Gray Matter
Member
I'd be lying if I said it doesn't sting a bit, but I'm handling it ok.
Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
- Start date
- Status
I'd be lying if I said it doesn't sting a bit, but I'm handling it ok.
LucidMomentum
Member
Yeah my last few attempts to ask someone out have resulted in them ghosting me.
It's a pain in the arse not getting a simple yes or no.
Mobile Suit Gooch
Grundle: The Awakening
Yeah, I need to stop.
Well, that date was interesting (it featured random cops, pirate bus, and fireworks that showed up), but I don't think I'll push for a second one. I'm just worried though that previous first dates have set too high a standard. I know how I felt after those dates, and this one didn't feel the same. Am I chasing something that is no longer real and just an ideal, or did this one just lack that magic? God do I wish I knew.
I don't think it helps this girl's case that she referred to Inside Out as "that kid's movie" and she talked derisively regarding her friend who's a massive Star Wars fan.
I don't think it helps this girl's case that she referred to Inside Out as "that kid's movie" and she talked derisively regarding her friend who's a massive Star Wars fan.
ReturnOfTheRAT
Member
Odd situation here.
Part of taking it slow was to include having a weekend apart. I told her yesterday to enjoy her first peaceful weekend in a months time and she immediately responded with "thanks."
Tonight my phone is ringing and it's from her number. I answer and it sounds like she's driving. I say hello, hello, and her name and that I'll call back. I call back and the phone rings until voicemail. I don't leave a message but send her a text asking if she buttdialed me by mistake. No response and that was 90 minutes ago.
Hmm.
Part of taking it slow was to include having a weekend apart. I told her yesterday to enjoy her first peaceful weekend in a months time and she immediately responded with "thanks."
Tonight my phone is ringing and it's from her number. I answer and it sounds like she's driving. I say hello, hello, and her name and that I'll call back. I call back and the phone rings until voicemail. I don't leave a message but send her a text asking if she buttdialed me by mistake. No response and that was 90 minutes ago.
Hmm.
don't read into it man, could be anything at this point.
Mobile Suit Gooch
Grundle: The Awakening
to be blunt, you do. But you'll learn, it's all part of the process
At least you didn't call me creepy.
it's normal to feel this way.
Almost exactly a year ago I got out of a 4 year relationship.
Falling for someone else felt impossible a month after the fact.
But trust me, just takes time.
I haven't seen or spoken to the ex since it happened. I do think about her but it's more in a way of: I wonder if she's doing ok at uni? How's her little sister doing? The feelings fade, it's more like wondering how a really old friend is doing.
ZackieChan
Member
^ there is a big difference between asking people if a girl is single and maybe has interest in you, and trying to find out every detail about them from other people. When possible it's best to find these things out from the person themselves.
Also Gooch was being especially weird about it.
Also lol at all the lawyers here. I work at a law firm! If y'all make a GAF firm I'll gladly handle your finances for you
If I made any money I'd take you up on that. Know any game developers that need a lawyer?
I drink like a preschooler.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
That's 85% of it!
Also lol at all the lawyers here. I work at a law firm! If y'all make a GAF firm I'll gladly handle your finances for you
... are they hiring? (Also, we should totally create our own firm. Stranger things have happened.)
--- ANYWAY. Just got back from a first date tonight. Went incredibly well: we played this game that I've devised (that I endorse everyone else to implement) where we weren't able to talk about work, and we just chatted for four hours. She cut it off then, as she had a girlfriend in town to meet; we ended up kissing in the street for no longer than 15 seconds. I told her point blank that I liked her and wanted to see her again, and we've scheduled something for Wednesday. She actually left me wanting more.
Now to do the inevitable rebalancing/restructuring of the girls I'm seeing. That's honestly the hardest part. Does anyone have rules/best practices to abide by?
ZackieChan
Member
If none are super serious, I just like to keep the top 3 or so going while decreasing communication with the rest. Then getting on whatever dating site there is and looking for new candidates to replace those three.
