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Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

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There was a girl who I had a little bit of a crush on back in secondary school (high school) who I hung out with a couple of times and we were decent friends. We were also in the same tutor group for 2 years so we weren't strangers or anything but we weren't particularly close either.

[sweeping cut]

On top of what Wormdundee and stn already said, I wanted to add my two cents to the whole "she's into manga, anime, videogames" thing.
I've learned with great pain how thick is the amount of low self esteem people among the nerd community. I'm not just talking possible girlfriends, but also possible friends.
The world is chock-full of communities of outcasts who get excluded, bullied and victimized only to become bullies (most times intellectual bullies) in their own right.
I think there are nerds who enjoy who they are and are constantly looking for like-minded (in terms of interests) people, and that there are nerds who hide into hobbies and entertainment because they secretly wish to be like the quarterback/ cheerleader and convinced themselves they can't make the cut. So they can't stand the people they want to be akin to because they remind them of who they cannot be, and they can't stand the people who have the same interests, the same weird ways to dress/ think/ enjoy the pleasures of life, because they remind them of who they don't want to be.
A good way to select the rotten, bitter, insidiously petty motherfuckers from the cool guys/ cool girls when it comes to "nerd-life" is to express enjoyment or spite for the same thing the like or dislike and see how they react: if they immediately "explain" their opinion in order to make clear you like/dislike the same thing BUT NOT IN THE SAME WAY THEY DO, then get rid of them immediately. If they rejoice at the common ground, that's a sign you've met someone who's starving for a friendship/ relationship with someone who understands the world "differently" and you are good to go.
Have you ever met someone on Gaf or similar forums who would go "I like Winter Soldier" and then you go "hells yeah, Winter Soldier was awesome" and he goes "well, not awesome: it was good"? Stay away from people like this.

Went on the third date yesterday and it was completely amazing. Met up at noon, so part of me wondered if this was going to be just a friendship thing. Went to two art museums ( one of which was about an hour of waiting for a Goya exhibit). We didn't really flirt or talk much about anything other than the art so I assumed the worst, but was fine accepting the fact that we could just be friends. We had nothing planned afterwards, but he asked if I wanted to grab a meal somewhere. I suggested we just go back to my place and cook a meal and maybe watch a movie.

Made soup and watched Manhunter in the bedroom and it felt as platonic as possible, but by the end of the movie he had his arm around me and we were kissing.

He asked if he was "still hard to read?"

Ok: I'm going to steal this line.

Stated that he was interested in me, and wanted me to know more about him. So we spooned and we talked about our backgrounds and he was extremely reluctant to leave (has a film side project to work on) and Said he wished he had some of his things here so he could just spend the night.

The first night we met (which I had assumed would just be a one night hookup on his part) he leant me a pair of his shoes and my feet hurt from heels all night before. As he was leaving I gave him his shoes and he said "leave them here, there's something comforting about them being here."

Smooth.

Overall these have all been the best dates I've ever been on. This date lasted about 12 hours. Again it didn't get sexual, but it seems he wants to take things slow, which I think I kind of need myself. at least for now I can relax.. Our next date is wednesday to go see the babadook. I also asked him if he was an anxious person, he said he used to be but his breathing and heartbeat escalated just from laying my head on his chest.

I'm smitten.

This guy is cool as fuck. Definitely interested to read any update about him.
 
I came back from meeting that chick I was supposed to meet last night. We had a good time. Unfortunately, TOO good time. After we had coffee, we walked around for a bit, and then we did it in my car. The problem though, neither of us had a condom. Honestly, I should have declined, but my dick overpowered my common sense and we went ahead with it and now I'm legit scared.

Now, she says she was an older woman with very few partners, but considering how eager she was, I dunno how truthful that could be.

Should I be worried?
What do you mean by older? I have found that the most eager women are the older ones who have only been with a couple guys in their life.

Sex happens. Fairly easily if you don't make it your main goal. The women that say stuff like "no hook ups", "not looking for one night stand", etc, are just as willing to fuck on the first or second date as anyone else. They are saying that to hopefully ward off the creeps who are just looking for a quickie. The women simply want some affection and proper treatment first, like anyone would. They are willing to fuck, but want it to be their decision.
 
