do you guys ever ask a girl where you stand with her or how she feels? i know people like to fadeaway these days and just ignore you, but what about just asking her directly. something like hey, i just wanted to get some answers or some closure and wanted to know if you still have feelings for me or if there is a chance we would be together. instead of constantly wondering and always thinking what if, wouldn't it just be better to know so you can move on for sure.
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I've sent that many , albeit when im drunk, and I'm not having that kind of success. You got something going for you then. What's strange about POF is that I'm getting barely any views. Not sure exactly why but OKcupid has been better overall.I think that last paragraph makes it clear why you weren't successful on POF.
First of all, 40-50 messages? Holy shit dude. I've sent out maybe 30 in my entire life and its led to at least 10 meetings. I get about one unsolicited message a week.
So, yeah, you are doing something wrong.
To be fair, POF strongly rewards those who are active. Just being logged in makes you appear more often on the screen for women. So you get more exposure the more often you login and the longer you stay online.
I get about six views a day and Two "meet me". One unsolicited message a week.
Conversely, okcupid was a wasteland. Maybe Canadians prefer POF.
On the flip side, I've had a girl ask me, and I was honest.
Conversely, okcupid was a wasteland. Maybe Canadians prefer POF.
I recently tried that with someone who was fading away. Got lied to. "I still want to see you", etc. Have barely heard from her since. Im not going to bother trying that again.
On the flip side, I've had a girl ask me, and I was honest.
Got another possible date.
I think she looks fine, but she's been saying stuff like she's not the skinny kind of girl guys like, and asking if I really want to meet her.
I would struggle to call her overweight in her photos - she looks fine to me. Not sure if I should be worried or not with the language she's using.
I think she looks fine, but she's been saying stuff like she's not the skinny kind of girl guys like, and asking if I really want to meet her.
I would struggle to call her overweight in her photos - she looks fine to me. Not sure if I should be worried or not with the language she's using.
Photos are deceiving. Cameras hide stuff and also people love to post photos from several years in the past. She's likely chubby. I've encountered several girls who say things that you mention and they are always chubbier than the photos.
Nothing wrong with that. I like my girls with meat. I just wish they would have more self confidence and be more honest with photos.
Nothing wrong with that. I like my girls with meat. I just wish they would have more self confidence and be more honest with photos.
so you think it's a bad idea to ask that? maybe it just pushes them away?
It's probably worth just casually asking if they were interested in seeing you again. The couple times girls have asked me that when I started to fade, it prompted me to be honest with them.
However, I have personally decided that I want to be with someone who wants to be with me. If they aren't interested enough to have a plan for the next meeting shortly after the last one, then they are either too busy or just not as interested as I would like. I am actively seeking a relationship, though, so there is an "opportunity cost" to maintaining a false connection when there is none, so I'd rather just move on. I am probably different from many people who are just dating whenever it happens to come up.
Ia it a bad idea to ask a girl out if it's been a while since you last saw them? I really got on with this girl when I first met her at a house party a few months back but she was seeing someone then and sorta blew me off. I coincidentally met her again recently on Tuesday. Should I give it a go? Something that's putting me off asking her though is that the last person she dated(but wasn't officially together with, despite them seeing each other for 1.5 years ) is really really rich.
Flying Toaster
Member
If this is what you are concerned with then honestly I do not know what to tell you.
Be yourself, talk to her. If she is not interested it could be for a lot of reasons. If she is not interested in you because your not really really rich then you dodged a huge bullet.
MatrixMan.EXE
Member
There was a girl who I had a little bit of a crush on back in secondary school (high school) who I hung out with a couple of times and we were decent friends. We were also in the same tutor group for 2 years so we weren't strangers or anything but we weren't particularly close either.
I was too slow to act and before I could get to know her better she got into a pretty long relationship with someone else. Once 6th form ended and we all went off to University, we naturally didn't speak or see each other for about 4 years, up until late last year.
