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[mullet2000]

Okayyy quick question Dating-Age:

So I made an OkCupid account last week, I had a break up in very early November and I finally started feeling willing to get out there again. It's actually going really well, I've been talking to a couple girls and have a few dates set up.

Okay, so: There's one girl (who I was the first I asked out) who I've actually grown less interested in since asking her out. I was a bit on the fence about her to begin with...she's legitimately very cool and fun to talk to, and we've got a lot in common, but I'm not sure the physical attraction is there, and there's a significant age difference (in my opinion); I'm 23 and she is 20. Note that I only say this is a big difference because people change a whole lot in their early 20s. If we were older this would not be a factor.

A few days ago are started talking to girl #2, who is 23 like me, is so ridiculously my type physically that it's almost comical, and has also been awesome to talk to. It's kind of retroactively made me less interested in girl #1. I'm suppose to go on a date with girl 1 this week, and girl 2 this coming weekend (girl 2 is in the middle of a giant work project that won't be done till Friday).

Should I even go on the date with girl #1, or just cut it off beforehand? I feel like for the sake of dating experience it would be good for me (this would be my first first date since I was 19, my last relationship was a very long one), but I don't want to play games with her because she's clearly quite in to me and I can feel my interest in her fading, though to be perfectly fair I haven't met her in person yet. Girl #2 is also quite in to me, but I'm just as into her so it's a lot more equal, I have noooo doubts that I want to meet up with her.

I didn't get an answer to this, any opinions on this? I have to decide if I'm cancelling on girl #1 by this evening, probably. Don't worry too much about my age comment, more just the general decline in interest that I point out. Would most of you just go anyway or cut it off now?

I got girl #2's number now and we've been texting a bit here and there, usually with her initiating. Things are going good with her thus far, kinda just want to get to the date at this point though hahaha.

 

[Arsenic Yellow]

I didn't get an answer to this, any opinions on this? I have to decide if I'm cancelling on girl #1 by this evening, probably. Don't worry too much about my age comment, more just the general decline in interest that I point out. Would most of you just go anyway or cut it off now?

I got girl #2's number now and we've been texting a bit here and there, usually with her initiating. Things are going good with her thus far, kinda just want to get to the date at this point though hahaha.

It sounds like you've already made up your mind. What is it about the other girl that you arent physically attracted to? If you've never met her, her pictures may be misleading and unflattering (or they could actually be the other way around).

I personally would say meet up with girl number 1 for something casual. It would be kinda of a dick move to cancel without even meeting her.

 

[mullet2000]

It sounds like you've already made up your mind. What is it about the other girl that you arent physically attracted to? If you've never met her, her pictures may be misleading and unflattering (or they could actually be the other way around).

I personally would say meet up with girl number 1 for something casual. It would be kinda of a dick move to cancel without even meeting her.

It's hard for me to place exactly what it is, I just know I'm significantly more attracted to girl #2 and that's colouring my interest, I think. They both seems quite nice personality wise, and I get along with both of them.

But you're right, I'm just going off of pictures for the both of them. Hmmmm.

I think you're right that it would be a dick move to cancel early, it's just she seems really into me and I don't want to lead her on or cut things off on her after she thinks the first date went really well or something. I guess that's just the realities of dating, though? As I said I've been off the market since I was 19, these are my first two first dates for quittttte some time. I'm rusty haha.

 

[stn]

@mullet2000

I think you've been mentally set on bailing on girl #1 since you met her. Once someone says "I'm not sure the physical attraction is there" its pretty much over. Even if you go out with her you won't be fully invested in her and probably won't go on a second date. Don't waste your time or hers, just move on to girl #2.

 

[mullet2000]

@mullet2000

I think you've been mentally set on bailing on girl #1 since you met her. Once someone says "I'm not sure the physical attraction is there" its pretty much over. Even if you go out with her you won't be fully invested in her and probably won't go on a second date. Don't waste your time or hers, just move on to girl #2.

You're probably right. I'm looking forward to the date with girl #2 way more and that's going to make me less interested in girl #1 when I see her. I think I'm looking at the date as more of an obligation that I made rather than something to look forward to. I'm not fully checked in.

So that begs the question: how do you let someone down easy about cancelling an OKC date?

 

[Symphonia]

So that begs the question: how do you let someone down easy about cancelling an OKC date?

Treat it as if you were removing a plaster or band aid. Don't take your time explaining it, just be blunt and to the point, but not so you come across as a dick. Apologise and move on. She'll appreciate the honesty.

 

[Coda]

Had a date today but she said she was swamped with work. I feel like in a way it's going to work in my favor though because we're still going to hang out on Friday at a mutual friend's birthday party. I feel like it will be an easier situation than a formal date. I was all ready though today, mentally and physically.

