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[Angry Grimace]

I forgot about that part. Welp!


Let's not start this here Grimace...

I guess this is a good a time as any to bring up a HP fic (yeah yeah, I know) I read recently. I'm not much of a fanfic guy but this was pushed onto me by a friend I trust and it is legit:

Applied Cultural Anthropology, or... How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Cruciatus

The gist is, we all know Hermione was OP as fuck in the books, and that she was only held back by being a goody-two-shoes Gryffindor.

But what if she was in Slytherin? This fic makes a good case for her rise as a potential Dark Lord, having to deal with bullying as a nerd in the muggle world, and bullying as a muggle-born in the wizarding world, but with enough brains and cunning to rise above it all.

I still can't figure out why Dumbledore didn't just kill Voldemort way earlier. Like, you know, when he showed up to your office to beg you for a job.

 

[SolVanderlyn]

Ravenclaw and Slitherin all the way. It's a shame the first one wasn't featured a lot and the other one was full of the bad guys.

I feel like having a few good Slytherins would have made that house a lot more interesting. IIRC there were a few, but they were mentioned in passing.

 

[lawnchair]

the what is the what!?!

 

[googleplex]

...

See, it's shit like this that makes headcanon > book canon. How do you name a house Ravenclaw and then its mascot is a fucking eagle, jesus christ Rowling.

Now... See I just assumed that they house animal where based on the Founder's Animagi/Patronus

 

[PSqueak]

Applied Cultural Anthropology, or... How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Cruciatus

The gist is, we all know Hermione was OP as fuck in the books, and that she was only held back by being a goody-two-shoes Gryffindor.

But what if she was in Slytherin? This fic makes a good case for her rise as a potential Dark Lord, having to deal with bullying as a nerd in the muggle world, and bullying as a muggle-born in the wizarding world, but with enough brains and cunning to rise above it all.

I don't see being a goody two shoes as holding her back, Hermione was OP as fuck because she was smarter than basically 80% of the characters put together, there is no reason for her to raise to power as a dark witch, she could, but basically she could raise to any position she wanted, her moral code didn't hold her back, what really held her back was that she was surrounded by idiots, this would hardly change if she was in Slytherin.

 

[Ecotic]

I'd almost want to be picked into Hufflepuff just because there's more prestige in being the guy who comes from behind, the guy who wasn't singled out for greatness because he was in the great Gryffindor or Slytherin, or even Ravenclaw. It's just too easy that way. It's like winning a tournament because your fighter was overpowered.

 

[Haly]

I still can't figure out why Dumbledore didn't just kill Voldemort way earlier. Like, you know, when he showed up to your office to beg you for a job.

Same reason Harry and Hermione didn't Accio a few M4's.

what really held her back was that she was surrounded by idiots, this would hardly change if she was in Slytherin.

That's what I meant. But Slytherin wasn't the house of idiots. It was the house of social climbers and schemers. Maybe they weren't the house of book smarts but they were definitely the house of street smarts. Someone as talented as Hermione, growing up in that environment, would be a force to be reckoned with.

 

[Mr-Joker]

Yeah, the end of book 1 was Dumbledore giving a middle finger to Slytherin

Dumbledore pretty much gave the rule a middle finger since he broke the rule and allowed Harry to join the Quidditch team despite the fact first years aren't allowed.

And did it again in book 4 and allowed Harry to play the Goblet of Fire game, the most dangerous game that was recently brought back after being banned due to students dying.

 

[Dresden]

I guess this is a good a time as any to bring up a HP fic (yeah yeah, I know) I read recently. I'm not much of a fanfic guy but this was pushed onto me by a friend I trust and it is legit:

Applied Cultural Anthropology, or... How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Cruciatus

The gist is, we all know Hermione was OP as fuck in the books, and that she was only held back by being a goody-two-shoes Gryffindor.

But what if she was in Slytherin? This fic makes a good case for her rise as a potential Dark Lord, having to deal with bullying as a nerd in the muggle world, and bullying as a muggle-born in the wizarding world, but with enough brains and cunning to rise above it all.