Also, about first dates, there's something to be said for the technique of moving to three or four different places on that date if it's going well. It's led to some of my memorable first dates. Start with coffee or tea, then moving into lunch, then a movie, then maybe the apartment.
Had an amazing one with a girl in Tokyo where I broke the rules and started with a sushi lunch at Tsukiji Fish Market (which was amazing), then to coffee and dessert, then exploring a mall, then a few other places followed by a nice kiss in the subway at midnight. A 12-hour date ain't bad! Ended up moving in together for a couple months and then disaster. Oh well.
Also, about first dates, there's something to be said for the technique of moving to three or four different places on that date if it's going well. It's led to some of my memorable first dates. Start with coffee or tea, then moving into lunch, then a movie, then maybe the apartment.
Had an amazing one with a girl in Tokyo where I broke the rules and started with a sushi lunch at Tsukiji Fish Market (which was amazing), then to coffee and dessert, then exploring a mall, then a few other places followed by a nice kiss in the subway at midnight. A 12-hour date ain't bad! Ended up moving in together for a couple months and then disaster. Oh well.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
What you're describing is normally what I do. In fact, I even have a set "first bar" and then other places to transition to if things are going well. I've had 12-hour dates before, where those 12 hours are actually filled with conversation and doing stuff; I've also had first dates that end at my place or their place. So, I've really had all permutations. I guess, and maybe other anecdotes can either justify this or prove me wrong, but there's something to be said for cutting something off even though it could have gone on longer in order to build anticipation for the next date.
Like rules about moving the already planned dates around?
You're going to have so much fun xD. Also you wanna spend this month researching:
- how to talk to women
- how to keep a healthy relationship
- talk to as many guys with gf's or here on GAF as possible
- post all your questions in this thead.
- learn how to please women, theoretically because you won't actually have time to practice... there's some good vids online about how to do stuff. Porn is not a guide btw.
Also, how does this work? is it a sealed deal? Or does she actually have to like you?
seal deal with an illusion of choice by have a first "meeting"
funny thing is, i was born in the foreign country(in Africa), but i have lived in Canada for most of my life, so another barrier will be language since schools there aren't very good.
Where are you guys from by the way?
Oh shit, well I dunno.
Like the usual steps are like seduction, dates, then like relationship.
So skipping those steps and going straight to marriage.
Would you still have to seduce her? Or jump to trying to be the best husband ever?
Maybe talk to your dad or uncle OP did they go through same thing?
they will not be much help, they grew up in the country and knew quite a bit about the person they were matched with, since they went to the same schools and lived near each other.
probably be the best husband ever, i will make a big fool out of myself with seduction lol ...
when a girl i had a thing for during high school asked me if i had a crush on her, i bloody said no and ran..
Which country in Africa?
Not being detective GAF, actually discussing this with a female colleague of mine at work right now, seeing what she thinks about this.
sent pm
Ok how strong is this tradition can you meet on your own or something?
Also have you seen a picture or anything of her? Has she of you?
Fusilli Craig
Member
So I work in a large corporate office and had a brief exchange with a woman who works in the building while we took the elevator to our respective floors. We only talked for two minutes or so but we were on the same wave length immediately.
My question is, I'm not likely to have a chance run in with her again, but did notice her name on her access pass, so is it a creeper/stalker move to send a FB message asking her out for a coffee?
My question is, I'm not likely to have a chance run in with her again, but did notice her name on her access pass, so is it a creeper/stalker move to send a FB message asking her out for a coffee?
I would, ask her straight out too for coffee or whatever
So I asked this girl straight up if the guy was me. It wasn't, and the feelings of hurt definitely confirmed what I had been suspecting, that I wasn't over her by any stretch. So I pretty much told her that we need to cut contact, this being friends thing isn't going to work right now. Needless to say she didn't take that well at all. Thing is I wish I could be friends with her, I really do because she's awesome, but I'm not sure I can.