 

[Deleted member 752119]

@mullet2000

I think you've been mentally set on bailing on girl #1 since you met her. Once someone says "I'm not sure the physical attraction is there" its pretty much over. Even if you go out with her you won't be fully invested in her and probably won't go on a second date. Don't waste your time or hers, just move on to girl #2.

For a counterpoint, it could be worth going for first date practice if he doesn't have much experience with online dating (and since he's out of a recent breakup). So that could help make a first date with the other girl go better by getting some jitters out of the way.

Kind of shitty to her, but there's always the off chance that they really hit it off in person.

 

[VASPER]

Yo GAF went on a date with a girl from Tinder and had a great time, good chemistry talked about seeing each other again this week (date was Friday). I was thinking of waiting to let her text me or hit her up tomorrow and see if she was down to see a movie this weekend. What ya think? It was nice, she messaged me an hour after the date telling me she had a good time.

 

[GK86]

I would just text her, but that is just me. I don't play wait X amount of time or days to text someone I'm interested in.

 

[Exploding8]

So I just got back from my second date with this girl. I felt like we had a good first date, talked for a couple hours over coffee. But on this second one it seemed like all she did the entire time was tell stories about her past. Nothing serious, just a bunch of random stories. She rarely asked me any questions and I spent so much time listening that when there was a lull in conversation it's almost like I was too surprised to think of anything to ask to keep things going xD

We talked about maybe getting drinks, but I think we both felt it wasn't the best of dates. But that first one went well, so maybe I should shoot for a third? See if things go better? Or should I pursue the other girls I was talking to before I went out with this one?

 

[stn]

For a counterpoint, it could be worth going for first date practice if he doesn't have much experience with online dating (and since he's out of a recent breakup). So that could help make a first date with the other girl go better by getting some jitters out of the way.

Kind of shitty to her, but there's always the off chance that they really hit it off in person.

It could definitely be good practice, yes. As for them hitting it off, he already said she has a great personality. Pretty much proves that his lack of attraction is the defining factor, know what I mean? Which is pretty normal, most people will want someone they're attracted to. I recommended ditching the girl for the sake of simplicity in his life and hers, but he could use the opportunity to gain experience.

 

[mullet2000]

For a counterpoint, it could be worth going for first date practice if he doesn't have much experience with online dating (and since he's out of a recent breakup). So that could help make a first date with the other girl go better by getting some jitters out of the way.

Kind of shitty to her, but there's always the off chance that they really hit it off in person.

It could definitely be good practice, yes. As for them hitting it off, he already said she has a great personality. Pretty much proves that his lack of attraction is the defining factor, know what I mean? Which is pretty normal, most people will want someone they're attracted to. I recommended ditching the girl for the sake of simplicity in his life and hers, but he could use the opportunity to gain experience.

I definitely thought about doing that but I don't think it's very nice to the other person, so I decided not to. Actually just sent her the cancellation message about 15 minutes ago.

And yeah, you're right stn, I think it does prove the lack of physical attraction. At the end of the day I can't really control that, I guess.

Thankfully I don't get jidders or very nervous about dates, so I should be alright. It has definitely been a while and that frames things a little differently, but I always had a very easy time going on dates until I got into that very long relationship at 19. I don't think it'll be too big of an issue with girl #2. On top of that girl #2 actually mentioned to me that she's never done an online date before either, so that's comforting.

 

[bcl0328]

the girl from OKC sent me a message then texted me after. i was on my phone and may have texted back within 3 seconds. oops...

 

[Zing]

the girl from OKC sent me a message then texted me after. i was on my phone and may have texted back within 3 seconds. oops...

That's no problem. I have literally went from receiving an initial PM on POF to us texting back and forth within 2 minutes. It doesn't hurt to be that quick unless they are playing immature games.

 

[bcl0328]

That's no problem. I have literally went from receiving an initial PM on POF to us texting back and forth within 2 minutes. It doesn't hurt to be that quick unless they are playing immature games.

she doesn't seem to be into playing games. very straightforward and honest. it's kind of nice for a change. i think i've been dealing with immature women for too long.

 

[Incendiary]

Alright Dating-GAF, I need some advice because I'm in a bit of a situation I'm not used to.

To keep the story as brief as possible: I met a girl at New Year's. It was pretty clear she was into me for most of the night - we ended up hooking up and she spent the night. She is a friend of my roommate's: the catch is she lives a good hour and a half away. I've hung out with her each weekend since New Year's and either I've gone to see her and spent the night, or she came to see me and spent the night. It's nice, we get along great, have good physical chemistry and I think she's starting to get attached to me. The problem is, I'm not really feeling anything for her. No butterflies, no excitement when she texts me. I mean, I still enjoy talking to her, hanging out with her, and the physical aspect, but I'm just not getting the romantic/crush/interest type feelings from being around her. I also have issues with the distance, which isn't that much in the grand scheme of things and if I really was into her I don't think it would be a problem. But I view it as a problem, so...

