Little known facts about gaming industry personalities
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EmCeeGramr
Member
Peter Molyneux can understand birds. Not what they're saying, but their emotions. What they feel, what they dream, why they cry. They do not sing. They lament. They lament the loss of their empire, songs from ancient time when their ancestors ruled the earth, great lumbering primordial reptilian beasts, indomitable and immense. But it is not their elegies that Peter listens to, but their proclamations. For this dread chorus spoils the mortal plot: "You are next, and we know when."
peter what are you
peter
peter i want to sleep again
yog sothoth au'kcl naijda
kksiemmna
peter what are you
peter
peter i want to sleep again
yog sothoth au'kcl naijda
kksiemmna
Ganondorfo
Junior Member
Uwe boll is the best thing that happened to the gaming industry.
Everyone is calling uwe boll from making their game into a great movie just like alone in the dark, bloodrayne, house of the dead, in the name of the king and postal.
Everyone is calling uwe boll from making their game into a great movie just like alone in the dark, bloodrayne, house of the dead, in the name of the king and postal.
Grampa Simpson
Banned
You have single-handedly won this thread.EmCeeGramr said:
A winner is you.
ThatObviousUser
ὠαἴÏÏιÏÏÎ¿Ï Ïαá¿Ï εἶ
Ganondorfo said:
EmCeeGramr
Member
At 0400 on January 3rd, 2007, Luke Smith was seen hovering over a cornfield in rural Minnesota. During that time, he moved through the sky, maneuvering in ways impossible for any known aircraft. Witnesses report that Smith broke into three equally large Smiths at 0420, and that these three persons then rotated in formation for approximately 17 minutes before speeding off over the horizon, where they were lost from sight. Local air control reported no Bungie employees in the vicinity at the time.
The next morning, the owners of the cornfield found several strange patches of flattened cornstalks, and over the next few months their cows' milk had a strange, almost sulfury taste to it.
The next morning, the owners of the cornfield found several strange patches of flattened cornstalks, and over the next few months their cows' milk had a strange, almost sulfury taste to it.
EmCeeGramr
Member
Eiji Aonuma met me outside that motel. He was half-dressed, seemed slightly intoxicated. He hadn't shaved in a week's time, I'd guess. With a smile and an excited nod, he led me to his room. He'd been living there for the past two months, he said, grinning. His bloodshot, half-closed eyes looked like slices of blood oranges. He had to make the next Zelda, he said, and to do that he needed to get into the right mindset.
"Heath Ledger stay in hotel. Dark Knight, Joker," he explained. I smiled and nodded, as I tried to shift in my seat as inconspicuously as possible. There was an odd wet spot on the chair; I didn't want to put any weight on it.
I asked him, what kind of ideas did he have for the next Zelda game. His face lit up even more, and he tumbled over his unmade bed to pull out a duffel bag on the other side.
"I practice fighting and sword on this rat."
I paused. He had been... mutilating a rat? I laughed a bit, assuming it was a joke. He chuckled too, but not in the way he would if he were making a joke. Holy shit, I thought, he's serious. He unzipped the bag and a terrible stench suddenly wafted into my nose. I almost vomited, tried hard to swallow, tears in my eyes.
"Mr. Aonuma, I really must be- that's not necessary."
"No, no!" he said as he reached in. "Look at this rat, and you will understand Zelda Wii."
It wasn't a rat.
I ran out of the room, gasping for breath, partly from the smell, partly from the horror. Jesus, it was still alive.
Zelda Wii was shown at E3 2009 to great accolades. It will soon be in the hands of millions of gamers. Mother of God, pray for us.
"Heath Ledger stay in hotel. Dark Knight, Joker," he explained. I smiled and nodded, as I tried to shift in my seat as inconspicuously as possible. There was an odd wet spot on the chair; I didn't want to put any weight on it.
I asked him, what kind of ideas did he have for the next Zelda game. His face lit up even more, and he tumbled over his unmade bed to pull out a duffel bag on the other side.
"I practice fighting and sword on this rat."
I paused. He had been... mutilating a rat? I laughed a bit, assuming it was a joke. He chuckled too, but not in the way he would if he were making a joke. Holy shit, I thought, he's serious. He unzipped the bag and a terrible stench suddenly wafted into my nose. I almost vomited, tried hard to swallow, tears in my eyes.
"Mr. Aonuma, I really must be- that's not necessary."
"No, no!" he said as he reached in. "Look at this rat, and you will understand Zelda Wii."
