Evil Monkey DTT
Banned
So if you are having sex because you feel like you "should" you are doing it for the wrong reasons......... GOD DAMN IT, I wanted to be a wizard! Why does harry potter get both ;_;
When you hit 30 as a virgin, you become a wizard. But what kind of wizard?
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Wreck-It Ralph
Member
96% in my age range? Jesus christ, I'm more of a loser than I thought.
you're not a loser man.
97% in mine.
why don't the people in virgin GAF come together to fulfill each others dreams where possible? ;P
Also, are you guys resolutely against prostitution, or still in the mindset that one -has- to have an emotional connection to enjoy sex? It's cool if you're against it from a moral point of view or whatever to each their own, but if you have no such objection it is quite an effective and enjoyable alternative for those who have problems or barriers to finding sex partners irl.
Obviously if it's illegal where you are it's more complicated and dangerous, so be safe
Also, are you guys resolutely against prostitution, or still in the mindset that one -has- to have an emotional connection to enjoy sex? It's cool if you're against it from a moral point of view or whatever to each their own, but if you have no such objection it is quite an effective and enjoyable alternative for those who have problems or barriers to finding sex partners irl.
Obviously if it's illegal where you are it's more complicated and dangerous, so be safe
It's not so much about the act itself but the lack of mutual sexual attraction (perceived or real) and what it implies. It all comes down to feeling undesired and it's not something that prostitution helps with.
A few people say things along the lines of "Why not just have sex?" and it ends up coming across as hurtful, because it simplifies sex and reinforces the idea that the lack of desirability is the only reason you haven't experienced it.
A friend of mine always says i still am one because "i don't put enough effort into it".
Just recently i realized it's so true: i often find girls i'm attracted to, and if it happens to casually chat it looks like i always pass as fun or nice, and i've got no problems in setting "meetings" to study together or similar.
But when it comes to actually ask out, or hooking up a stranger, before it was only fear and anxiety, now it' also not wanting to, either because it's too much of an hassle or because i don't want to adapt to "asking out and dating rules".
Plus, the fact that i never met a girl avaible to do the reverse doesn't help.
I'm costantly going from "i don't care i'm okay as i am atm, plus i get to be a mage!" to "jee i'm so lonely and horny, and i don't want to be a mage!", which is kinda frustrating, more than the actual being a virgin.
Just recently i realized it's so true: i often find girls i'm attracted to, and if it happens to casually chat it looks like i always pass as fun or nice, and i've got no problems in setting "meetings" to study together or similar.
But when it comes to actually ask out, or hooking up a stranger, before it was only fear and anxiety, now it' also not wanting to, either because it's too much of an hassle or because i don't want to adapt to "asking out and dating rules".
Plus, the fact that i never met a girl avaible to do the reverse doesn't help.
I'm costantly going from "i don't care i'm okay as i am atm, plus i get to be a mage!" to "jee i'm so lonely and horny, and i don't want to be a mage!", which is kinda frustrating, more than the actual being a virgin.
Wreck-It Ralph
Member
I'd totally do it, but it's illegal where I live and I'm so unlucky that I'd undoubtedly get arrested, plus I have no money.
I agree with this so much. In my thread about my friends having a party without me, several people said something along the lines of, "Just go to a bar and get laid," and I just don't understand how going out and getting laid is seen as trivial to some people when it's something I've been trying unsuccessfully to do for my entire life.
-Stranger-
Junior Member
Don't beat yourself up man
I'm 25 and I often think how my life could've turned out different if I hadn't met my current gf by chance, i could possibly still be a virgin.
Now I've slept with her probably 1000 times and we have two kids.
What I'm trying to say is you just have to meet the right person.
Put yourself out there, if any of your mates have girls they hang with chat them up.
I mean I get it. It doesn't work for everyone. But it has been shown to work for some people who were previously virgins. There is an immediate sense of relief amongst older virgins who feel like some social pressure is removed from the mix and that they can confidently state they have had sex and move on with their lives even if they don't have another partner. Sort of like crossing something off a Bucket List, I think. And it's a lot of fun, if you can detach yourself from the feeling of not being desired (which obviously is a lot easier said than done).