How do you deal with someone who just suddenly stops talking to you? Like you have a decent conversation going, nice back and forth. Next thing you know you send a message and you're met with silence. I never resort to anything like, "Please respond," that's a given. But you hate to just give up when they honestly may have just gotten sidetracked.

It's only better if you have a good back and forth going and they delete their account.
Ew0SpLp.gif
 
I don't believe anyone truly gets sidetracked, unless it's because they met someone else more intriguing to them. If they are interested, they will find time. I've been on the perpetrator end of doing this as well. I don't mean to, and it's nothing personal. It's just that, when actively dating, you will suddenly meet new people all the time. Sometimes, someone who seems like a better match pops up and starts consuming all the spare moments.

I'd wait a few days to see if the delay is legitimate, and if you still don't hear anything, send another message.
 
How do you deal with someone who just suddenly stops talking to you? Like you have a decent conversation going, nice back and forth. Next thing you know you send a message and you're met with silence. I never resort to anything like, "Please respond," that's a given. But you hate to just give up when they honestly may have just gotten sidetracked.

It's only better if you have a good back and forth going and they delete their account.
Ew0SpLp.gif

just wait, act like you don't care. it's working for me. if they really want you, they will reply. just give it time. i stopped messaging a girl all the time and acting needy to totally ignoring her and acting aloof. now she's messaging me and stuff. can't believe it works.
 
How do you deal with someone who just suddenly stops talking to you? Like you have a decent conversation going, nice back and forth. Next thing you know you send a message and you're met with silence. I never resort to anything like, "Please respond," that's a given. But you hate to just give up when they honestly may have just gotten sidetracked.

It's only better if you have a good back and forth going and they delete their account.
Ew0SpLp.gif

The previous bits of advice on your question are great.

Yeah pretty much move on. If she reaches out to you then awesome if not, no harm no foul. Plenty of other potentials out there don't get wrapped up on one that stops communicating.
 
How do you deal with someone who just suddenly stops talking to you? Like you have a decent conversation going, nice back and forth. Next thing you know you send a message and you're met with silence. I never resort to anything like, "Please respond," that's a given. But you hate to just give up when they honestly may have just gotten sidetracked.
I always assume that the person has either found someone else, lost interest, or was never interested in the first place. How do I deal with it? I stop messaging if they do. I like to assume that the women I talk are fully capable of responding to a message at any time they choose, and that no-one is too busy to give a quick reply. Seriously, I know many people who work nonstop and even they have time to socialize and things like that.

There are so many different ways to reach out to someone in this day that I find it hard to believe that people can't quickly communicate. A girl who likes you WILL put in the effort. She WILL gain your attention some way, whether it be through a corny excuse or anything else.

Whenever I see a problem pop up here or in the OT thread, I immediately put myself in the OP's shoes. I then ask "Would a girl do this to me if she truly liked me?" That's pretty much how I give all the advice I have given so far. I've found that the problem with most guys in general is that they become hooked on what women say, and thus forget what women do. Actions over words.
 
talking to a new girl and we both like scary movies. last week i asked if she wanted to rent one and eat some pizza with me and she said yes.

is inviting a girl to your house on first date too much? like maybe she thinks i'm expecting something that night. should i message her and say something like "we can just eat pizza, watch a movie together, no expectations" or just leave it be? she said she's sick right now and i just said hope you feel better soon and she said thanks so i left it there for now.
 
talking to a new girl and we both like scary movies. last week i asked if she wanted to rent one and eat some pizza with me and she said yes.

is inviting a girl to your house on first date too much? like maybe she thinks i'm expecting something that night. should i message her and say something like "we can just eat pizza, watch a movie together, no expectations" or just leave it be? she said she's sick right now and i just said hope you feel better soon and she said thanks so i left it there for now.

I have been out of the game for quite some time 7 years to be exact. But honestly 7 years ago if I met a girl that had similar interests in film as I have and even went as far as to suggest renting a movie and eating some pizza and she said yes. Then make the plans, rent the movie and eat some damn good pizza.

But then again you might want some other GAF advice because renting a movie and watching it at your house and eating pizza could equal orgy for all I know. Like I said been out of the game for 7 years.

