It sounds like you kinda get me, which I appreciate. I am a sensitive guy, and I'm often better at expressing how I feel through actions rather than words.
Anyway, I did call her yesterday and left a voice mail, she got back to me today and says she'd like to meet for coffee before class, so we're going to do that tomorrow. I am obviously nervous, because I never feel like I know what to say when I'm simply wanting to get to know a girl better. I don't know how to be subtle, I only know how to say what I'm thinking, and what I want, which I know is the wrong approach.
I've been doing a lot of soul searching recently, and learned things about myself, whether it's through class or therapy. I've learned that I haven't always been a good listener, because I can often turn a conversation around because talking about yourself is always easier than remembering what someone else says. I hate that I've been that way, I want to actively listen to her, and find out more about her, but I don't know how to go about that still. I often fumble about topics in a conversation with anyone, because other than video games, I don't feel I know much about a lot of things.
Really happy for you man, and happy that you went with the coffee route.
Just remember, what you're dealing with isn't exclusive to you, or even uncommon. Try your best to be casual. Try to get to know her more, and learn what she's really like. If she asks about you be honest. It seems like you're into this girl, so honesty is great. You want her to know who you really are as well.
Just want to see what you guys say, I already have my answer. If a girl you know is constantly making the same joke that you should marry her, do you think its no longer a joke at that point? And by constantly I mean every single time you speak to her.
Just want to see what you guys say, I already have my answer. If a girl you know is constantly making the same joke that you should marry her, do you think its no longer a joke at that point? And by constantly I mean every single time you speak to her.
@Granadier
Hahah, yes, of course. In my case its a bit obvious because the girl in question already asked me out, I just happened to turn her down. Hence why I'm now wondering if the "joke" isn't just a manifestation of her insecurity.
Welp. My date with an old friend I haven't seen in five years just got canceled. Something came up for her that was unexpecting. Sucks. But we are rescheduling for next week. Just a funny coincidence.
Just want to see what you guys say, I already have my answer. If a girl you know is constantly making the same joke that you should marry her, do you think its no longer a joke at that point? And by constantly I mean every single time you speak to her.
@Granadier
Hahah, yes, of course. In my case its a bit obvious because the girl in question already asked me out, I just happened to turn her down. Hence why I'm now wondering if the "joke" isn't just a manifestation of her insecurity.
Just want to see what you guys say, I already have my answer. If a girl you know is constantly making the same joke that you should marry her, do you think its no longer a joke at that point? And by constantly I mean every single time you speak to her.
@Granadier
Hahah, yes, of course. In my case its a bit obvious because the girl in question already asked me out, I just happened to turn her down. Hence why I'm now wondering if the "joke" isn't just a manifestation of her insecurity.
Just want to see what you guys say, I already have my answer. If a girl you know is constantly making the same joke that you should marry her, do you think its no longer a joke at that point? And by constantly I mean every single time you speak to her.
Needless to say, it's very creepy and annoying. Her intentions are clear as day and it sounds like she really couldn't handle you turning her down. Why are you guys still hanging out? (serious question)
Welp. My date with an old friend I haven't seen in five years just got canceled. Something came up for her that was unexpecting. Sucks. But we are rescheduling for next week. Just a funny coincidence.
Not to be a debbie downer but last time someone cancelled a date on me because of something "unexpected" and we were planning to reschedule the date never happened. Just don't get your hopes up too much.
Just want to see what you guys say, I already have my answer. If a girl you know is constantly making the same joke that you should marry her, do you think its no longer a joke at that point? And by constantly I mean every single time you speak to her.
Sounds kinda psycho to me. Tell her to stop if its making you feel awkward and uncomfortable (it should be) and, if she doesn't, cut her off. Can't be dealing with that shit.
To be honest I don't mind the constant "marry me" stuff, its actually amusing. I'm the type that rarely feels awkward about relationship situations, it takes a lot to make me flinch. The only thing I fear is the fact that she's a good friend, hopefully this doesn't eventually create some kind of rift. Oh well, we'll see what happens!
To be honest I don't mind the constant "marry me" stuff, its actually amusing. I'm the type that rarely feels awkward about relationship situations, it takes a lot to make me flinch. The only thing I fear is the fact that she's a good friend, hopefully this doesn't eventually create some kind of rift. Oh well, we'll see what happens!
That does sound a bit weird, but I have a running in-joke with a Lady I work with, so I can relate to the "if it's funny". With that said, in my case, we made a 'back up plan' agreement, totally deadpan serious conversation (she is as blunt, honest and straight-shooting as I am haha).
But she is with her "ideal" partner, after a heap of long term relationships and they are getting married, so now it has turned into this joke about how I have to maintain a high standard for when we are older and she needs to hit me up hahaha! I got her a arm band made up (on my holiday to Thailand) that says " Backup Plan <3 ". She said it was "The best gift anyone has ever given me" and we all had a good laugh about it.
