How is that not a date?
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Dating show couple awkwardly argues over who should pay bill, online debate ensues
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How is that not a date?
entremet
Member
Cereal KiIIer
Member
I've never had a successful date when I paid. Date where I split are way more successful. At least in my case.
Then don't preface it by "what sort of man".
UncleSporky
Member
He's saying he's ok with the fact that she did that. If she's the sort of person who lays traps then good riddance.
BobTheFork
Member
Yeah, that's what most people say. I was kind of shocked when I heard because that sounds terrible. If you just refuse to go out unless the guy pays...ok I guess. The idea of baiting the guy by being reasonable is really shitty.
I see a lot of people saying that the person who asks the other out should reasonably be expected to pay. Men are the one who typically have to ask the woman out though. So the norm would still be men paying while allowing for exceptions where the woman asks him out. Dates should generally be two people covering their own expenses by default with wiggle room for personal circumstances.
And this ignores everything that doesn't fall in the standard man/woman scenario we've mainly been talking about here.
And this ignores everything that doesn't fall in the standard man/woman scenario we've mainly been talking about here.
See, the thing here is that if anyone walks through a door and someone is behind them, they are generally expected to hold it open (unless if they physically can't obviously) regardless of whether they're a man or woman so the courtesy you're expected to show is at least universal and hence fair. On dates though only the guy is expected to show this "courtesy" for no apparent reason other than possibly some engrained belief stemming from males previously being the moneymakers in society.
My observation of my friends and acquaintances suggests that casual hookups are actually a lot more efficient.
UncleSporky
Member
Yeah, like "hah, you thought I was that nice? Guess again." Well, alright then.
mullet2000
Member
Glad literally every girl I've gone on a first date with has insisted on spliting the bill.
Probably says a lot about the personality type that I go for, I guess. There's no need for either person to fully pay for someone you just met. If we're at a bar or something I have no problem buying the other person a drink or two, but I also appreciate when that offer gets reciprocated.
Probably says a lot about the personality type that I go for, I guess. There's no need for either person to fully pay for someone you just met. If we're at a bar or something I have no problem buying the other person a drink or two, but I also appreciate when that offer gets reciprocated.
In terms of generating long-term, stable and happy relationships? I doubt it. But then again, happy and stable relationships are pretty hard to happen into, let alone maintain.
Dating certainly is an inefficiency, and you could argue web-based dating and apps like Tinder reduce some of those inefficiencies (as well as making strides towards a more gender-neutral method of courtship) but they still seem mired in traditional methods.
Fast-forward a hundred years (genderless dystopia?!) and I wonder if people's concepts of dating will have dramatically changed due to technology and/or society, or not.
Haha, I was asking a GAFfer about that the past week or so because I don't think I'd ever seriously considered it. He said that he typically went dutch. I found a couple of sites that followed the "you invite, you pay" rule as mentioned earlier. I wonder if there are any rigorous studies into actual differences along these lines between different types of couples though. Cursory Google searches just turned up angsty articles.
GeordieMark
Member
Wise words master.
I mean, sure, why not? I met my wife that way. Lots of people I know in stable relationships started out with hookups.
Obviously I'm not saying that hooking up has a super high success record in terms of creating relationships. It's more that going out on dates really isn't any better.
TheSpoiler
Member
I need the video.
http://www.mirror.co.uk/tv/tv-news/would-you-split-bill-date-6640503
I saw this video. I think if it';s a hey, I think you're cute, can I get your number sorta thing then maybe the guy should expect to pay. If it's a tinder date or something, halves. I find a girl paying for me emasculating in a way, and though it's happened a few times I don't wanna get into the habit of liking it. Most girls I have gone on dates with have offered. THe first girl I went out on a date with insisted on paying both times we went out. On the second date, I let her ( I was pretty much flat broke at the time).
I saw this video. I think if it';s a hey, I think you're cute, can I get your number sorta thing then maybe the guy should expect to pay. If it's a tinder date or something, halves. I find a girl paying for me emasculating in a way, and though it's happened a few times I don't wanna get into the habit of liking it. Most girls I have gone on dates with have offered. THe first girl I went out on a date with insisted on paying both times we went out. On the second date, I let her ( I was pretty much flat broke at the time).
Skellig Gra
Member
What do a lesbian couple do? Dupe some frat boy in to paying for both their meals?
My rule was to offer to pay but to then do whatever meant less confrontation. I always offered to pay for first dates but no guy was ever okay with it.
Sometimes even if I make it clear that it's not a date but just hanging out, the guy still insists on paying. I think it's unfair and try to pay my half, but after a point I really don't want it to become like family gatherings where everyone's fighting to be the one to pay.
Sometimes even if I make it clear that it's not a date but just hanging out, the guy still insists on paying. I think it's unfair and try to pay my half, but after a point I really don't want it to become like family gatherings where everyone's fighting to be the one to pay.
