At this stage, I expect Shawn Layden to fly out onto the stage in a glorious spectacle of stardust and wondrous applause. Announcing Vib Ribbon 2 with furious hand gestures, he will apologize for Powers at E3, and repent by announcing Shenmue 3 in partnership with Sega.
He will then proceed to take off his face mask, revealing his true identity: Mark Cerny.
Mark will then proceed to slither across the stage with the Crash revival announcement, and close his segment by grinning in a sinister fashion akin to the Grinch whilst removing his mask and revealing another identity: Jim Ryan.
Jim will strut around the stage with the camera panning in and out uncontrollably while announcing Horizon from Guerrilla Games and Media Molecule's 3D world builder. The camera will once again pan in closer, then zip back out while he removes his mask, leading to another identity being revealed: Shinji Hashimoto.
Shinji will begin his announcement, but will be interrupted by Major Nelson invading the stage screaming hysterically ''I BELIEVE IN PHIL SPENCER!!!'' while throwing excavated ET cartridges into the crowd trying desperately to win their approval. Hashimoto will dropkick him off stage while the Sony executes use unwanted Wonderbook accessories to beat him senseless. The screen will just simply flash FINAL FANTASY VII for real this time and the audience will descend into manic chaos and begin transcending to another plane of existence.
Shinji will end with ''Please be Excited'' while impersonating Hannibal Lector's speech mannerisms, and remove his last mask, revealing the true identity of the person on stage the whole time. The camera will fade to black, and the voice of a man who sounds like he inhaled too much helium will proudly announce that Sony Computer Entertainment has officially acquired Nintendo, name himself as Andrew House and end conference with Reggie being lowered onto the stage in a cage to be poked with sticks by the 5500 strong audience.
As the crowd starts shaking with euphoria and their muscles being to weaken, massive amounts of African bees will be released from the auditorium ceiling as House laughs manically. As the masses scream in terror, Shuhei Yoshida and Adam Boyes will patiently wait outside with a camera crew to film the crowds reactions as they run through the doors shrieking in terror, using the footage to promote next year's E3.