Not to be a debbie downer but last time someone cancelled a date on me because of something "unexpected" and we were planning to reschedule the date never happened. Just don't get your hopes up too much.
Nah it's legit. She sent me a pic of an email she got for one of her classes that said it was mandatory for the students to attend a study session because of bad test grades. So life happens. Lol
Nah it's legit. She sent me a pic of an email she got for one of her classes that said it was mandatory for the students to attend a study session because of bad test grades. So life happens. Lol
How successful can an introvert really be with dating or picking up a lot of women?
I am one myself, and several of my good friends are quite outgoing and talk a lot. Saves me a lot of trouble with conversation topics and such lol, but it really bothers me when I go out with them and I am the quietest one of the bunch with not much to say. I went to eat and get some drinks tonight, and it was the same thing again.
I feel like girls sometimes mistake my quietness for perhaps being not confident or having much of a personality. I want to overcome all this and be more outgoing. Just feels like it's the way I am and can't do much about it. Kind of bums me out when I hang out with my friends and it is so easy for them to just talk and keep conversations going.
Are there any tips or anything someone can suggest?
I feel like girls sometimes mistake my quietness for perhaps being not confident or having much of a personality. I want to overcome all this and be more outgoing. Just feels like it's the way I am and can't do much about it. Kind of bums me out when I hang out with my friends and it is so easy for them to just talk and keep conversations going.
Are there any tips or anything someone can suggest?
It's not so much a dating tip as a conversations tip, but take improv classes. Improv will (hopefully) teach you to listen and contribute meaningfully to conversations, and it's fun as heck ... hopefully. At least, it was for me.
Being able to fuck a lot of women means that you must have the courage to go up & talk to them (even complete strangers), engage them, make them laugh, etc. You have to not be afraid of failure/rejection, that you're ok with being out of your element. Because if your goal is to fuck a lot of ladies, then it's a numbers game. You have to keep trying & trying....
unless you sell drugs or have a lot of money
.
Having success with dating is another matter. With online dating & such, I imagine finding a GF can be fairly easy if you're willing to apply yourself (getting in shape, dressing well, landing a good job, etc.)
I feel like girls sometimes mistake my quietness for perhaps being not confident or having much of a personality. I want to overcome all this and be more outgoing. Just feels like it's the way I am and can't do much about it. Kind of bums me out when I hang out with my friends and it is so easy for them to just talk and keep conversations going.
Are there any tips or anything someone can suggest?
Not being able to, in a group setting with friends, contribute to the discussion / keep the conversation going actually does convey a lack of confidence on your part. I wouldn't call that a mistake on the girls' part. To me, it would seem like you either don't have anything to say, or you're afraid of saying something stupid and having people laugh at you. But hey, I'm usually pretty loud in a group setting :shrug
Just keep going out with your friends. Try to contribute to convos. Just keep trying would be my advice.
So, GAF, I kind of feel myself losing my self-confidence and will to put myself out there.
I've faced quite a bit of rejection since starting college. I've tried putting myself out there more than I usually do, which is not at all, and talking to girls more and asking for numbers, but either they have a boyfriend or it never amounts to anything.
Lately I've constantly been asking myself if there's something wrong with me. The situation makes me feel really unwanted, unattractive, lonely and just shitty all around. It has been kind of making me depressed just thinking about it.
So, I guess my question is, how do I shake this feeling and just move forward?
So, GAF, I kind of feel myself losing my self-confidence and will to put myself out there.
I've faced quite a bit of rejection since starting college. I've tried putting myself out there more than I usually do, which is not at all, and talking to girls more and asking for numbers, but either they have a boyfriend or it never amounts to anything.
Lately I've constantly been asking myself if there's something wrong with me. The situation makes me feel really unwanted, unattractive, lonely and just shitty all around. It has been kind of making me depressed just thinking about it.
So, I guess my question is, how do I shake this feeling and just move forward?
