So.....
Does anyone have any experiences with trying out an open relationship? Or taking a break from a relationship to see other people with the hope that you would get back together at a later time?
I'm in an open relationship. Have been in open relationships (or friend with benefits) since my 20s. I'm 39.
First, there's a big difference between starting it from scratch and "transforming" a normal relationship into an open one. In my experience the latter never works out, which means in three to six months someone in the couple is going to have a major freak out and will want to reinstate the previous "arrangement" of exclusivity, unless of course we are talking about couples over 40 with children and where both are employed.
If you are doing this to not loose your girlfriend completely, I'll tell you right now it's the most painful way imaginable to detach yourself/ create some-but-not-too-much distance. If you need your freedom but you don't want to completely renounce partnership/ friendship with her, it may work out but again let's stress out the fact that the jealousy backlash may be overwhelming and make you do or say things which will drive her away forever.
When I was 29 I took a creative writing class. My professor was the director of a theatre company and had actresses (and girls in my class) fawning over him every day. He spoke candidly about the fact that he tried an open relationship with his ex wife and that he couldn't keep up with her, because he could have, say, two girls a week while the wife could get laid almost every day. This is a guy who was VERY confident and had plenty of girls all over him, still he was more concerned with his wife having more partners rather than being concerned with his own happiness/ freedom/ pleasures.
I have a friend who is a swinger and he says that if he'd get an euro for every single guy who left a party or freaked out during a party screaming "I DIDN'T THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE IT!!" to the wife, he would be a very rich man by now XD.
That being said, all the time I've spent in open relationships I have never, NEVER, seen a girl maintaining a relationship with more than 2 guys at once. I think that while a girl in an open relationship may be free to do as she likes without the boyfriend getting a jealousy fit, she still has to face the expectations of parents, friends, people at the workplace and so and so on, so any number higher than 2 is usually a prolific spawn of her imagination. To make the boyfriend jealous.
Another issue is The Rules, which affect both type of open relationships, the ones that just started and the ones where you give up exclusivity. Personally I think that the very moment you need rules for an open relationship, you are not in an open relationship anymore. Then again, if she starts to date your friends (or your siblings) you can't really complain about it because you never told her that that would be out of the equation.
So if you have a very clear picture in your mind of what your jealousy threshold is, by all means set some rules for the both of you (or accept them from her), otherwise just go with the flow and face your karma: you might find out something new about yourself, and what you like, and what jealousy really means to you.
Keep in mind that the first thing a girl is going to do in an open relationship is try out different people to see how you will take it, to see if you can put your money where your mouth is. Now, if she is
even in the slightest a manipulative girl, giving her rules will only make it easier for her to find your breaking point, while if she is for real about her need for an open relationship the existence of rules will make her more comfortable.
And prepare yourself for the backlash from your friends/ relatives because they will never stop giving you shit about it, while at the same time hitting on her non-stop and right in front of you, since they will assume that she is in an open relationship because she is "easy".
Good luck, guardian ;D
A coworker told me to my face that she doesn't like me and thinks I'm an asshole. Does she want it?
She likes you.
Do you like her?
If you do, "... well, this is the weirdest way a girl has ever tried to talk to me". Turn your back to her, then sometimes later during the day you talk to her like she is your best friend. She will stay silent at the start and then relax, if you keep your cool and show her that you are not affected by her show of anger.
If you don't, tell her that you have never done anything wrong to her and that she doesn't get to talk to you like that. Say it with a flat voice and keep calm and she will leave you alone.
Don't get angry at her,
or even worst apologize for something you don't even know you said or did, because that is what she wants. I think she is one of those people who think introverts mind their own business out of spite for others.
Everyone here speaks from their own experiences and preferences. That's awesome, because then questions get answered from a variety of perspectives. With things like relationships, there's never a one size fits all solution, so having different opinions is great.
