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[HOMEBOY OVER HERE]

You didn't call her a man coming from a place of hate nor intentionally. You just made a mistake and should be more mindful in the future. We all make these mistakes but it's about what you do yo make sure you they rarely happen and nobody is hurt.

 

[Jburton]

I try to offend all equally and call them motherfucker.

But seriously OP, you made a genuinely unintentional mistake.

 

[Pops Maellard]

Don't stress it OP; obviously unintentional. If it makes you feel better, I call my girlfriend "duder" far too consistently.

 

[Laughing Banana]

I think I might.

Here's the issue though... I'm actually assuming she wants to be referred to as a women. I've never been informed officially, so to apologize is basically to ask "so what gender are you anyway?" That feels awkward.

I think I'll ask her friend if she really is a she...

What? Definitely not.

You're overthinking this.

 

[BocoDragon]

What? Definitely not.

You're overthinking this.

You don't see this? When I'm not sure of someone's gender, saying "sorry I may have called you the wrong gender" is implicitly asking the question.

Anyway I went to this person's friend to find out what they identified as, and I apologize already, so it's a moot point.

 

[JimiNutz]

I use that phrase regardless of gender.
I don't do it on purpose, just habit. I say 'cya later man' to my girlfriend sometimes...

 

[DOWN]

I referred to a drag queen as a he once and she got all cheeky. Its bad form to refer to them as men when they are in character apparently.

Didn't know that. I have only seen a drag show once so far, but I'll be better prepared in case I get put on the spot like they got me the first time (which thankfully didn't require much response from me).

 

[mollipen]

I call everyone whores...

I think I'd rather be called whore than dude. Man I hate that word, which of course makes my living in Southern California all the more enjoyable!

 

[Soodanim]

This could easily be one of those things where you aren't supposed to say something, but because it's at the front of your mind from all of the "Don't say/mention X", your brain fucks up and you say that exact thing. So because you were actively trying to avoid referring to her as a man, the word "man" was in your immediate thoughts and a phrase with that word that would usually be harmless was what came out.

Don't beat yourself up over it, although I would feel bad myself if I thought I might have offended someone by accident.

 

[Izuna]

I call girls, guys, all the time.

Chances are the m2f didn't appear enough to be a girl (voice, looks) that you said it without thinking. You won't make the mistake again, I'm sure it's fine.

I call tomboys brehs by accident until I find out they are girls. Plenty of people, outside of transgender get this. If they have hard feelings over a mistake then meh, you already feel like you made a mistake.

 

[Baron Doggystyle von Woof]

One of my best friends is a girl and I call man all the time.

"What are you up to man?"

 

[kasane]

eh i even say this to women sometimes

 

[webkatt]

I think I'd rather be called whore than dude. Man I hate that word, which of course makes my living in Southern California all the more enjoyable!

SoCal represent!

Spoiler

I also call everyone bitch

 

[Phat Michael]

i end most sentences with man or mate. Nothing to do with who i am speaking to. It's not like you called her dude or bro. If she brings it up, fine. If she doesnt, then just chill. I think that if she realised it happened, she would know you didnt mean it vindictively.

 

[TheSadRanger]

You don't see this? When I'm not sure of someone's gender, saying "sorry I may have called you the wrong gender" is implicitly asking the question.

Anyway I went to this person's friend to find out what they identified as, and I apologize already, so it's a moot point.

I think you need to let this go as it may cause more harm than good, while you're trying to do the right thing it may only cause more problems for both you and the individual because they might mistakenly take it as an insult (that you're being sarcastic) or get annoyed by being by asked that all the time.

BTW I'm not saying you're being sarcastic but she might take it that way. So just sweep this under bridge and treat the person the same way you did before if you find yourself in conversation again. Just be nice and don't bring up the gender thing again.

 

[pashmilla]

I'm a girl. My female friends and I call each other dude, man and bro all the time. It was obviously a genuine mistake, you're probably okay. You did the right thing apologising just in case though.

 

[Skeyser]

Leave it to gaf to over complicate everything lol

She won't think anything of it unles you were already being disrespectful before calling her man.

 

[John Kowalski]

boco you're a chill guy, you can just say sorry and hope she's nice enough to forgive you

who knows maybe ask her on a date too

 

[xandaca]

You're probably overthinking it, but if it worries you, just apologise. Worst comes to the worst, she'll be thankful that you're considering her feelings.

 

[Coins]

Yea definitely go back there and apologize. What you just did is the equivalent thing to "see ya n*gger"

Uh no.

 

[Izuna]

eh i even say this to women sometimes

heh

 

[Mista Koo]

The first time I had to deal with misgendering was in a class last semester. I met a person who I thought of as male, but once they added me on Facebook they had their gender as female.
Now I wasn't sure if that person was transgendered or not. They didn't present noticeably as female, but they were relatively feminine (carried a purse etc) and had a unisex name.

After feeling bad every time I accidentally referred to them with male/gendered pronouns, I've decided to ask them about their gender through fb.
Turns out he was cis male and apparently never set his gender on fb. It was an awkward conversation when he asked me "Why? Do I look like a female?" before answering, but at least no one was hurt.

 

[Messofanego]

I call everyone guys a lot of the time.

Seems like a simple case of "oh hey about earlier, sorry for calling you man".

 

[zychi]

Boy do I feel like an idiot.

Feels dumb man.

Don't worry about it. See ya later man is no different than calling a girl a dude.

 

[iirate]

Honestly, being called "man" barely raises any alarms, and dude doesn't raise them at all. Hell, I "dude" my female friends all the time. It's definitely not the same for everyone. The mom of one of my best friends knew me long before I was out as trans or transitioned, and even though she's doesn't mess up pronouns with me ever, she'll call me dude, then immediately correct it to "girl".

I don't know if she's worried that she'll offend me, or if she is correcting herself because she doesn't call other women "dude", but I only even notice because she's constantly correcting herself.

That said, you did good by apologizing to her.

 

[Maddness]

I don't say "man" or "dude" to everyone, but I do generally say "hey guys" or "what do you guys" to any of a group of my friends, no matter who's in the group. It actually does bother me that I'll say it subconsciously when I'm just talking to a group of female friends, but every time I try to say "girls" or "ladies" to them they tell me it sounds weird and tell me to stop and just say "guys".

 

[Despera]

I say see you man to women all the time. Even dude works really.

Yep. No biggie.

I imagine OP trying to apologize by saying "Sorry for calling you man earlier, dude." lol

 

[Zombine]

I call everyone pal, junior, sport, tiger, lil guy, or buddy.