As for me, I don't say "why not just have sex" to individuals who are virgins. For one, I may not be a virgin, but I have fought with social anxiety and depression throughout my 20s as a result of a particular event when I was 18. Due to this, I can relate to the mental barriers others have because I put many of my own in my way that made me miss out on many great opportunities. My issue wasn't with sex, but I can easily connect that feeling to what one might feel like if sex were the problem.
A lot of times people will say "well just go out there and meet someone" to a virgin, and of course there's so much baggage with that statement. If a person lacks self confidence or has anxiety, for example, it's infinitely easier said than done to simply walk up to someone and try to gain a date. If someone feels they're ugly or, worse, has had the thought that they're ugly pretty much confirmed by others around them, there's no amount of convincing someone is going to be able to do to tell them to "get over it." It's a hard, hard thing to move beyond and then still yet have the confidence to pursue a relationship when you passionately feel the odds are stacked against you.
There are support groups for that sort of things, and of course if you have a particular type of personality, you may want to try to join groups where people have similar interests as your own (for example, I know some people who are into D&D joined local D&D groups through Meet Up and met someone there and entered sexual relationships in that way. These people were never successful with girls until they met someone who shared their own passions, and they found a way through the anxiety with what they shared).
But the three things I usually say that can help is:
+ Lower the standards. Sex is fun, but if you do feel you're ugly you have to be willing to aim at others within a "ugly" range. A common study that was done on sexuality had a list of people who were rated by people who took a survey on a scale of beauty from 1-10. Then these people had to go into a room with a group and try to "match up" with someone that appealed to them. Perhaps unsurprisingly, almost all the couples matched up based closely to the way people ranked them in the scale - 6s with 6s, for example. Usually people they chose were within one or two points of where they were ranked. It may sound superficial, and unfortunately a lot of this stuff is, but if one is willing to be realistic about their proposition, it opens up a whole lot of doors.
+ Put aside the thought of sexuality needing to be some deep, meaningful exchange. It can be that, but it doesn't have to be. And more importantly, it's far easier to have to confidence to pursue a round two if you have had sex once or twice and so on and so forth. In other words, if you can just make it to that first time - perhaps by being a bit more flexible than you're used to - you may find your self esteem has risen to the point it's easier to meet someone else.
+ Getting a great makeover does wonders. I cannot tell you the number of times someone was just not appealing due to hygiene issues, old and fashionably disastrous outfits or grotesque haircuts. It won't fix everyone, but having an adequate "look" where you seem confident in your skin can definitely raise your rank in the eyes of others by a few points. As an aside, you may need to "makeover" your personality for a session if you just want to finally have sex. I don't mean don't be yourself per say, but I do mean you have to accept that most people don't want to go on a first date and hear someone talk about their favorite videogames for two hours. It's nice if you know the person you're bringing on a date is into those same things, but most of the time people are not going to be so fortunate on a first date.
Anyway, of course, sex should never define someone's life. I hope no one who is a virgin at 30 thinks they have failed somehow, but I know many do. That's really sad. And it's definitely society's fault for putting this issue on a pedestal and shaming people who are virgins. It's one of the most universally made fun of issues, down to the fact that many popular comedies have been made about the subject (American Pie, 40 Year Old Virgin). And that can destroy people's individual confidence. And it's a self destructive cycle... the more one sees this sort of attitude, the more they believe they are somehow inadequate.
It's a fucked up world sometimes to say the least
I see three reasons why you would have sex: pleasure, children, and societal pressure. None of those three apply to me.
Honestly, I tried a fleshlight a couple of times... My penis ended up going completely numb - like the same feeling you get in your hand when you lie on it for some time... I used plenty of lube too so it couldn't have been that it was too tight or something. After testing some with my hands, I notice that there is a certain threshold of firmness where my penis just goes numb. Plus, due to a jaw surgery I lost all feeling in my lips. Kissing is supposed to be so important, but I can't even feel anything with my lips. So, there goes having sex for pleasure (and it feels really weird to ejaculate when your penis is numb).
The second reason to have sex would be to have children. However, I really dislike kids and frankly don't have the money to support one right now anyway.
The final reason to lose sex is to get rid of the stigma society places on virgins. I'm a loner by nature. When I'm done with work, I avoid humanity the best I can. I play videogames, I read books, watch tv, and I go for long hikes (I know where to go to avoid the crowds). Anything I can do with little to no human interaction, I do. I'm an Introvert, I thrive when I'm by myself (yes, I suppose I need some human interaction - but, that is what my 8 hour work day supplies). Work is the only place where I interact with people, but it isn't the kind of place you talk about sex. GAF is the only place where I could even feel the pressure to lose my virginity.
