Lone_Prodigy
Member
What is there to drop? You asked her out, she'll say yes/no or she'll ignore it. Don't wait for a reply. Move on.
Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
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Gray Matter
Member
Excatly, I'm not waiting for the response. If she says yes, great, but if she says no you won't see me crying about it.
ZackieChan
Member
That's why I'm saying you should already be Tindering etc. with a few others, until you are a "thing" with one of them.
Gray Matter
Member
I gave up on online dating a while ago.
ZackieChan
Member
Then you should be IRL making moves. The point still stands.
Johnny Cage In The Shower
Member
Real life beats online anytime. You either put up or shut up and you don't spend time crafting a "perfect" message that gets ignored.
Gray Matter
Member
Yea, I've been trying that lately, but it ain't easy as I don't have a very big social circle.
Drop it and move on. A girl I've been seeing on/off for over a month is pulling the same stuff. A week or so ago she would reply quickly and now she takes hrs to respond - if at all. Once that happened I stopped reaching out & now will have her get in contact with me about plans or doing things.
Basically don't let any mixed signals screw with you. Indecision is a decision.
what does that have to do with anything? I'm sure you have at least one person who will go out with you and be somewhat of a wingman for you. hell, you even can go by yourself. how big your social circle doesn't mean anything unless you're trying to date your friends (which will just ruin both relationships if it ends bad) but I'd advice against it. you have to meet new people, that's the whole point behind going out, dating and making moves IRL.
Gray Matter
Member
Yea man, this time it felt different because we had already broken that first meeting barrier and I felt that based on the small chats we had we would get along and could talk for hours, but shit happens. It does sting a little however.
is she posting them all over social media to get compliments or does she take them because she likes how she looks?
Just... don't worry about it? I guess it could be a tad annoying is her Facebook is flooded with selfies every hour of every day, but hell, that's better than half the shit I see on Facebook. Seems like a non-issue, unless she's begging people to constantly like and comment on them.
You can either stand it or not. Pick a side.
It'll sting for a day or two, and then it'll pass. She's not giving you the time of day to reply to your text, so don't give her any extended form of thought. If she does reply and wants to go out, awesome. I would make her chase after you, if she does agree to going out. Play hard to get a bit if she ever replies.
Gray Matter
Member
With her supposedly busy schedule, I doubt me playing hard to get is going to help.
I've read a handful of your posts and I'm just wondering something. why are you giving this girl so much of your time and energy when she's barely giving anything in return? you need to find somebody who actually wants to have a legitimate conversation with you and who isn't just stringing you along until you finally give up.
Gray Matter
Member
Because I do this terrible thing in my head where I plan out scenarios that everything is going to work out perfectly fine and then I become upset/angry when they don't.
You got to keep busy and go outside so that it doesn't ever come into play.
Use that anger to say "Fuck it" when it comes to this situation. Then, if you see her, it'll make playing hard to get easier and allow things to develop gradually.
depending on the severity of your thinking and your anger, maybe you should look into therapy of some sort or posting in the mental health thread. is it just women scenarios that make you upset or generally other things? I'm totally guessing right now so don't bash me but possibly you're thinking that if you find the right girl everything will just work, you'll have no anger or anything to think bad about. but that doesn't always happen and you have to learn how to control your emotions, realize when the right time is stay or go, etc. again I don't know many details about you so I'm going on assumptions right now but you need to make sure you can support yourself in every way before you'll be able to support another person during the duration of a relationship.
Gray Matter
Member
This pretty much sums it up.
ZackieChan
Member
Then try online?
Meh, if you spend time crafting a perfect message you're wasting time. Then again, most of my dating experience in the last few years is girls in foreign countries (I don't spend much time in the US these days), so that may skew my experiences.
ZackieChan
Member
That sounds like a bad idea
Zeyphersan
Banned
Um. How young?
Johnny Cage In The Shower
Member
Why don't you ask her out (nicely) next time you work with her, in person, like a real man?
Or if you can't wait 2 weeks to do that (understandable)
Why don't you find an excuse to go into your work (off shift) while she is working, as if you're there to pick up something and try to small talk with her.. then if the vibe/time is right ask her then if she's free tomorrow night/ tonight etc. Or.. text her right after you talk to her...
Random "you're cute" text out of the blue is kinda eh.. especially if she knows you're gonna show up to work one of these days, it's just gonna put her in an uncomfortable position.
put your phone down, close the neogaf tab and go either (1) choke the chicken or (2) go to bed.
the "she's really young" part got me. you don't want your text forwarded to HR ya know? I don't think you'd be working together in 2 weeks if that happens
Seems that you have a hard time letting things go, or letting go of control. Control is a poor man's game. By that, I mean that it's often what starts many obsessions. It can take a long time to seize control in the way one envisions it, but it's a poor man's game, because when you actually do manage to take total control, you realize life just isn't fun that way. It is when you let go of control that life can amaze you.