Hey Gaf,
I've been reading this thread and seen a lot of good advice given out so I thought i give it a shot. Bare with me since this is my first post. I recently just got out of a relationship. I met this girl back at the end of July. Her and I had very similar interests so we set up a date and hit it off. We ended up dating for a few more weeks and we are both super in to each other. She got out of a 4 and a half yr relationship in March and didn't really speak to the ex since. A couple weeks after we start dating he shows up out of the blue and proposes to her. She says no and they have a talk and she immediately calls me after. She wanted us to kind of put us on hold and be friends because she wasn't in the right state of mind and she didn't want the ex to linger around and ruin a good chance at a relationship. Most guys would say ok and probably end that, but this girl really meant something to me and I saw a future with her so i stuck around. Turns out 5 days later she calls me and opens up to me regretting ending things with me and she wants us to start seeing each other again and says the ex won't be a problem and shes 100% committed to me. This obviously puts a smile on my face and I go back to seeing her and we end up being in a relationship shortly after. After that everything was great, we both were extremely happy. The only thing I thought was weird was a conversation we had saying that she put a timeline on our relationship of a year and if it didn't progress it would be over. She didn't want to waste time since she was looking for something serious. We went for our first trip out of town which went well but the same day we get back she says we have to talk. She says i'm great, a really nice guy, perfect on paper for her but there is something missing. I forgot to mention she is 31 and she felt at this point in her life she wanted something serious, (which I was willing to give her) and if she was younger she could have overlooked this "missing piece" and dated me for 2-3 yrs and then broke up with me but she wanted to save me because I'm a really nice guy. She kept insisting that she wanted to be friends and says the ex did not play a role in this. To me this totally came out of left field and didn't know what to say. So we go our separate ways until the following week she calls me. I forgot we had a trip coming up for my birthday(that she paid my airfare for) with her friends and my friends. I was still going to go through with it and try to be friends with her, that's when she tells me she invited the ex. I asked her if they are getting back together and she says "maybe.. I think so". By now I am just furious over the whole situation considering that i was falling in love with this girl, and at least for me if she wanted to be my friend why would you invite the ex to help celebrate my birthday. She tells me she understands if I don't want to hang out and will still let me have my flight. I told her I just couldn't do it because it could just cause too many problems and we just wouldn't hang out, end of that.
So anyways Gaf, sorry for the long story but i had a couple of questions:
1) Do you think she wasn't fully over the ex and that played a role in the breakup simply because she got back with him literally less than a week after me?
2) Is it worth being friends with an ex? I mean she's an amazing girl and we have a lot in common but I've heard from different sources its good and bad.
3) Should I have saw the first time she broke it off with me as a sign? Im just trying to build and learn from past relationships to help with the next.
1) Do you think she wasn't fully over the ex and that played a role in the breakup simply because she got back with him literally less than a week after me?
2) Is it worth being friends with an ex? I mean she's an amazing girl and we have a lot in common but I've heard from different sources its good and bad.
3) Should I have saw the first time she broke it off with me as a sign? Im just trying to build and learn from past relationships to help with the next.
Maybe, but you couldn't have known to be sure. You wanted to give the thing a shot so you did.
And to be honest, if the ex is going, politely ask her to not go. Inviting the ex to your birthday after what she did is a bitch move and should not be tolerated.
IT WILL BOTHER YOU THE WHOLE TIME because she will most likely be banging the ex on the trip while you are heartbroken.
And to be honest, if the ex is going, politely ask her to not go. Inviting the ex to your birthday after what she did is a bitch move and should not be tolerated.
IT WILL BOTHER YOU THE WHOLE TIME because she will most likely be banging the ex on the trip while you are heartbroken.
yea it was a Vegas trip. Now its just basically a trip of her group and my group going our separate ways. I wasn't about to start drama especially with alcohol involved. It just astounds me she actually did that even after saying that she wants to be my friend and how important I am to her
yea it was a Vegas trip. Now its just basically a trip of her group and my group going our separate ways. I wasn't about to start drama especially with alcohol involved. It just astounds me she actually did that even after saying that she wants to be my friend and how important I am to her
yea it was a Vegas trip. Now its just basically a trip of her group and my group going our separate ways. I wasn't about to start drama especially with alcohol involved. It just astounds me she actually did that even after saying that she wants to be my friend and how important I am to her
1. She wasn't over her ex.
2. It can be at times, but given your attitude about it and how you're mad at her I'd say no.
Forcing it when she just upsets is pointless. I would cut all contact for now, set of you still want to be nothing but friends down the road.
3. Yes it should have been a sign. I'll also go further and say that if she's telling you want a nice guy you are then that relationship is doomed. No one says that unless they're trying to split. Nice guy and great on paper is just her trying to split.
I've never been good at approaching women unless we're in a bar and I've had a drink, or if it's been over the internet. My last two relationships started on Tumblr. But approaching a woman for the first time in real-life is something I'm terrible at. I have zero confidence. I have a stammer, I'm not overly attractive, I'm out of shape, and my depression/anxiety puts people off. How do I go about approaching a girl? I saw one today (who I've seen around regularly) but bottled out of talking to her. I want to try a more traditional method of meeting someone but I've no idea how.
It's not so much a dating tip as a conversations tip, but take improv classes. Improv will (hopefully) teach you to listen and contribute meaningfully to conversations, and it's fun as heck ... hopefully. At least, it was for me.