Vincent Grayson
Member
Yeah, in fact, I'm not sure I can think of a single person I know who is in a serious relationship currently (or married) that didn't meet their SO through a friend and just kinda started hooking up until it became "official". I don't know anyone who started from "casual dating" like this and then went on to a real relationship.
I mean, obviously that's a thing that happens regularly, but for most people I know (in our early 30s), dating has basically never been something we had to put up with.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Seems like a dick move to insist on ordering drinks if you're not going to pay more than the bare minimum towards them. Guy seemed pretty upfront and said he was broke when she wanted to order more shots.
BocoDragon
or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Realize This Assgrab is Delicious
I think men and women should pay equally. And when both genders step up equally to do that, it's great.
But I think there is the hidden pressure on men to put on a show of care and "earn" the woman. Especially on a first date. And whether anyone wants to admit it, the man offering to pay looks good, and suggesting equal pay looks bad. It's probably just echoes of sexist society (ie "chivalry"), but it is certainly there.
Are we supposed to fight it? As a society, sure. If I was on a first date? Not risking it. I'm trying to impress a girl, here...
But I think there is the hidden pressure on men to put on a show of care and "earn" the woman. Especially on a first date. And whether anyone wants to admit it, the man offering to pay looks good, and suggesting equal pay looks bad. It's probably just echoes of sexist society (ie "chivalry"), but it is certainly there.
Are we supposed to fight it? As a society, sure. If I was on a first date? Not risking it. I'm trying to impress a girl, here...
Just checked that the bill came to £137, yeah screw her. Heard about a guy on the show who did the same thing and he started receiving death threats, what is wrong with people.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
i think there are limits to "you invite, you pay" though. if you get something that is 5 dollars, and they order 3 plates that amount to 30 bucks, there better be some splitting going on
SkeptiMism
Member
I'm honestly a bit confused at replies like this. Like, have you ever questioned why it's the common etiquette? Have you ever questioned if it still should be?
Nowadays there's absolutely no reason to. We should be heading for equality and slowly get rid of silly, unequal and archaic manners.
This isn't to say that man should never pay, but just saying that it shouldn't be some blanket assumption that the man pays.
Now that's reasoning I can easily understand.
Still though, we should try to get rid of that in my opinion.
Alcotholic
Banned
If I ask a girl out for dinner, I pay. If a girl asks me out to dinner, she pays.
This guy knows what's up.
IdreamofHIME
Member
I went on a date last year and she paid for everything the whole night. She was very aggressive about it too.
Only thing I paid was the taxi home as they wouldn't take plastic.
Never had any other date even offer to go halves.
Only thing I paid was the taxi home as they wouldn't take plastic.
Never had any other date even offer to go halves.
Kitsunebaby
Member
I just ask for split checks from the get-go.
I don't mind treating my date. But if they were to be openly cunty and not even possibly consider a situation in which they would pay half, they're a shitty human being. Thankfully I'm monogamous and this is a non issue. Sometimes I pay. Sometimes she pays. Sometimes we both pay. As long as one person isn't consistently taking advantage of the other person, what's it matter?
usernamechange
Member
But what if a woman asks out a man
Best show.
How am I supposed to interpret that quote?
Miles Quaritch
Member
She wants to be treated like a Disney princess?
Best show.
I'm never ever going to watch this show ever.
Septimus Prime
Member
"Let me pay this one. You can get me next time."
1. Subverts the whole stupid who pays game.
2. You still pay, but it's still equal.
3. Sets up expectations for a second date.
I'm married now, so it no longer matters (since it's all our money regardless), but I still do it this way with friends.
1. Subverts the whole stupid who pays game.
2. You still pay, but it's still equal.
3. Sets up expectations for a second date.
I'm married now, so it no longer matters (since it's all our money regardless), but I still do it this way with friends.
cubicle47b
Member
Yeah, no kidding. I like alternating paying for dates or paying for different parts of the date, though.
Napoleonthechimp
Member
Yeah, that looks like the type of British woman that would expect that.
You split the bill. If I'm on a first date and they don't offer to pay their part, it's also the last date. Luckily this has only happened one time to me, when the person didn't offer. It's not a money thing, it's the sexist idea that the mean are supposed to pay the rubs me the wrong way.
And then discard that and pay if you want to. Not up to her.
Most dates I've been with we took turns covering the bill whenever went out.
Version 3.0
Member
I've always gone by this simple rule of thumb: I'm paying unless she offers to.
If she wants to split, or even pay in full, she should say so. If she doesn't want to pay, she should say nothing (and keep her hands off the check).
Any other way just leads to awkwardness. A guy saying "you pay half" is not going to go over well, and a woman saying "you pay" just kills any sense of old-fashioned gentlemanly grace in paying.
If she wants to split, or even pay in full, she should say so. If she doesn't want to pay, she should say nothing (and keep her hands off the check).
Any other way just leads to awkwardness. A guy saying "you pay half" is not going to go over well, and a woman saying "you pay" just kills any sense of old-fashioned gentlemanly grace in paying.
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