-
Hey Guest. Check out your NeoGAF Wrapped 2025 results here!
Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
- Start date
- Status
Congratulations! That's really nice.
Okay, so I've been seeing a girl since late January on/off. We had dated a few times last summer, but she panicked because she wasn't ready for a relationship. In January we went out for drinks, hooked up, and then saw each other a couple of times during the month. Didn't see her in February because I had mono. Hung out a few times again in March and April. Went to a party in early May, mini-golfed two weeks ago, and last week I picked her up and stayed with her after she got into a minor car accident and didn't want to be alone.
Normally she'll text me and ask when we'll go out/see each other again. I had a wedding to attend over the weekend, but texted her on Friday asking if she wanted to get together on Thursday of this week since it is her day off and usually the time we go out. She hasn't replied about it, but has texted me about other random stuff.
When we do go out or hang around her apartment or my house, she likes to hold hands, cuddle, and everything. I'm starting to think she is in panic mode and fears a relationship even though we have never discussed it nor have I even brought up such a thing. Things went from "hot" to "cold" rather quickly.
Normally she'll text me and ask when we'll go out/see each other again. I had a wedding to attend over the weekend, but texted her on Friday asking if she wanted to get together on Thursday of this week since it is her day off and usually the time we go out. She hasn't replied about it, but has texted me about other random stuff.
When we do go out or hang around her apartment or my house, she likes to hold hands, cuddle, and everything. I'm starting to think she is in panic mode and fears a relationship even though we have never discussed it nor have I even brought up such a thing. Things went from "hot" to "cold" rather quickly.
Text bomb your contacts.
Lol. Unfortunately, every female on my contacts is either unattractive or out of town. Actually, both those things.
I kinda feel I dodged a bullet with this one girl. I see this girl every once in awhile when I go out and over time I ask her for her number. She gives me her number and says for me to text her, not call her (uh oh I think). So I text her a few days later to ask her out. She immediately tells me she's busy (so strike 2 but everyone's busy so I give her somewhat the benefit of a doubt).
I text her a few weeks later to see if she's available and she didn't even respond. I get the sense that she's just brushing me off at this point or if she's busy but interested, she'll message me at some point (which she never did and I gave her about a month or so).
So today I contact her and I pretty much let her know I didn't think she's that into me. She acted like she didn't know what was going on. I let her know what was on my mind and she follows up with "I didn't think I had to send a follow up response?" She claims she's been seeing someone (maybe this person's ok with zero/no response) and claims she hadn't heard from me afterwards. She then did "it was nice meeting you" ending which is really cold.
And it wasn't like I was being that serious about pursuing a relationship, I just thought we hit it off and we would have fun together. Maybe I mis-read her intentions.
I text her a few weeks later to see if she's available and she didn't even respond. I get the sense that she's just brushing me off at this point or if she's busy but interested, she'll message me at some point (which she never did and I gave her about a month or so).
So today I contact her and I pretty much let her know I didn't think she's that into me. She acted like she didn't know what was going on. I let her know what was on my mind and she follows up with "I didn't think I had to send a follow up response?" She claims she's been seeing someone (maybe this person's ok with zero/no response) and claims she hadn't heard from me afterwards. She then did "it was nice meeting you" ending which is really cold.
And it wasn't like I was being that serious about pursuing a relationship, I just thought we hit it off and we would have fun together. Maybe I mis-read her intentions.
Definitely dodged a bullet there. She's not interested or too indecisive about everything to make up her mind. The key is you need someone who takes initiative about seeing you or at least is interested when you reach out.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
It does sound like she's getting cold feet. If you're seeing each other regularly and often, it may be a sign of things progressing further. Bring it up, regardless of whether you're interested in pursuing a relationship with her.
But how? Tell her we need to talk or just ask where does she see things going between us? I agree that we need to get on the same page. Just not sure how to approach it with her. I don't like how she ignored me asking if she wanted to get together this week. To me that speaks of lack of interest since it's easy enough to say "I'm busy this week" and it's not a case of her not seeing the message since she replied minutes later about something completely random.
ShemhazaiX
Member
Well shit. So I've potentially done something stupid.
Found out that a girl I was sort of into (who I met through my sister) was meeting up with her ex tomorrow, who's trying to get back with her.
So what did I fucking do? I ask her out for coffee. On facebook. At half 11 at night.