Imagine a dream machine, where your scenarios always pan out. Imagine you can go to sleep and dream as long and as much as you want, per night. You can live out an entire life span per night. You'd start off by realizing all your fantasies, having sex with your favorite celebrities, partaking in the finest circles of society. It'd be fun at first, but you'd realize that just having everything without having worked for it means nothing. So you start saying to yourself "tonight, I want to forget that I'm dreaming, and I want to give up some control". Perhaps you'd place yourself in a situation where you'd have a shot at the celebrity of your liking, but in your dream you have to woo her, yourself. Follow this further, and you'd one day dream exactly this. Exactly having given up all control, because that's when it's fun. You realize that if all your scenarios would play out the way you planned them, it'd be just like having a sex doll, and not a real life person in bed. The entire world would be completely reactionary, just like a sex doll. It might move when you push there, or push back at your finger when you press it down, but there's no actions, only reactions.
Control isn't what's fun in life. The feelings you feel are because you don't have control, and even though they feel like unproductive feelings, they are what makes you most alive. There's no need in craving for total control. Life is much more fun when you don't have any. Anything's much more fun when you don't have total control. Just look at how many prefer building things in survival mode in Minecraft. So let up control. The scenarios in your head will only cause frustration. If they magically came to fruition, you'd stop making those scenarios, because you'd ruin the magic of life.
As some have suggested, consider therapy or other ways of moving towards not being so much in your head. It exacerbates any and all situations. Look at ways to socialize, perhaps even without looking for someone to date, just hanging out with people. There are apps and sites that post social things happening in your area, like hiking. Perhaps they can help?
"Probably"? Why discern everyone's input? It seems you don't really dare to do anything but send her a drunken message. It's only going to make the situation uncomfortable for you two.
In a bit of a pickle.
Been on four dates with this Tinder girl, we hooked up on the third one. She thinks I'm amazing and probably really really likes me. I think she's amazing, but I have pretty much no feelings for her. It sucks because I enjoy her company, holding her hand, kissing, cuddling, but I see no future in this when the feelings just aren't there.
On top of this, she's going to Thailand to work as a volunteer worker for 5½ months, leaving in three months. I see two ways of going about this. Either I tell her what I wrote above, that I enjoy spending time with her and would like to continue to, but that I don't see it getting more serious than this. Or I semi-lie and say that I can't do long-distance relationships (I have never tried, but I can't see myself coping with that for reasons) and therefore we shouldn't take things beyond this point. The former is the honest choice, but the latter feels easier for me, and probably for her too.
Any advice?
Been on four dates with this Tinder girl, we hooked up on the third one. She thinks I'm amazing and probably really really likes me. I think she's amazing, but I have pretty much no feelings for her. It sucks because I enjoy her company, holding her hand, kissing, cuddling, but I see no future in this when the feelings just aren't there.
On top of this, she's going to Thailand to work as a volunteer worker for 5½ months, leaving in three months. I see two ways of going about this. Either I tell her what I wrote above, that I enjoy spending time with her and would like to continue to, but that I don't see it getting more serious than this. Or I semi-lie and say that I can't do long-distance relationships (I have never tried, but I can't see myself coping with that for reasons) and therefore we shouldn't take things beyond this point. The former is the honest choice, but the latter feels easier for me, and probably for her too.
Any advice?
Not really advice but if I were you. I'd just carry on. Chances are she also gets that going to Thailand for half a year and you're not even a couple is basically going to kill whatever you have anyway.
Yeah I considered this option as well, but problem is that it might result in me leading her on. She casually brought up the fact that she's going away on our date yesterday "Have you thought of how badly timed this is?" to which I answered yeah I have. But then later she said we could Skype while she was away, couldn't tell if it was in jest or not. I responded very hesitantly to that. I'm not sure what she's thinking at this point.
I can't advise you to be deceitful. My first guess is that she likes you, and she's considering the possibility of you being worth a long distance relationship. Technically, there might be nothing wrong with simply not bringing it up, but on the other hand, I hope you wouldn't want to end up as one of those that goes "I though this wasn't anything serious" in response to her really having fallen for you.
If you don't feel it, you don't feel it. It's up to her what she wants to do with that information. As an extra bonus, I can share that when I was open about this stuff with a girl that was really into me, she was all cool about it, when I said I just wanted to be friends. She said that that was cool, and she'd like that since she really liked me. I thought I was doing everything right in that situation with letting her know I wasn't interested in anything more. Turns out I essentially was the biggest asshole. It just goes to show that there's another layer of feelings that should be taken into the account. The layer that makes her say she's perfectly fine with it not being serious, while she's secretly crazy about you, and secretly hurt by it not being serious, but she'd rather be with you than not at all, so she accepts the pain and lies about it.
It's all very complicated. If you really don't feel there's anything for you to be had there, I'd say to consider not being a part of her life, anymore. I've realized in hindsight that when I thought I was being honest, letting her know I wasn't looking for something more, I was trying to find a way I could still enjoy the physical part of it, without the commitment. Oh, yeah, and when you later find out you want to be with that girl forever, you'll also be saved the scorn she'd feel from the pain before. That girl I mentioned is the love of my life. Feels pretty shit to hear about just how hurt she was by what I thought was 'the right thing to do'. But hey, it was a part of my messy way of figuring out I wanted to be with her.