Being able to fuck a lot of women means that you must have the courage to go up & talk to them (even complete strangers), engage them, make them laugh, etc. You have to not be afraid of failure/rejection, that you're ok with being out of your element. Because if your goal is to fuck a lot of ladies, then it's a numbers game. You have to keep trying & trying....
unless you sell drugs or have a lot of money
.
Having success with dating is another matter. With online dating & such, I imagine finding a GF can be fairly easy if you're willing to apply yourself (getting in shape, dressing well, landing a good job, etc.)
Not being able to, in a group setting with friends, contribute to the discussion / keep the conversation going actually does convey a lack of confidence on your part. I wouldn't call that a mistake on the girls' part. To me, it would seem like you either don't have anything to say, or you're afraid of saying something stupid and having people laugh at you. But hey, I'm usually pretty loud in a group setting :shrug
Just keep going out with your friends. Try to contribute to convos. Just keep trying would be my advice.
Just want to see what you guys say, I already have my answer. If a girl you know is constantly making the same joke that you should marry her, do you think its no longer a joke at that point? And by constantly I mean every single time you speak to her.
@Granadier
Hahah, yes, of course. In my case its a bit obvious because the girl in question already asked me out, I just happened to turn her down. Hence why I'm now wondering if the "joke" isn't just a manifestation of her insecurity.
She sounds young and inexperienced. I think she is insecure but it's the usual situation where a girl who is not used to look for a guy's attention (because other guys are already giving her more then enough) doesn't know how to handle her interest for someone who doesn't catcall/ tries to buy her with gifts/ doesn't tell her his lifestory the minute she talks to him, is not trying to impress her with his "personality".
Sounds more cute than dangerous. I don't think this type of approach is similar to "you're such a good guy, you're such a nice guy, I should pick someone like you instead of...". I don't think she's being condescending.
How successful can an introvert really be with dating or picking up a lot of women?
I am one myself, and several of my good friends are quite outgoing and talk a lot. Saves me a lot of trouble with conversation topics and such lol, but it really bothers me when I go out with them and I am the quietest one of the bunch with not much to say. I went to eat and get some drinks tonight, and it was the same thing again.
I feel like girls sometimes mistake my quietness for perhaps being not confident or having much of a personality. I want to overcome all this and be more outgoing. Just feels like it's the way I am and can't do much about it. Kind of bums me out when I hang out with my friends and it is so easy for them to just talk and keep conversations going.
Are there any tips or anything someone can suggest?
Depends on what you mean for successful. If you mean sleeping with a lot of girls, that's complicated but to sum it up in a couple of words: to be an introvert and to get laid as much as a (successful) extrovert you need to be famous or VERY good looking, so that girls will be attracted to the "dark and stormy" side of your personality and make the first move.
If you mean relationships, then that's a whole different story.
The biggest issue when you are an introvert is to learn to spot girls who are addicted to guys who "don't talk" to them. They are the girls who point at you in front of your friends and say "why is he not talking?", which may seem like a way to put a guy's down and instead is possibly the biggest telltale sign of attention a girl can give you. They are the girls who hug you when they see you (again, another sign often mistaken as condescending: they see you as someone outcast/excluded and they want to "save" you) or keep asking questions about who you are and what you like (because they think you will really listen once they will do the same) or bump into you and look attentively to your reaction, or ask for a favour and look you in the eye with an intensity that you are going to remember for a long time.
The problem here is: you can't see this interest as a guarantee, meaning that if you start to see their interest boiling up before you unload (no pun intended) yourself on them and then dying down once they have talked to you, you can't in any way accuse the girl of being a tease. If you are quite and don't talk, but as soon as a girl talks to you you give her the story of your life and all the many reasons why you are so awesome, going on a two-three hour rant on "how much people don't understand me", then you can't blame her for seeing YOU as a tease because your silence and your humble demeanour was just a front. THIS, is where a lot of introverts fall short.
Don't trouble yourself with the confidence thing, it's pretty much irrelevant to them: girls who are attracted to introverts are looking for the thrill of discovery (of a unique personality) and to the challenge of make you dependent on them, in order to feel that they got to you for real because of how special THEY are.
My current partner and I met online a little over two years ago. The first time we had sex, she started crying in the middle of it. She was honest near the beginning about being depressed and having suicidal thoughts on and off. About 6 months into the relationship, she dropped out of college. Just a couple of weeks later, we found out she was pregnant (she was on the pill but we weren't using condoms). She decided to go through with the pregnancy, and her older sister and brother-in-law adopted the baby. We got engaged shortly after the baby was born (we'd been living together for a few months at that point).