What held her back was being a muggle-born girl, though. Like it would just get worse in the house where all the wizarding KKK brats got sent. She goes from being surrounded by well-meaning idiots to dudes whose parents actively lynched people.

 

[SmithnCo]

I feel like having a few good Slytherins would have made that house a lot more interesting. IIRC there were a few, but they were mentioned in passing.

Snape and Slughorn, off the top of my head.

Also fucking Merlin was Slytherin.

 

[Empyrean Heaven]

I once got sorted as Hufflepuff and my friend LMAOed at me, saying I was now part of the "Special Ed of Hogwarts"

I totally agree though. Hufflepuffs are awesome!

 

[Steamlord]

I also need to point out that the wizarding world's understanding of muggle culture is astoundingly awful. Arthur Weasley is supposed to be an expert and he's a fucking idiot. It's pretty pathetic.

Am I the only one who thinks Hermione is actually one of the better characters in the series? She only seems like a know-it-all because all of the other characters are so dumb. Harry takes no initiative to learn about the wizarding world after discovering he's a wizard, instead just kind of coasting along and letting people tell him whatever in order to provide exposition for the reader. That continues throughout the series. In the final book he's still learning things that are common knowledge for most wizards, even Hermione, who was also raised by muggles. It's...not great.

 

[PSqueak]

I still can't figure out why Dumbledore didn't just kill Voldemort way earlier. Like, you know, when he showed up to your office to beg you for a job.

Wasn't Dumbledore a HUGE believer of the prophecy that said that Harry had to kill Voldemort?

 

[ibyea]

Luna Lovegood was a Ravenclaw you ignorant shit



I was convinced that it would be a thing in the 6th book(?) after he asks her to join him for that Slughorn party/dance/thing? I was so mad when he ditched her.

I so wanted Luna to be with Harry too..

 

[Haly]

What held her back was being a muggle-born girl, though. Like it would just get worse in the house where all the wizarding KKK brats got sent. She goes from being surrounded by well-meaning idiots to dudes whose parents actively lynched people.

What do you think rampant bullying would do to a girl who was the best in her year at bending the laws of physics to her whim?

 

[Brakke]

I feel like having a few good Slytherins would have made that house a lot more interesting. IIRC there were a few, but they were mentioned in passing.

She like sort of tried with the Malfoys being more cowards and prats than explicitly Evil but she went too hard on Dobby abuse and Attempted Murderer to make that turn sympathetic At All.

 

[PSqueak]

Snape and Slughorn, off the top of my head.

Also fucking Merlin was Slytherin.

There was also that head master from the Black clan, his portrait made the point that he was an all right guy.

 

[jon bones]

I like most of them except Slytherin. What would Slytherin play...?

EA's Quidditch 2015 online, complete with lots of racial slurs

I don't know but I feel you're right.

i have a good sense for these things

 

[Cyan]

I also need to point out that the wizarding world's understanding of muggle culture is astoundingly awful. Arthur Weasley is supposed to be an expert and he's a fucking idiot. It's pretty pathetic.

Am I the only one who thinks Hermione is actually one of the better characters in the series? She only seems like a know-it-all because all of the other characters are so dumb. Harry takes no initiative to learn about the wizarding world after discovering he's a wizard, instead just kind of coasting along and letting people tell him whatever in order to provide exposition for the reader. That continues throughout the series. In the final book he's still learning things that are common knowledge for most wizards, even Hermione, who was also raised by muggles. It's...not great.

Seriously Harry, just read Hogwarts, A History already.

 

[googleplex]

What do you think rampant bullying would do to a girl who was the best in her year at bending the laws of physics to her whim?

Slithern is still the worst house.

 

[StalkerUKCG]

Hufflepuff till I die

 

[Angry Grimace]

Wasn't Dumbledore a HUGE believer of the prophecy that said that Harry had to kill Voldemort?

He didn't know that yet. It didn't occur until after Snape had betrayed Voldemort, which was decades after that.

 

[hal9001]

Nvm

 

[Unknown Soldier]

I still can't figure out why Dumbledore didn't just kill Voldemort way earlier. Like, you know, when he showed up to your office to beg you for a job.