I would personally not worry about her reading too much into it. If something happens during said movie, or after said movie, or said movie does not even start then awesome. But seriously she agreed to a movie and pizza if you are not sure about your house ask if she has a preference as to where to watch said movie and go from there.
 
Messaging "no expectations" just makes it awkward.

Going to your house on first date is usually too much, but not always. I would suggest not meeting for the first time at your house, but maybe finishing the night there. Do something beforehand, that way she has a chance to get to know you a little and bail if she doesn't like you. For example on my first date with my current girlfriend, we just went for a walk around town, got some smoothies, then went to my house where we played video games for a little bit and I showed her some of my art projects. Super casual, plenty of time to talk while doing activities where you're not required to be looking right in each other's faces the entire time, and she got a chance to make sure she liked me and that I wasn't a crazy person.

Afterwards I texted her that I had a great time, she agreed, we set up the second date.
 
Messaging "no expectations" just makes it awkward.

Going to your house on first date is usually too much, but not always. I would suggest not meeting for the first time at your house, but maybe finishing the night there. Do something beforehand, that way she has a chance to get to know you a little and bail if she doesn't like you. For example on my first date with my current girlfriend, we just went for a walk around town, got some smoothies, then went to my house where we played video games for a little bit and I showed her some of my art projects. Super casual, plenty of time to talk while doing activities where you're not required to be looking right in each other's faces the entire time, and she got a chance to make sure she liked me and that I wasn't a crazy person.

Afterwards I texted her that I had a great time, she agreed, we set up the second date.

alright so i won't text her that, but how do i salvage it now? i have no clue what to say now without sounding awkward or creepy.
 
It's fine. I have had several first dates at my place. If she has agreed, she wants to do it. She wouldn't if she felt uncomfortable.
 
is inviting a girl to your house on first date too much? like maybe she thinks i'm expecting something that night. should i message her and say something like "we can just eat pizza, watch a movie together, no expectations" or just leave it be? she said she's sick right now and i just said hope you feel better soon and she said thanks so i left it there for now.
First date should always be something relaxed in public. Girl gets to see you're normal, has an easy way out, and so forth. She may feel intimidated to come to your house without knowing you. And no, don't message "no expectations". That basically implies that you previously had expectations (i.e. sex), know what I mean?

If you invited her and she then became sick, well, she might be trying to bail. My only advice is to stop replying. If she's truly sick then she'll get back to you once she recovers. Just leave it be, don't drag it on or try to change course out of nowhere. IF IF IF you really want to try to make it work then message her in some days with something like, "Hey, I realize my house may have been too forward. Coffee instead?" But I'd say just say no more and leave it at that.
 
First date should always be something relaxed in public. Girl gets to see you're normal, has an easy way out, and so forth. She may feel intimidated to come to your house without knowing you. And no, don't message "no expectations". That basically implies that you previously had expectations (i.e. sex), know what I mean?

If you invited her and she then became sick, well, she might be trying to bail. My only advice is to stop replying. If she's truly sick then she'll get back to you once she recovers. Just leave it be, don't drag it on or try to change course out of nowhere. IF IF IF you really want to try to make it work then message her in some days with something like, "Hey, I realize my house may have been too forward. Coffee instead?" But I'd say just say no more and leave it at that.

solid advice. i think the "sick" thing is legit though. her profile says she was just diagnosed with crohn's disease and she was in the hospital last year. so i'm not sure what could be going on.

also, i always see coffee/drinks for a first date, is that just standard? i know some people who don't drink coffee or alcohol at all.
 
So hrm, how do I choose one when Tinder lets me go on multiple dates every week?

Do I take each on a few dates and see how we click? If I like one or more girls equally how do I decide on which one?

I've had real sparks in past relationships, if I don't feel those sparks right away should I just move on? Even if I like the person? Or are they something that will come over time with someone, should I give people more of a chance?

Man, I can't complain as I have so many options right now, but seriously, shit's gettin complicated, lol
 
So hrm, how do I choose one when Tinder lets me go on multiple dates every week?

Do I take each on a few dates and see how we click? If I like one or more girls equally how do I decide on which one?

I've had real sparks with people before, if I don't feel those sparks right away should I juat move on? Or are they something that will come over time with someone?