However, I honestly just find threads like these to be amusing. They don't pressure me to lose my virginity. I read them, laugh at some of the posts from some of the people (both virgins and non virgins alike) and continue on with my day.
Honestly, I tried a fleshlight a couple of times... My penis ended up going completely numb - like the same feeling you get in your hand when you lie on it for some time... I used plenty of lube too so it couldn't have been that it was too tight or something. After testing some with my hands, I notice that there is a certain threshold of firmness where my penis just goes numb. Plus, due to a jaw surgery I lost all feeling in my lips. Kissing is supposed to be so important, but I can't even feel anything with my lips. So, there goes having sex for pleasure (and it feels really weird to ejaculate when your penis is numb).
The second reason to have sex would be to have children. However, I really dislike kids and frankly don't have the money to support one right now anyway.
The final reason to lose sex is to get rid of the stigma society places on virgins. I'm a loner by nature. When I'm done with work, I avoid humanity the best I can. I play videogames, I read books, watch tv, and I go for long hikes (I know where to go to avoid the crowds). Anything I can do with little to no human interaction, I do. I'm an Introvert, I thrive when I'm by myself (yes, I suppose I need some human interaction - but, that is what my 8 hour work day supplies). Work is the only place where I interact with people, but it isn't the kind of place you talk about sex. GAF is the only place where I could even feel the pressure to lose my virginity.
However, I honestly just find threads like these to be amusing. They don't pressure me to lose my virginity. I read them, laugh at some of the posts from some of the people (both virgins and non virgins alike) and continue on with my day.
exmachina64
Banned
This is pretty true. I know a woman near the age of 50 who is still a virgin and hasn't had much luck with relationships. She's expressed sentiments similar to many of the men in this thread and she's given up looking for a relationship and trying to find happiness within one.
Of course. But a lot of those women would probably be willing to be with those guys.
TheGraykid
Member
I think some people would like to have sex as part of a healthy intimate romantic relationship with someone else. And I also don't really see using a fleshlight as that comparable to sex with an actual person. Last thing, beyond just being pleasurable, sex is fun, it's a fun thing to do. Beyond anything my penis feels, getting somebody else off is just really fun. However I'm glad you have that sort of attitude about your virginity.
Have they lowered their standards for some reason?
speculawyer
Member
Expected the GMOD video, got what I expected.
PhoenixDark
Banned
Outside of religion or mental health issues there really isn't an excuse to be 25 and a virgin. How someone could go through college without smashing once baffles me.
Here's some advice. Just get the damn monkey off your back. If you can't function at a bar or party setting go to Backpage. Use usasexguide to determine who is real. Bang someone. Return to your normal life.
Here's some advice. Just get the damn monkey off your back. If you can't function at a bar or party setting go to Backpage. Use usasexguide to determine who is real. Bang someone. Return to your normal life.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Come on, bro. You know I'm gonna tell her that.
Sexual experience (or lack thereof) is not intrinsically tied to your self worth despite some members' insistence to the contrary.
The fuck are you talking about????? Excuse me for not being smooth with the ladies. I hate people that think like you. It's not so simple man.
From what sample group is that? I'm not a fan of studies. But yes people have sex, just not all of us sadly. I can't see my situation changing. I'm becoming jaded too. I guess that's sort of a good thing.
why not both?
What's baffling is that this is actually how you think.
protonion
Member
I lost my virginity kind of late (25-26 iirc).
Being an only child and kind of a loner I had trouble with relationships-romantic or not.
I wanted to have sex so bad.
I remember many horny mornings I wanted to smash my head on the wall. I couldn't wait any longer. I also had accepted that I'd die a virgin.
So I paid! It was extremely difficult for many reasons and I consider it a personal victory. Best decision of my life. I still cry for the lost years.
Now at 31. Closing to 50 women (many of them as hot as women can be). I want to reach 100 in a couple of years.
Girlfriends in between. Psychology fixed.
Just do it!
I now it can be hard. I was there. DO IT!
At least in Europe it is so easy with the xxxbars/houses etc.
