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[NotTheGuyYouKill]

I am in a situation where I wish to utterly destroy a business rival of mine. How do I best go about it? His entire strategy is to copy our products and undercut us.

We've implemented plans to combat it successfully, but I want to go further and grind him into the dust.

 

[Cuphead]

Arson

 

[lord quas]

call his mom and ask her out on a date and then don't show up

 

[daw840]

We probably need more details about the companies before giving you advice on how to destroy another persons business...

 

[SteveWinwood]

youre probably overreacting

 

[Surface of Me]

Dirty bomb.

 

[ComputerMKII]

Offer a better product than his, or the same product for a cheaper price.

 

[backflip10019]

Public smear campaign. Dig up some dirt and send it to a reporter. Everyone's got skeletons.

 

[kris.]

throw a flaming poop bag through his window to show him that you mean business

 

[davepoobond]

Buy him out.

Undercut him

Find out who his suppliers are and negotiate and exclusive contract with you

 

[Escape Goat]

My consulting fees are sizeable.

 

[Borgnine]

Butter his floor. Butter all of his floors.

 

[BocoDragon]

Are you Steve Jobs?

 

[hoverboarder]

Wow, what a yearbook quote.

throw a flaming poop bag through his window to show him that you mean business

He called the shit poop!

 

[BronsonLee]

If movies/TV have taught me anything;

Talk to a drunk Pierce Brosnan about it and how he might ruin your life, he'll offer to kill him for you

Shoot him in the eye with an arrow*
*this may backfire

Start dating his mother

Buy out his company, immediately fire him

An RKO off the top rope

 

[Pickman]

You should take a cue from Dr. Saperstein in Parks & Rec. Take their business model and do it cheaper.

 

[XT Vengeance]

Let loose a greased pig into his offices. You know what, make it several greased pigs.

 

[Ferrio]

Sue him over some bullshit copyright/patent claims.

 

[RedStep]

Start doing awful things, just terrible ideas. Offend anybody you can. Wait until he copies them. Hope you survive and not him (the business kind and the real kind).

 

[Tesseract]

dump a bag of oreos on his floor and watch him eat the oreos like an animal

 

[speculawyer]

Realize that you are taking this too seriously.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

We probably need more details about the companies before giving you advice on how to destroy another persons business...

I don't wanna get too specific, so let's stay a bit vague and mysterious for now.

youre probably overreacting

I'm not. I know the guy very well. I'm not.

Buy him out.

Undercut him

Find out who his suppliers are and negotiate and exclusive contract with you

A buy out will never, ever, ever happen.

But I like that idea about the suppliers.

 

[jjp14]

Ask someone from the Walton family.

 

[Count Dookkake]

Wow, what a yearbook quote.

And plagiarism to boot.

 

[Phat Michael]

Flirt with his wife.

 

[antispin]

Break dance.

 

[DBT85]

Start patenting stupid things and then sue him.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Realize that you are taking this too seriously.

I take it seriously because I'm pretty sure we're in his crosshairs. Dramatic, yes, but considering he's purposefully targeting our regular customers, imitating our products, etc, I think I should take it seriously.

 

[KHarvey16]

But there's really not that many ways to make lemonade.

 

[Walter White Walker]

Sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads.

 

[Anion]

Make a product with a useless internals he can copy and waste more money on and after some production, remove that wasteful internal thing

 

[shuri]

Plant an employee at their company for a couple of weeks, then have the employee fake a harassment suit against them

 

[Chariot]

Be a Penguin

 

[Pbae]

Buy a Banana costume. It's sure to vitalize your Banana Stand booth.

 

[Anion]

Or make youtube videos explaining not why your products are better but why other companies (his) have quality issues and show the defects and such

 

[ClosingADoor]

I take it seriously because I'm pretty sure we're in his crosshairs. Dramatic, yes, but considering he's purposefully targeting our regular customers, imitating our products, etc, I think I should take it seriously.