Since then, we've barely had sex the anxiety and emotional complication from everything makes it hard for me to envision being intimate with her. She continues to be depressed, have suicidal thoughts and panic attacks, and hates her body (the pregnancy and resulting changes have contributed to this, but she had significant body image issues even before the pregnancy). She quit her job about half a year ago. She's recently applied to jobs and even been hired, but didn't follow through with it. Her friends either live back home or have moved away. Her mom lives below the poverty line and can't help her financially. She barely talks to her dad.
For a long time, I thought I would be able to handle things, that if I loved her and tried hard enough, it would work out. But now I truly believe it won't. As much as I do love her and wish that we could be happy together, I don't think that us staying together is good for either of us. Even if she were to recover, I don't think I could get over all the pain we've been through these past two years. Perhaps we could try to stay together and work towards being more healthy, but I don't want to dangle that hope in front of her and then realize later that I still wouldn't be happy. In addition, I think I need to be alone for a while. I'm finishing up with school and about to embark on the beginning of my career, which is going to take a lot of hard work and energy. I barely have the ability to take care of my two cats, so how can I take care of a person? Furthermore, this is the second very serious relationship that I've been in, and both have unhealthy similarities that tell me I need to figure some things out for myself.
I've never broken up with anyone before. I'm scared of what she might do. Has anyone out there ended a relationship with someone who was suicidal?
She sounds young and inexperienced. I think she is insecure but it's the usual situation where a girl who is not used to look for a guy's attention (because other guys are already giving her more then enough) doesn't know how to handle her interest for someone who doesn't catcall/ tries to buy her with gifts/ doesn't tell her his lifestory the minute she talks to him, is not trying to impress her with his "personality".
Sounds more cute than dangerous. I don't think this type of approach is similar to "you're such a good guy, you're such a nice guy, I should pick someone like you instead of...". I don't think she's being condescending.
Depends on what you mean for successful. If you mean sleeping with a lot of girls, that's complicated but to sum it up in a couple of words: to be an introvert and to get laid as much as a (successful) extrovert you need to be famous or VERY good looking, so that girls will be attracted to the "dark and stormy" side of your personality and make the first move.
If you mean relationships, then that's a whole different story.
The biggest issue when you are an introvert is to learn to spot girls who are addicted to guys who "don't talk" to them. They are the girls who point at you in front of your friends and say "why is he not talking?", which may seem like a way to put a guy's down and instead is possibly the biggest telltale sign of attention a girl can give you. They are the girls who hug you when they see you (again, another sign often mistaken as condescending: they see you as someone outcast/excluded and they want to "save" you) or keep asking questions about who you are and what you like (because they think you will really listen once they will do the same) or bump into you and look attentively to your reaction, or ask for a favour and look you in the eye with an intensity that you are going to remember for a long time.
The problem here is: you can't see this interest as a guarantee, meaning that if you start to see their interest boiling up before you unload (no pun intended) yourself on them and then dying down once they have talked to you, you can't in any way accuse the girl of being a tease. If you are quite and don't talk, but as soon as a girl talks to you you give her the story of your life and all the many reasons why you are so awesome, going on a two-three hour rant on "how much people don't understand me", then you can't blame her for seeing YOU as a tease because your silence and your humble demeanour was just a front. THIS, is where a lot of introverts fall short.
Don't trouble yourself with the confidence thing, it's pretty much irrelevant to them: girls who are attracted to introverts are looking for the thrill of discovery (of a unique personality) and to the challenge of make you dependent on them, in order to feel that they got to you for real because of how special THEY are.
Depends on what you mean for successful. If you mean sleeping with a lot of girls, that's complicated but to sum it up in a couple of words: to be an introvert and to get laid as much as a (successful) extrovert you need to be famous or VERY good looking, so that girls will be attracted to the "dark and stormy" side of your personality and make the first move.
If you mean relationships, then that's a whole different story.
The biggest issue when you are an introvert is to learn to spot girls who are addicted to guys who "don't talk" to them. They are the girls who point at you in front of your friends and say "why is he not talking?", which may seem like a way to put a guy's down and instead is possibly the biggest telltale sign of attention a girl can give you. They are the girls who hug you when they see you (again, another sign often mistaken as condescending: they see you as someone outcast/excluded and they want to "save" you) or keep asking questions about who you are and what you like (because they think you will really listen once they will do the same) or bump into you and look attentively to your reaction, or ask for a favour and look you in the eye with an intensity that you are going to remember for a long time.
The problem here is: you can't see this interest as a guarantee, meaning that if you start to see their interest boiling up before you unload (no pun intended) yourself on them and then dying down once they have talked to you, you can't in any way accuse the girl of being a tease. If you are quite and don't talk, but as soon as a girl talks to you you give her the story of your life and all the many reasons why you are so awesome, going on a two-three hour rant on "how much people don't understand me", then you can't blame her for seeing YOU as a tease because your silence and your humble demeanour was just a front. THIS, is where a lot of introverts fall short.