Of course, she wasn't online so I have no idea how she'll even take it, but I can just see a bunch of awkward moments coming from this.
Oh, and in case you feel bad for her ex, he's been fucking her about for weeks. His excuse for breaking up with her was that he wanted to flirt with other girls but didn't want to see her flirting with other guys. No joke, that's his actual reason.
Found out that a girl I was sort of into (who I met through my sister) was meeting up with her ex tomorrow, who's trying to get back with her.
So what did I fucking do? I ask her out for coffee. On facebook. At half 11 at night.
Of course, she wasn't online so I have no idea how she'll even take it, but I can just see a bunch of awkward moments coming from this.
Oh, and in case you feel bad for her ex, he's been fucking her about for weeks. His excuse for breaking up with her was that he wanted to flirt with other girls but didn't want to see her flirting with other guys. No joke, that's his actual reason.
ShemhazaiX
Member
Nah. Asking out my sisters friend on the day before she meets up with her ex who's trying to sort their relationship out was probably the stupid move.
Like, I don't know the girl that much (She's just ridiculously cute and seems mentally stable, which is a combination that I don't have much experience with) hence randomly asking her out probably makes me look like a creep, which then results in all my sisters friends thinking I'm a creep, resulting in my sister having to deal with her friends thinking she has a creepy older brother.
It's just going to be one big train of awkward. I can see it now.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Personally I would have that discussion in person, so the next time you see her, bring it up.
If she keeps putting off your next meeting with excuses, then you've gotten your answer. Scale back the texts and move on.
Oddly enough we saw each other tonight for drinks and had the discussion - though it came up in a random sort of way. She started to get the idea of possibly wanting more but knows she isn't ready for it. She didn't want to bring it up until she thought it over and had a game plan, basically. We are the same page and are each fine with keeping things the way they are - basically go out, hang, hook up, etc.. Though one of her points was odd to me: her and I have some stuff in common but not much - minor stuff like music and shit that doesn't really matter. She isn't sure if there can or will be more between us for such a reason. She is attracted to me physically, my personality, but different taste in music and stupid TV shows is holding her back. To end the night we make out in her car for 20-minutes. Didn't go up to her apartment because the roommate is home.
I'm taking it for what it is: a girl to hang with, have fun with, and whatever comes with it.
ReturnOfTheRAT
Member
And just like that, I've deleted her number from my phone. With some enthusiasm I said good morning and asked if she was interested in going to my favorite restaurant in the East Bay. Around 1PM she responded with, "What is the name of the place?" Soon after, probably too quickly, I texted her back with the name and haven't heard anything since.
I'm done with her. What's done is done.
I'm done with her. What's done is done.
There's such a thing as responding too quickly to a question?
Should be the title of the thread tbh.
So online dating continues to confound me. It's so much more difficult than just asking someone out on the street. Like, there's this fucking complicated game that you have to play, and even if you play your cards perfect if some guy with better looking profile pictures comes along your SOL. Must be nice to be a lady
I feel ya. Seems like my problem lately is after a few messages with someone who looks cool, goes sour all of a sudden even though I'm just being normal and going with the flow. It's annoying when things are building and going well and the second you mention going on a date, you get the silent treatment. Don't understand why you'd be on a dating site if you didn't want to go on dates.
Mistake
Member
I started going out with a new girl recently. She's very nice, has my humour, and I feel like she can appreciate me. One thing that bugs me though is that she doesn't flirt at all, and didn't know how to kiss, so I can tell she isn't too experienced. I thought that at least was something people naturally kind of knew. For those who have encountered this before, did the situation improve? Or did it become a problem? I should probably mention she is 27, which is why I'm a little concerned.
Well, that was fun while it lasted. The girl that I've been seeing for the past two months finally broke up with me tonight.
A little background on what happened. We met on OKC and hit it off amazingly well. Before we knew it, we were seeing each other several times per week. This was just fine because she lived like 10 minutes away from me.
But then about a month later, she moved into a new place that provided a whole host of problems. It was way further than where she was originally (and in the complete opposite direction), the parking was absolutely atrocious, and worst of all, she was living in a fucking loft. What's wrong with a loft? Nothing. At least normally. But she was sharing a loft with a fricken roommate. This would be bad enough, but said roommate also happened to work from home, thus guaranteeing there would be very little privacy to be had between us ever again.