Ehm, that is business. Of course you target competitors customers, how else are you going to grow?

Do the same, undercut his prices where possible and offer better service.

 

[SteveWinwood]

I'm not. I know the guy very well. I'm not.

you probably are

 

[CassidyIzABeast]

You hire some goons to tell him to back down within the next week or they'll come back and bust his knee caps with a bat. Also warn him that if he goes to the police about this conversation they'll come back and bust his knee caps with a bat. Simple fix man.

 

[JABEE]

How big are you relative to your competition and the rest of the market? Can you afford to enter into price warfare? Who would give in first? How large is your share of the market? Do the other business offer comparable products in terms of customer value? You need to provide more information.

 

[ohkay]

You either have to just offer a flat out better product/service, or hopefully you have a monitary buffer to be able to compete with their prices

 

[Aquamarine]

You hire some goons to tell him to back down within the next week or they'll come back and bust his knee caps with a bat. Also warn him that if he goes to the police about this conversation they'll come back and bust his knee caps with a bat. Simple fix man.

I second this. Foolproof plan.

 

[Savitar]

You need a catchy theme song.

It needs to be set to 94% of all anime openings ever. You know, running too or away from something, looking up at the sky etc.

You need to have women be interested in you yet you never make a move for some reason.

You have to win via the power of friendship. Even those who hated you will find you so damn charming even if you get beaten down, you'll never give up and keep getting up and eventually they'll be on your side and lose a lot of what was so great about them in the first place.

Even if your considered to have no talent or capability people will be impressed by you.

You may have an odd hobby or two.

You will gain a teacher, sensei, Master.

The teacher will probably have a odd hobby or two.

One teacher shall eventually be considered a pervert despite all knowing and wise.

You will learn new abilities.

They are super effective!

Oh no, you have a new rival.

You use your moves.

They are super ineffective.

Time to train again young one.

Repeat.

Continue until people are sick of you.

A winner is you!

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Ehm, that is business. Of course you target competitors customers, how else are you going to grow?

Do the same, undercut his prices where possible and offer better service.

Which is what I'm doing currently, I just want to further and cut him off at the knees, metaphorically.

you probably are

There's a lot of bad blood between me and him, so I'm definitely not.

How big are you relative to your competition and the rest of the market?

Can you afford to enter into price warfare?

Who would give in first?

How large is your share of the market?

Does the other business offer comparable products in terms of customer value?

You need to provide more information.

Much bigger than him. In terms of the rest of the market, we're mid-range.

Yes.

He would if I got down and nasty, but I want to avoid that if possible.

Bigger than his, not the biggest in the market but growing.

Some products, yes. Other products, no.

 

[theechrisfox]

Turn him into TheGuyYouDoKill.

 

[JABEE]

Also, is your product inherently replicable like a software service? What is your company's core competencies and how are your products differentiated?

Is your only advantage pricing? Do you have a real cost advantage over your competition? These are the kinds of questions you should be asking.

 

[Kraftwerk]

Why should we give you advice on destroying someone else's business? This thread could be used as evidence to if you start manipulating shit.

Also, why the fuck should we help you? Just because you post on gaf, doesn't make you the good guy. What if you are the bad guy in this scenario, and trying to sabotage another persons honest business?

Screw you breh

 

[terrisus]

Find out who his suppliers are and negotiate and exclusive contract with you

This seems like the best option, short of just giving stuff away.

 

[TheChocolateWar]

This seems like the best option, short of just giving stuff away.

Just be careful, some states make that illegal.

 

[TheOMan]

1. Corporate Espionage
2. Exclusive supplier contracts (this may be expensive)
3. Bonuses for repeat customers
4. Shrewd marketing that implies his products and/or services are inferior
5. Offer something that he just cannot
6. Patent, then sue
7. Buy him out

 

[Faddy]

Send in an employee as a covert agent. They will take great delight at stealing one of your people but little do they know they are being set up.