On the other hand, there's this other girl who I hung out with a few times last year, a friend's girlfriend introduced her to me. At the time, I asked her out for drinks, but she said she had just started seeing somebody but would let me know if anything changed. Now granted, that could have been her way of politely saying she wasn't interested, however she still talks to me on occasion and is always seemingly excited to hang out/chat with me. Most recently, she came to hang out with me and my friends this past weekend. And of course, all those butterflies and crush feelings I don't have with the girl who's really into me? They showed up real fast, as I was worried half the night trying to make everything perfect and give off a good impression so she would enjoy herself. And afterwards, she told me she had a good time and was looking forward to my next get-together, which of course set off more butterflies.

So my question is, how should I handle both situations? I don't want to string along the first girl, but I want to clearly communicate that I still like hanging out with her and it's not anything she's done or not done. But at the same time this little voice inside my head is telling me "Why are you not interested in a girl who's totally into you? What if this is the best you're ever going to get?" And then I turn around and get all stupid over the second girl and I realize I want to feel like that about the person I'm with. I don't want to be with somebody just for the sake of being with somebody.

Anyway...I could use some advice since both situations are kind of new to me: having a physical relationship with somebody who is leaning towards wanting more and me not being into it, along with being friends with somebody I've already asked out, who didn't exactly say no, but there's no indication if she'll ever say yes.

 

[Silent_Ocarina]

Alright Dating-GAF, I need some advice because I'm in a bit of a situation I'm not used to.

To keep the story as brief as possible: I met a girl at New Year's. It was pretty clear she was into me for most of the night - we ended up hooking up and she spent the night. She is a friend of my roommate's: the catch is she lives a good hour and a half away. I've hung out with her each weekend since New Year's and either I've gone to see her and spent the night, or she came to see me and spent the night. It's nice, we get along great, have good physical chemistry and I think she's starting to get attached to me. The problem is, I'm not really feeling anything for her. No butterflies, no excitement when she texts me. I mean, I still enjoy talking to her, hanging out with her, and the physical aspect, but I'm just not getting the romantic/crush/interest type feelings from being around her. I also have issues with the distance, which isn't that much in the grand scheme of things and if I really was into her I don't think it would be a problem. But I view it as a problem, so...

On the other hand, there's this other girl who I hung out with a few times last year, a friend's girlfriend introduced her to me. At the time, I asked her out for drinks, but she said she had just started seeing somebody but would let me know if anything changed. Now granted, that could have been her way of politely saying she wasn't interested, however she still talks to me on occasion and is always seemingly excited to hang out/chat with me. Most recently, she came to hang out with me and my friends this past weekend. And of course, all those butterflies and crush feelings I don't have with the girl who's really into me? They showed up real fast, as I was worried half the night trying to make everything perfect and give off a good impression so she would enjoy herself. And afterwards, she told me she had a good time and was looking forward to my next get-together, which of course set off more butterflies.

So my question is, how should I handle both situations? I don't want to string along the first girl, but I want to clearly communicate that I still like hanging out with her and it's not anything she's done or not done. But at the same time this little voice inside my head is telling me "Why are you not interested in a girl who's totally into you? What if this is the best you're ever going to get?" And then I turn around and get all stupid over the second girl and I realize I want to feel like that about the person I'm with. I don't want to be with somebody just for the sake of being with somebody.

Anyway...I could use some advice since both situations are kind of new to me: having a physical relationship with somebody who is leaning towards wanting more and me not being into it, along with being friends with somebody I've already asked out, who didn't exactly say no, but there's no indication if she'll ever say yes.

I'm no relationship guru, but I don't think you should ever stay with someone because of the fear that you won't find any better. It's not fair to her, and it's not fair to you. You seem hung up on the second girl you mentioned, so I think you should either pursue her or try to get over her. Otherwise, those "what if" thoughts might keep poisoning your future relationships.

 

[Salamando]

Alright Dating-GAF, I need some advice because I'm in a bit of a situation I'm not used to.

...

Anyway...I could use some advice since both situations are kind of new to me: having a physical relationship with somebody who is leaning towards wanting more and me not being into it, along with being friends with somebody I've already asked out, who didn't exactly say no, but there's no indication if she'll ever say yes.

She did say no, and the torch you've been carrying for her has prevented you from feeling anything towards other girl. Do your best to forget about girl whom you aren't dating. If you aren't able to, or you continue to feel nothing towards other girl, break up with her.

 

[Xun]

One of my best relationships and the one that got away... was that way for me totally out of left field and I was questioning myself and everything I thought I knew about my "type" after meeting her and our second date.