It wasn't a rat.
I ran out of the room, gasping for breath, partly from the smell, partly from the horror. Jesus, it was still alive.
Zelda Wii was shown at E3 2009 to great accolades. It will soon be in the hands of millions of gamers. Mother of God, pray for us.
Surgo said:
Oh, wow...
Here's the car, btw:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GNTxylO6dog&fmt=18
Just awesome
EmCeeGramr is fucking hilarious. That's all I gotta say...
Well well - if even the guy behind it hates the controls, that says plenty, especially to people who never understood why people hated the controls, and it says I've been right for all these years since RE1 - damn I hate tank controls.
Dot50Cal said:
Well well - if even the guy behind it hates the controls, that says plenty, especially to people who never understood why people hated the controls, and it says I've been right for all these years since RE1 - damn I hate tank controls.
Slightly Live
Dirty tag dodger
Wheeliedude managed to create an interesting thread but it became hijacked and shitted up beyond belief by the following people;
rezuth
MWS Natural
Tokyo Rain
Kaako
VOOK
Vespa
CHRP718
Rapping Granny
diunxx
JDSN
M3wThr33
DavidDayton
lucablight
GhostSeed
Wolves Evolve
Wii
bmf
iplay5150
admartian
N.A
Crisis
Wolves Evolve
voltron
Tiamatsword22
Archie
YuriLowell
Flavius
Mr. Pointy
MisterHero
PowerSmell
JodyAnthony
DangerStepp
robut
Beardz
NewLib
ChoklitReign
Andrex
shpankey
AndrewG009
radjago
MrPing1000
TwinIonEngines
EmCeeGramr
TTG
DrBo42 (formerly of GAF, now banned)
nightside
Ganondorfo
Tathanen
rezuth
MWS Natural
Tokyo Rain
Kaako
VOOK
Vespa
CHRP718
Rapping Granny
diunxx
JDSN
M3wThr33
DavidDayton
lucablight
GhostSeed
Wolves Evolve
Wii
bmf
iplay5150
admartian
N.A
Crisis
Wolves Evolve
voltron
Tiamatsword22
Archie
YuriLowell
Flavius
Mr. Pointy
MisterHero
PowerSmell
JodyAnthony
DangerStepp
robut
Beardz
NewLib
ChoklitReign
Andrex
shpankey
AndrewG009
radjago
MrPing1000
TwinIonEngines
EmCeeGramr
TTG
DrBo42 (formerly of GAF, now banned)
nightside
Ganondorfo
Tathanen
Dani =(
PowerSmell
Member
Everything I posted was true.
EmCeeGramr
Member
The books and scientists tell that there was once only one moon. I don't believe them. How could the world run without that head. They say it was called Peter Moore, but we just call it The Head now. Technically, it's, "the Moorian Cranium"... but it's really just The Head. Just floating up there in space, glowing at night when the light reflects off its bald top. Twice as big as the regular rock Moon, and no body connected at all. Big black eyes, deader than the vacuum it floats in.
It's supposed to be The Head's gravity that does it. The oceans, I mean. They're all slate gray now, choppy and flowing. Tides don't work like they did a generation ago, all the old men reminisce, casting their wrinkled faces up at The Head in disdain. And then there's the algae. It's lime green, thicker than a Berber carpet. It always clumps together in these shapes like green crosses, bursting out of the gray sea.
When you look at that water, you can feel The Head's eyes burning into your neck, and you can hear it whisper a command in your ear. You don't want to obey. You know what's down there. But you know you'll obey anyway. It whispers again, more fervently. "Jump In."
It's supposed to be The Head's gravity that does it. The oceans, I mean. They're all slate gray now, choppy and flowing. Tides don't work like they did a generation ago, all the old men reminisce, casting their wrinkled faces up at The Head in disdain. And then there's the algae. It's lime green, thicker than a Berber carpet. It always clumps together in these shapes like green crosses, bursting out of the gray sea.
When you look at that water, you can feel The Head's eyes burning into your neck, and you can hear it whisper a command in your ear. You don't want to obey. You know what's down there. But you know you'll obey anyway. It whispers again, more fervently. "Jump In."
EmCeeGramr
Member
Michael Pachter strolled into his kitchen that morning, happy as can be.
"Hello, honey!" he sang as he kissed his wife on the cheek, and then sat down at the table. "What's for breakfast?"
"Just look and see," responded Mrs. Pachter.