Eventually I did delete her from all social media, but I'm still undecided if I should cut contact completely.
njean777
Member
So Gaf I asked out a girl yesterday and she said yes! After work let out I called her instead of texting because I do not personally care for texting, now she didn't pick up but sent me a text like 5 minutes after saying she couldn't talk due to being busy (which doesn't bother me). Now a little later we started texting back and forth, nothing serious just talking a little about ourselves and I decide to end the conversation early as I was dead tired from work and wanted to sleep. I told her I would call her after I got out of work today.
My question is how do I steer this into more of a talking thing? I hate texting as every time I just text a girl it always ends up going nowhere, which I take it means I am a boring texter. I have heard feedback from girls that my personality is a lot easier to see through actual talking because I am a sarcastic, realistic, and witty person. The problem is that I have no clue how to convey that in texts. I am definitely going to call her after work even though I never got a response (which really I didn't expect one honestly). Anybody have any advice how to take this more into talking over the phone instead of texting? Should I tell her I do not care for texting?
Also I should mention she is divorced, and I know that means things are going to go slowly. It's been about 4 months I believe, but I have no clue if she checked out of the relationship before then or not. Like I said we are just getting to know each other more, haven't even wanted to ask about the divorce at all. I will let her tell me when she is ready.
My question is how do I steer this into more of a talking thing? I hate texting as every time I just text a girl it always ends up going nowhere, which I take it means I am a boring texter. I have heard feedback from girls that my personality is a lot easier to see through actual talking because I am a sarcastic, realistic, and witty person. The problem is that I have no clue how to convey that in texts. I am definitely going to call her after work even though I never got a response (which really I didn't expect one honestly). Anybody have any advice how to take this more into talking over the phone instead of texting? Should I tell her I do not care for texting?
Also I should mention she is divorced, and I know that means things are going to go slowly. It's been about 4 months I believe, but I have no clue if she checked out of the relationship before then or not. Like I said we are just getting to know each other more, haven't even wanted to ask about the divorce at all. I will let her tell me when she is ready.
"Hey, I don't really like texting, can I call you tonight?"
ZackieChan
Member
Better yet, save the talking for your date.
njean777
Member
Good idea, she is going out of town fora month for a job, but she did ask if I wanted to go out when she gets back. I just don't know if I should text her while she is away, or just to wait to talk to her when she gets back. These texts wouldn't be deep either as I said I don't care for texting much cuz I suck at it.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
This could go one of two ways, both of which are bad: either you start texting a lot, at which point you're left with nothing to talk about on your date; or else you completely cut contact and she might not even remember that you exist.
My advice is twofold: go out with other girls while she's away, and also keep contact minimal. The timing really disadvantages you; I won't lie about that. Just don't regale her with superficial texts. You're better off doing something like texting her a picture of something ("Ran across this ice cream shop. Best mint chocolate chip in the city") or maybe calling back in-jokes or references you both understand.
Nah, it was more like what Zackie said. Having a "top three," so to speak, and how to normalize or reduce contact if necessary. Fortunately, I'm only AT three.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Except no one called you creepy, you called yourself creepy.
Also, saying an action is creepy doesn't mean they're calling a person creepy. I'm not sure what you're all of a sudden playing victim about.
njean777
Member
Yeah I was just going to text minimally, she is going out of country so I don't even know if she will be able to text anyways.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
This is why I could never do Tinder. You basically have to guess about someone's sense of humor. But - are there any hints in profile pictures about interests?
Not really, just opened with asking how her weekend was but will probably never get an answer as usual.
Make up a story using their pictures. https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/296boe/ladies_of_tinder_what_are_real_first_messages/cihyask
I pull this on OKC, and it gets a better than normal response rate.
They might be, since they lost a partner earlier in the year, but I'm not sure when they're gonna hire. But Tallahassee is a big change from DC anyway
And yes, the GAF Law Firm would be the best. Just think of all the GAFFers that do stupid legal shit. Hell, you could probably make a killing just off consultation fees!
"Diaboli is it illegal to throw a firebomb through my ex's window because she updated her FB status to engaged?"
"Yes, it is. $10,000 please"
I don't have anything to add to the actual Dating thread talkings, so I'll just be off-topic and a jerk, then.
ReturnOfTheRAT
Member
Yes. She did buttdial me. Those silly iPhones.