True.

I'll see how it all goes on the second date.

Nice! Is there another date already planned?

She's away at home for the rest of the week and I'm busy for most of next week, so I suggested Friday (30th).

No response yet, but she was the one who initiated asking about the next date.

 

[Etrian Oddity]

Started getting back into my workout routine last week (and intend on doing so indefinitely), and the testosterone boost is definitely noticed. Hopefully it'll provide enough of a boost for me to get out of my shell and nut up and approach women. Cold approaches are still about insurmountable for me. =\

 

[Symphonia]

The girl from OKC sent me a message then texted me after. I was on my phone and may have texted back within 3 seconds. Oops...

I personally don't believe in waiting to reply to a message or risk looking needy and pathetic. If you're quick to reply, not only are you showing the girl you're interested but you're also keeping her distracted from potentially messaging other guys. As mentioned, the only way it would be any sort of problem is if she's just playing games and being immature. But I say go crazy, reply to her messages as soon as you can.

 

[Etrian Oddity]

I personally don't believe in waiting to reply to a message or risk looking needy and pathetic. If you're quick to reply, not only are you showing the girl you're interested but you're also keeping her distracted from potentially messaging other guys. As mentioned, the only way it would be any sort of problem is if she's just playing games and being immature. But I say go crazy, reply to her messages as soon as you can.

I knew a guy who wouldn't wait to reply, literally texted this girl he met online about how beautiful she was every single day... and she bought him a plane ticket to visit her so they could fuck.

If you're lucky and find a girl who likes you, you're lucky and found a girl that likes you, I guess.

 

[bcl0328]

Started getting back into my workout routine last week (and intend on doing so indefinitely), and the testosterone boost is definitely noticed. Hopefully it'll provide enough of a boost for me to get out of my shell and nut up and approach women. Cold approaches are still about insurmountable for me. =\

it will help a lot. i started working out regularly and my attitude and confidence has changed a ton. i'm doing and saying things to girls i never normally would before.

I personally don't believe in waiting to reply to a message or risk looking needy and pathetic. If you're quick to reply, not only are you showing the girl you're interested but you're also keeping her distracted from potentially messaging other guys. As mentioned, the only way it would be any sort of problem is if she's just playing games and being immature. But I say go crazy, reply to her messages as soon as you can.

yep, and like i said she doesn't seem to be into playing games. i sent her a message and she replied pretty quick too. i hope this one works out. our first date is tomorrow.

 

[Arsenic Yellow]

I love dating people within the someone within the same social circle, but not close enough to the point that if things didn't work out I'd still run into him. Last night I had a dinner party at my place with some of my photographer colleagues and invited the guy I'm seeing. He sadly couldn't make it because he was having a mini reunion with his colleagues. We went to the same graduate program, but he was in a different medium and graduated in 2013. Anyways, the girl who invited me to the nye party also went to the reunion...

Having dinner and I suddenly get a wave of texts from her, saying "omg I'm with __. Don't tell him I texted you! So excited for you!!!" Of course I asked what was being said. And she responded with "Don't worry it was good! All good he blushed. He was like the most adorable. He was so happy talking about you. He said: we have so much in common. You have this in the bag."

Totally made my day, I had been a little down and depressed, worried that he may have felt pressured into becoming exclusive or something and that he wasn't interested. We have a Bladerunner double date at a movie theater this weekend. Seriously this is the craziest way I've ever met someone and to have so much in common with a single person is even crazier.

Example: our first date we were sitting at a jazz bar and talking and I asked him "Do you read any non american comics?"
Him: "Not really."
Me: I don't really read many comics anymore, but my favorite is Junji Ito
Him"The only artist I'm really into is Junji Ito" (it was loud so I don't think he heard me when I said his name)
Me: :O
Him: :O
Our story of his is the same too: The Enigma of Amigara Fault.

Guys I cannot fuck this up.

 

[Kung Fu Jedi]

I love dating people within the someone within the same social circle, but not close enough to the point that if things didn't work out I'd still run into him. Last night I had a dinner party at my place with some of my photographer colleagues and invited the guy I'm seeing. He sadly couldn't make it because he was having a mini reunion with his colleagues. We went to the same graduate program, but he was in a different medium and graduated in 2013. Anyways, the girl who invited me to the nye party also went to the reunion...

Having dinner and I suddenly get a wave of texts from her, saying "omg I'm with __. Don't tell him I texted you! So excited for you!!!" Of course I asked what was being said. And she responded with "Don't worry it was good! All good he blushed. He was like the most adorable. He was so happy talking about you. He said: we have so much in common. You have this in the bag."

Totally made my day, I had been a little down and depressed, worried that he may have felt pressured into becoming exclusive or something and that he wasn't interested. We have a Bladerunner double date at a movie theater this weekend. Seriously this is the craziest way I've ever met someone and to have so much in common with a single person is even crazier.