It was a pretty shitty situation, but we tried to make the most of it by just hanging out in her car in her garage or some abandoned street. Yes, it wasn't the most ideal situation, but it was something. But the past two weeks she started acting a bit different. She became more noticeably quiet and wasn't interested in fooling around in the car anymore. I had a feeling that this was gonna lead up to something and today she came right out and said it.
She insisted that it had nothing to do with anything that I did, but that our situation at the moment just would not work out. She was also stressed with work and was worried about whether her roommate would come through with the rent, and bills, and all this other stuff that was constantly on her mind.
I didn't want this to happen, but I understood where she was coming from. It was a pain for me especially cause I had to keep driving to her place and leave early in the morning, which wasn't a very fun trek. In certain ways it was probably a good thing that this happened, and while I was preparing myself for the eventual day, I was still pretty depressed.
On the plus side, we did end on good terms. We held each other one last time for a long while before we kissed goodbye for the last time. It's a real shame, she was the best girlfriend I had in years. It's most likely gonna be a good while until I find someone like her again.
A little background on what happened. We met on OKC and hit it off amazingly well. Before we knew it, we were seeing each other several times per week. This was just fine because she lived like 10 minutes away from me.
But then about a month later, she moved into a new place that provided a whole host of problems. It was way further than where she was originally (and in the complete opposite direction), the parking was absolutely atrocious, and worst of all, she was living in a fucking loft. What's wrong with a loft? Nothing. At least normally. But she was sharing a loft with a fricken roommate. This would be bad enough, but said roommate also happened to work from home, thus guaranteeing there would be very little privacy to be had between us ever again.
It was a pretty shitty situation, but we tried to make the most of it by just hanging out in her car in her garage or some abandoned street. Yes, it wasn't the most ideal situation, but it was something. But the past two weeks she started acting a bit different. She became more noticeably quiet and wasn't interested in fooling around in the car anymore. I had a feeling that this was gonna lead up to something and today she came right out and said it.
She insisted that it had nothing to do with anything that I did, but that our situation at the moment just would not work out. She was also stressed with work and was worried about whether her roommate would come through with the rent, and bills, and all this other stuff that was constantly on her mind.
I didn't want this to happen, but I understood where she was coming from. It was a pain for me especially cause I had to keep driving to her place and leave early in the morning, which wasn't a very fun trek. In certain ways it was probably a good thing that this happened, and while I was preparing myself for the eventual day, I was still pretty depressed.
On the plus side, we did end on good terms. We held each other one last time for a long while before we kissed goodbye for the last time. It's a real shame, she was the best girlfriend I had in years. It's most likely gonna be a good while until I find someone like her again.
electricshake
Member
It took me using OKC on and off for 3 years before I finally met my current bf. Sure as a woman you get more messages etc but when the vast majority are just 'hi' or similar it gets old fast.
My bf is officially moving in on the 1st of July (though he's spent almost every night for the past 4 months or so at mine). Excited about it! I'm pretty sure I want to marry this guy.
Gray Matter
Member
Same thing happened to me this past week. Met a girl online, sent her a message, was going well, got her number, still going well, then I ask her out, says yes, next day I text her to set a day, no reply.
MonorailCat
Member
Sounds familiar. Happened two times this week.
Tindergirl: Texted a bit. Asked her out for a cocktail date. She says sure. I ask her if she is free Thursday evening. She says sure. I text her the time and the place and never hear from her again.
Okcupid: We message a bit. Fun conversation. Ask her out to a cocktail date. She says sure. That or ice cream. I suggest Saturday or Tuesday. Never hear from her again.
So yeah .. if you want to get anywhere in online dating you have to talk to multiple women at the same, schedule multiple dates weekly and date multiple women. The flakyness is through the roof nowaday. One message from a guy she finds slighty more interesting at first sight and you are out.
Not everyone is going to be experienced or 'get' romantic gestures; there's no real problem with that, regardless of age. And there's people who just don't really flirt, even if they know how. If you really think she sucks, then just guide her along with some gentle advice. Not something passive aggressive, but maybe if y'all are fooling around help her out a bit or something (I'm having trouble thinking of good examples). She's not going to know how to do better if you never give some hints.
And it'll probably get better, unless she's the sort that can't handle any sort of feedback whatsoever.
ClosingADoor
Member
Lets not kid ourselves. If a hotter girl comes along you would also switch if you don't know the person on the other side really and haven't even met them yet.
And considering most guys don't take rejection well online, I don't blame anyone for just disappearing instead of telling them.