One of my closest friends is really good friends with this girl and she mentioned that said girl had been playing video games recently and I was kind of surprised as I didn't get that impression back at school, so for some reason decided to say Hi on Facebook, catch up and what not since we were on good terms back in school.
Anyway, that Hi has turned into us talking pretty much all day every day for the nearly 2 months now, even when I was in Japan last week. She's in her final year at university but she came over to hang out at my place a couple of times over her xmas break.
As we've spoken and hung out, I'm kind of shocked at how much we have in common. She's a really into her video games, manga, anime, sci fi etc. Loves it all and we have the same sense of humour which is great. I've never hit it off with a girl quite like I have with her and never been in a situation where I can invite a girl over to mine and we can sit there all evening with a bottle of wine and a bunch of anime blu-rays. More to the point though, as of past couple of days, I think I've come to the realisation that I kind of like her...I'm just not sure what to do about it.
She wants me to come down to visit her at University this month which is great and keeps saying how much she's looking forward to it which is, again, great. I'm not entirely sure if she feels the same way at all and I have a huge problem in reading girls or having the confidence to do anything about my feelings unless the girl in question makes it painfully obvious she's on the same page as me.
So I guess my question is what I should do going forward?
I was too slow to act and before I could get to know her better she got into a pretty long relationship with someone else. Once 6th form ended and we all went off to University, we naturally didn't speak or see each other for about 4 years, up until late last year.
One of my closest friends is really good friends with this girl and she mentioned that said girl had been playing video games recently and I was kind of surprised as I didn't get that impression back at school, so for some reason decided to say Hi on Facebook, catch up and what not since we were on good terms back in school.
Anyway, that Hi has turned into us talking pretty much all day every day for the nearly 2 months now, even when I was in Japan last week. She's in her final year at university but she came over to hang out at my place a couple of times over her xmas break.
As we've spoken and hung out, I'm kind of shocked at how much we have in common. She's a really into her video games, manga, anime, sci fi etc. Loves it all and we have the same sense of humour which is great. I've never hit it off with a girl quite like I have with her and never been in a situation where I can invite a girl over to mine and we can sit there all evening with a bottle of wine and a bunch of anime blu-rays. More to the point though, as of past couple of days, I think I've come to the realisation that I kind of like her...I'm just not sure what to do about it.
She wants me to come down to visit her at University this month which is great and keeps saying how much she's looking forward to it which is, again, great. I'm not entirely sure if she feels the same way at all and I have a huge problem in reading girls or having the confidence to do anything about my feelings unless the girl in question makes it painfully obvious she's on the same page as me.
So I guess my question is what I should do going forward?
DJ Jazzy J
Neo Member
I think the POF v. OKC debate comes down to location. Where I live, POF is terrible. The attention I do get is from people I don't want and, more often than not, is just messages that say hi from ppl with bare profiles. OKC on the other hand has more young professionals and people looking for more than just sex. The messages I get are from people that clearly read my profile and are interested in more than just banging a stranger they met online.
I've only been seriously doing this for a couple of weeks. No dates yet but lots of potential. Good luck!
Flying Toaster
Member
Honestly sounds like a great situation. Do what you are currently doing and see where it goes. I am completely and horribly oblivious to women showing interest in me. But so far they have picked up on that and smacked sense into me. Do what your doing, have fun, and things will fall into place.
stn
Member
Two months of constant communication and hanging out at one's house without physical intimacy is no good. She's either extremely patient and still waiting for you to make a move, or she's gotten very comfortable with you as her platonic friend.
There's really not much that can be done other than asking her out and living with her decision. If you're prepared to potentially sacrifice her friendship then make a move. That's it, there's no other advice that can be given. Ask yourself how much you want a relationship with her versus how much you want her as a friend.
PflargBlarg
Member
Yep, you waited too long. It's not for sure, but it's likely that she just thinks of you as a friend at this point as I don't know many girls who would wait 2 months for a guy to do something. Potential girlfriend vs. losing a friend, make a choice.
