman.
Leeness has stated many times she doesn't want advice or people to talk to her about it. (She keeps mentioning it though, so I understand why people think they should engage again.) At this point it's been talked to death and it's best to just leave it alone.

Grapefruitman will come in and ask direct questions which people will assume are not rhetorical but that he wants answered. It's also been talked to death, but the situation is a bit different than it has been with Leeness because grapefruitman seems to actually want a relationship and to talk about it.
 
So what are you doing here? You're just curious to see what trying to be in a relationship(dating) is like by reading the posts in this thread and that's about it?
She enjoys our company basically :) But I'm with stn and a few others on this: I just don't believe any of it.
 
Leeness seriously seems like a gimmick account at this point.

Literally every post from her is "tee hee I've never had a relationship, good thing because I never want one"

I'm sorry if you're a real person, I just don't get it. Kinda gets old too and comes off as disingenuous.
 
Just because you don't understand doesn't mean they're not being genuine. I'll leave it at that though. I don't think we should be calling people out asking what their true purpose is, that's all.
 
Just because you don't understand doesn't mean they're not being genuine. I'll leave it at that though. I don't think we should be calling people out asking what their true purpose is, that's all.

Say she is genuine which she definitely is not

We dont need to hear it in every other one of her post

Even when no one ask she let us know
We get it
Youre happy
I cannot count how many times shes let us know how glad she is that she isnt with a man
 
Just because you don't understand doesn't mean they're not being genuine. I'll leave it at that though. I don't think we should be calling people out asking what their true purpose is, that's all.

It comes off as incongruent, so there's a reason why so many picks up on it. I don't have trouble thinknig Leeness thinks that, but I don't necessarily think it's genuine, despite that.

But right now all eyes are on her, which is unfair.
 
I don't see the point in hanging out in a thread about dating when said person doesn't want to date and doesn't want to talk about dating. Just seems like thread derailing to me.

Maybe I should go in a thread about baseball and talk about how I have never watched a baseball game and never will because it's a boring sport.
 
Both of these. But if you guys just think I'm a huge liar, I won't anymore.
I don't think you're a liar or a troll account per se, but I don't think you're being truthful to yourself nor us. You met a guy and you wanted a relationship and love if I remember correctly. But it didn't pan out and now your opinion is the complete opposite. The more times you say that you're happy, the less we believe you. Nobody else is trying so hard to tell others that they're happy in here, just you. The more you do it, the more it looks like a defense mechanism and a constructed lie! But you might be telling the truth and you're happy alone. That's okay too. But it's still not healthy or normal to go about life like that, actively avoiding other people and intimacy. I like you, you're a cool girl just like my friend stn has told you a hundred times, but that's also why you piss me off all the time :lol I don't care how happy you think you are, you're still doing yourself a disservice in life by having this train of thought about boys and love. you might think and say that intimacy simply isn't for you, but that's wrong too, if nothing else but for the fact that there are people in here and more than likely out there in real life as well that would love to cuddle with you and get to know you. But you're actively making a conscious choice to not let anyone be near you in that way. That doesn't fit well at all with the message you're always trying to convey in here, that you're happy alone.
 
^ Basically. Sometimes what a person thinks is good for him or her might not actually be good. We may think we know what's best for us but we are also capable of being wrong. I'm unattached at the moment and staying away from relationships because I'm to focused on my career. As an aside, I also don't feel I'm ready for a "serious" relationship because I'm lacking certain things at the moment.

As a result, I've been avoiding serious intimacy. Though, honestly, its mostly a by-product of the fact that I currently just don't have many viable options. Why I mention is this maybe a serious relationship right now would be the best thing for me? Maybe it doesn't matter that I'm too focused on my career; heck, maybe a relationship would PUSH me to further my career?

In the end, what the hell do I know? Anyway, receiving advice from someone else is always very sobering. I message Minamu for his insight all the time! When he shows me that I'm wrong, I agree with it. Without that kind of advice I may act differently or choose to ignore the obvious.

The idea is never to isolate a poster and pick on them, its more to give a push in the right direction. Part of therapy is coming to terms and then acting on the problem. Failure to address the problem and act on it in its infant stage just leads to more problems.

As an example: if I was a person sitting at home 24/7 and consuming drugs, I would hope that my closest friends would come over, beat the shit out of me, and drag me outside. Sometimes we need others to help us with our problems, its a given.

But I agree, this should be dropped. I don't want Leeness to feel singled out or like she's not welcome here, when she absolutely is. :)
 
Hey guys, this is my first dating age post!! I've never really posted in this thread mainly because if I ever need help I just consult myself or close friends but it doesn't seem like advice is at all the entirety of this thread's purpose so I decided to check things out and get involved.

Ironically, I did come here looking for some advice on a subject. Hopefully you've seen my previous thread from Saturday regarding my best friend and getting the ball rolling with that because that's exactly the topic I came to this thread to discuss. The advice I'm seeking in question is that of date ideas. Honestly, I already have a first date planned and a couple of people in my circle say they like the idea. I'm not really here to talk about that idea more as I'm here to get ideas for subsequent dates whether they be with her or someone else. I like my dates to be personal and creative. Simplicity and complexity in my dates are just determined by how I'm feeling about life and the person at the moment so there really no limit to any suggestions you guys have for me. I'm hoping you can help me brainstorm because I truly love this girl and I want to be able to show her in anyway possible. Truth be told I've always held her in higher regard than the women I've been with and loved and now that I've made a chance to possibly be with her I'd like to not undermine it in anyway.
 
Both of these. But if you guys just think I'm a huge liar, I won't anymore.
"I'm really gone this time" has happened a lot here, so I think a lot of people have "oh, this again" reactions. It's a constant cycle.

I actually don't mind her at all, but the way smiley faces just start appearing in response to her is pretty creepy, dudes.
 
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