Because he wasn't openly evil then? You don't just randomly kill people because you suspect they might be evil.

 

[Haly]

Hermione is a good character because she acts like a muggle who discovered she has magic is supposed to act: "LEARN ALL THE THINGS."

Harry is your typical do-nothing YA protag who cares more about friendship than exploiting his new found talent to its utmost extent.

 

[Cyan]

Because he wasn't openly evil then? You don't just randomly kill people because you suspect they might be evil.

Can't kill the next Hitler without breaking a few eggs, dude. I think most moral philosophies would agree on that.

 

[Yaboosh]

Fuck that, don't trust Rowling, jet fuel doesn't burn hot enough to melt a horcrux.

Jet fuel might not, but fiend fyre from out of no where sure does.

 

[googleplex]

Snape and Slughorn, off the top of my head.

Also fucking Merlin was Slytherin.

Slughorn was an alright dude. But there IS NOTHING GOOD about Snape. Petty little bully that gets off on scaring the shit out of kids fuck Snape.

Also didn't Merlin pre-date the Founder's? When was it mentioned that Merlin was in Hogwarts?

 

[Unknown Soldier]

.

 

[Haly]

Can't kill the next Hitler without breaking a few eggs, dude. I think most moral philosophies would agree on that.

I suspect Hilter had magical protection. I mean what does it say about the wizarding world that no one had the inclination of just going up to Hitler and Avocado'ing him?

There must've been at least one Jewish or Jew-born wizard/witch. Hell, even a fresh-out-of-Hogwarts 17 year old wizard would be able to assassinate Hitler by himself.

 

[Bit-Bit]

Hufflepuff is for the people who always wonder why they can't catch a break. The people whose grills get manhandled by their neighbours. The people whose lunches are stolen from work. The people whose hobbies are always maligned as "for kids". The people who can't make it work with a prostitute. The people whose sisters know distinctly what it sounds like when they masturbate. The people who can't abide having to apply for jobs in order to get them. The people who tattoo their own genitals because they procrastinated too long.

Hufflepuff: the people who will only ever become wizards at the age of 30.

Yo, this post elevates this thread to a whole other level.

It also shows I've been on NeoGAF too much.

 

[PSqueak]

I suspect Hilter had magical protection. I mean what does it say about the wizarding world that no one had the inclination of just going up to Hitler and Avocado'ing him?

There must've been at least one Jewish or Jew-born wizard/witch.

Prolly there is laws against meddling with muggle affairs.

Alternatively, Hitler could have had wizards among their ranks too.

Racist enough to join the nazis, not racist enough to betray their muggle compatriots.

 

[SmithnCo]

Slughorn was an alright dude. But there IS NOTHING GOOD about Snape. Petty little bully that gets off on scaring the shit out of kids fuck Snape.

Also didn't Merlin pre-date the Founder's? When was it mentioned that Merlin was in Hogwarts?

I think the Merlin stuff is in Pottermore, apparently he was around the time of the founders.

 

[Buddha Beam]

Hufflepuff's animal made no goddamn sense to me.

Gryffindor, obviously a griffin.

Slytherin, obviously a snake.

Ravenclaw, obviously a raven.

Hufflepuff though? A goddamn badger. How does that even relate remotely to the name?

Smoke this enchanted plant and it'll aaaallllllllll make sense, bro.

 

[B-Dubs]

I still don't get why Lupin was telling Harry how James and Sirius were the height of cool and the biggest badasses ever. Like how is it even possible Harry (and Ron/Hermione by association) wasn't even cooler than his dad given that he was legit world-famous.

Could Harry transform into an animal? His dad and friends taught themselves how to be total fucking badasses, they didn't need no destiny to tell them to be awesome. They just decided to be awesome and then did it.

 

[Gigglepoo]

Fuck that, don't trust Rowling, jet fuel doesn't burn hot enough to melt a horcrux.

I wish I could go back to high school just to make this my yearbook quote.

 

[Jarmel]

Hey, guess which house gets favoritism from the school's administration, and whose headmaster "looks the other way" when they're in clear violation of protocol. Sometimes, they even get awarded for breaking the rules!