Example: our first date we were sitting at a jazz bar and talking and I asked him "Do you read any non american comics?"
Him: "Not really."
Me: I don't really read many comics anymore, but my favorite is Junji Ito
Him"The only artist I'm really into is Junji Ito" (it was loud so I don't think he heard me when I said his name)
Me: :O
Him: :O
Our story of his is the same too: The Enigma of Amigara Fault.

Guys I cannot fuck this up.

Sounds like everything is going great. You need to relax, not over-think things, and just let the relationship continue to progress. You'll be fine.

 

[Flying Toaster]

I love dating people within the someone within the same social circle, but not close enough to the point that if things didn't work out I'd still run into him. Last night I had a dinner party at my place with some of my photographer colleagues and invited the guy I'm seeing. He sadly couldn't make it because he was having a mini reunion with his colleagues. We went to the same graduate program, but he was in a different medium and graduated in 2013. Anyways, the girl who invited me to the nye party also went to the reunion...

Having dinner and I suddenly get a wave of texts from her, saying "omg I'm with __. Don't tell him I texted you! So excited for you!!!" Of course I asked what was being said. And she responded with "Don't worry it was good! All good he blushed. He was like the most adorable. He was so happy talking about you. He said: we have so much in common. You have this in the bag."

Totally made my day, I had been a little down and depressed, worried that he may have felt pressured into becoming exclusive or something and that he wasn't interested. We have a Bladerunner double date at a movie theater this weekend. Seriously this is the craziest way I've ever met someone and to have so much in common with a single person is even crazier.

Example: our first date we were sitting at a jazz bar and talking and I asked him "Do you read any non american comics?"
Him: "Not really."
Me: I don't really read many comics anymore, but my favorite is Junji Ito
Him"The only artist I'm really into is Junji Ito" (it was loud so I don't think he heard me when I said his name)
Me: :O
Him: :O
Our story of his is the same too: The Enigma of Amigara Fault.

Guys I cannot fuck this up.

I am lucky that I started reading this thread right as your first questions about this guy hit... It is cool to see your relationship progress in a positive way. You should just live and let live, see where things go and not worry about "Fucking the situation up" I have learned that it is easy to mess up a relationship spending too much time trying to not screw up the relationship that it messes with the entire dynamic of the relationship.

You got this. You are awesome and this guy is smitten with you. Live life have fun and include him in it. That is all you should really focus on at the moment.

 

[radioactivez0r]

Alright Dating-GAF, I need some advice because I'm in a bit of a situation I'm not used to.

To keep the story as brief as possible: I met a girl at New Year's. It was pretty clear she was into me for most of the night - we ended up hooking up and she spent the night. She is a friend of my roommate's: the catch is she lives a good hour and a half away. I've hung out with her each weekend since New Year's and either I've gone to see her and spent the night, or she came to see me and spent the night. It's nice, we get along great, have good physical chemistry and I think she's starting to get attached to me. The problem is, I'm not really feeling anything for her. No butterflies, no excitement when she texts me. I mean, I still enjoy talking to her, hanging out with her, and the physical aspect, but I'm just not getting the romantic/crush/interest type feelings from being around her. I also have issues with the distance, which isn't that much in the grand scheme of things and if I really was into her I don't think it would be a problem. But I view it as a problem, so...

Anyway...I could use some advice since both situations are kind of new to me: having a physical relationship with somebody who is leaning towards wanting more and me not being into it, along with being friends with somebody I've already asked out, who didn't exactly say no, but there's no indication if she'll ever say yes.

I had a very similar situation to your girl #1 last summer; we had fun, good physical chemistry, but I realized I just wasn't that excited to see her (additionally, there was no challenge/I didn't have to put in any effort) so instead of dragging it out or hoping it would change, I ended it. I felt bad (she cried) but months later I still know it was the right thing to do. Gotta have that excitement.

 

[Arsenic Yellow]

Sounds like everything is going great. You need to relax, not over-think things, and just let the relationship continue to progress. You'll be fine.

I am lucky that I started reading this thread right as your first questions about this guy hit... It is cool to see your relationship progress in a positive way. You should just live and let live, see where things go and not worry about "Fucking the situation up" I have learned that it is easy to mess up a relationship spending too much time trying to not screw up the relationship that it messes with the entire dynamic of the relationship.

You got this. You are awesome and this guy is smitten with you. Live life have fun and include him in it. That is all you should really focus on at the moment.

Thanks guys! Normally I wouldn't be as nervous, but he's like the weirdest communicator via text I've ever seen. But yeah I'll try to cool it!