Flying Toaster
Member
I see where you guys are coming from but maybe a slight chance? one minor itty bitty chance? Eh, what does he have to loose I say he tries.
SpiritSlayer
Member
GAF this may be off topic but also slightly relevant since it is applicable to dating. How does one improve their social skills and become more sociable? I know that confidence has a lot to do with it but is there anything else? Any general advice or tips?
Meh, the Christian girl rejected me somewhat. She kind of Facebook stalked me to find out if I'm religious. Religion is an import part in her life and she states it's hard for her to date someone who doesn't share the same thing. I'm not an atheist but neither a Christian.
She still wants to go out and see how things go but I doubt it will go fast. I'm open to religion(s) but I'm not easily converted, not even to be with someone. Admittingly, we're having a lot of fun chatting with each other so she admits there's something interesting about me. Just that the religion part is important for her which "I don't have".
Guess I should just approach this as a friend and see how things go and look for other gals in the mean time.
She still wants to go out and see how things go but I doubt it will go fast. I'm open to religion(s) but I'm not easily converted, not even to be with someone. Admittingly, we're having a lot of fun chatting with each other so she admits there's something interesting about me. Just that the religion part is important for her which "I don't have".
Guess I should just approach this as a friend and see how things go and look for other gals in the mean time.
for me it was work. forcing myself to interact with people. over time you just learn the skills and it comes natural. then i started working out and it was even easier.
MatrixMan.EXE
Member
Haha yeah its and issue I really need to try and shake. Or at least try and improve on reading whats going on in their heads just a little bit better. She's been telling a mutual friend of ours how much she likes spending time with me (according to said mutual friend) and has said multiple times to me that she can't wait to see me but, being the way I am I don't know whether she means that as a friend or if there's more in there.
I should rephrase that it's been more like a month and a half since we started talking in late November. At the time she was still at University but was home for a couple of weeks in December. We met up with each other twice over that two week period and probably would have a 3rd time if I hadn't gone on my holiday to Japan.
I fear what you said is correct, although at the same time I'm wondering, if she does feel the same way, if she's taking into account our geographical situation.
Either way I think she's great, and I'm enjoying our friendship though, I feel we've hit it off too much for me to ignore my feels, so ideally, I want to do something about it the next time we see each other in the next couple of weeks. But I'm having my doubts now after what you guys have said D:
EDIT: Really appreciate this advice by the way since I know I'm going to have to handle this very delicately.
Tony Iommi
Banned
So... I was doing some connections on the back of my TV and it was dark. I grabbed my wife's phone to use the light. A Facebook notification appeared, but I didn't care. I never check her phone and she never checks NY phone.
But then she was in the living room talking with her mother. I opened her Facebook app. If you guys have noticed, the search history gets saved.
And in her search history, she searched her ex boyfriends.
Should I worry? Should I ask her about that?
But then she was in the living room talking with her mother. I opened her Facebook app. If you guys have noticed, the search history gets saved.
And in her search history, she searched her ex boyfriends.
Should I worry? Should I ask her about that?
. Second long term relationship in 8 years to get broken up with. I can confirm it still sucks the second time.Well, I've had my first flake today. Was supposed to meet with some older chick for coffee and probably skating afterwards, but she never showed. Not sure what the hell happened since we spoke literally 30 mins before we were supposed to meet up. This wouldn't have bothered me as much if it weren't for the fact that it was pouring and cold and I didn't bring my jacket.
ARGH.
Also...
Anyone?
ARGH.
Also...
Anyone?
eyeball_kid
Member
You should worry a little, but in terms that she's probably not feeling the intimacy in the relationship or attention/attraction from you. Do not ask her about it, as that will only out you as snooping on her phone.