Michael looked down and saw a delicious bowl of Frosted Flakes. He smiled and eagerly pulled his spoon in and out, and brought it to his mouth. He stopped, a grin on his face.
"I predict that this is a spoonful... of Froot Loops."
Mrs. Pachter went white. "No dear. It's Frosted Flakes. Please."
"Ah, delicious Froot Loops." Michael put the spoon in his mouth and slowly chewed. "Mmm. Just taste that fruity flavor." Mrs. Pachter quickly got up, ran to the phone, and dialed the first number on the autodial. "It's happening again!" she whispered.
"Mmm-mmm." sighed Michael as he swallowed the cereal. "Such delicious Froot Loops. Follow your nose, wherever it goes!" He scooped up more Frosted Flakes. "I bet this next spoonful will be even more Froot Loops!" He took a bite.
"Oh God, hurry," Mrs. Pachter began to cry into the phone's receiver. Blood was beginning to pour out of Michael's mouth.
"I predict this whole bowl will be full of Froot Loops."
"Hello, honey!" he sang as he kissed his wife on the cheek, and then sat down at the table. "What's for breakfast?"
"Just look and see," responded Mrs. Pachter.
Michael looked down and saw a delicious bowl of Frosted Flakes. He smiled and eagerly pulled his spoon in and out, and brought it to his mouth. He stopped, a grin on his face.
"I predict that this is a spoonful... of Froot Loops."
Mrs. Pachter went white. "No dear. It's Frosted Flakes. Please."
"Ah, delicious Froot Loops." Michael put the spoon in his mouth and slowly chewed. "Mmm. Just taste that fruity flavor." Mrs. Pachter quickly got up, ran to the phone, and dialed the first number on the autodial. "It's happening again!" she whispered.
"Mmm-mmm." sighed Michael as he swallowed the cereal. "Such delicious Froot Loops. Follow your nose, wherever it goes!" He scooped up more Frosted Flakes. "I bet this next spoonful will be even more Froot Loops!" He took a bite.
"Oh God, hurry," Mrs. Pachter began to cry into the phone's receiver. Blood was beginning to pour out of Michael's mouth.
"I predict this whole bowl will be full of Froot Loops."
ThatObviousUser
ὠαἴÏÏιÏÏÎ¿Ï Ïαá¿Ï εἶ
Dani said:
All my posts in this thread have GAF as the source. You can thank them.
Wii Will Rock U
Banned
:lolAndrex said:
CurseoftheGods
Banned
What do Yuji Naka, Yoshinori Ono, Luke Smith, and Greg Kasavin have in common?
They all read and post at NeoGAF.
They all read and post at NeoGAF.
EmCeeGramr
Member
Kaz kept a leisurely look out upon the sky. High atop his airship (constructed before the Blue Ocean consumed the last of the landmasses) he and his crew were free to look for software, floating along the air currents.
"Cap'n Hirai!" the cry went out from Kojima in the crow's nest. "Games off the starboard bow! Real ones, not non-games!"
The Captain stoop up as quickly as his zipper-and-belted pegleg allowed. I need to talk to ship doctor Nomura sometime, he thought as he limped over to the airship's side. The cool wind blasted his hair and he adjusted his cyber-goggles and zoomed in. A massive lode of real games. Not mini-games, not non-games, not HOME, actual games. Such a bounty, almost unheard of in these days.
"Mayhaps these are games ol' Cap'n Kim forgot they already had!" cackled Hirai, prompting guffaws and hollering from his crew. "Alright, you salty wagglers, pull us in close, prepare the moneyhats!"
His cyber-goggles suddenly caught a strange apparition. It was Wada, the old dog... and he was floating in an Xbox 360 coffin, waving frantically. Suddenly, Kojima cried out again. "CAP'N HIRAI! SOMETHIN' RIGHT ABOVE US!"
Kaz looked up in horror as he heard the bellow. The Great Wiinged Whale, Iwata, creator of the Blue Ocean. It was bearing right down on the games. It had devoured almost all the games left on the planet, and now it was coming for these.
"Full throttle on the propellers, steam engines at max!" he cried, "Get us out of range! That bastard took me leg, he won't get me ship!"
But it was too late. Iwata's mighty mouth opened, devoured the games, and blasted down through the clouds. The shock sent massive winds crashing against the airship, and it began to tilt. Men flew off the side of the ship, and fell miles down into the Blue Ocean. Kaz held on for dear life as the ship shook... and slowly settled back into position.