So my question is, how should I handle both situations? I don't want to string along the first girl, but I want to clearly communicate that I still like hanging out with her and it's not anything she's done or not done. But at the same time this little voice inside my head is telling me "Why are you not interested in a girl who's totally into you? What if this is the best you're ever going to get?" And then I turn around and get all stupid over the second girl and I realize I want to feel like that about the person I'm with. I don't want to be with somebody just for the sake of being with somebody.

I would never want someone to feel like they are dating me because they couldn't get anything better. It would probably crush me. Explain to her that you're just not feeling anything more than a friendship with her. Understand that if she really likes you, she may not be willing to continue that friendship.

 

[bcl0328]

I am lucky that I started reading this thread right as your first questions about this guy hit... It is cool to see your relationship progress in a positive way. You should just live and let live, see where things go and not worry about "Fucking the situation up" I have learned that it is easy to mess up a relationship spending too much time trying to not screw up the relationship that it messes with the entire dynamic of the relationship.

You got this. You are awesome and this guy is smitten with you. Live life have fun and include him in it. That is all you should really focus on at the moment.

it was fun to watch it turn into a full blown relationship after a few dates and we got to see it from a girl's perspective. they worry as much as we do

 

[beat]

Guys I cannot fuck this up.

This could be read in two different meanings: one anxious, one supremely confident. =) I don't mean you should take him for granted, but don't worry about it either; you're both apparently crazy about each other. That's great!

 

[Arsenic Yellow]

it's fun to watch it turn from some dates and into now a full blown relationship from a girl's perspective. they worry as much as guys do

haha I dont know if I'd call it a relationship yet. We haven't even held hands yet, what can I say, the person I'm smitten with is a weird guy. Totally different experience than I'm used to, trying to be super patient. He acts like half of the guys in this thread :I. It drives me crazy. I'm used to seeing the guy I'm dating 3-5 times a week, constantly texting back and forth...

I didn't tell you guys the way I confirmed we were exclusive. I told ya'll about the night we spent, but then I was really confused about what that meant. We had only told each other we weren't dating anyone else, we didn't actually say we wouldn't date anyone. So I send him this text.

Me: Was last night us agreeing we wouldn't date anyone else? I'm not asking to pressure you or anything. I just want to make sure there aren't any misunderstandings or anything.

Him(after an excrutiating 40 minutes): Yeah, thanks for being clear and direct on that

(this answers nothing. My face :| )

Me: Wait I'm confused haha. Yeah to my question?

Him: Yes to the question!

I'm totally smitten but god damn! Worse response ever haha. Take notes from my experience, don't act like him! I was almost ready to give up last week, but saw a video of him playing in his old band and it totally reeled me back in.

 

[Flying Toaster]

haha I dont know if I'd call it a relationship yet. We haven't even held hands yet, what can I say, the person I'm smitten with is a weird guy. Totally different experience than I'm used to, trying to be super patient. He acts like half of the guys in this thread :I. It drives me crazy.

It is the foundation of a relationship and honestly one couldn't ask for more than that. I am scared to death to go out there at my age as a single parent and try to woo the ladies.

Who am I kidding. I am broken as fuck. No wooing will be done but I will definitely be using all of your advice on how to deal with whatever strange situations I find myself in. I can only hope that I find someone as interesting as you found.

 

[Arsenic Yellow]

It is the foundation of a relationship and honestly one couldn't ask for more than that. I am scared to death to go out there at my age as a single parent and try to woo the ladies.

Who am I kidding. I am broken as fuck. No wooing will be done but I will definitely be using all of your advice on how to deal with whatever strange situations I find myself in. I can only hope that I find someone as interesting as you found.

Aw! how old are you? As I'm getting older (28 at the moment), I find dads to be the cutest thing ever. I never wanted to date a father, but now I'd definitely consider it. And we haven't actually spent too much money, if anything I've been the one paying for more of the dates, only because I get nervous when the bill is handed to the table and it isnt promptly paid for.

 

[Flying Toaster]

Aw! how old are you? As I'm getting older (28 at the moment), I find dads to be the cutest thing ever. I never wanted to date a father, but now I'd definitely consider it. And we haven't actually spent too much money, if anything I've been the one paying for more of the dates, only because I get nervous when the bill is handed to the table and it isnt promptly paid for.

32, 33 in May. I have been with my ex for 8 years and it ended horribly. The relationship itself was a mess and I have serious trust issues but I have made it a point to not put those issues on people while dating. We will see if I can actually do that though.

My daughter is 2 and she is the most amazing thing in the world. I absolutely love her to death. Honestly if I can make it without projecting my previous relationship onto others I will be fine. But 8 years is a long time and a lot of the dating scene has changed... Applications like Tinder are the craze and even though I work in technology and am quite integrated into mainstream I find Tinder to be crazy and a little out of what I want to use as a tool.

