Dear Girls Who Are (Finally) Ready To Date Fedoras: We Don't Want You Anymore, M'Lady

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Fiction said:
As H. Pro said, being nice isn't enough. Everyone should be nice. It's sorta expected. Being nice doesn't get you a cookie.

I've been called nice a ton, and people act like its noteworthy, but I think it's just because I'm nice IRL and online. Whatevs. I don't want a cookie.

If you make yourself into a paper Nice Guy in order to get people to like you, it's not going to work. Because...who are you? If your only noteworthy trait is that you are nice, then you have zero personality for anyone to remember you by or connect with you.

Be yourself, be nice because that's literally the least you can do, and don't let people walk all over you.
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That's exactly it.

Article guy considers one of his date highlights that he opened the door for her. He seriously remembers that after god knows how many years. She obviously didn't even notice and after 30 seconds probably forgot about "the gesture" forever. If the date is nothing but that, from her perspective he was a completely uninteresting person.

I mean, by that logic, every woman out there should fall in love head over heels for doormen, car valets, waiters, and restaurant hosts. "Right this way, ma'am". "HNNG I'M SO FUCKING WET"

Of course, the Nice Guys will turn around and assume that it means "if she didn't make out with me after opening the door for her, then that means she'd make out with me if I slammed the door on her face. So therefore she's a slut who only likes assholes".
 
Zuhzuhzombie!! said:
Quick someone remind me what was that guy who kept stalking and harassing this girl, buying her stuff, asking if he should do X and hundreds of people would tell him no but he did it anyway? He used a weird emoji.
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Srsly I need to know this.



freenudemacusers said:
no fair, i can't even properly troll this thread
DhXKv93.gif



instead, i'll just leave you with this pathetic display

http://www.mgtow.com/
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It's just The Red Pill in pog form.
 
Fiction said:
As H. Pro said, being nice isn't enough. Everyone should be nice. It's sorta expected. Being nice doesn't get you a cookie.

I've been called nice a ton, and people act like its noteworthy, but I think it's just because I'm nice IRL and online. Whatevs. I don't want a cookie.

If you make yourself into a paper Nice Guy in order to get people to like you, it's not going to work. Because...who are you? If your only noteworthy trait is that you are nice, then you have zero personality for anyone to remember you by or connect with you.

Be yourself, be nice because that's literally the least you can do, and don't let people walk all over you.
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Cringe
 
I feel like I could design code that would write this stuff automatically at this point. Everyone with this mindset always hits the same notes. Healthy chunk of self-pity, hint of self-congratulation, a little chivalry, a little slut-shaming, a lot of entitlement. Voila!
 
Kirosia said:
Wow. What are you talking about? You're creating your own exaggerated context. I said I'm nice to people, and I kinda sorta maybe hope they'd answer in kind. And yes, I feel that being courteous is often take for granted. I listed examples why others were unfair to me. And... this makes me an entitled prick who has evidenced he has done nothing of value but somehow expects recognition. You just wrongly fedora'd on me, bro.

I don't know how you got that, there isn't anywhere near enough information from the data I gave. I'm out. I'm getting worked up over nothing. Peace y'all.
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I think the point was that being nice and buying meals etc isn't really the issue. Those are the things that people talk about when they can't understand why people weren't interested, but it's usually more to do with how interesting people are, and nice people who are able to buy steaks aren't really that interesting for those qualities alone. You can't really respond to that with "but I AM nice" because the point was to highlight that it's usually not relevant, the best "nice" can get you is to not have people walk away immediately.
 
Some dudes are going to bitter about being rejected/avoided during late teens/early 20's but damn, I guess the difference lies in being able to spot your own flaws or having someone point them out to you.
 
EatinOlives said:
There are plenty of portly men around with pretty good looking women. Tons of women are actually attracted to that.

You either own up to it and do with what you have or sit and whine that the world is against you.

EDIT: Damn that was fast
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Yup. Upon leaving the theater the other day we saw a movie poster with a shirtless Seth Rogan, to which my wife replied - "hey he has your body type!" I wasn't sure if I should be offended, or feel lucky that my wife is much more fit and attractive than me. I've found that women are attracted to confidence, more than anything, and the author of this rant doesn't seem to have much of it.
 
CPS2 said:
I think the point was that being nice and buying meals etc isn't really the issue. Those are the things that people talk about when they can't understand why people weren't interested, but it's usually more to do with how interesting people are, and nice people who are able to buy steaks aren't really that interesting for those qualities alone. You can't really respond to that with "but I AM nice" because the point was to highlight that it's usually not relevant, the best "nice" can get you is to not have people walk away immediately.
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Except the conversation I was pursuing had really nothing to do with dating/courting. It was a response to someone saying that you should be nice because it's a reward in itself, even if others don't reciprocate. I replied that its not necessarily wrong to hope others are nice back to you- I don't mean handing you sex, promotions, employee of the year awards. Just a "Please don't be a dick to me? Pwetty?" And that got twisted into some negative sense of entitlement, and people inferring things from information that isn't there. It's folks trying to sound smart and insightful without actually paying attention to the context.
 