If you ever come to Greece msg me. I'll get you laid
Being an only child and kind of a loner I had trouble with relationships-romantic or not.
I wanted to have sex so bad.
I remember many horny mornings I wanted to smash my head on the wall. I couldn't wait any longer. I also had accepted that I'd die a virgin.
So I paid! It was extremely difficult for many reasons and I consider it a personal victory. Best decision of my life. I still cry for the lost years.
Now at 31. Closing to 50 women (many of them as hot as women can be). I want to reach 100 in a couple of years.
Girlfriends in between. Psychology fixed.
Just do it!
I now it can be hard. I was there. DO IT!
At least in Europe it is so easy with the xxxbars/houses etc.
If you ever come to Greece msg me. I'll get you laid
What the fuck is this bullshit.
Manmademan
Member
I lost my virginity kind of late (25-26 iirc).
Being an only child and kind of a loner I had trouble with relationships-romantic or not.
I wanted to have sex so bad.
I remember many horny mornings I wanted to smash my head on the wall. I couldn't wait any longer. I also had accepted that I'd die a virgin.
So I paid! It was extremely difficult for many reasons and I consider it a personal victory. Best decision of my life. I still cry for the lost years.
Now at 31. Closing to 50 women (many of them as hot as women can be). I want to reach 100 in a couple of years.
Girlfriends in between. Psychology fixed.
Just do it!
I now it can be hard. I was there. DO IT!
At least in Europe it is so easy with the xxxbars/houses etc.
If you ever come to Greece msg me. I'll get you laid
Backpage is a thing in most of the US. Browse the listings, pick a woman, she shows up at your house. It's about as dead simple as simple gets.
Corronchilejano
Member
Western society and its fixation on sex.
You sure about that? Sounds like you're treating women as sexual objects what with you keeping score like a football game.
Crash Station
Member
My mom is friends with a book club that almost entirely consists of 50+ year old virgin women. One has an adopted daughter and is dreading giving her "the talk" as she's never experienced what she'd be giving advice about.
It's more common than you think.
Out of Working Order
Member
It's not just that one aspect. Nothing has worked out. They are all linked though - social failure has lead to depression, which has lead to shutting myself away/feeling like I am incapable of furthering myself job-wise - just a crushing sense of low self worth.
You mean people actually feel bad because they've yet to experience intimacy on any sort of level at age 25 plus? Who would have thought?
This is why I have to roll my eyes when people say 'well, sex isn't the be-all end-all of life'. No, it isn't. But these are people who are having sex. It's a big part of what makes us feel like normal functioning adults.
Getting sex I would imagine makes people feel that they're attractive and desirable on some level, even if they're not Brad Pitt or Angelena Jolie. People who have it in their teens enter their 20's knowing they are attractive at the very least to some people, so they can go about their lives without that doubt in their mind turning into a crippling source of low self esteem as the years go by.
I'd like to experience it. But the odds are so slim at this point as to feel nonexistent. How do you reconcile the fact that you'll never have sex or enjoy a romantic relationship, at age 30, when most people have had loads of fun with various partners throughout their teens and 20's, and are now settling down to start families with partners they love, and start the next phase of their lives? I never got off the starting grid.
Sectorseven
Member
Try to think about this on a more fundamental level. You are the product of thousands of generations of men who had sex at least once in their life, which means your DNA, your looks, your personality, your skills, the entire sum of your parts has value to the opposite gender. You are in fact, on some level, a stronger and therefore more desirable individual than your forefathers. So why is it inconceivable that you too can't procreate?
Cizeta-Moroder
Banned
Evolution is a lot of trial and error.
Crash Station
Member
Heh, called my grandma to wish her a happy new year and a happy birthday and the first thing she says is "When are you going to get a girlfriend and get your D wet? J Date is calling you!" Exact words.
freenudemacusers
Member
what about 22 tho
You're not a virgin?
Yeah. It's always the people who've had plenty of GF and sexual experiences since 13 that say sex is not important while forgetting it's not just that. How about you let me make that decision on my own. You've had tons.
Same for the ones that don't understand how someone can be a virgin and should just go get laid.
I feel the same about your last point. It's scary to me that i still don't have a type of girl that i like. People my age figured that out in their early 20's probably.