 

[Symphonia]

As I'm getting older (28 at the moment), I find dads to be the cutest thing ever. I never wanted to date a father, but now I'd definitely consider it. And we haven't actually spent too much money, if anything I've been the one paying for more of the dates, only because I get nervous when the bill is handed to the table and it isnt promptly paid for.

You're one of only a few women I know who like single fathers.

I was on OKCupid for quite a while, and it states clearly in my profile that I have a daughter, and that she comes before anyone and anything. Yet I have a load of girls start messaging me who are shocked to 'learn' I'm a dad (despite it being in my profile) and bail. I was ready to give up, but then came along this one girl who'd taken the time to read it, understand it, and acknowledge it. She said it doesn't bother her. One month later, we're already together, and I'm pretty damn smitten.

 

[Flying Toaster]

You're one of only a few women I know who like single fathers.

I was on OKCupid for quite a while, and it states clearly in my profile that I have a daughter, and that she comes before anyone and anything. Yet I have a load of girls start messaging me who are shocked to 'learn' I'm a dad (despite it being in my profile) and bail. I was ready to give up, but then came along this one girl who'd taken the time to read it, understand it, and acknowledge it. She said it doesn't bother her. One month later, we're already together, and I'm pretty damn smitten.

Thanks for this... It is good to know. I have friends that are women that tell me this is not as big of an issue as I believe it to be. But as a parent I am aware that kids come first and a lot of non parents have a lot harder of a time being 100% ok being #2.

 

[bcl0328]

32, 33 in May. I have been with my ex for 8 years and it ended horribly. The relationship itself was a mess and I have serious trust issues but I have made it a point to not put those issues on people while dating. We will see if I can actually do that though.

My daughter is 2 and she is the most amazing thing in the world. I absolutely love her to death. Honestly if I can make it without projecting my previous relationship onto others I will be fine. But 8 years is a long time and a lot of the dating scene has changed... Applications like Tinder are the craze and even though I work in technology and am quite integrated into mainstream I find Tinder to be crazy and a little out of what I want to use as a tool.

try the plenty of fish and okcupid app/site. those at least have real people that will respond and long profiles you can read. tinder is more of a hook up thing and half of the people on it are bots. it was a waste of time for me.

 

[Arsenic Yellow]

32, 33 in May. I have been with my ex for 8 years and it ended horribly. The relationship itself was a mess and I have serious trust issues but I have made it a point to not put those issues on people while dating. We will see if I can actually do that though.

My daughter is 2 and she is the most amazing thing in the world. I absolutely love her to death. Honestly if I can make it without projecting my previous relationship onto others I will be fine. But 8 years is a long time and a lot of the dating scene has changed... Applications like Tinder are the craze and even though I work in technology and am quite integrated into mainstream I find Tinder to be crazy and a little out of what I want to use as a tool.

Before I met this guy, I briefly got involved with a colleague of mine. It was strictly sex but emotions made things difficult between us. He sort of emotionally used me as a pseudo girlfriend until he went back to his hometown and tried to get back with his ex while still flirting with me. We were best friends last semester and now of course things are very different. We're still friends as I realized I probably used him as a bit of a rebound, but he really broke my trust and i think that has sort of made me project onto this guy, despite them being completely opposites. I'm definitely trying not to let it affect whats happening, but it does make me really worried about getting hurt.

 

[Flying Toaster]

try the plenty of fish and okcupid app/site. those at least have real people that will respond and long profiles you can read. tinder is more of a hook up thing and half of the people on it are bots. it was a waste of time for me.

I will look into that. My divorce should be completely done in February. I actually have been spending time with friends and met an interesting girl last Friday night. She called me Monday and we talked for a bit. It was great but I have a thing in which I will not date or even do something related to dating before the divorce is final. Yes it is archaic and even makes little to no sense. My ex is already in another relationship but I am adamant about this as stupid as it sounds.

The girl was actually quite cool about the entire situation and said she expected a call before the ink was dry on my divorce paperwork.

But talking with this girl I met I find that I am not afraid of the opposite sex as far as approaching and having conversation. Physical contact might be different I do not know yet. Baby steps right...

 

[Symphonia]

Thanks for this... It is good to know. I have friends that are women that tell me this is not as big of an issue as I believe it to be. But as a parent I am aware that kids come first and a lot of non parents have a lot harder of a time being 100% ok being #2.

Well, even if I wasn't a parent, I wouldn't expect to be put first. In fact, if I was put first, that would put me right off whoever I'm talking to.

 

[Incendiary]

Thanks everybody for the advice.

She did say no, and the torch you've been carrying for her has prevented you from feeling anything towards other girl. Do your best to forget about girl whom you aren't dating. If you aren't able to, or you continue to feel nothing towards other girl, break up with her.