Man, I can't complain as I have so many options right now, but seriously, shit's gettin complicated, lol

how the hell did you get tinder dates? lol

almost every girl i matched with on there has been a bot, and out of the real ones only got one response. i can't stand that app anymore.
 
how the hell did you get tinder dates? lol

almost every girl i matched with on there has been a bot, and out of the real ones only got one response. i can't stand that app anymore.

I swipe until I run out of matches and am pretty leniant with my swipes. If I think they're cute I swipe right.

Yes there are a lot of bots, but there are lots of good girls out there too, moreso than on POF or OKC. You just have to message message message and you'll get one or two answers that aren't bots for every ten bots.
 
I swipe until I run out of matches and am pretty leniant with my swipes. If I think they're cute I swipe right.

Yes there are a lot of bots, but there are lots of good girls out there too, moreso than on POF or OKC. You just have to message message message and you'll get one or two answers that aren't bots for every ten bots.

i've had way more luck on OKC than tinder.
 
how the hell did you get tinder dates? lol

almost every girl i matched with on there has been a bot, and out of the real ones only got one response. i can't stand that app anymore.


Getting Tinder dates is pretty easy if you follow these two rules:

1) Be attractive
2) Don't be unattractive
 
also, i always see coffee/drinks for a first date, is that just standard? i know some people who don't drink coffee or alcohol at all.
You're focusing on the coffee too much. Its the idea of going to a nice place, having some kind of drink, and having a fun chat. Most people who frequent Starbucks drink one of their many fruity drinks, for example.

Its fine to experiment with other first-date ideas, coffee just happens to be very reliable, easy, and inexpensive. I'd never have dinner as a first date, for example, because its not worth throwing out such money on a person who may be planning her disappearance during the first date itself.
 
I've had real sparks in past relationships, if I don't feel those sparks right away should I just move on? Even if I like the person? Or are they something that will come over time with someone, should I give people more of a chance?

Man, I can't complain as I have so many options right now, but seriously, shit's gettin complicated, lol
I am in a similar situation, and yeah, it can get stressful. More dates than I have free time. I've had a date with one at lunch, then someone else at dinner. If I don't feel a connection pretty quickly, either on phone or in person, I just move on. I've tried to wait and see before, but it never changes.
 
You're focusing on the coffee too much. Its the idea of going to a nice place, having some kind of drink, and having a fun chat. Most people who frequent Starbucks drink one of their many fruity drinks, for example.

Its fine to experiment with other first-date ideas, coffee just happens to be very reliable, easy, and inexpensive. I'd never have dinner as a first date, for example, because its not worth throwing out such money on a person who may be planning her disappearance during the first date itself.

understood. i will suggest this new starbucks that just opened near us. it's pretty huge.

should i try again thursday?
 
Woah, I just missed this thread and went to make my own about something that could be posted here. Shit, my bad. I'll lock that other thread and post in here.
 
Getting Tinder dates is pretty easy if you follow these two rules:

1) Be attractive
2) Don't be unattractive

Yeah this. Sorry, I forgot to mention I'm attractive. My bad.

I am in a similar situation, and yeah, it can get stressful. More dates than I have free time. I've had a date with one at lunch, then someone else at dinner. If I don't feel a connection pretty quickly, either on phone or in person, I just move on. I've tried to wait and see before, but it never changes.

Well I mean I've kinda been seeing someone for a week, but told them I'm not committing yet as I always move too quick in relationships. And I'm in to them, but there are some things I don't think I can get over, so I'm kinda trying to decide on if I should go any further with them or just keep the Tinder train going and keep looking, especially when I know I can do better (in some ways, in others I may not find someone any better, as we click pretty well, just no sparks yet.)
 
Well I mean I've kinda been seeing someone for a week, but told them I'm not committing yet as I always move too quick in relationships. And I'm in to them, but there are some things I don't think I can get over, so I'm kinda trying to decide on if I should go any further with them or just keep the Tinder train going and keep looking, especially when I know I can do better (in some ways, in others I may not find someone any better, as we click pretty well, just no sparks yet.)