Yeah that's right.

That's what I thought.

Gryffindor: Raising Tomorrow's CEOs

 

[Lagamorph]

OP is clearly from Opposite land.

 

[Rodney McKay]

And did it again in book 4 and allowed Harry to play the Goblet of Fire game, the most dangerous game that was recently brought back after being banned due to students dying.

Wasn't that because Harry was part of some "binding magical contract" by having his name come out of the Goblet of Fire? They never explained why him breaking the contract would be bad, just that he couldn't.

Of course they could have just had Harry forfeit every match so he basically wasn't competing.

 

[Toxi]

As taught by a misogynist/racist.

Didn't they mention the shit they thaught there was basically super wrong?

LOL it's true.

Ravenclaw mascot is the EAGLE. At least, book canon says so.

Goddamnit I keep forgetting this

especially since a raven would fit both the name and the theme of intelligence/learning/cunning better.

Speaking of which, isn't it kinda dumb that in a school, only one of the houses is dedicated to learning shit?

 

[Patapwn]

Ravenclaw: STEM majors
Slytherin: Business and Law majors
Hufflepuff: Trade School
Gryffindor: Arts majors/Frat houses and jocks

FTFY

 

[DrForester]

Harry Potter Thread responses to questions that have probabyl already been asked.

-Snape was an asshole, not a hero
-Ron got screwed in the movies
-Gambon was a better Dumbledore
-GRYFFINDOR HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES!

Wasn't that because Harry was part of some "binding magical contract" by having his name come out of the Goblet of Fire? They never explained why him breaking the contract would be bad, just that he couldn't.

Of course they could have just had Harry forfeit every match so he basically wasn't competing.

Dumbledore left the decision to Mr. Crouch, who it was later revealed, was under the imperious curse at the time. Realistically, had he been in his right mind, he would have let Harry out of it.

 

[meow]

Snape was legit, a true potions master, came up with his own spells while he was attending Hogwarts (serious q: did anyone else do that?). James was a huge jackass.

 

[Jarmel]

Now that I think about it, that ending of the TriWizard tournament must have been crazy.

A draw and then all of a sudden both students just go missing for minutes. All of the teachers are yelling and all of a sudden, Harry is back and holding the dead kid while screaming that Voldemort has returned.

That would have been totally batshit insane seeing live.

 

[Toxi]

Could Harry transform into an animal? His dad and friends taught themselves how to be total fucking badasses, they didn't need no destiny to tell them to be awesome. They just decided to be awesome and then did it.

On the plus side, Harry actually lived to 40.

 

[B-Dubs]

Snape was legit, a true potions master, came up with his own spells while he was attending Hogwarts (serious q: did anyone else do that?). James was a huge jackass.

Snape was a dick who was running around with guys that worshiped the devil, James learned to turn into an animal so his friend wouldn't be lonely on full moons.

On the plus side, Harry actually lived to 40.

YOOOOOOOO

 

[jwk94]

What exactly was the purpose of Hufflepuff? I don't remember them doing anything in the movies.

 

[Haly]

FTFY

I feel bad for Trade majors now, I totally forgot about them.

Sorry, guys!

 

[Unknown Soldier]

What exactly was the purpose of Hufflepuff? I don't remember them doing anything in the movies.

Well, the 1% get sorted to Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. The 99% become Hufflepuffs.

 

[Cyan]

-Snape was an asshole, not a hero

whynotboth.gif

People are complicated. Snape was a colossal asshole, and also a hero.

Now that I think about it, that ending of the TriWizard tournament must have been crazy.

A draw and then all of a sudden both students just go missing for minutes. All of the teachers are yelling and all of a sudden, Harry is back and holding the dead kid while screaming that Voldemort has returned.

That would have been totally batshit insane seeing live.

Except both of the latter two tasks would've been boring as hell to watch. The dragons would've been cool, but the second one you're just staring at the smooth surface of a lake for an hour, and the third one you're staring at these big old hedges. You don't actually get to see any of the action! Such bullshit.