Fiction said:
Uh, what's cringeworthy about not misrepresenting yourself to people? Pretending to be something you are not in order to get people to like you isn't good for you and is sorta an asshole thing to do.
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it might work for getting laid, but at some point you'll need to drop the act and be normal.


i've always been my normal self around peopel, it doesn't hurt to be normal brehs.
 
If being yourself doesn't work, improve yourself. That's really a core aspect of both dating and long term relationships people often ignore. Spend at least part of your energy trying to improve yourself and it becomes far more likely that you will both attract people and maintain their attraction.
 
Kirosia said:
Wow. What are you talking about? You're creating your own exaggerated context. I said I'm nice to people, and I kinda sorta maybe hope they'd answer in kind. And yes, I feel that being courteous is often taken for granted. I listed examples why others were unfair to me. And... this makes me an entitled prick who has evidenced he has done nothing of value but somehow expects recognition. This isn't some after school special. You just wrongly fedora'd me, bro.

I'm out. I'm getting worked up over nothing. Peace y'all.
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You post that you want to be appreciated for not being an ass.

You then post a bunch of examples of how other people are assholes in your life.

I can only assume that I should connect it to your previous statement that you are nice, and that being nice is something you think is worthy of recognition, and that all these assholes in your life show that being nice is a rare thing and therefore special aka worthy of recognition.

I have not fedora'd you at all and I'm not a 'bro'. This is the information you've given. If you want to provide some other facet of yourself that we're really not getting here, then go for it, because currently all I have is that you're nice and get walked all over.
 
I wasn't prepared for the level of bitterness in that OP. Would have gone well with some nice gin.

Funny thing is, if the hypothetical object of that vitriol flicked her hair in that dudes direction, he'd roll over and wait to have his tummy tickled. Nobody with any dating prospects ever wrote such a sour missive.
 
I think folks are saying that if you continue to be yourself, you'll likely attract others who favor the qualities that you embody. People with similar attitudes, interests, etc, optimistically. They may not be the sort YOU want to be around (in my case, leggy supermodels who have a fetish for unemployed short Asian men), but what can you do outside of changing yourself (or faking it) to pull in a different audience?

You're a genuinely nice guy or gal. You may get brushed off, but mostly from people who wouldn't appreciate your person to begin with. So fuck them. You wouldn't like them.

I can only assume that I should connect it to your previous statement that you are nice, and that being nice is something you think is worthy of recognition, and that all these assholes in your life show that being nice is a rare thing and therefore special aka worthy of recognition.
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You assume too much. You created a false narrative from what little information was given, and then somehow expect me to defend myself. Nonsense. And sorry everyone, for being nice to others and wanting them to be nice back. I apologize for being bullied and treated poorly, I was asking for it. I'm an entitled chav who has it out for the world. Damn you world. Damn you to hell. Marmite.
 
Fiction said:
Uh, what's cringeworthy about not misrepresenting yourself to people? Pretending to be something you are not in order to get people to like you isn't good for you and is sorta an asshole thing to do.

Edit: what Evilore said basically.
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Uh, nah, you can't say "be yourself...along with some other qualities that I find appealing." You're don't really mean "be yourself" at all. You mean "be an attractive person." And that's the correct thing to say.

Telling socially awkward manchildren to be themselves leads them to calling people fucking retards and getting banned on video game message boards.
 
Kirosia said:
I think folks are saying that if you continue to be yourself, you'll likely attract others who favor the qualities that you embody. People with similar attitudes, interests, etc, optimistically. They may not be the sort YOU want to be around (in my case, leggy supermodels who have a fetish for unemployed short Asian men), but what can you outside of changing yourself (or faking it) to pull in a different audience?

You're a genuinely nice guy or gal. You may get brushed off, but mostly from people who wouldn't appreciate your person to begin with. So fuck them. You wouldn't like them.
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This x100

Especially the end. If they aren't feeling you, fuck them and keep it moving
 
thekad said:
Uh, nah, you can't say "be yourself...along with some other qualities that I find appealing." You're don't really mean "be yourself" at all. You mean "be an attractive person." And that's the correct thing to say.
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Um.

What? Where does what I'm attracted to come into this?

People are attracted to a vast array of qualities. If you are trying to attract someone who is not attracted to your particular subset of traits, faking what they might like makes for a really shitty relationship.

So yes, be yourself, and you'll attract the type of people you are compatible with.
 
thekad said:
Uh, nah, you can't say "be yourself...along with some other qualities that I find appealing." You're don't really mean "be yourself" at all. You mean "be an attractive person." And that's the correct thing to say.

Telling socially awkward manchildren to be themselves leads them to calling people fucking retards and getting banned on video game message boards.
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The "Be Yourself" advice never actually means "do all that repugnant shit you want to do and maybe you'll stumble across someone who's into it."

It means that you shouldn't do stuff you're not happy with to impress people. If taking care of yourself and trying to improve falls under the category of stuff you're not happy with, then no, that advice isn't necessarily targeted towards you.
 
thekad said:
Uh, nah, you can't say "be yourself...along with some other qualities that I find appealing." You're don't really mean "be yourself" at all. You mean "be an attractive person." And that's the correct thing to say.