Don't get upset about it, just move on. If you can't, online dating isn't for you.
Girl that just wanted to be friends came to my apartment last night. We talked for a few hours about just random stuff, just like we always have. When she was just about to leave I asked what the status of our relationship is. She said what she already told me, that she doesn't have feelings for me but would love to be friends because she really likes hanging out with me, it's just that she has no feelings for me. We kept talking about this topic for a long time. In the end she's going home for the summer so it wouldn't matter anyway. I said we might try being friends when she comes back, but I don't know. I mean she's really cool and all. I guess I'll have to see how I feel about her when the summer has passed. Three months is a long time.
FaintColt388301
Member
I'm confused. Are you just wanting to be friends too? If you want anything more than that, I think it's safe to say you should look elsewhere.
If you're fine with being friends then why not be friends when she comes back? It's not like you'll have to nuture the relationship and message her everyday that she's gone. Just talk every now and then if you want, message her when its around that time and pick back up.
What I mean is that I think I don't want to be friends right now, but since three months is a long time, it's very possible my feelings will have passed by the time she comes back, and we can attempt hanging out as friends. Though we will probably keep in touch while she's away too.
Omega Kirby
Member
So there's girl I kinda like at college. We talk, we break the touch barrier easy, she teases me at times and vice versa, I call her at night sometime and we have nice conversations.
So today I sent her a pic of me at the top of a pretty big abandoned building. It's my hobby urbex. So she says I'm crazy for supposedly infiltrating private property. I assured her that it's ok and she didn't have to worry about me and she responds thats she's only telling me what she would say to any other friend.
So did I just get friendzoned or am I overthinking?
So today I sent her a pic of me at the top of a pretty big abandoned building. It's my hobby urbex. So she says I'm crazy for supposedly infiltrating private property. I assured her that it's ok and she didn't have to worry about me and she responds thats she's only telling me what she would say to any other friend.
So did I just get friendzoned or am I overthinking?
When I finished reading the first paragraph, I thought in my head, friend. Make a move already.
Omega Kirby
Member
Gray Matter
Member
Does she see it as a real date, or just two people hanging out?
Mistake
Member
I'm not completely turned off by it or anything. It's just really....different I guess? But she's open minded so I'm not too worried. I was just a bit curious of other people's experiences.
This girl sounds like the female version of me circa January 2015. I was 29, barely knew how to kiss, and had no flirting skills whatsoever. To give you a "for example", the girl I was with asked me "Why don't you touch me when we make out?" I got better. The girl I was with one month later had no complaints.
In my case, my lack of experience was due to terrible introvert-ness coupled with depression that was further fueled by emotional abuse. It took a long time to get better. If she seems otherwise great to you, just be patient and tell her what you like.
Gray Matter
Member
Having never kissed anyone, this is something I worry about a lot. The "rules" of kissing vary with each different person and situation. That just makes it even more daunting.
vicissitudes
Banned
"I've dated around but nothing serious."
When in doubt, just be honest. I'm 28 and have only ever been in one (real) relationship. That started when I was 24. Before my ex, I was in two relationships that lasted a total of a month (each).
Honestly it would be weird if this happens. Bad form on their part. Just steer the conversation away from that if it heads to there
Two options:
Be honest (she could think it's cute)
Fake it till you make it (just don't talk about it and make yourself mysterious with that?)
Or just don't talk about it. You don't really talk about past relationships.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
You shouldn't be discussing past relationships on a first date. Don't bring it up until asked, but don't lie about it.
That's unfortunate. At least you tried to make it work and it wasn't due to anything on your end.
That's unfortunate. At least you tried to make it work and it wasn't due to anything on your end.
Here's a few suggestions to minimize awkwardness, as I went through this in November.
- Wait until the second date to kiss. Not because there's anything wrong with kissing on the first date, but because your "is there a spark" detector isn't yet calibrated. Once you get a few really good and really bad first dates under your belt, you'll have a better feeling for how into you they are.
- Kiss on the second date. If you get a second date, you know she's into you.
- Do something with your hands. Preferably by putting them on the girl somewhere. Holding her head or waist, wrapping them around her back, on her side...pick something that works for where you are.
- Sometimes the best thing you can do is turn off your head, stop overthinking, and just do.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
My ex brought it up on our first or second date. I was actually kind of shocked.
Gray Matter
Member
- Status