Don't trouble yourself with the confidence thing, it's pretty much irrelevant to them: girls who are attracted to introverts are looking for the thrill of discovery (of a unique personality) and to the challenge of make you dependent on them, in order to feel that they got to you for real because of how special THEY are.
This is good advice. Remember being quiet doesn't mean you are boring or weak. It can be powerful and mysterious. It just depends on the presentation. Body language has a massive effect on this.
More general advice for introverts is to try and do more work/volunteering where you have to talk to people. For example, assisting at conferences, open days, events, charity functions etc. I think it is a good way to get used to talking and listening to people in an environment with very little consequence. You can practice body language as well - what elicits good reactions and how best to approach different kinds of people.
After initial problems you really just get used to it. It also has professional advantages but that is less relevant for dating. I think social skills are key to dating (and life in general) and are something that requires constant practice.
Not sure if any of you remember a while back, but I had an old fling reach out to me about a month ago. We went on a date, went great. Asked her out again for this weekend - she said yes!
Stole an idea from this thread - we're doing ice skating in Bryant Park, followed by dinner/shops after. Did anyone follow through with those date plans? How did it go? Worried about wait times on a Friday night..
Hey guys, I'm new to the topic but just wanted to put it out there that I have been actively practicing polyamory since age 15 (so about 12 years now). If anyone has any questions surrounding that sort of stuff, please feel free.
I've never been good at approaching women unless we're in a bar and I've had a drink, or if it's been over the internet. My last two relationships started on Tumblr. But approaching a woman for the first time in real-life is something I'm terrible at. I have zero confidence. I have a stammer, I'm not overly attractive, I'm out of shape, and my depression/anxiety puts people off. How do I go about approaching a girl? I saw one today (who I've seen around regularly) but bottled out of talking to her. I want to try a more traditional method of meeting someone but I've no idea how.
My current partner and I met online a little over two years ago. The first time we had sex, she started crying in the middle of it. She was honest near the beginning about being depressed and having suicidal thoughts on and off. About 6 months into the relationship, she dropped out of college. Just a couple of weeks later, we found out she was pregnant (she was on the pill but we weren't using condoms). She decided to go through with the pregnancy, and her older sister and brother-in-law adopted the baby. We got engaged shortly after the baby was born (we'd been living together for a few months at that point).
Since then, we've barely had sex the anxiety and emotional complication from everything makes it hard for me to envision being intimate with her. She continues to be depressed, have suicidal thoughts and panic attacks, and hates her body (the pregnancy and resulting changes have contributed to this, but she had significant body image issues even before the pregnancy). She quit her job about half a year ago. She's recently applied to jobs and even been hired, but didn't follow through with it. Her friends either live back home or have moved away. Her mom lives below the poverty line and can't help her financially. She barely talks to her dad.
For a long time, I thought I would be able to handle things, that if I loved her and tried hard enough, it would work out. But now I truly believe it won't. As much as I do love her and wish that we could be happy together, I don't think that us staying together is good for either of us. Even if she were to recover, I don't think I could get over all the pain we've been through these past two years. Perhaps we could try to stay together and work towards being more healthy, but I don't want to dangle that hope in front of her and then realize later that I still wouldn't be happy. In addition, I think I need to be alone for a while. I'm finishing up with school and about to embark on the beginning of my career, which is going to take a lot of hard work and energy. I barely have the ability to take care of my two cats, so how can I take care of a person? Furthermore, this is the second very serious relationship that I've been in, and both have unhealthy similarities that tell me I need to figure some things out for myself.
I've never broken up with anyone before. I'm scared of what she might do. Has anyone out there ended a relationship with someone who was suicidal?
Since it's Thanksgiving, I just wanted to take a minute to say thank you to the people in this thread who've consistently given excellent advice (and appropriate criticism) and who seem to genuinely care about people they've never even met. Minamu, stn, septimus, Tsukumo, Evilore; you guys are awesome
I've been on more dates in the past 12 months than the previous 27 years combined, I'm happier and more confident than I've ever been, and I entered my first real serious relationship about 2 months ago. And it's directly attributed to the advice ITT.