So you should do a little evaluation of how your intimacy level has been with her. Maybe plan a romantic getaway weekend, sexual fantasy she's been wanting to try, etc. Get her eyes back on the ball aka the relationship between you two (and if your eyes have been off the ball, get those back too).
beat
Member
I think it does take forcing yourself to talk to strangers. You could take any kind of classes to give a context for meeting new people and talking to them.
That said, you might as well take improv classes because I think improv specifically teaches one to listen and to talk in a way that builds somewhere rather than derails.
NeOak
Member
Passive Assassin
Member
... went on a "date". date didn't want to eat at the spot that we agreed upon, so it turned out to be 3 hours of walking around and talking around downtown. fission mailed.
NeOak
Member
At least you saved the food money
Passive Assassin
Member
true.
n64coder
Member
How is the marriage going?
It could be nothing than she being curious what people have been doing.
Arsenic Yellow
Member
Went on the third date yesterday and it was completely amazing. Met up at noon, so part of me wondered if this was going to be just a friendship thing. Went to two art museums ( one of which was about an hour of waiting for a Goya exhibit). We didn't really flirt or talk much about anything other than the art so I assumed the worst, but was fine accepting the fact that we could just be friends. We had nothing planned afterwards, but he asked if I wanted to grab a meal somewhere. I suggested we just go back to my place and cook a meal and maybe watch a movie.
Made soup and watched Manhunter in the bedroom and it felt as platonic as possible, but by the end of the movie he had his arm around me and we were kissing.
He asked if he was "still hard to read?" Stated that he was interested in me, and wanted me to know more about him. So we spooned and we talked about our backgrounds and he was extremely reluctant to leave (has a film side project to work on) and Said he wished he had some of his things here so he could just spend the night.
The first night we met (which I had assumed would just be a one night hookup on his part) he leant me a pair of his shoes and my feet hurt from heels all night before. As he was leaving I gave him his shoes and he said "leave them here, there's something comforting about them being here."
Overall these have all been the best dates I've ever been on. This date lasted about 12 hours. Again it didn't get sexual, but it seems he wants to take things slow, which I think I kind of need myself. at least for now I can relax.. Our next date is wednesday to go see the babadook. I also asked him if he was an anxious person, he said he used to be but his breathing and heartbeat escalated just from laying my head on his chest.
I'm smitten.
Made soup and watched Manhunter in the bedroom and it felt as platonic as possible, but by the end of the movie he had his arm around me and we were kissing.
He asked if he was "still hard to read?" Stated that he was interested in me, and wanted me to know more about him. So we spooned and we talked about our backgrounds and he was extremely reluctant to leave (has a film side project to work on) and Said he wished he had some of his things here so he could just spend the night.
The first night we met (which I had assumed would just be a one night hookup on his part) he leant me a pair of his shoes and my feet hurt from heels all night before. As he was leaving I gave him his shoes and he said "leave them here, there's something comforting about them being here."
Overall these have all been the best dates I've ever been on. This date lasted about 12 hours. Again it didn't get sexual, but it seems he wants to take things slow, which I think I kind of need myself. at least for now I can relax.. Our next date is wednesday to go see the babadook. I also asked him if he was an anxious person, he said he used to be but his breathing and heartbeat escalated just from laying my head on his chest.
I'm smitten.
I upgraded. It's pocket change. I forgot to mention this, but maybe it has a significant effect on my success on POF. It adds a bunch of useful features and supposedly makes your profile show on meet me, etc much more often. It really is super cheap compared to the other services.
And no, you don't need to upgrade to receive messages.
I had an extremely similar experience once. It started as a lunch date, and we ended up being together for literally 24 hours straight. It was absolutely amazing. This is most certainly a good sign for you, assuming you are truly interested in this guy. I wish you the best.