I told her to not worry about it and said that we should just laugh it off a tech oddity. She agreed and said no worries.
Quite an adventurous weekend for one that's supposed to be "quiet."
I told her to not worry about it and said that we should just laugh it off a tech oddity. She agreed and said no worries.
Quite an adventurous weekend for one that's supposed to be "quiet."
Yes. She did buttdial me. Those silly iPhones.
I told her to not worry about it and said that we should just laugh it off a tech oddity. She agreed and said no worries.
Quite an adventurous weekend for one that's supposed to be "quiet."
Quiet =/= staying inside the house the whole weekend. She easily could have been driving to the park, to get groceries, take care of errands that couldn't wait, etc. I don't see any reason for you to put quiet in quotes just because she might have been driving somewhere.
It might seem like I'm nitpicking on that, but it's a dangerous line of thought if you let your imagination run away with you.
"Oh, she was driving, so much for that 'quiet' weekend. But wait, where was she driving to? Was she going to see someone else!? What is it was another man!? What if she doesn't like me anymore!?!?"
Don't be like that.
Gray Matter
Member
Ha, still nothing. I find it funny for some reason.
ReturnOfTheRAT
Member
LOL you've gone off the deep end.
I'm talking about the two of us letting each other do their own thing for the weekend. That's the "quiet" part.
I'm not being jealous at all or obsessive about her whereabouts. I'm just surprised by the confusion that being buttdialed randomly caused. It's never happened to me before so it's all foreign to me.
If anything I was worried something was wrong from getting called and not being able to understand what I heard on the other side of the phone.
Fair enough. I don't think I went off the deep end for coming to that conclusion from what little information you gave in your two posts, but I can understand that you weren't being jealous or anything. Didn't mean to imply that directly to this situation, just more of a general thing.
lol, I would laugh about it. I've had the same thing happen to me & once I hit that point of being able to laugh at the absurdity in how long it took to get a reply (if one happens), I'm usually completely over the situation and have moved on. If she ever does respond, just say something like "I forgot what I even asked you".
BravesCountry
Banned
Thanks guys, I needed to hear this. Not doing so hot right now.
True Savior
Member
Yes. I never have and it dont think i'll ever forget my last girl. It's even worst when i compare every other girl with her. I suppose ill find someone i also like but i'l never forget.
I thought time , sex with many different partners , just doing random stuff and meeting new people would erase her after a while. But it never goes away. Accepting that made it easier for me to search something else.
As someone mentioned , tell her something about the photos.
There's not a great opener. If you're hot and if she found you very hot she will answer to almost anything (this is a fact!). If she's doubtful , you kinda need to show yourself. The thing is ..some girls actually like simple openers. Only after its opened , its easier to understand how you should have approached her , so trying to say something regarding the photos is always good. Not too aggressive , not too simple , show your interest from her profile.
Why would you "forget"? Don't forget. Just find peace and stay optimistic. I remember saying stuff like "my ex is still the most important person in my life" as I was dating again, but it is just a tribute that you stop saying after a while.
I don't know how old you are, but it always fades away. There is always an emotion but you always eventually realize it was for the better. The people you have met have the importance you want to give them, and they keep it, but you eventually feel 100% at ease with it.
Why? You change, they change. You wouldn't want to be with the person they are now. You experience different stuff, they do too. I wouldn't be happy if I was still with one of my exes, and I wouldn't be who I am today, and I like myself. The key is to like yourself.
I'm 30, I've had a 4 year long relationship, another that was like 2 years over 3 years, another of one year, a few of a few months, weeks, days, day... Not one regret, even if I'm aware that it could have lasted a bit longer. I wish I had someone today, but you need to accept that you can't force anyone or anything, do the best of what you have, and the best will come to you.
True Savior
Member
Forget as in , able to start a relationship or simple dating and dont immediately compare with her. She's always stuck in there. Mostly because it was really really good. I was at ease when we broke up and didnt really try to force anything , but it didnt lessen the disappointment. Time only made me relish even more those memories.
I'm 29 btw.
Shuggananas
Banned
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