Anyway, last week was the worst. One of my best friends (let's call her Mary-Kate) recently moved to a dorm and I was invited to their bi-yearly costume party. The theme was "sexual fantasies" and I dressed up as a mechanic with a huge... wrench. Went with a friend and we met up with some other dudes he knows from uni. Mary-Kate didn't show up until much later because she was at a different party first but we were quickly joined by her twin sister (Ashley). I had met her only 4-5 times before and she's pretty fun but I didn't exactly expect what followed. She basically jumped at me, we agreed on taking a trip to Namibia and ended up getting tied together with the pair of handcuffs that were part of her prisoner costume. She made no effort to uncuff me and this is how we spent half of the evening, hanging around, dancing etc. That said, we were both pretty loaded so I didn't think too much of it until she started being more direct physically and suggestive (she was thinking loud whether she should go home or come to my place and how we should take only one room in Namibia because it'd be cheaper). Things were about to escalate when whe basically dragged me to her sister's room (she had the keys) and closed the door behind her. So now me and Ashley are sitting on Mary-Kate's bed, talking and I'm internally screaming, not knowing what to do. Well, I technically knew what to do but I was conflicted. First off, by that time I was already sobering up (had to work early the next day) while she was even more drunk than earlier so it felt like I was taking advantage of her. The handcuffs didn't help either. Second, she's the sister of a friend and we were in her room. Third, I didn't really expect to get any action that evening and I had no raincoats with me anyway. While the gears are turning in the back of my mind she uncuffs me, says she has to go to the bathroom and tells me to wait there. Not that I had much of a choice, she locked the door. Now I'm freaking out, knowing that I have to do something. The door opens and to my horror it's not Ashley who returns but Mary-Kate, also pretty loaded. She doesn't think much of it, and sits down (it's her room after all) and says that her feet are killing her. What I did next was pretty damn stupid but it seemed like the only logical thing to do back then. As I said, I was freaking out. I give her a foot massage. Of course, seconds later Ashley enters the room, sees her Mary-Kate ("what are you doing here?"), sees me in full on massage mode ("and what are YOU doing?!"). Needless to say, I didn't have to worry about what to do anymore that evening. I think she ended up making out with a friend for a bit but she says she doesn't remember it anymore, like most of what happened. I met her again to discuss Namibia but didn't bring up that episode in Mary-Kate's room so I'm not sure where to go from here. As I said, she's cool but I can't imagine anything long-term. She's a heavy smoker and that's pretty much a no-no(-ok-but-only-once) in my book. And there's that twin sister thing. Anything involving her would be a one-off or friends with benefits thing. Not that I think she's interested in more (or even that much anymore lmao).
I met her today and she said she'd call me after she finishes work at midnight so I could come over to her place. She lives in another town so she told me to take the car. I said it's my dad's and that he needs it the next day. She said it doesn't matter, I can't stay over anyway since she needs to get up early.
Since it's Thanksgiving, I just wanted to take a minute to say thank you to the people in this thread who've consistently given excellent advice (and appropriate criticism) and who seem to genuinely care about people they've never even met. Minamu, stn, septimus, Tsukumo, Evilore; you guys are awesome
I've been on more dates in the past 12 months than the previous 27 years combined, I'm happier and more confident than I've ever been, and I entered my first real serious relationship about 2 months ago. And it's directly attributed to the advice ITT.
Hey man, thank you so much! Really happy to hear a success story, nice to know I'm being helpful to someone. Now if I could only use my own advice and help myself, lol.
I've never been good at approaching women unless we're in a bar and I've had a drink, or if it's been over the internet. My last two relationships started on Tumblr. But approaching a woman for the first time in real-life is something I'm terrible at. I have zero confidence. I have a stammer, I'm not overly attractive, I'm out of shape, and my depression/anxiety puts people off. How do I go about approaching a girl? I saw one today (who I've seen around regularly) but bottled out of talking to her. I want to try a more traditional method of meeting someone but I've no idea how.
Approaching people in random situations (people you see about but don't know) is hard. I wish I knew the answer! There are a couple of people I like the look of myself...
As for alternate methods, besides online dating... Try going to a bar with a friend who is more extroverted? Use them to approach people? Sometimes can be effective.
I met her today and she said she'd call me after she finishes work at midnight so I could come over to her place. She lives in another town so she told me to take the car. I said it's my dad's and that he needs it the next day. She said it doesn't matter, I can't stay over anyway since she needs to get up early.
This seems kind of pointless to pursue. I mean, I guess if you wanted to have sex it'll be alright. I can tell you that this Namibia thing isn't going to happen.
This seems kind of pointless to pursue. I mean, I guess if you wanted to have sex it'll be alright. I can tell you that this Namibia thing isn't going to happen.
Oh it definitely isn't. I wasn't clear in my original post but I'm not planning to go with her to Namibia anyway and told her as much. Again, I never thought about this turning into a relationship but something purely physical. When I said that I met her it was spontaneously at university because she sent me a message asking if I was around. She was pretty direct about me coming over, which took me by surprise but I played along with it to find out whether she was serious or not. Seems she wasn't because...
...around 9PM I wrote her to ask if I should bring something to see if she was being serious or not. Told me to bring potato chips so I went out to get some (and beer) like a fucking chump. Waited until midnight. Nothing. Waited until half past midnight. Still nothing so I went to bed. She still hasn't written (she's on a radio program until around 4PM anyway) and neither have I because the only thing I want to tell her is that she owes me money for the fucking chips because nobody is going to eat that shit smh.