You're absolutely right that she did say no, it's just the way she worded it when she told me gave the impression that if she wasn't seeing anybody, she'd be interested. But I suppose I should focus on the no and not the escape clause she gave herself. That being said, I don't think I have a torch for her, or my feelings for her got in the way of the other relationship. I asked her out a good while ago, and hadn't interacted with her in a while. It was only hanging out with her this weekend that the crush feelings resurfaced. I'd already had lukewarm feelings towards the first girl well before I'd realized I was still into the second girl.

I had a very similar situation to your girl #1 last summer; we had fun, good physical chemistry, but I realized I just wasn't that excited to see her (additionally, there was no challenge/I didn't have to put in any effort) so instead of dragging it out or hoping it would change, I ended it. I felt bad (she cried) but months later I still know it was the right thing to do. Gotta have that excitement.

It's a little relieving to know I'm the only one that's gone through this. Helps me realize I'm not crazy for not being into a girl who is into me. Also now that you mentioned it, the challenge thing is kind of a big point too. I haven't really had to make any effort into the relationship so far, and on top of that I'm starting to realize I don't really want to put in the effort. And if I feel like that now, I'm only going to torture myself by staying with her out of obligation or not wanting to hurt her.

I would never want someone to feel like they are dating me because they couldn't get anything better. It would probably crush me. Explain to her that you're just not feeling anything more than a friendship with her. Understand that if she really likes you, she may not be willing to continue that friendship.

Yeah, I understand that and it's going to suck. I don't want to do ut because she's cool, but she deserves to be happy and not with somebody who isn't super into her.

 

[Etrian Oddity]

try the plenty of fish and okcupid app/site. those at least have real people that will respond and long profiles you can read.

Well they're real people, at least. The respond part is pretty iffy. XD

 

[Palpable]

I rarely get responses/views on pof.

 

[LFG]

is there a safe way to avoid the friend zone? or at least let her know for sure i'm more interested in her as a potential partner rather than just a buddy? going on a second date tomorrow and would like her to know i'm looking for more than friends. would it be weird to come out and say that? i can be awkward as fuck so i don't want to come off as a creep or someone just looking to get his pickle polished.

 

[GK86]

is there a safe way to avoid the friend zone? or at least let her know for sure i'm more interested in her as a potential partner rather than just a buddy? going on a second date tomorrow and would like her to know i'm looking for more than friends. would it be weird to come out and say that? i can be awkward as fuck so i don't want to come off as a creep or someone just looking to get his pickle polished.

Either she isn't getting the hint from the fact that it is a date or there has been some miscommunication on your part (i.e, she thinks it is a hangout, and you think it is a date).

 

[mullet2000]

I rarely get responses/views on pof.

The views thing is typical for a guy.

What is your typical opening message like, though? I assume you know this already but you've got to do more than just a greeting. Pull some stuff from their profile that genuinely interests you and comment about those things, ask further questions, etc. But also try to be reasonable concise.

I just started on POF and I've actually got about a 50% response rate, I'd say. I'm just an average looking dude, but I'm a pretty good writer and I think that's really carrying me.

You and I are GAF break up thread brothers, Patriot. Let's get you some responses.

 

[LFG]

Either she isn't getting the hint from the fact that it is a date or there has been some miscommunication on your part (i.e, she thinks it is a hangout, and you think it is a date).

fuck, you're right. i don't mean a date, i didn't say date to her. actually, the first "date" wasn't a date either. we just hung out and talked for about an hour. i somehow managed to get a second hangout session with her, so let me rephrase my question... is there a smooth way of letting her know i'm more interested in dating than hanging out? or do i man up and tell her what i'm looking for?

 

[Exploding8]

fuck, you're right. i don't mean a date, i didn't say date to her. actually, the first "date" wasn't a date either. we just hung out and talked for about an hour. i somehow managed to get a second hangout session with her, so let me rephrase my question... is there a smooth way of letting her know i'm more interested in dating than hanging out? or do i man up and tell her what i'm looking for?

Only way I know of is to ask her out. Otherwise it becomes an awkward guessing game, and everyone ends up struggling to figure out where they stand, and it's just miserable for everyone. Trust me, that road is not fun. Just ask if she'd want to go out sometime for coffee or drinks or a movie or something.

 

[NeOak]

Welp, i think i blew my load too early (aka i spilled the beans about liking her). She thought i liked someone else >.>

She seems to be conflicted about it because it was kinda too fast, distance and bad experiences, but did say she was flattered that i liked her, thanked me for telling her, etc etc.

If this doesn't work, I guess I won't be able to see her when she comes to visit the city i live in like a month.

Oh well, she asked for a couple of days to think about it. Nothing i can do except wait. Just wanted to kinda rant a bit ._.