TheGraykid
Member
Break up with this chick maaaan or at least let her know how you feel and give her the option of still seeing you until she leaves. Right now you're pretty much leading her on, you know she's reasonably serious about you and you don't really dig her that much. Be honest!
I definitely don't want to end up in that situation, because I've been on the other side of that - and it sucks.
What I've been suspecting more and more is that the reason I'm not getting any feelings - and I mean there could be a number of them, but one that I think weighs more than the others - is that I'm still not completely over the last girl that told me just that: "I don't have feelings for you, they might come later but not right now, we should just be friends". At the time I was like yeah right, there will be no feelings from your part. She went back home for the summer and I considered that a finished chapter. But for some reason, and I completely blame myself for this, we've kept in touch, pretty much daily or bi-daily. At one point she asked me what my plans for tonight were, just casually, and I said I was going on a date (first date with the girl I'm having trouble with). After a while I asked how her dating was going (stupid), and she was hesitant but then said there was an unspecified guy back in my town, where she will return after the summer as she studies here, and they've been keeping in touch. This coupled with the fact that she at one point earlier said "maybe it was fate for us to start talking" during some conversation got into my head, and I started thinking maybe this could be something after all, perhaps I'm the guy she's keeping in touch with. We've scheduled a meetup just a few days after she gets back in exactly a month, titled as friend hanging out. I guess I'll find out then, or something. But I don't want to be friends, so why don't I just ask her what she's thinking? I don't know.
So the point of this is, I think part of why I'm not feeling anything for this girl is because I'm not over the other girl. I hate that I put myself in this situation.
The story above doesn't change anything with the situation at hand though. Do you guys think pulling the "I can't do long-distance relationships" thing is really bad? It just seems easier for both of us, even though being honest is obviously the best choice.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Really?
stn
Member
You're either going to be a hookup behind her boyfriend's back OR you'll be the new guy giving her attention while she bangs her boyfriend. Don't waste your time, dude.
My advice is never act on drunken impulse. Also, sending a random "you're cute" message out of nowhere is weird. Regardless of her age. If you absolutely have to make a move, do it in person. Don't be weird.Astral said:
You should be moving on plan B the minute you ask plan A girl out. Don't sit and linger after the fact. You asked the girl out, she still hasn't replied. Always assume that a girl who likes you will respond and will want to go out with you. Also, stop imagining perfect scenarios in your head. Keeps expectations high. Dating is far from perfect. Be a realist, dude.Gray Matter said:
Shuggananas
Banned
so you're gonna do it and you're trying to get approval for trying to bang a 17 yo girl ? eh
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
You're 23 and genuinely curious about her high school antics, with no ulterior motive whatsoever?
She's going to college next month. I wanted to ask her if she's gone to orientation yet because I suspect my nephew is trying to skip out on it and school entirely.
The Strokes
Banned
Been a while since I posted in this thread. I think it was still on OT4.
Anyways, here's the situation. I've known this girl since November. We started talking. On April I started to hint that I liked her and on May I just tell her. She says she likes me a lot too, but that's just going out from a relationship and needs time before she can be with me and I'm fine.
Well, it's been two months since she said she wanted to be me and she still hasn't made any comment about making this official. I've asked, of course, but she keeps saying she still needs more time.
I'm not in a hurry to be "officially' bf & gf, but she has put me in a situation where I've never been before so I don't know how much time should I wait.
Thoughts on this, gaf?
Anyways, here's the situation. I've known this girl since November. We started talking. On April I started to hint that I liked her and on May I just tell her. She says she likes me a lot too, but that's just going out from a relationship and needs time before she can be with me and I'm fine.
Well, it's been two months since she said she wanted to be me and she still hasn't made any comment about making this official. I've asked, of course, but she keeps saying she still needs more time.
I'm not in a hurry to be "officially' bf & gf, but she has put me in a situation where I've never been before so I don't know how much time should I wait.
Thoughts on this, gaf?
You shouldn't wait at all. Go meet other people, your happiness shouldn't be held hostage by her. You've already expressed interest and she hasn't done anything about it.
Maybe she really does need 'more time', maybe she's not interested but doesn't want to be confrontational, maybe she's just manipulative and keeping you as the back-up guy. It doesn't matter, the same advice applies.
Maybe she really does need 'more time', maybe she's not interested but doesn't want to be confrontational, maybe she's just manipulative and keeping you as the back-up guy. It doesn't matter, the same advice applies.
Mobile Suit Gooch
Grundle: The Awakening
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
That was creepy, yes. The only question is the quantum. You flagged her down, then told her that you'd been "researching" her? You don't have to research people. What kinds of questions did you ask about her? I mean, if you asked one of her friends, "Hey, is Amanda single?" that's perfectly normal. For the record, telling her that you've been researching her was the creepiest part -- don't do that.
Finally, talking to someone isn't wasting your time! You could've hit it off as friends too. What weren't you sure about? "I've heard that Amanda might be a member of a Satanist cult. Let me ask our co-workers if they've ever heard her speak in tongues or sacrifice babies during lunch" is worth investigating. But you could've given off the wrong vibes depending on your inquiries.
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