So she's either just messing with me or on some fickle-ass shit.
edit: I hit her up against better judgement and now she says she was waiting for me?!
Approaching people in random situations (people you see about but don't know) is hard. I wish I knew the answer! There are a couple of people I like the look of myself...
As for alternate methods, besides online dating... Try going to a bar with a friend who is more extroverted? Use them to approach people? Sometimes can be effective.
What helped me was seeing it as a game. Just go in with a mindset that you are already rejected and have nothing to lose. I usually troll every girl in a fun way.
If you can make them laugh, you are in. If they don't laugh they are usually not fun to begin with. Just move on.
Last week i used the following. I approached a set of girls and said to one in a very positive / semi-cocky way:
"Hey i know you! I swiped you on tinder but you didnt swipe me back! Why wouldnt you swipe me back?! You are a mean girl!"
Anyone ever run across the awkward situation where they find a good match on a dating site that turns out to actually be a friend you haven't seen in a while?
I realized one of the profiles I liked (with about an 85-90% rating) recently on OKC was a friend I hadn't seen in about a year. I immediately felt awkward once I realized it, unlinked her profile and logged out (and haven't logged back in since; I probably will tonight as the holidays have kept me busy.)
I also made the mistake of telling another friend (who doesn't know her at all) about it, and his response has been "Dude, go for it!" I am not planning to do that because how the heck do I even explain that situation? I don't think you can without coming across like a creep, lol.
Started my first internship last week and met a pretty cute girl who's also doing her first internship. Haven't talked a lot with her but she's nice and I got her to laugh a couple of times. Still ain't got the balls to ask her out though for 3 reasons, one I'd rather get to know her a little better, 2nd reason is I just ain't got the balls xD and the third one being that she's 17 and I'm 23.
Some of you guys might remember me from last year where there was a girl in my class I had a crush on but ended up having a crush on someone else, and boy did I end up dodging a bullet there. Girl ended up being fucking psycho and creating fake pregnancies for no fucking reason.
Started my first internship last week and met a pretty cute girl who's also doing her first internship. Haven't talked a lot with her but she's nice and I got her to laugh a couple of times. Still ain't got the balls to ask her out though for 3 reasons, one I'd rather get to know her a little better, 2nd reason is I just ain't got the balls xD and the third one being that she's 17 and I'm 23.
I'd be worried about the legality of that first. What's the age of consent in your country/state?
It's never easy to ask out colleagues (and I'm glad I never had to deal with that) but depending on how long either of your's internships lasts it might be worth a shot.
On the other hand, and sorry if this sounds condescending, but I have rarely met a 17 year old I could relate to. Hell, at 24 I find most people under 20 year old to be rather annoying in how naive they are. So it might not be such a bad idea to wait first.
Some of you guys might remember me from last year where there was a girl in my class I had a crush on but ended up having a crush on someone else, and boy did I end up dodging a bullet there. Girl ended up being fucking psycho and creating fake pregnancies for no fucking reason.
So it really just turns out that both of us were too proud to call the other. She even apologized, saying that we need to work on our communication.
I'd be worried about the legality of that first. What's the age of consent in your country/state?
It's never easy to ask out colleagues (and I'm glad I never had to deal with that) but depending on how long either of your's internships lasts it might be worth a shot.
it's 1 day a week for roughly 16 weeks in total.We're both doing different subjects, so the only time we get chance to talk is during our breaks.
On the other hand, and sorry if this sounds condescending, but I have rarely met a 17 year old I could relate to. Hell, at 24 I find most people under 20 year old to be rather annoying in how naive they are. So it might not be such a bad idea to wait first.
I completely understand, it's also why I'd love to talk with her some more in order to get to know her better. I gotta say though that with this study I can actually have pretty decent / serious conversations with most 17 - 20 year old, which kinda surprised me.
Yea, she ended up being insane. Apparently she liked an exchange student, and in order to try and keep him here she started saying she was pregnant, she was also caught for plagiarism during the entire semester.
I'm in a weird situation here. I'm not sure if anyone remembers me from the last threads but the short story is I had no experience with girls.
A few nights ago that changed. I met a friend of a friend's friend, we hit it off, went back to her place, and got everything over and done with. I'm not going to bore you with the details because they're not important.
What is important is that this isn't a one-time thing. We've talked a lot and decided to meet again on Wednesday... but I'm not entirely sure where to meet.
Should I treat it as a first date and just get coffee or lunch/dinner? Or something more and go into the city? If it was a friend I'd just invite them over but I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do here.
Essentially II don't know where I stand. Any advice?