Went on a date last night kind on a whim since the girl contacted me and I couldn't really gage from the profile if I was really interested in her. The date actually went pretty damn well. We talked for like 4 hours, I honestly didn't say much at all but we laughed quite a bit, touched a decent amount since we were facing each other on stools. This girl was suggesting I get highlights like JT back in the Nsync days, and wear a denim shirt and jacket :| da fuck. Anyways, it was kind of weird that she got up and didn't really attempt to give me a hug or anything so I kind of had to follow her and stop her to say goodbye. Beside that, I thought everything went pretty well.
well, i can finally move on from the first girl i mentioned when i started posting in here. saw a post she liked on facebook about some guy with a special girl in his life. then i saw pictures of her and him from this weekend.
surprisingly, it didn't hurt that bad. at least i now know why she didn't want a second date. she just found someone else. he fits her better than i would.
this whole thing has been a learning experience and i have done a lot of reflection and thinking because of it. i will take it all and move on with my new knowledge.
surprisingly, it didn't hurt that bad. at least i now know why she didn't want a second date. she just found someone else. he fits her better than i would.
this whole thing has been a learning experience and i have done a lot of reflection and thinking because of it. i will take it all and move on with my new knowledge.
MatrixMan.EXE
Member
Grazie.
Well, good news. Turns out the chick I was supposed to meet didn't flake on me, she just met at the wrong Starbucks. This time I gave her detailed directions so that this hopefully won't happen again, haha. We're also meeting earlier in the afternoon as opposed to later in the evening so that if it doesn't work out I'll still have time to finish my errands and such.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Should you be worried if the other person doesn't initiate? She seems fine with anything but she doesn't start it. Like holding hands, hugging, etc. she always go along fine but doesn't really initiate.
she might expect guys to.
stn
Member
I think its fine at the beginning, especially if she's just feeling you out and hesitant. But I personally would not put up with it if I had to initiate all the time. Not sure how long you've been seeing this girl but at one point I think both parties have to put in effort.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Suggestion for good places to be "private" in public? Especially when it's too cold to spend much time outside?
We've been getting a little touchy-feely in my car, but it'd be nice to have a little more room and not be wearing full jackets. Our respective apartments are out. Movie theatres are too noisy (and often cold too).
We've been getting a little touchy-feely in my car, but it'd be nice to have a little more room and not be wearing full jackets. Our respective apartments are out. Movie theatres are too noisy (and often cold too).
A girl I dated over the summer randomly texted me the other night to invite me out for drinks with mutual friends. Somehow it led to me going back to her place for what she called "a great night together". So we are going at it and she bites my dick while giving me a blowjob. Next thing I know she's biting me ear, my chest and shoulders. I have bite marks all over the place. When she bit my ear too hard I said "Calm down there Mike Tyson". She has texted me quite a bit since then & told me she regretted not dating me more over the summer. I was writing this one night off as just a fun event. Guess we'll have to have a talk soon if she keeps in contact with me.
I came back from meeting that chick I was supposed to meet last night. We had a good time. Unfortunately, TOO good time. After we had coffee, we walked around for a bit, and then we did it in my car. The problem though, neither of us had a condom. Honestly, I should have declined, but my dick overpowered my common sense and we went ahead with it and now I'm legit scared.
Now, she says she was an older woman with very few partners, but considering how eager she was, I dunno how truthful that could be.
Should I be worried?
Now, she says she was an older woman with very few partners, but considering how eager she was, I dunno how truthful that could be.
Should I be worried?
Gambit 1138
Banned
How do you write a first message to a girl on OKcupid? I always get ignored if I'm polite and if I say something crazy/cheesy at most the girl will look at my profile but I've never gotten a response back. Ditto for Tinder. :/
NeOak
Member
Why aren't you getting a blood test instead of posting on GAF to be told anyway to get tested?
I don't know myself these girls say they don't want a hook up, but after I read there profile and actually talk about themselves or interest and tell them I don't like hookups either. All I may get is a look to my profile or a hey and that's it. All they really want is the guys that they say don't want to talk to who are just looking for hookups, so they hop on their dicks then get mad cause they were used like a piece of meat. I swear there is something wrong with ther heads man, I give up.
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