PsihoPerihelion
Member
I never thought people got all depressed about this kind of shit. I lost mine with a cousine and it was pretty fucking bad. Sex on the beach, both drunk and all that. I'm 25 now and sex is something that I've done just a couple of times in life because A- I suck at relationships (my longest relation lasted a whole month) and B- I don't like one night stands. Sorry, you horny, sexual frat-guys who would even fuck your grandma but some of us like to fuck people we love (except for my cousine story but forget that)
Don't worry about losing it at a late age. You are all wonderful creatures to me.
Don't worry about losing it at a late age. You are all wonderful creatures to me.
I mean, how you gonna come in here talking about fucking your cousin in one breath, then try and say some weird shit about people willing to fuck anybody. This almost beat "I'm better at sex even though I never had any" guy lmfao.
PsihoPerihelion
Member
It was my first time. Maybe having drunk sex with someone I did not care about made think that I better not do that again and from now I'd rather fuck actual girls that I care/like/love? I mean, it's not rocket science or anything.
Edit:I was 16 when it happened, btw.
Cantstandya
Neo Member
Yeah , i did this last year , lost it to an escort at age 36. Overall, it didn't change much regarding my mental issues and it didn't feel great since obviously there is no real intimacy or passion involved, but i am glad i did it, she was really nice and i enjoyed just having someone to talk to and sharing a little of that human touch
Anyway, i think it's worth trying, just look at it as an experience , even if it's bad you can learn something from it and that makes it better than nothing. Also, at least i can now read thread like these without getting all bummed out...
TurboLibre
Member
Not really. I lost mine late and I'll echo "It's not that important." It's great and everything, but it's not the cure-all you're expecting it to be.
From my experience and reading lots of similar stories from people around here, virgins crave validation from a potential partner. They just confuse that with sex. I know with my first girlfriend I got that validation after a couple of dates, so when I finally "lost it", it really wasn't a big deal.
Cheesehead9099
Neo Member
I think it's less about the sex itself than about intimacy with another person. No matter how you spin it, this is something that is important to 99% of people, because it's hard coded in our biology to find a sexual partner and to feel wanted by others. I don't think people who are baffled by the fact that others can be depressed by not having sex understand that. Realize that these individuals may well be missing out on an important part of the human experience, and that is going to hurt.
That being said, it's never too late for anyone. Despite what you may think, there are plenty of women (and men) with little to no sexual experience at age 30+. Confidence in yourself is a big part of seeking relationships, so work on that by exercising /making other lifestyle changes first, and the rest will become easier.
That being said, it's never too late for anyone. Despite what you may think, there are plenty of women (and men) with little to no sexual experience at age 30+. Confidence in yourself is a big part of seeking relationships, so work on that by exercising /making other lifestyle changes first, and the rest will become easier.
PhoenixDark
Banned
That's fine.
These threads always pop up and always seem more like people wallowing in sadness and doing nothing about it than actually working towards a goal. As a former GAF Virgin I'm more than comfortable saying that, I've seen this thread made countless times over the last decade. And nothing changes.
I did decently my first time at 27. Just because you're an older virgin doesn't mean your first time will be as terrible as a 13 years old's. If you watch the right kind of porn you will learn a thing or two. It also helps if you experiment when playing with yourself instead of merely getting over with it as quickly as possible.
Was the cousine french or italian?
Cow Mengde
Banned
We should start a collective effort to help Gaffers get laid. We can make this our new years resolution. People can sign up as either the person who needs help or the person who's willing to help. Once the Gaffer has signed up to help, it is his or her mission to help a Gaffer get laid and report back here in 2016.
so hitting 30 makes you a wizard? i never heard of this. what kind of abilities do you gain?
i dont have any, and i think there is something seriously wrong in our society, since there are more ways of getting connected to people on this earth than ever, though we have so many lonely people.
in most cases, it feels so wrong, when girls complain on a party only to have a night or two with a guy, and on the other hand, wie have the internet virgin army who never had physical contact with female human.
and now i hear, i should have some abilities because iam 30 and a virgin.
i dont have any, and i think there is something seriously wrong in our society, since there are more ways of getting connected to people on this earth than ever, though we have so many lonely people.
in most cases, it feels so wrong, when girls complain on a party only to have a night or two with a guy, and on the other hand, wie have the internet virgin army who never had physical contact with female human.
and now i hear, i should have some abilities because iam 30 and a virgin.
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