"Cap'n, we've lost 10 hands!"
Hirai frowned. If Iwata wanted to, he could have destroyed them all. He slowly settled back into his seat, and called out to the navigator. "Alright, ye naughty dog... let's see if we can find any party games to the nor-nor-east."
"Cap'n Hirai!" the cry went out from Kojima in the crow's nest. "Games off the starboard bow! Real ones, not non-games!"
The Captain stoop up as quickly as his zipper-and-belted pegleg allowed. I need to talk to ship doctor Nomura sometime, he thought as he limped over to the airship's side. The cool wind blasted his hair and he adjusted his cyber-goggles and zoomed in. A massive lode of real games. Not mini-games, not non-games, not HOME, actual games. Such a bounty, almost unheard of in these days.
"Mayhaps these are games ol' Cap'n Kim forgot they already had!" cackled Hirai, prompting guffaws and hollering from his crew. "Alright, you salty wagglers, pull us in close, prepare the moneyhats!"
His cyber-goggles suddenly caught a strange apparition. It was Wada, the old dog... and he was floating in an Xbox 360 coffin, waving frantically. Suddenly, Kojima cried out again. "CAP'N HIRAI! SOMETHIN' RIGHT ABOVE US!"
Kaz looked up in horror as he heard the bellow. The Great Wiinged Whale, Iwata, creator of the Blue Ocean. It was bearing right down on the games. It had devoured almost all the games left on the planet, and now it was coming for these.
"Full throttle on the propellers, steam engines at max!" he cried, "Get us out of range! That bastard took me leg, he won't get me ship!"
But it was too late. Iwata's mighty mouth opened, devoured the games, and blasted down through the clouds. The shock sent massive winds crashing against the airship, and it began to tilt. Men flew off the side of the ship, and fell miles down into the Blue Ocean. Kaz held on for dear life as the ship shook... and slowly settled back into position.
"Cap'n, we've lost 10 hands!"
Hirai frowned. If Iwata wanted to, he could have destroyed them all. He slowly settled back into his seat, and called out to the navigator. "Alright, ye naughty dog... let's see if we can find any party games to the nor-nor-east."
JoshuaJSlone
Member
DavidDayton said:
EmCeeGramr
Member
Chuck Norris could do no such thing because he is just a washed-up, third-rate actor/enthusiastic religious maniac.MacBosse said:
Aaron Strife
Banned
Peter Molyneux has never felt the touch of a lover's hand.
LegendOfGood
Member
Tiamatsword22 said:
EmCeeGramr
Member
After weeks of searching the Weeaboo Belt of Kentucky, I finally find the house. A small cabin in the middle of the mountains, a dirt trail, an old hound dog sleeping on the porch. The mailbox: "Batenhosanu-san~."
My tennis shoes creak on the wooden floor as I knock on the screen door. It slowly opens and a pointed blade pokes out. A second later, a relieved sigh as an old German man pokes out his head. He's wearing overalls, belted and zipped up.
"Thank giddness. I thought you was one a them Obamer men, comin' ta take our gunblades." He frowns and shakes his head. "I bet yer here 'bout Shaney-boy-kun, I reckon. Come inside, the wife just whipped up a mess of pocky."
My tennis shoes creak on the wooden floor as I knock on the screen door. It slowly opens and a pointed blade pokes out. A second later, a relieved sigh as an old German man pokes out his head. He's wearing overalls, belted and zipped up.
"Thank giddness. I thought you was one a them Obamer men, comin' ta take our gunblades." He frowns and shakes his head. "I bet yer here 'bout Shaney-boy-kun, I reckon. Come inside, the wife just whipped up a mess of pocky."
Demigod Mac
Member
Surprised this has not yet been mentioned:
CliffyB used to run a joke/hobby site called Cat-Scan.com.
The premise: sit your cat on a scanner bed and get it to hold real still while you take its "picture" - and send it in to the site. "Please try to avoid scanning the cat's genitals!"
CliffyB used to run a joke/hobby site called Cat-Scan.com.
The premise: sit your cat on a scanner bed and get it to hold real still while you take its "picture" - and send it in to the site. "Please try to avoid scanning the cat's genitals!"
proposition
Banned
David Jaffe was actually wearing a dress when he did your mom.
HyperZone<3
Member
I just wanted to congratulate EmCeeGamer on his very high levels of awesomeness. I could attempt to do something funny myself, but I just can't compete against that.
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