My experience would lead me to move on. I've met women that seemed like great life partners, but moved on for reasons others may be able to overcome. I am just old enough and been through enough to know that I would eventually be unhappy and end up looking elsewhere anyway. Better to save both people the heartbreak.
 
If my screw ups on date one weren't enough to deter her, I just puked on date two. Also broke my watch while getting ready. Banner day all around.

So after all that, you did go out with that girl? And had a second date with her? That's great! That is progress, even if things didn't play out ideally and I'm genuinely happy for you.
 
Anyone date/see someone that completely shuts down during times of high stress?

Been seeing someone for about 2 months now - things have been going great. She's in the midst of a 2 week winter class and has completely shut down. 1 or 2 word text responses that are hours apart, she's been cancelling plans, etc. I asked her if anything was wrong, but she just said she was extremely stressed and has a big presentation to do at the end of the week.

I'll keep my fingers crossed and believe it really is just stress and hope to just ride out this week. I have no reason to believe she'll just "fade" this quickly (we've slept together and it's clear from her prior texts/conversations we are both getting emotionally invested).

Still, it makes me nervous that something is up. Hopefully it's nothing and I'm just overreacting.
 
If my screw ups on date one weren't enough to deter her, I just puked on date two. Also broke my watch while getting ready. Banner day all around.

Sounds like this would make for a great anecdote for the next person you date.

Or one of those embarrassing stories you reference about when you two are together after a long time and are describing how you started off.

Either way, doing something is interesting. It may be embarrassing, awkward, difficult in the moment but it is interesting. Doing nothing is not interesting.
 
Oh deary me

Had another date, we ended up getting coffee

In the same cafe was the girl I fucked last week (she wants to keep it as a one off, no relationship or likely ever meeting again). That was tense.
 
If my screw ups on date one weren't enough to deter her, I just puked on date two. Also broke my watch while getting ready. Banner day all around.

First off, impressed and glad you went on the date, followed by another date. (If I am understanding this correctly)

Did you puke because of nerves or were you sick?
 
So I have been working for about two months now to meet new people IRL and online with virtually no luck. It feels more or less the same as it always has.

Online (OKC) has been a complete sink. I only had 2 conversations out of around 70 messages, and both of those died off when I asked if I could meet them to talk in person. The pool is so limited in my area that it is more or less exhausted now.

IRL I have put more effort in talking to people in stores and the like to boost confidence, but girls (and people in general) have not been very friendly about it. I know girls tend to get nervous when guys approach them, but I was careful to follow advice about that.

This is why I would rather a girl (or just people in general) approach me than proactively look. At least then I know they see something in me they want to be around.
 
My experience with okcupid has also been dismal. The site just does not encourage really getting to know people. Everything is filtered. Even when you directly message people, it feels sterile. I vastly prefer the open form of communication on POF.

You had no women initiate contact on OKC? Most of my contact there was started by women. POF also makes it easy with the "meet me" feature. Almost every woman I message on POF had marked a wish to meet me first. At the very least, I know they are physically attracted.
 
I mentioned this in my last post, the guy I'm seeing mentioned that he didn't know much about me and wanted to know who I am and where I came from. I was thinking about it and next time we're in bed, I want to tell him that I've never taken someone home or gone to someone's house like I did with him. I've never had a one night stand or anything. Is this a bad idea? I just think it's such an unlikely way to meet someone, even More so when coupled with the idea that we have so much in common.
 
I did have two women message me, both of whom were early 20s with kids. That is a nonstarter for me.

Tinder I dismiss just on the premise of it (match based solely on appearance). That is not something that works with me.

Maybe I should try one of the paid sites? I feel I might have better luck there.
 
so guys i dont get it. on okc i have a few convos after a girl likes my page but than they just stop and it dries out,it is exhausting and disappointing to put thought in talking and getting ignored or rejected. I do have better luck on pof.girls think im cute but thats it, they go dark when i want to meet up and iam always asking questions.

makes it worst I finally ask this girl number on the train who i see every time i go to work, she glances at me and i thought she was interested in me.but completely ignored my texts afterwards.....maybe i seem desperate but if a man does not have water for three days i think its natural for human being to grasp onto something that he hardly is provided with, majority women on there dont have those issues because they are already getting like 99 likes and messages a day to make them feel good and boost self confidence
 
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