Telling socially awkward manchildren to be themselves leads them to calling people fucking retards and getting banned on video game message boards.
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Except by saying "be yourself" they're meaning be open about the things you like rather than pretending to be someone you're not. Respect and kindness should be a trait everyone carries, not something you pretend to be.

I know a relationship where the person changed herself to make the other person like them. Needless to say, they're both extremely bitter people who fight a lot.
 
I just woke up and already there's one of these threads on GAF.

I'm dying here. My coworkers are looking at me like I'm nuts cause I have a stupid shit-eating grin on my face as I try not to bust out laughing at this last page.

Damn you, all. DAMN YOU.
 
RyougaSaotome said:
I just woke up and already there's one of these threads on GAF.

I'm dying here. My coworkers are looking at me like I'm nuts cause I have a stupid shit-eating grin on my face as I try not to bust out laughing at this last page.

Damn you, all. DAMN YOU.
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You sleep at work?
 
Fiction said:
Um.

What? Where does what I'm attracted to come into this?

People are attracted to a vast array of qualities. If you are trying to attract someone who is not attracted to your particular subset of traits, faking what they might like makes for a really shitty relationship.

So yes, be yourself, and you'll attract the type of people you are compatible with.
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I think my problem with that is, I know quite a few people who will have a loooot of trouble finding someone without significant changes to who they are. Being themselves is why they're lonely. I don't think there's anything wrong with changing who you are, even if the reason is just to have more friends.
 
StickSoldier said:
Guys, look at these fucking pathetic fucks that say nice guys are the ones who are fucking up. This pieces of shit dont know crap and they try to preach to us how to live OUR lives, when they are most fucking disgusting things on the Earth.


Shame on all you FUCKING RETARDS that cant feel an ounce of a compassion for you fucking brothers and sisters. This whole time you thought that race was a reason to fight, religion was a reason to fight, but none of that matters because as long as evil spirits like you live on this earth, we will kill eactother.

So everyone, if you see these fucking sorry ass trolls calling the OP and pos, turn it back on those guys. A nice guy isn't pretending to be nice, its to feel love for one another regardless of your gender or race. None of that matters.

But i will say one thing. For all you negative nancies that have been bringing down the people that wanted Love, you will suffer for putting us through Hell for many years. Thats all I will say
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riotous said:
If being yourself doesn't work, improve yourself. That's really a core aspect of both dating and long term relationships people often ignore. Spend at least part of your energy trying to improve yourself and it becomes far more likely that you will both attract people and maintain their attraction.
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Great post.
 
thekad said:
Uh, nah, you can't say "be yourself...along with some other qualities that I find appealing." You're don't really mean "be yourself" at all. You mean "be an attractive person." And that's the correct thing to say.

Telling socially awkward manchildren to be themselves leads them to calling people fucking retards and getting banned on video game message boards.
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You're right, "Be yourself" only works when you aren't a self absorbed asshole.

Maybe that should be worked on first.
 
Kinitari said:
I think my problem with that is, I know quite a few people who will have a loooot of trouble finding someone without significant changes to who they are. Being themselves is why they're lonely. I don't think there's anything wrong with changing who you are, even if the reason is just to have more friends.
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Improving yourself doesn't mean changing who you are.

Pretending to be totally into sports or cars or something when you can't stand it just to get someone to like you is dumb and makes for a crappy relationship.

Gaining new skills, exposing yourself to new things, and improving your social skills isn't changing who you are either. It's being a better you. You still like video games and comics and sci-fi, but now you can also cook and found out you like rock climbing and hiking and can talk to people without getting super nervous.

See?
 
Kinitari said:
I think my problem with that is, I know quite a few people who will have a loooot of trouble finding someone without significant changes to who they are. Being themselves is why they're lonely. I don't think there's anything wrong with changing who you are, even if the reason is just to have more friends.
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More or less. Changing yourself should be for yourself rather than for other people though. Be yourself is like the most useful, useless (or maybe useless, useful?) advice one can give. It makes sense and is good advice but it really is too general to address anything.
 
Holy shit I just read that meltdown. Dayum.

Also, I agree with the be yourself + try to "improve" yourself (whatever that means to you)
 
Fiction said:
Improving yourself doesn't mean changing who you are.

Pretending to be totally into sports or cars or something when you can't stand it just to get someone to like you is dumb and makes for a crappy relationship.

Gaining new skills, exposing yourself to new things, and improving your social skills isn't changing who you are either. It's being a better you. You still like video games and comics and sci-fi, but now you can also cook and found out you like rock climbing and hiking and can talk to people without getting super nervous.

See?
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Exactly. You don't have to change your interests or your morals, but bettering the fundamentals of your personality is part of life. If your terrible at public speaking but you have a speech class, you would have to practice and learn to get better at it to pass. This applies to many aspects of life.
 
Be yourself = don't make yourself miserable just to please others.
Be yourself =/= don't take other people's preferences and opinions into consideration when acting
 
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